In the Batman movies, Commissioner Gordon is portrayed as a subservient, damsel in distress character. “Oh no! There’s trouble in Gotham. Let me run up to the rooftop to signal the Batman so that he can take care of everything.” I kid. Commissioner Gordon was old and needed the youth, strength, and resources that Batman could provide. But, before he became a useless POS, Jim Gordon served in the US Marine Corps and was a Special Forces veteran who could kick some serious ass. That’s where we are at with Aaron Gordon of the Orlando Magic. He’s only 22 years old and 6′ 9″ 220 pounds. He can dribble, shoot, rebound, block, pass, jump like a flea, and run like a gazelle. He’s basically the new and improved version of Blake Griffin. Sad to see the Matrix slowly phasing out Blake for Aaron. Anyways, last night the NBA’s Commissioner Gordon put up the first 40-burger of his career:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 40 15 4 4 1 1 6/12 13/23 8/11

He led his team to a 121-108 victory over the Oklahoma City Thunder, a team led by Russell Westbrook, aka Beastbrook but I prefer to call him the Hulk. Off the court, Westbrook seems like a funny, charismatic guy. On the court, SMASH….SMASH….SMASH! Dude plays with reckless abandon, which results in an abundance of turnovers, but he will dunk on your grill at every opportunity. And keep coming. And coming. And coming. He truly leaves everything on the court, which is why I’d always want the Hulk on my side, because I know he’d always have my back. As for last night:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
 37 11 5 5 0 7 7/10 11/23 8/12
Please, blog, may I have some more?

My spidey senses be tingling, mingling, and straight up singling. Injuries are among us and we must act… fast. Like BOOM! Fast Actin’ Tinactin on a fungus toenail preparing for battle. John Madden would be proud. Nothing gets Madden going more than some popcorn, turducken, Brett Favre, and toe fungus. Injuries have come and will come Ray, they most definitely will come, and when they do, you best be ready to hit the wire harder than Terry Tate, Office Linebacker. ALL PUNS INTENDED BABY!!!!

 

Let’s get to it.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“One man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but one man cannot make a team.” (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar)

 

In 2029, the planet GJ 273b will receive a message that could change the lives of the inhabitants there. That is, if life does in fact exist. This month METI (Messaging Extraterrestrial Intelligence) and the organizers of Sónar (a music festival), announced they had sent a series of missives towards Luyten’s star, which GJ 273b orbits. The message consists of mathematical operations and, of course, music. The team plans to send messages to thousands of other stars. Maybe we can find the planet of Giannis Antetokounmpo. This season, he is averaging 29.5 points, 10.5 rebounds, 1.5 steals, and 1.8 blocks. Since 1973, only three players have done something similar.

Players with 29+ points, 10+ rebounds, 1+ steal, 1+ block in an entire season

 Player  Season  Points  Rebounds  Steals  Blocks
 Bob McAdoo  1973-74  30.6  15.1  1.2  3.3
 Kareem Abdul-Jabbar  1974-75  30.0  14.0  1.0  3.3
 Bob McAdoo  1974-75  34.5  14.1  1.1  2.1
 Bob McAdoo  1975-76  31.1  12.4  1.2  2.1
 David Robinson  1993-94  29.8  10.7  1.7  3.3
Giannis Antetokounmpo*  2017-18 29.5 10.5 1.5 1.8

(courtesy: Basketball-Reference)

Luc Mbah a Moute had a +57 in plus/minus against the Nuggets on Wednesday, which marked the highest mark in the past 20 seasons.

Last Friday, LeBron James (the key player in our team of the week), notched his 57th career triple-double. James finished with 27 points, 16 rebounds, 13 assists, and three blocks. Only Larry Bird did so (two times), and without the blocks, only four players in the last 25 years have had 27-16-13.

Player Season Points Rebounds Assists
Draymond Green 2015-16 29 17 14
James Harden 2015-16 33 17 14
Russell Westbrook 2016-17 27 17 14
James Harden 2016-17 53 16 17
LeBron James 2017-18 27 16 13

(courtesy: Basketball-Reference)

It is no coincidence that the Team of the Week had LeBron James on the roster. James was the number one player in fantasy with 26.0 points, 8.0 rebounds, 8.7 assists, 3.3 3pts, one steal, and 1.3 blocks during that span. Add Trevor Ariza with 5.5 3pts, Klay Thompson with 4.0 3pts, Aaron Gordon doing well across the board, and DeAndre Jordan with his line and 75% from the free throw line and the result is a Tomahawk.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In the animal kingdom, lions hang with lions, while gazelles chill with gazelles. Makes sense, as one group likes to eat the other. In the human world, things are a bit more complicated. Humans come in different sizes, shapes, colors, and live in different environments and locations all throughout the world. With that said, a human is still a human. It’s cool to identify with another person or group that has similarities to you, as it brings a level of comfort and security. I get it. But most of the problems of this world arise when we focus on the differences to discriminate and differentiate. When I was younger, I’d often see kids referred to as “sellouts” if they didn’t hang out with kids of their own race. Seriously, who gives a shit? I’m not hanging out with someone just because they are Korean. If said person is cool, that’s all that f***ing matters. So, it is with tremendous angst that I must voice my displeasure for the cat community, which texted me all Sunday about Karl-Anthony Towns. Yes, cats and dogs are basically humans. They think KAT is one of theirs. He’s been meowing and purring for the past couple of years, but on Sunday, a transformation occurred. KAT was howling like a wolf. KAT was playing like the dog that he is. 32/12/2/0/1/1. 12-of-26 from the field, 2-of-6 from downtown, and 6-of-6 from the charity stripe. Ahh-woooooooooo! KAT is not a sellout. KAT is just a baller. A very, very, very good baller.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Celtics’ impressive 16-game winning streak is now over. Is it a coincidence that 16 is half of 32, which is the number of games that the ’71 Lakers won in a row? I do not believe in coincidences, until I do. Which makes this iteration of the Celtics half the team of that glorious Lakers squad. All kidding aside, it was an impressive run. The team stepped up when they lost Gordon Hayward, Brad Stevens is now a legitimate Presidential candidate, Kyrie is…..well, Kyrie, and the defense has been the league’s best, by a big margin according to defensive efficiency. I tried everything in the book to jinx the streak. Voodoo dolls, shrines, sacrificing of virgins, and rubbing my scrotum with four-leaf clovers. All to no avail. I had to harken back to the past. All the way back to the ancient days of the early 1990’s. It was during that time, the secret was unlocked by the Leprechaun movies. You see, in the original, the leprechaun is defeated when the well it falls into is blown up. Explosion. Fire. In the third movie, the lepechaun is defeated via flamethrower. Heat was needed and Heat we got Wednesday night, as the Miami Heat took down the Boston Leprechauns 104-98. Who led the way? None other than Goran Dragic, aka the Dragon, who was spewing fire from all over the court: 27 points, five boards, four dimes, and one liberation. He shot 8-of-17 from the field and 2-of-4 from downtown. Waiters Island was booming, as Dion Waiters scored 26 points, grabbed two boards, and dished out six dimes. He shot 11-of-24 from the field and 4-of-10 from downtown. How do you beat the Celtics? Shoot 49.4% from the field, which was 4% higher than their season average. Translation: bring the Heat.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dinner was done, the kids were in bed, the dog was walked, and I was just about to kick back and finally watch the next episode of Stranger Things Season 2, when my phone buzzed. It was an email from Son letting me know that he had not left the bathroom since happy hour ended at his local sushi joint and he needed me to write today’s fantasy recap. So of course being the dedicated Razzball soldier I am, I let him know that I would add to my assist total and take the rock. It was only after agreeing to write the recap that I realized this was one of the busiest nights of basketball all season, so Son, I want to see a doctor’s note.

I know I have some big shoes to fill, but I will do my best to entertain the masses with a recap of yesterday’s action.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Image result for tj warrenImage result for bradley beal

Please click THIS. Now listen and let the beat percolate. Do what you do when you get down. Now read this:

It was a twelve-game slate, in the NBA
TJ Warren in DC, had himself a game
He hoisted 22 shots, and made 16
Just droppin’ a 40 burger, like it was no thing

But Bradley Beal of the Washington Wizards
Was not going to let number 12 steal his thunder
So he launched 25 shots with no regard for life
And you know what happened next? The 40 burger was matched

Ok, I won’t ruin the song anymore than I need to. Warren also grabbed 10 boards, dished out one dime, pilfered one, and blocked two. This is what I wrote two days ago: The range of outcomes is so huge with Warren. He can play 39 minutes, score 20 points, and stuff the stat sheet OR get 24 minutes of run and shoot 1-for-6 from the field. Enjoy the ride. Man, it’s kind of cool quoting myself. Anyways, Beal grabbed six boards and dished out two dimes as a side dish for his burger. The Stocktonator liked him last night. Speaking of the Stocktonator….

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If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? A philosophical thought that has taken too much of our time, to be honest. We now live in an age filled with technology, so it’s all about sending the screen shot or providing video evidence. An event does not exist until a selfie is procured. We ain’t got time for the bullshit. Now, the time consuming question is “Photoshopped?” Anyways, the purpose of today’s post is to provide the predictions for the upcoming NBA season from your favorite Razzball writers. Who will be shamed? Who will be exalted? Regardless, we shall forever be etched into the annals of Razzball history….that is until I edit the post at the end of the season. Someone better screen shot this mofo!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Image result for grizzlies logo

Two or three times a month, I take my kids to the local yogurt shop. It’s crazy the flavors they have these days: black forest cake, caramel macadamia, cinnamon coconut, guava grapefruit sorbet, etc. Man, when I was a kid, there was no fancy shmancy yogurt. We had ice cream. Flavors? Vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. The classics. Now, any store you go into, there will always be vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry flavors placed among the almond midnight mochas, cookies & creams, and alphonso mango tarts. Why? Although not sexy and often overlooked, they get the job done and still taste damn good. That’s how I feel about the Memphis Grizzlies. They play a boring, methodical style of basketball and don’t have star power, although Mike Conley and Marc Gasol are really good players. With that said, all they’ve done is make the playoffs for seven consecutive years.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So admittedly, we’re not going to quite get through all of these…  I always underestimate the time it takes to keep the rankings afloat!  But we have time for at least a few more….

As we prepare for the 2016-17 Fantasy Basketball Season, I’ll be taking a look at each NBA team with their major adds and drops to see if we can pan for any surprise rotational gold.  This open is especially witty for the Nuggets…  We’ll be counting down from worst NBA regular season to the best, mainly because I’m still figuring out how to rank the Warriors…

Memphis Grizzlies (42-40)

grizzliess

Key Acquisitions:

F Chandler Parsons

G Wade Baldwin

F Deyonta Davis

G Troy Daniels

Key Losses:

F Jeff Green

Mario Chalmers

Lance Stephenson

JOERRRRRRRGER!

Well, not too much of a change for the most famous city in Tennessee!  Weird reference to another Podcast – I think like 4 years ago and on a baseball Podcast – but let’s see if anyone gets it!  Without losing much, the Grizz sign Chandler Parsons, who new coach David “Plop, plop, fizz” Fizdale said they want to use like LeBron.  Aherm, OK!  And apparently Fizdale is scrapping the Grizzlies slow-paced mold, and going for more uptempo looks.  Any time someone is comparing an offense to D’Antoni, my fantasy tent gets pitched!  So let’s take a look at their roster, and see if an uptempo system can work:

Please, blog, may I have some more?