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I started writing a movie plotline starring Damian Lillard in Canada as a male counterpoint to Stella in the Bahamas, but decided to spare you fine readers that pending trainwreck (and possible violation for racial insensitivity from the Razzball board of directors) and get right down to basketball.  With Giannis taking the night off, Lillard […]

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The end of each year is now deemed “Silly Season,” when resting vets on contenders and breakout youngsters on tanking teams play havoc with lineup decisions.  Three weeks into the season, I now declare this time of the year “Wacky Season,” with Wednesday night a perfect example. There are players who started injured coming back, […]

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Man, I just realized that the NBA has six divisions.  In the guise of journalistic integrity, I am contractually obligated to write one of these for every division now…

Again, if you missed the Central Division earlier in the offseason, I’m not focusing on the guys for risers in the early rounds…  I’m looking for guys to make a leap and targets throughout the rest of the season.  Teams are in order of how I predict they will finish.  I find that order more fulfilling.

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After Julius Randle hit one of the more ridiculous game-winning threes last night to push the Knickerbockers past the Heat, I came up with the above headline. The only problem: I’ve never actually had an Orange Julius – which may be a sin in some cultural circles. Without a frame of reference to consider how Randle may compare the American quencher, I turned to my wife for help:

“It’s like better than an icy.” “I thought it was a smoothy. So it’s like an icy?” “No it’s not an icy.” “So what is it?” “It’s hard to describe. It’s indescribable. It’s like magic.” “So it’s like a mix between an icy and a smoothy?” “No. You’re obviously not getting it. Who are you trying to compare it to?” “It doesn’t matter, I just haven’t had one so just want a description to see if there’s any comparison.” “The most delicious thing I’ve put in my mouth.”

And that was the end of that conversation. 

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We hardly knew ye. Not the performance spectacle that is Kanye, the Olde English ye, by the way. I know, it gets confusing sometimes. But yes, the Lakers, they’re dead, Jim. You know it’s true because I’ve used a Star Trek quote. But look, I could be wrong, after all, the injury LeBron James suffered in the win against the Mavs didn’t prevent him from finishing the game. However, Shams Charania tweeted late last night that there’s a fear in the front office that he’s likely to miss an extended period of time, putting a damper on this new iteration of the Lakers that seemed to be putting it together the last few weeks. And I could still be wrong!

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Did you know that the title for every episode of the USA series “Monk” started “Mr. Monk …” As in, “Mr. Monk Goes to the Circus”; “Mr. Monk Joins a Cult”; and who could forget, “Mr. Monk and the Man Who Shot Santa Claus”?

I feel like the Kings should be working up a cross-promotion deal to revitalize the series (originally set in the Bay Area), but set up the road in Sacramento and with Malik Monk casted as Tony Shalhoub’s sidekick. Or maybe that’s just the cabin fever settling in since I am in Oregon, where anything more than 3 inches of snow causes mass hysteria and shuts everything down. 

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Welcome to your midweek guidance for Week 18!  In this post, I identify widely-available players who can help you win your head-to-head matchups.  I’m coming to you later than usual this week, since the post-All-Star Break action didn’t start in earnest until last night.  It should be all about the playoffs for most of you.  In some cases, there’s no tomorrow if you don’t win this matchup.  For others, your focus is Week 19 and beyond.  I’ll try to cater to both in this edition of midweek guidance.

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Look, I understand that like 70% of my lede’s this season have been Nets-centric, and I don’t even care about them. I’m a Clippers fan, I already hate myself enough to add another heart-breaking franchise. But to be fair, they’ve only been Nets-centric because any time Kyrie Irving opens his dumb mouth, it attracts all the hot takes. You think I’m gonna watch all these hot takes and not bring the hottest of takes as well? SEO baby. As reported yesterday, a role player for the Cavaliers gave some behind-the-scenes look at Irving’s flat Earth theory and its originations. The entire read is worth it, but here’s the money quote:

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Wooooooooo, the NBA trade deadline is cookin’ now!

Wednesday night shook up the landscape of the league, as D’Angelo Russell, Malik Beasley, Jarred Vanderbilt are now Lakers, Mike Conley is a Timberwolf, Josh Hart is a Knick and Russell Westbrook is playin’ the blues in Utah (for now). But more on that later. First, let’s get into our regularly scheduled programming: My Wednesday fantasy recap.

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Salutations, Razzball Nation, and welcome back to the piece dedicated to giving you the goods on who to target week to week in order to improve your squad. We try to be advantageous in our approach and do not always land our punches but, as you know, you miss all the shots you were too afraid to take. Perhaps during the All-Star break I will glance back and grade myself on the hits and misses of the season so far and share it with you here. Stay tuned.

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