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It has undoubtedly been a fun summer for basketball fans, starting with a highly anticipated draft class, continuing with some enjoyable trade activity in the league and finishing with a bang with one of the best, if not the best Basketball World Cup tournaments in history. So after watching too many World Cup games go to over 100 points for my European basketball brain, patiently waiting for a Lillard trade to materialize that hasn’t yet, reflecting upon the performance review of last year’s projections and overthinking about them at weird times at night instead of sleeping like a normal human being, I am excited to present you for the seventh straight year my 2023-24 top 155 projections for roto.

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Another offseason trade, another three teams involved. Do only good things happen in threes? No, of course not! There aren’t three patties on a Big Mac, therefore I rest my case… and before someone tries to convince me that Wendy’s can do three patties, I’m here to cover trades and talk about hamburgers, and I’ve already filled my quota this season for hamburger content. Herego, let’s go over the unique trade that landed another star for the Suns and set in motion a true rebuild (can it be finally?) in the nation’s Capital. And actually, to do this right, or at least in an efficient manner, we’ll add one more bonus trade that’s related! Bonus anything is good. Except canned asparagus, that is actually not good at all. I’m thinking I might just be hungry, regardless, here’s how the Suns to Wizards to Pacers looked…

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20 years ago, UPS had an ad campaign with the slogan, “What can Brown do for you?” 

Brown says: Make your life easier

Brown tells me that you have all the choices you want

Brown says to me: Get your shipments to your customers, when they need it and where they need it

Brown says: Relax, we’ll get it done

Brown says: How about some more pie?

Brown didn’t say that

What a stupid ass commercial but it serves our purpose today because Jaylen Brown freaking delivered the goods on Sunday.

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Hello and happy weekend to the fantasy basketball world. It’s crunch time with many leagues’ playoffs wrapping up and roto contests speeding to the finish line. I’m coming to you from the boardwalk of Pacific Beach in the San Diego area. Spring Break! Woooo! [Yeah, dude, you’re old and have three kids with you; settle down.] So, I’m going to get right into the Friday Night recap, and skip the story about that one time I rented an AirBnB in a really sketchy part of town and there was a creepy basement with some sort of gargoyle living in it that would look up to me and screech, “Mamu?!”

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If Charles Barkley and Zach Randolph had a baby, it would be weird because as far as I know, men still can’t have babies [you’re canceled!]. But metaphorically speaking, if they had a basketball baby, it very well could look like Kenneth Lofton Jr. – and it sure as heck would play like him. 

The undrafted rookie got his first taste of NBA rotation minutes last night, and helped the Grizzlies overcome a 29 third-quarter deficit to beat the Spurs in overtime, 126-120. K-Loft finished with 11 points (4-6 FG, 1-2 3pt, 2-4 FT), 7 rebounds, an assist and a block in 14 minutes. Most of his production came during an 8-minute second-half stretch. 

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Burning bridges. No good, as you never know what the universe has in store for the future. Having water under the bridge? A good sign because that means climate change hasn’t evaporated a big percentage of the water on Earth. Mikal Bridges? Well, he was always a solid fantasy asset because he chipped in everywhere without hurting anywhere. Now, Mikal is making it rain so many fantasy goodies that the water flowing under this Bridges is causing the fantasy landscape to transform before our eyes. On Sunday, there was a flash flood warning due to:

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After being elevated to the All-Star team as an injury reserve, De’Aaron Fox helped the Sacramento Kings play spoiler to the debut of the Dallas Mavericks’ new dynamic duo. After missing his last two shots in regulation, Fox went into takeover mode in overtime, scoring 14 of the Kings’ 19 points.

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….Making all the threes! What, where did you think I was going with that? But yeah, reaching the 48-hour mark until the NBA trade deadline hits, many things are happening both on the court and off it. With the trade of Kyrie Irving to the Mavericks complete (don’t let it near the Jewish space lasers!) marking the end (or beginning?) of the Net’s introspective journey on finding out what happens when you let two idiots have their way with the franchise (three if you count Joe Tsai), one has to wonder what could top that? Will KD be next? (Doubtful, but of course I would never rule out a return to the Warriors just for the lols.)

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I was high on Precious Achiuwa in the offseason, as he showed flashes at the end of last season, both offensively and defensively. He improved his shooting and was able to make it rain from downtown. In addition, he exhibited the ability to make life difficult for Joel Embiid while also being able to switch on the perimeter against guards. Most importantly, though, Nick Nurse spoke glowingly about him over the summer, commenting on his work ethic and finally “getting it.” Then the season started, and it didn’t go as planned. He had two monster games while playing over 33 minutes in each, but after that, was relegated to playing in the teens. To stick a rusty knife into my belly, Achiuwa then succumbed to injury and missed the next 24 games. My Precious once had bling that blinded the eyes, but now was as dull as my jokes. Upon returning to action, he was once again playing in the teens, but slowly but surely, the playing time increased. Christian Koloko was sent down to the G League and my Precious began to glisten once again. Over the last five games, he received 28, 21, 26, 21 and 37 minutes, starting in the most recent contest and putting up 17 points, 11 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals and 2 blocks.

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The Magic have been everyone’s favorite fantasy outlet this season, from Bol Bol Euro-stepping into monster jams to Paolo Banchero compiling historic rookie numbers. The play of Franz Wagner has by no means been lost in all the excitement, but his games of late have been next level good. Over his last six games, he’s averaging 24 points on 55% shooting, 68.3 TS%, pitching in about 4 boards, 3 assists, a steal and 3 threes per game. 

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Welcome to 2023 and the near halfway mark of the season.

In many fantasy circles there exists some false belief that the NBA trade deadline is in some way the mid- point of the season. The fact is the NBA trade deadline is closer to being two thirds into the season when you factor in the week off for All-Star break. My point being, the earlier you can complete a trade the better it can be for your team as it allows more time to generate the stats you need. This is especially true for rotisserie category leagues as the stats accumulate over the course of the entire season.

So, do not be afraid to get a little aggressive over the next few weeks to secure that player or players you believe will best suit your team. It is time to get in the zone.

“That’s that north-north, that up top….That OVO and that XO”

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It was tough to enjoy watching my Ducks eek out the Holiday Bowl Wednesday because every commercial break was chock full of warnings about shingles. I have never known anyone in my life getting shingles, and after that I’m convinced all of us are getting it next year. 

On Friday night, however, Minnesota had to deal with a case of the non-viral irritation known as Ingles: Joe Ingles. [Wow, Phil, way to send off 2022 with the oddest lede/transition yet.] In his sixth game back from injury, Ingles played a season-high 25 minutes and banked 14 points (5-9 FG, 4-7 3pt), 5 boards and 10 assists, and was a major factor for the Bucks in the second half, as Milwaukee pulled away from Minnesota in a 123-114 win. Ingles probably won’t garner enough minutes when Jrue Holiday and Middleton play, but is worth adding to the streamer board as needed. 

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