We’re still pretty early on in the season, but it’s always a good time for some hot takes. What follows will be the totally legitimately definitive ranking of each NBA team when it comes to their fantasy production.

I took the top 100 players in total value and by per-game value, figured out how many were on each team, and ranked them. Very scientific stuff, I know. But no worries, there is a point. We’ll discuss what that means for each team, and for fantasy owners that may have the players mentioned, or have their eye on a player mentioned.

If a team has fantasy gold, does that mean they have great pace? Is it because they have a great record? Without further ado, here are your answers.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

First 30-point, double-double debut by teammates in NBA history per Yahoo! Sports. Friggin’ Brennan Huff and Dale Doback have reunited to stuff shit up. “Look at the turnovers, though!” That’s like telling someone about the terrible gas mileage that their monster-truck gets before the demolition derby, nobody’s gonna care about that right now.

Does the Harden deal leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth? Can you imagine what would happen if we put on 25 pounds and told our respective partners that they needed to change? Given that Harden played 39 minutes (Durant clocked 40), any physical impediments haven’t manifested themselves, yet, so The Beard’s The Belly doesn’t seem to be anything that should concern us as fantasy owners.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Shake Milton stepped into Seth Curry’s starting spot and showed out, leading the team with 24 points and seven assists on outstanding efficiency. With reports of a positive Covid test for Curry coming in, Milton is a hot pickup as a short-term upside play (31% owned in Yahoo leagues). When he returns to the bench, Philly’s sixth man is still a decent streaming option with top-150 value.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I did okay last time I posted my picks here, so why not try again yeah? I won 24% of my bet on 1/5, but I didn’t take my own advice and faded Jarrett Allen. Woof.

No sweat, there’s another chance tonight my dudes and dudettes. It’s another five-game slate that starts at 7:30 ET. Keeping an eye on Anthony Davis’s status would be advisable. If he sits you can find some really great value in Montrezl Harrell, and then LeBron James becomes a more viable play obviously. It’s possible LBJ sits too as the Lakers have a back-to-back, but I would wager if AD sits he’s a go.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Nation, what’s good?

Another week in our beloved fantasy basketball landscape has revealed another player with a high ceiling who is currently hanging out in the basement, patting his beer gut, and brushing chip crumbs off his jersey.

His (or her) current GM has without question become tired of the low-end lines being pumped out nightly especially considering the high pick that was used to snag this stat-stuffing center.

This big man has the ability to be a top 25 player and a key cog to your championship run, ladies and gentleman I give to you…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Nets were mired in a two-game losing streak, dropping games to the Hawks and Wizards no less. Then he heard the news that Kevin Durant would miss the next four games due to COVID protocols. Frustrated, Nash stood up from the couch, heel kicked the soccer ball conveniently laying on the floor, then began heading it against the wall. At first, it was a slow rhythmic pace….thump…..thump…..thump

Then thump..thump..thump..thump..thumpthumpthumpthumpthump. The woodpeckers in the neighborhood all flocked to the noise and gawked in amazement at the display of pecking dexterity. Then he heard it. “Honey, rewind that. And turn up the volume.”

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve managed to end up in the positive three of the last four days while netting 65% of my bet, on average, with my biggest win being 10x my bet. The one day I didn’t hit was because I faded Steph Curry on a career night. Whoops. It happens. Let’s see if we can get the big one now and cash out.

And, by the way, screw Dwane Casey as I had Delon Wright in all my lineups last night. Way to go, you a-hole.

It’s a five-game slate tonight that starts at 7:30 ET and with the news midday yesterday that Kevin Durant is going to start a seven-day quarantine means people will be flocking to Kyrie Irving and Caris LeVert in droves. It’s probably not wise to fade both of those guys, but fading one can make your lineup contrarian enough to nab the big one. I’ll probably fade one in 1/3 of my lineups, then the other in 1/3 of my lineups, and have 1/3 of my lineups with both. One important thing to keep in mind that a lot of people will overlook is that LeVert had his 61.3 Fanduel point blowup without KD AND Kyrie.

Please, blog, may I have some more?