Now that Thanksgiving is in the rearview mirror, all hands are on deck for Christmas. The neighbors adorn the houses with electric bling, the empty lots are filled with trees standing in Terracotta formation, and we all become tolerant of elevator music. It’s a happy time indeed. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know how you can always be happy? By using the Stocktonator. In fact, one could say that it’s a jubilant time with voices singing Jingle Bells and hands literally jingling bells. Guess who was jubilant and jingled something last night in the NBA?

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
31 4 2 1 2 2 2/8 10/19 9/9

Jaren Jackson Jr. was unbelievable. The 31 points were a season-high and he jingled the stat box to make sure there was a little something something in each box. He was in foul trouble….again….What else is new? But at least he was able to navigate around it. Now, before you take off your clothes and run around jingling your parts, know that Jonas Valanciunas and Brandon Clarke were both unable to play. Coach Jenkins had no choice but to leave him out there. With that said, this is the ceiling that JJJ can access. He’s young, but it’s only a matter of time before he contributes these kind of lines on a consistent basis. Don’t expect that to happen this season, so expect the inconsistencies, but mental masturbate over what the future entails.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Be ready for some James Bond references. 

It’s an Oddjob guarding James Harden. And De’Andre Hunter found out the Harden way. Because Agent 0013 tied Agent 0023, one Michael Jordan, for the third-most 60-point games in NBA history with his fourth such game (it only took him three quarters). And he had the Goldfinger going as well, dishing out eight assists, which is also tied for the third-most assists in a 60-point effort (Harden is also first on that list, putting together the only recorded triple-double in a 60-point game when he had 10 rebounds and 11 assists two years ago). 0013 knows that You Only Live Twice, and He Only Missed Thrice from the free throw line, going 20-for-23 and continuing to lead the league with a staggering 14.4 attempts per game, leading runner-up Giannis Antetokounmpo by more than three attempts in each contest. He’s the Man with the Golden Shot, sinking eight threes for the third time this year. And most importantly, Harden was Dr. No in allowing the Hawks to even get close in this one… his +/- of 50 trails the highest +/- of the past two decades by only 7 points (Luc Mbah a Moute with the Rockets, believe it or not). Here is his full stat line:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
60 3 8 3 1 5 8-14 16-24 20-23

Alright, that’s it with the Bond references. Was that enough? For me it was, but for 0013, the World is not Enough. Here’s what else occurred in a four-game slate on Saturday.

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When Kyrie Irving went down to injury on November 14, the Nets lost their leader. The fantasy community lost its leader. And hope was starting to look bleak for the upcoming stretch of games without the explosive veteran running the point.

But Spencer Dinwiddie has not missed a beat. In the eight games that he’s started in place of Irving, he has averaged 24.5 points, 7.8 assists, three boards, a steal, and a block per game. He’s shooting 93% from the line with a decent sample size of 7.5 attempts per game. He has limited his turnovers to 2.4 per game. The only knock has been his efficiency from the field (42.4%) and from deep (34%), but all things considered, Dinwiddie is deserving of many thanks from his teammates.

His teammates were especially thankful last night, as he was giving at a particularly generous rate and recorded the following stat line:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
32 5 11 2 2 4 6-8 10-19 6-6

His 11 dimes led the NBA (along with LeBron and Luka), and his sharp-shooting from deep led the Nets to a great win over the division-rival Celtics. Here’s what else happened around the league on Friday night.

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When something is referred to as historic, we think of arms raised toward the sky, fireworks bursting and illuminating the world, with smiles and wet panties. We think of heroes. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what’s also a hero? The Stocktonator. Yet, historic can also reference the zeroes. Those who do something so bad that it’s actually impressive. Joel Embiid had one of those games last night:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
0 13 2 0 0 4 0/4 0/11 0/3

Embiid is no doubt a hero. If he wasn’t, then there wouldn’t be a line outside of the stadium after every game with both men and women waiting to sex him. With that said, he was a straight zero, both literally and figuratively last night. And I wasn’t being hyperbolic when I said that he had a historic performance. Since 1946, there have been only two other players who went 0-for-10 from the field, 0-for-3 from downtown, and 0-for-2 from the free throw line: Doug Christie in 1999 and Devean George in 2008. Make that duo a trio now. Now, Embiid is a fantasy stud, as he literally does everything. He hasn’t been producing like one recently, but have no fear, the good times will return again. If anyone is panicking, relieve them of their anxiety.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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The stage was set.

After having a two-week long stretch of fantastic performances night after night, capped by a 27 point, five assist, seven rebound, and four steal pseudo-revenge game against the Bulls, all signs were pointing to Jimmy going OFF in the real revenge game on Saturday night.

The boos poured down from the Wells Fargo Center as he was introduced. It just felt like he was ready to explode and lead his Heat to their sixth-straight win. But alas, the opposite occurred. Harvard Sports Analysis actually found that superstars perform worse by a pretty good margin in “revenge” games, so maybe we should reverse that narrative. Here’s the line that Jimmy put up:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
11 5 3 2 0 1 0-2 4-13 3-4

Here’s what else happened around the league on Saturday night.

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Ah, centers. The literal giants of the fantasy basketball world. There are 56 centers listed below, with the shortest being Montrezl Harrell who stands at 6′ 8″ tall. In the United States, the average height of a male is 5′ 9″, which puts Montrezl in the 99.988 percentile. But he’s the shortest player in this piece. Many, if not most, are seven feet or taller. In the entirety of the world, there are approximately 2800 people seven feet or taller, which translates to 0.000038% of the population on Planet Earth. And 1.7% play in the NBA! Crazy! The outliers don’t stop there, though. Nikola Jokic is the only center who is projected to average over 4 dimes per game, with a whopping 7.5! Since these literal giants tower over the landscape, it would make sense that they dominate the blocks and boards categories. There are 15 players projected to grab at least 10 boards per game. 12 are centers. For blocks, 19 players are projected to reject at least 1.5 shots per game. 13 are centers. Let’s all bow down and pay homage to these titans of the fantasy basketball world.

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After being in the playoff hunt for a nice portion of the season, the final stretch saw the Magic pull ahead and make a playoff appearance. As a result, the Hornets slowly shifted to the youth movement, seeing their young core get meaningful minutes. Franchise cornerstone, Kemba Walker, moved on to greener pastures, literally and figuratively, and will be running the show in Boston. Jeremy Lamb will assume an important role for the revamped Pacers. The Hornets will be infused with youth and will likely be bottom feeders, but the fantasy landscape is bright.

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Victor Oladipo missed 11 games due to a right knee injury two months ago. Since returning from that injury, he’s been a top 65 player (19 games), averaging 17.3 points, 1.9 threeecolas, 4.9 boards, 5.8 dimes, 1.8 steals, and 0.2 blocks. The shooting efficiency was a putrid 40%. A far cry from the 47% efficiency and top 10 production from last season. His owners were not happy. Our very own “I Just Wanna Kawhi” couldn’t take it anymore and shipped him away last week. I need to hit him up for the upcoming Powerball numbers because his owners will no longer have to worry due to the injury Oladipo suffered yesterday. Defending a full court pass, Oladipo jumped and his knee gave out, the same knee that caused him to miss those 11 games. The trainers draped a towel over his leg and he was taken to the locker room via stretcher. Prayers up for Oladipo and his family. Since this is a fantasy website, we need to discuss who replaces him and how it affects the Pacers rotations. The most obvious replacement is Tyreke Evans, who was scooped right away in a few of the RCLs I’m in. Y’all are too sharp and fast on the draw. In 715 minutes without Oladipo on the floor, Evans has a 29.3% usage rate and produces 1.05 fantasy points per minute. The player that saw the biggest increase in usage with Oladipo off the floor, though, was Bojan Bogdanovic, with an increase of 2.1% to a 23.2% usage rate. Domantas Sabonis is the Pacer that scores the most fantasy points per minute at 1.39 with Oladipo off the floor. If you want to do a little speculating, Aaron Holiday could be a nice pickup. He’s played 275 minutes without Oladipo on the court and has garnered a 24.1% usage rate and scored 1.06 fantasy points per minute. Granted, most of that run came earlier in the year, as he hasn’t received 10 minutes of run in any game this month, but someone to keep an eye on. Anyways, hate to see injuries and let’s all send good vibes towards the Oladipo family. Oladipo Ho! Oladipo Ho! Oladipo Ho! 

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Beverly Hills is home to the stars, luxury hotels, and upscale shopping. The 90210 zip code was used as a television show. Glam, bling, and all the shiny stuff that sparkle the eyes are what reside and provide pride for those living inside. Patrick Beverley was the honorary mayor of 90210 yesterday with his performance:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
18 12 5 4 1 1 4/7 5/9 4/6

Got the start and played a whopping 42 minutes. Now, Danilo Gallinari (back) Lou Williams (hamstring) did not play, so that’s the reason Beverley received the start and so much run. The injuries for both don’t sound serious, but there’s been no timetable for their returns yet, so Beverley could continue receiving elevated run over the short term. He’s a low usage player who derives much of his value from the peripheral categories. Over the past seven games, he’s been a top 115 player with averages of 28 minutes, 1.1 threeecolas, 6.3 boards, 3.4 dimes, 1 steal, and 1.1 blocks. Now, he’s normally a poor shooter from the field, like 38% poor, so don’t expect the points to flow. Because he rebounds so well and plays tough D, if he continues getting the minutes, Beverley could continue providing upscale performances while Williams and Gallinari are out.

Here’s what else I saw yesterday:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If your fantasy team had the misfortune of facing James Harden this week, my condolences. Thoughts and prayers go out to you and you family. You ran into the buzzsaw. I would know, I was one of them. Last night Harden went 8-48-8-6-4-1-6 on 14-of-30 shooting and 12-of-15 from the line in his worst scoring performance of the week. In three games this past week, he went 19-163-27-14-7-3-15. To be fair, there were two overtime games so his numbers got a slight boost, but this is probably the greatest three-game scoring performance in recent memory. RIP to my fantasy team. On a lighter note, here’s what else went down in the NBA last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?