My-my-my-my Melo is back. To play. And jack up. Plenty of shots. He won’t. Play any D. Or grab a board or thank the Lord. Ok, time to quit the Pa Rappa da Rappa because…..Stop! It’s Melo time. The Portland Trail Blazers signed Carmelo Anthony to a non-guaranteed contract yesterday. Melo fans are running through the streets naked, screaming, and turning over cars. Their Messiah has returned to deliver them to Melo bliss. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what always provides fantasy bliss? The Stocktonator. Now, let’s get down to the nitty gritty and dig into this signing for the Trail Blazers and see what his fantasy prospects could be. Melo is 35 years old now, so he will likely be a statue, both on offense and defense. The lack of desire to play defense gives him a floor of….out of the league. If he can still shoot, though, he could actually be an interesting piece for the Blazers. I know, I know. I’m regurgitating the puke myself. Here’s the thing, though. Many of teams, with the Raptors the most recent example, have been doubling Damian Lillard and C. J. McCollum….daring anyone else to beat them. Well, when opponents see Nassir Little, Mario Hezonja, and Anthony Tolliver littering the depth chart of the Blazers, they start doing the MC Hammer dance. Oh-oh. Oh oh. Oh-oh-oh. The last two seasons, Melo has played for the Thunder and Rockets. In 88 games, he played around 30 minutes per game and provided 14.8 points, 2.2 tres, and 5.6 boards. Not bad. He shot 40% from the field. That’s bad. If you have the roster spot, he’s worth a speculative add if you need points and tres. Just know that this could amount to nothing and he’ll be back playing at the YMCA. With that said, Andrew Wiggins is currently a top 30 player so anything is possible.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Kobe Bryant is the NBA’s third all-time leading scorer with 33,643 points. He could shoot from downtown, break your ankles and flush it down your throat, and pump fake, pump fake, pivot, spin, then fade away and splash from the mid-range. Bottom line: Kobe was a professional getter of buckets. He’s often viewed as a ball hog, though. Some of it is fair.

Some of it isn’t. Many of his shots came with the shot clock or game clock near zero. The ultimate argument against it, though, is the 2005 Lakers. After Lamar Odom and his 11.6 field goal attempts that season, it was Smush Parker with 9.5, Chris Mihm with 7.8, Brian Cook with 6.3, Devean George with 6, Kwame Brown with 5.4, Luke Walton with 4.8, Sasha Vujacic with 3.8, Laron Profit…..Can I stop now? Kobe against three defenders gave the Lakers a better chance than Smush Parker wide open, right? Anyways, I kind of kid, as Kobe was an all-around player who averaged close to 5 dimes per game over the course of his career. With that said, even I as a Lakers fan can consider him a ball hog. You can’t score if you don’t shoot. Anyways, Kobe didn’t play much his rookie year (15.5 minutes per game) and he only averaged 5.9 shots per game. His second year in the league, the minutes went up to 26 and the field goal attempts were at 11.6. It was the third year when he started to go bonkers, averaging 37.9 minutes and 15.6 shots per game. Coby White of the Chicago Bulls scoffs at those numbers, as he’s only averaging 24.2 minutes but jacking up 12.4 shots per game!

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
27 3 1 1 0 1 7/11 8/14 4/4

Can’t score if you don’t shoot, and Coby did plenty of both last night. Granted, it was against the Knicks so value must be cut in half. With that said, this is the second time scoring at least 25 points in a game. Now, on the season, the field goal percentage is at 36%, so the range of outcomes is 1 point to somewhere in the 20s. The most promising development, though, has been the playing time. White has played 27, 27, 30, 24, and 25 minutes over the past five games. Will it continue? Tough to say because Tomas Satoransky and Kris Dunn are still receiving playing time in the low 20s. This looks to be a “hot hand” situation, which sucks for fantasy. If White starts getting consistent minutes in the 30s or one of the other guards gets injured, then I’d consider him for fantasy. Until then, he’s best viewed as a streamer.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the release of Joker – a truly chilling and exceptional movie, by the way – the Jokic and Joker puns and references are becoming a bit tired. So let’s take this a different route: who gets a place on the Mount Rushmore of seemingly out-of-shape athletes? Jokic is certainly making a case for a position. He doesn’t look like the most trim guy out there.

So I got to thinking, and in terms of basketball, people like Bryant Reeves, Glen Davis, and Eddy Curry came to mind. Other sports have some really strong contenders, with baseball throwing out some especially heavy competitors. CC Sabathia, David Wells, Pablo Sandoval, and the Babe himself could create a fairly heavyset Mount Rushmore. The NFL is a different case, with guys like Vince Wilfork needing to be as big as they were in order to dominate the opposition.

It’s really an interesting discussion, so comment your picks below. But I digress. The point here is that Jokic was able to outwork the Greek – or rather Cameroonian – God himself, Joel Embiid, in the ultimate matchup of chiseled vs. flabby.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
26 10 6 2 2 1 2-9 10-22 4-5

The three-point efficiency is really the only thing to be mad about here… but the game-winning three that sealed the deal helped make up for that showing for Denver fans.

Here’s what else we saw from around the league on Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The moment we exit the womb, it’s our birthday. Then we become woke and realize that Mondays suck because the weekend is over and the work begins, but Wednesday gets us over the hump to prepare for Friday, which is the beginning of the good times….hopefully. There are holidays, too many to name. Yeah, capitalism! There are leg days and cardio days, but it’s the emotionally dramatic days, both happy and sad, that are unforgettable. Where were you on 9/11? How about when the team you root for won the championship? Last night, Dejounte Murray had one of those moments:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
17 8 10 1 0 2 0 7/12 3/3

Before some random dude takes the above a little bit too seriously….it’s a joke!!! Writing that was probably fruitless, as people that go on tilt over such matters don’t read the entirety of a post, but whatever. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what never jokes around or goes on tilt, but just spits out fruitful projections? The Stocktonator. Now, what made Murray’s performance so promising was that he played 26 minutes. The Spurs are managing his minutes and, prior to last night, he was stuck in the 22-24 minute range. At some point, the Spurs could get him up to 28-30 minutes per game. He will still sit in back-to-backs, but he will be a per-game beast. Chew on this: In 23.1 minutes per game, Murray is the #53 player for fantasy. He’s averaging 8 boards, 5.4 dimes, 1.7 steals, and 0.6 blocks!!! You won’t get tres, but that’s the easiest thing to find anyways. Come seasons end, we will all be asking ourselves, “Where were you on Dejounte?”

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last year, Jahlil Okafor had a plan to “burn fat and significantly improve his athleticism and stamina.” He hit the weight room and implemented yoga into his regimen. The biggest change was in diet, though. He had tried being a vegan, as he heard that certain foods were inflammatory. One of the side effects, though, was that it caused the iron level to be low, which affected his cardio. He needed more protein. Now, there are no processed foods, sugars, and red meat, but instead plenty of fish and chicken. As everyone that has tried to diet can attest to, there’s what’s called “cheat days.” Well, last night, Okafor had one of those, as he feasted on Denver Nuggets to the tune of:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
26 5 0 2 1 3 0 8/13 10/13

He looked spry and nimble, cutting to the basket and pirouetting in the lane for bucket after bucket. Granted, Nikola Jokic looked completely disinterested in playing last night, but was that due to the age old question of: Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Okafor received the start and played a whopping 34 minutes because Derrick Favors sat due to a knee injury. It sounds like Favors will return shortly, so Okafor will be relegated to the bench, but when Favors does sit, Jahlil could have another cheat day and feast.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sing the below to the tune in the video:

“And then a Herro comes along. With the tres to carry on. And you cast your fears aside. And you know you can survive. So when you feel like hope is gone. Click your team and be strong. And you’ll finally see the truth. That a Herro’s all you need.”

Tyler Herro, the 19-year-old, 13th overall pick in the 2019 NBA draft of the Miami Heat, and yet another player who John Calipari wasted at Kentucky, has been strong. Is the truth. And is all that we need. Ok, the last part is hyperbole, but he’s been very good since the Summer League. With Jimmy Butler missing the first three games of the season, Herro played 34, 32, and 35 minutes and scored 14, 14, and 8 points respectively. He also grabbed some boards and contributed some steals. Butler returned to the lineup last night, yet Herro had his most productive game to date in 29 minutes off the bench:

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
29 7 2 0 0 0 3/4 7/9 12/16

The 16 free throw attempts were likely an outlier, so don’t construct the shrine yet, but Herro has proven that he belongs and can be a source of points and tres.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

That song always did/does get me hyped up. Was I the biggest Ja Rule fan? Naw, but I did enjoy some of his songs and he was quite popular when I was growing up. Whatever you or I think about him, you can’t deny that he brought the energy and was a success. Just like Ja Morant of the Memphis Grizzlies, who brings it at both ends of the court, attacks the rim with ferocity, and has the conjones to take the last shot and lead his squad to victory.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
30 4 9 1 1 6 1/2 13/22 3/4

The game went to OT, because Ja blocked Kyrie Irving’s shot in regulation, then he dished a dime to Jae Crowder for the game-winning tres. There was some concern to start the season, as he only played 25 and 28 minutes respectively, but make no mistake about it; this is Ja’s squad and he’s a legitimate ROY candidate.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The only thing that could have made NBA Jam better was if each player had their own custom announcing package. The generic lines were fantastic and made up a good portion of the top lines in sports video game history, but personalized reactions to certain player performances would have just been epic. Like if Ben Simmons hit a three-pointer in today’s NBA Jam equivalent, announcer Tim Kitzrow having an absolute meltdown would have just taken the game to another level.

Bam Adebayo’s custom line is just built into the script. It’s too easy. There would have been a LOT of “BAM SHAKALAKA” last night after his performance.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
19 13 8 0 1 3 0-1 5-9 9-12

His everyday starter role has benefitted him tremendously through two games and he’s showing why he’s deserving of that spot. Losing Whiteside, which has benefits in its own right, is also made a little easier when Bam is producing like this. Here are some other notable performers from Saturday night action.

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There have been 59 players in the history of the NBA who have scored 50 points in a game more than once. Laughably, Wilt Chamberlain produced a 50-burger 118 times. For perspective, Michael Jordan is second on the all-time list, and he was “only” able to do it 31 times. Only nine players have accomplished the feat at least 10 times. What I’m trying to say is that scoring fifty points in a game is freaking hard and few are able to do it. You know who knew, though? The Stocktonator, as it had Kyrie as the #3 player last night. Entering last night’s game, Kyrie Irving had accomplished the feat two times.

PTS REB AST STL BLK TOV 3PT FG FT
50 8 7 0 1 0 7/14 17/33 9/10

Make that three now. When a player drops a 50-burger, the world is truly his. Look, it’s an auto intro in my daily recaps. Now, since the world is Kyrie’s, if he says the world is flat, then the world is flat. Do you think it’s a coincidence that the 50-burger was dropped on the corner of FLATbush Avenue and Atlantic Ave inside the Barclays Center? Me thinks not. But then I remembered something about history, in that it is written by the victors. Despite Kyrie’s heroics, the Nets fell to the Timberwolves in OT, 127-126. You round Earthers live to fight another day.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ah, centers. The literal giants of the fantasy basketball world. There are 56 centers listed below, with the shortest being Montrezl Harrell who stands at 6′ 8″ tall. In the United States, the average height of a male is 5′ 9″, which puts Montrezl in the 99.988 percentile. But he’s the shortest player in this piece. Many, if not most, are seven feet or taller. In the entirety of the world, there are approximately 2800 people seven feet or taller, which translates to 0.000038% of the population on Planet Earth. And 1.7% play in the NBA! Crazy! The outliers don’t stop there, though. Nikola Jokic is the only center who is projected to average over 4 dimes per game, with a whopping 7.5! Since these literal giants tower over the landscape, it would make sense that they dominate the blocks and boards categories. There are 15 players projected to grab at least 10 boards per game. 12 are centers. For blocks, 19 players are projected to reject at least 1.5 shots per game. 13 are centers. Let’s all bow down and pay homage to these titans of the fantasy basketball world.

Please, blog, may I have some more?