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The Bergens are coming, AHHH. The Bergens are coming, AHHH. The Bergens are coming, AHHH. The Bergens are coming, AHHH. 

For those without kids, that’s Branch in “Trolls” overreacting because he’s scared of success (and friendship), just like so many fantasy basketball players will overreact to the first couple games, when regular bench rotations guys will be proclaimed breakouts of the season, and busts will be said to abound as the rust gets knocked off the boots. 

However, while we definitely don’t want to overreact, let’s remember: Branch ended up being right. You don’t want to be caught with that average penny stock and telling yourself, “any day now, it’s gunna go crazy!” [Checks portfolio, sighs with depression, gets back to basketball.] Keep an eye on minutes, rotations and usage more than the general stat lines in these early going. 

And with that piece of nonsensical advice, let’s get on with the show! Here’s what caught my eye in the 12 games of the unofficial official opening night in The Association.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to your midweek guidance for Week 22!  In this post, I identify widely-available players who can help you win your head-to-head matchup.  We’re almost at the point when we have to start thinking about life after fantasy hoops.  Having just lost in the finals of my Yahoo league (congrats, Kris!), I’m just four days away from defeating Bball Oracle (according to my vision board) and no longer needing to obsessively check injury reports ahead of each night’s action.  From Monday, I will be doing this solely for your benefit.  That is, for the benefit of anyone crazy enough to play fantasy basketball into April.  After that, I have to tend to all the things I’ve neglected in my life for six months.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s playoff season, and in standard head-to-head leagues like the Razzball Writers’ League, every waiver wire pickup is critical at this point. Facing Beats By Dray in the first round,  I head into the weekend hoping I didn’t chum the waters on (as in, threw up all over) my chances to advance. 

All week, San Antonio second-year big man, Charles Bassey, has been discussed as a hot wire add for the tanking Spurs. Bassey has been a borderline standard league over the last few weeks, averaging about 8 points, 7 boards, 2 assists a steal and a block a game in 17.5 minutes. 

I’ve been trolling around the Bassey interest all season, which he spent much of tearing up the G League. In 14 games in the minors, he was 3rd in fantasy points (yes, G League keeps track of fantasy points per game leaders on its stats page), averaging about 23-10-2-1-2 on 67% shooting. The Spurs saw enough positives in his development to fully guarantee the former Western Kentucky Hilltopper’s contract for its first two years. With that vote of confidence, and the tank rolling, it makes sense to believe Bassey could be a strong asset for fantasy playoffs. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome to your midweek guidance for Week 20!  In this post, I identify widely-available players who can help you win your head-to-head matchup.  Hopefully, you were able to add Mr. (W)Right last week and benefit from a top-25 run of games.  There are a number of other players whose names I constantly promote as streamers who can still be found on waiver wires – Donte DiVincenzo, Killian Hayes, Dennis Smith Jr., Kyle Anderson, Daniel Gafford.  They’re not perfect (Exhibits A and B: Gafford’s terrible Wednesday night and Hayes’ missed games), but their ceilings are high in categories that you might need.  I recommend looking their way first before reading down the rest of this list.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After Julius Randle hit one of the more ridiculous game-winning threes last night to push the Knickerbockers past the Heat, I came up with the above headline. The only problem: I’ve never actually had an Orange Julius – which may be a sin in some cultural circles. Without a frame of reference to consider how Randle may compare the American quencher, I turned to my wife for help:

“It’s like better than an icy.” “I thought it was a smoothy. So it’s like an icy?” “No it’s not an icy.” “So what is it?” “It’s hard to describe. It’s indescribable. It’s like magic.” “So it’s like a mix between an icy and a smoothy?” “No. You’re obviously not getting it. Who are you trying to compare it to?” “It doesn’t matter, I just haven’t had one so just want a description to see if there’s any comparison.” “The most delicious thing I’ve put in my mouth.”

And that was the end of that conversation. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After the news that Zion reaggravated his injury and will likely miss more weeks after the All-Star break, it got me thinking how many games Zion actually has managed to play since entering the league. And then I stumbled upon a very interesting statistic that reaffirmed my initial thoughts. Zion has only played in 39.4% of the available games in the last four years and this is a great cause of concern for his career and for the New Orleans Pelicans in general, who are fighting for one of the last playoff spots in the West and could certainly use Zion’s help.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last night I was able to test out a new Seuss-style story during my kids’ bedtime:

“An Ant-man with cool fluffy hair, who went the nation’s capital and let it rain from behind the arch. He was hitting ‘em on the pull up. He was hitting ‘em on the spot up. He nailed 3s on the swing. He nailed 3s on the run. He hit 3s from the corner, at the top. He created a skookum of 3s like it was a skookum of tallywade  ….”

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sometimes you need to stand back and take a good, hard look at your personal biases as a writer.

When I do that while wearing my NBA hat, I can clearly see that I don’t give the Philadelphia 76ers a lot of love. What can I say? I just can’t stand James Harden. A couple years back he came to my Nets amidst hope and big dreams – a “Superteam” with Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving – and left the way he always does: As a loser. Harden is one of the greatest regular season players of all time – a true fantasy basketball god over the course of his career – but he crumbles like no other in the playoffs. And can we really say much better for the veteran combination of Joel Embiid and Tobias Harris? Despite big names and strong stat sheet production, this Philly team hasn’t gotten anywhere with this core over time.

Maybe this season will be different? I doubt it. Yet and still, Harden and Embiid had their patented pick-and-roll rollin’ Wednesday night, on their way to a solid 105-94 victory over the pesky, young Orlando Magic. Let’s dive in and take a closer look from a fantasy perspective.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was high on Precious Achiuwa in the offseason, as he showed flashes at the end of last season, both offensively and defensively. He improved his shooting and was able to make it rain from downtown. In addition, he exhibited the ability to make life difficult for Joel Embiid while also being able to switch on the perimeter against guards. Most importantly, though, Nick Nurse spoke glowingly about him over the summer, commenting on his work ethic and finally “getting it.” Then the season started, and it didn’t go as planned. He had two monster games while playing over 33 minutes in each, but after that, was relegated to playing in the teens. To stick a rusty knife into my belly, Achiuwa then succumbed to injury and missed the next 24 games. My Precious once had bling that blinded the eyes, but now was as dull as my jokes. Upon returning to action, he was once again playing in the teens, but slowly but surely, the playing time increased. Christian Koloko was sent down to the G League and my Precious began to glisten once again. Over the last five games, he received 28, 21, 26, 21 and 37 minutes, starting in the most recent contest and putting up 17 points, 11 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals and 2 blocks.

Please, blog, may I have some more?