So, the Feds are after you.  Your Ponzi scheme and billions of dollars are up for seizure.  Well, that, or your $20 league dues and your friends sending you obnoxious texts about how you’re not going to the playoffs.  So if you’re in H2H and in this shortened week, what is a Madoff to do?  How about putting in a quick grab of Chris Kaman, who has erected himself into surging fantasy relevance.  Too far JB!  A raging 25/14/4/1/3 line last night, taking a whopping team-high 24 shots.  That’s now three straight games of at least 17 Pts, 8 Rebs, 3 Asts and 2 Blks.  That’s the floor!  While tonight’s slate is pretty jam-packed, Thursday is a light one.  With the Lakers one of the few teams in action, Kaman could really make the difference this week for ya in Pts and Blks.  While he does have a shelf life whence Pau Gasol returns, if Gasol is indeed traded I think Kaman has played well enough to stick.  Of course you never know with Doh-toni, but Robert Sacre isn’t exactly a guy to be developed for a long-term future and they don’t have any other true 5s.  So don’t be afraid to stash some of your free cash in the Kaman islands.  While he is owned in 43% of Yahoo leagues already (a bit shocking to me it had hopped up that fast), there’s plenty of IRS-free banks left to stash him up.  Here’s what else I saw last night across fantasy hoops:

Bradley Beal – Career-high 37 points.  The scoring has been really inconsistent the previous 5, so this was a much-needed breakout.  Hit 5 treys, otherwise fairly empty 37/5/2/0/0 line.  But still, in a short week, might win some matchups!

Nick Calathes – Absolutely killing it with no Mike Conley!  18/7/6/2/0 with a trey and shot 8-12.  Also cut down the TOs to only 2.  His audition for a future in the NBA is looking pretty spiffy right now.  Most teams are playing today, but Calathes is still out there in a lot of leagues and close to a must-start tonight.

James Johnson – The Wizards hate neck tattoos!  Went a wild 7-10 from the FT line in 25 minutes.  Hack a JJ!  13/2/1/2/1 in another solid multi-cat and played more minutes than Tayshaun Prince again.  We likey.

John Wall – Tough to play well against that suffocating Calathes defense!  Hah.  2-10, 5/3/5/0/0 in probably his worst game on the year.  Not worried.

LaMarcus Aldridge – Speaking of bad games, 5-22 from the field?!  Labradoodle city!  Playing through some minor injuries, but man, rough night for your FG%.

Robin Lopez – Sigh.  Double-digit boards in three straight, 7 or more boards in 6 straight, and multi-blocks in 5 of 6.  I guess he has to be taken seriously again…  But by now, probably too late in a lot of leagues.  That said, I’ll let other owners get hit with two straight weeks of 6/7/0.5 output at some point.

Jeremy Lamb – Had a very solid 31 minutes off the bench for 19/5/2/1/0 with two treys.  He’d been quiet for a while, but Thabo Sefolosha had an apparent hand injury that limited his minutes.  So if Thabo misses a little time, it would be a nice time to throw some lamb in your gyro.

Anthony Bennett – Time for everyone to freak out, Anthony Bennett is awesome, woooo!  19/10/0/1/0 shooting 6-9 including 3-3 from deep.  30 strong minutes but no Anderson Varejao in this one which opened up some time on the front line. Not getting excited…

Tristan Thompson – … especially when there’s a fantasy stud blocking his way!  16/13/1/2/0 and a nice return to fairly empty dub-dub form from TT.

Al Jefferson – I can still pound my chest that I had him ranked high and you could buy low.  30/8/2/0/2 and some big ball from big Al.

Anthony Tolliver – He’s like a Call of Duty camper.  Just sits in one spot behind the three point line with his gun drawn.  22 Pts going 6-11, 5-10 from deep.  Only added a rebound as any other stat.  ThrAGNOF!  Camper!

Kemba Walker – Trip-dub flirt!  Then injury flirt… 7/9/9 and surprisingly no steals but two blocks.  Had to have the trainers give him some attention and probably misses tonight.  Maybe if he would stop trying to jump so high for those blocks!  If for some reason you don’t have a full line-up or in deeper leagues, a Ramon Sessions start wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world…

Dallas Mavericks – Absolutely no one showed up for this game.  So not worried about anyone.  I imagine Mark Cuban is going to call them all into the Shark Tank studio to fight for their jobs after this one…

Joakim Noah – Trip-dub realized!  19/16/11/0/3.  Like his pube-beard, starts are flowing every which way.

Taj Gibson – 24/12/5/0/1.  Shot 12-19 and is killer when Carlos Boozer is on the booze cruise on Lake Minnetonka.  Pretty much any excuse to keep that reference relevant.

D.J. Augustin – Not quite racking it up like the good ol’ days, but 13/4/4/1/0 with four treys.  Played more minutes than Kirk Hinrich and continues to be better than Kirk Hinrich.  So I think all is still fine here.

Gustavo Ayon – Putting up a James Johnson-esque 19-minute line!  4/8/2/3/1 but did only shoot 1-6 and 2-4 FT.  The revolving door at ATL C won’t be interesting unless Pero Antic can come back and be a decent big that bangs some threes again.

DeMarre Carroll – A pretty bum 11/2/2/0/1 but it was against the soul-sucking Bulls.  Don’t be worried.

Gerald Green – He ebbs and flows like an economy.  It’s a bubble market right now!  Wait, I don’t think that’s right… That would be his stock price… Where’s Jim Kramer!?  26/5/2/1/1 hitting 5 threes, but if you can get any decent value for him I would “Sell, sell, sell!”

LeBron James – Dat a nice one.

Alec Burks – Like a Gerald Green, but off the bench.  A sea foam Green, if you will.  24/3/0/1/0.  Scored 20+ in three of the last six, the other three he’s averaged under 6 points.  One of those was a goose egg!  I’d argue he’s been the most inconsistent player all year that hasn’t really been hurt.

Jeremy Evans – Just get us a couple dimes!  14/5/0/3/2 in a solid line shooting 7-10 in 26 bench minutes.  Here’s to hoping both Marvin Williams and Richard Jefferson get traded for straight up draft picks… Jeremy would be mighty tasty… Kinda like his brother Bob’s restaurant empire…

Ryan Kelly – Down to 18 minutes and off the bench.  Sorry Slimbo Slice, Kelly just isn’t that good… Like all Dookies!

Steve Nash – Left with nerve irritation.  I hear that, I think orgasm.  Steve Nash could be Orgasmo… We might never know…

Steve Blake – Still feeling eblow discomfort.  Maybe it’s related to all of Nash’s nerve irritation!  Too far… Shot only 2-11, and while the shot is awful, still 5/5/8/2/0 production.  I’ll stick with Blake as my Laker PG flavor of the week.

Shawne Williams – Gets re-signed off the street to start for 36 minutes while Jordan Hill STILL gets looked over for 17 bench minutes?!  Yikes.  Just like the Justin Bieber getting slapped by Blake Griffin story, lets start an internet rumor about Jordan Hill and Mike D’Antoni.  Share your stories below!  Here’s my entry: “During preseason workouts, Jordan Hill was spotted by Lakers coach Mike D’Antoni wearing a novelty T-shirt under his jersey with a picture of D’Antoni reading ‘Mustache Rides $2, Playing No Defense, Priceless’.  Hill was excused from practice, but no fine was handed down from management.”


If you’re in the Southeast like me, you’re preparing for an Ice Storm!  Have you ever seen The Ice Storm?  Weird movie.  I dunno if I was happier with Elijah Wood’s death in that one or in Sin City.  Spoiler Alert!  Dammit, that goes before giving it away!  Oh well… Be sure to set your best line-ups tonight as it’s the last big slate of games for this week.