Okay, so it turns out hurling bricks is not as good for Mo Williams‘ hips and groin-ial area as Mo at first thought. He’s out for a while. Frankly, the vagueness of Mo’s injury parallels the vagueness of what part of this dude is even injured. It’s his groin, it’s his hips, maybe his leg still hurts, also, don’t forget how depressed LeBron made him. Mo Problems is more sensitive than our Speaker of the House. It’s like a game of Clue with this guy: Uh, emotional ennui, with phantom pains in his hip, in the gutter for three weeks. Ramon Sessions and Manny Harris are a Go. So is Alonzo Gee, if you can stomach it.
Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball:
Psyche your face! Before we get to the rest of today’s roundup, it should be noted that I’ll be on vacation until Tuesday. RELAX! Stop choking on your falafel. There will still be warm and fresh posts hot off the griddle for you tomorrow and Monday. And I’ll still be monitoring the comments, I’ll just be doing it less frequently than usual. Be patient. Be bold. Be well. And now … back to the roundup:
Daniel Gibson – Boobie popped out for just the second time in the last 11 games as a reserve. He dropped 16 points in 30 minutes. If you own ‘im, play ‘im.
John Salmons – Missed last night’s game due to hip soreness. I’m going to do him a favor and back-date that injury to August.
Rashard Lewis – Lewis during the pregame shootaround, “How many shots do you think I can miss before coach pulls me?” Wall, “One less than me.” Lewis, “Okay, bet.” Then they both shot 3-for-11 in front of an exasperated Flip Saunders, who kept emanating subtle squeaking sounds.
Corey Maggette – 23/5/4 in his second consecutive game as a starter. Be free, Maggette! Be free!
Troy Murphy – Requested a trade and was instead excused by the team to go do … whatever it is someone like Troy Murphy does to pass his time. I’m guessing bird-watching.
Paul Millsap – 6/5 and failed to grab double-digit rebounds for the fourth straight game. That’s what he gets for preparing to play the Nets by reading the Nuggets’ scouting report.
Andrei Kirilenko – The 17/8/1/4/2/0 line is the most you could have hoped for when you drafted AK47. The constant belittling of fellow Eastern Bloc native Sasha Vujacic whenever they were playing near Maria Sharapova’s section? That was just gravy. (Yes, yes, I know Sharapova is in Australia playing the Open. Don’t be a nerd.)
Roy Hibbert – Dr. Hibbert’s asthma forced him to miss last night’s game. He’ll be back when his lungs man up … along with all his other weakass body parts.
Vince Carter – Alvin Gentry said on Monday that he wants V.C. to shoot more, even if some of those extra shots are forced. This clearly caused Carter’s head to explode, because he only shot the ball six times in 35 minutes and only made one of ’em. Coach ’em up, Alvie!
Marcin Gortat – 16/12 with three blocks. Man, that line is unbeliev – Oh, I see here this came against the Cavs.
Shaquille O’Neal – 12/12 with three steals and two blocks. How is a guy that big able to get down low enough to tap the ball away from opponents for steals, but can’t manage to earn double-digit points and rebounds in any more than three games this season!?! Just put your damn hands up five feet from the basket, you’ll get first dibs every time.
Brandon Bass – Earned his second double-double of the season (12/10), but Dwight Howard fouled out in regulation and this thing went to overtime, and a 12/10 game doesn’t sparkle like it normally might. So still, I say, pick up Ryan Anderson (20/4 with four threes). I know this was supposed to be your blurb, Bass. You want all the pub, earn it.
Louis Williams – 19/7/4. We’ll overlook the four turnovers because dude has scored 19 in five of his last seven despite coming off the bench. Ride the wave!
Evan Turner – 10/8/2 with a steal. He’s really playing like a No.2 overall draft pick … from 2009 (Thabeet), 2003 (Darko), 2002 (Jay Williams), or 2000 (Stromile Swift).
Raymond Felton – He’s shooting .365 from the floor this month. Well, I mean, he was standing for most of those shots. He didn’t actually shoot them from the floor. Although that would explain some things. Also, why does he still go by Raymond? Shouldn’t it have been shortened to Ray by now? Who do I call about this?
Kevin Martin – 2-for-10 from the arc. Threejerk!
Marcus Thornton – Played 22+ minutes, shot .700 from the floor as the Hornets won in overtime … this time, the win came directly from his steal and layup late in overtime. The Hornets are now 6-0 when he plays 22+. I’m just sayin’.
Jason Kidd – 0-for-13, 0 points in the previous game; 8-for-12, 21 points one game later. You’re still in the red, Kidd. Plus the vigorish. Don’t forget the vig’.
DeJuan Blair – 22/11 in 34 minutes. So this is what Blair can do when no Raptors bother to guard him. Also, five fouls is what happens when Blair bothers guarding anyone.
DeShawn Stevenson – Is it weird that if you removed the “De” from DeJuan Blair’s name, he sounds like an MLB pitcher and if you remove the “De” from Stevenson’s name he sounds like an NFL player? Anyway, DeSteve started again. Went scoreless. Let’s try this again: back to the bench you go!
Tyreke Evans – 16/5/8 with five turnovers. The more I watch ‘Reke, the more I’m convinced his rookie year will be his best.
Samuel Dalembert – 15/12 with two blocks as Sammy Davis Dalembert has outplayed his fellow forwards in each of the last three games.
Wesley Matthews – 1-for-7 in 36 minutes. Clearly he’s been shaken more than any other Blazer from losing Camby. He absolutely wrecked Camby in their Boo-Ray matches.
Nicolas Batum – 24/6/3 with two steals, two threes and a block. As if that wasn’t enough, he’s got no “h” in his name. Where’s the h? He’s h-less. Ageless? No. “H”-less.
