Ray Allen, Kevin Garnett, Rajon Rondo and a host of others did not play for the Boston Celtics. The offense was carried by Aleksandar Pavlovic with 16 points, surpassing his previous season high by 6 points. Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade and LeBron James did not play for Miami, which was led by Dexter Pittman (12 points) and James Jones (11 points). If you missed this game, I’m sure you can catch it on ESPN Classic, but you should note that this time of year, superstars will get rest. Plan accordingly.
DeMarcus Cousins – You know I love Cousins. I want to wrap my arms around Cousins. I want to watch Cousins pee. Okay, if it wasn’t weird before, it just got there. In any event, he scored 32 with 7 rebounds, 2 assists, 2 steals, and a block. DeLicious!
Isaiah Thomas – Earned 9 assists, which made up for his terrible second half which caused him to finish the game with only 11 points on 3-10 shooting (1-4 behind the arc).
Russell Westbrook – On 4-13 shooting, he still gave a line of 13/8/6/2/2. The prior game, he went 3-22 and produced 14/4/10. Imagine if OKC bought him a pair of glasses, he could be a top 20 player!
James Harden – Didn’t play due to getting a concussion from the ironically named Metta World Peace. The former Ron Artest was suspended for 7 (or 8, I forget) games, but if he is still rostered on your team, you probably aren’t even reading this. Now that’s meta! Or not. I’m not really sure how to properly use that prefix.
Daequan Cook – Off the bench with 19 points. He was cooking with gas! Usually his gas is just a fart, so he’s not worth rostering.
Nazr Mohammed – 4/4/0/0/0. Remember when the Knicks traded to get him? Sure, Michael Doleac wasn’t any better, but this was the solution for the Knicks? Memories!
Grant Hill – Played 2:43, went 0-3. If Grant was a roast, I’d say stick a fork in him ’cause he’s done. I mean, he’s still done anyway.
Michael Redd – He tallied 15 points in 20 minutes. The prior game, he scored 4 points in 18 minutes. The lesson is this isn’t 2008, Sherman, get back in your time machine!
Marcin Gortat – Although he grabbed 12 boards, he went 1-8 for only 2 points. How many Pollacks does it take to score? Apparently more than one! Look, it’s okay for me to make fun of the Polish, because I’m racist.
Paul Millsap – Went 26/15/4 with a tantalizing 3 steals. Ignoring his Paul Mis-hap game of April 18th, he’s had a solid two weeks and is good to go.
Al Jefferson – George and Weezie’s grandson racked up a respectable 18 points and a stellar 16 rebounds. Just because he’s generous, he gave 4 assists and 2 blocks, too. Also, it was his fourth double-double in a row. Can I get an Amen!
Eric Gordon – Did not play so he could rest. Rest? For what? The Hornets will have a ton of time to rest once the season’s over.
Greivis Vasquez – On the night, 11/6/7. I feel like General Greivous has been picked up and dropped and picked up again more often than a dockside whore.
Jeremy Tyler – With Lee and Biedrins out of action, Tyler played 40 minutes and produced a line of 13/8/2. Brandon Rush played 17 minutes off the bench and scored 15 points. For shame, Jeremy.
Charles Jenkins – 10/5/10 and averaging 9.6 assists over the last five games. That’s pretty valuable, especially in leagues that count fractions.
Caron Butler – 9 points on 4-11 shooting, including missing four of five from downtown. I thought women’s basketball was supposed to have better fundamentals.
Chris Paul – 34 points including 4 threes, as well as 8 assists, 2 steals and 5 rebounds. For a man with two first names, he did well once again.
Josh Smith – Plugging along with 18/10/5. He’s the little engine that could!
Joe Johnson – Smokey Johnson played out 28 points, 7 rebounds, and 3 assists. He scored most of those points on 6 three pointers. After a terrible stretch of not making any, he now has 13 of 17 three pointers.