Who doesn’t remember Remember the Titans? “If you have to remind people what the joke in the title is from, it sucks JB!” Thanks ghost of Grey! I’ll work on improving the rest of the week if you can sneak in and Hollow Man me a mustache ride.
Hard to believe Remember the Titans is so old. Who woulda thought Will Patton’s annoying ass daughter would be getting torn apart by some monster Russian boxer. “I must break you.” And who woulda thought a guy who had bounced around the D league, played in China, barely played in 2011-12 the last time we saw him in the NBA, would break fantasy basketball waiver wires?! Hassan Whiteside absolutely tore apart the Clippers Klitschko-style for 23/16/0/2/2 yesterday afternoon, in case you missed it and weren’t watching NBA. Not like there was any other sport with important games on… Mr. Whiteside hit 10-13 FG and 3-4 FT (although he’s not the best FT shooter), and most importantly started the second half over Chris Andersen. Birdman had bid flu with a -17 +/- and Whiteside was brightside for +26. No disparity there! And somehow Slim’s Heat won. I’d be very surprised if Whiteside doesn’t start tomorrow against the Lakers, and he’s leap-frogged a lot of the fringy big men. Alex Len is so then! Jordan Hill can take a chill pill! Jusuf Nurkic can… Nope, he’s still Jamba Jus! Love my smoothies… But Hassan is likely a must-own in all leagues. Hopefully you grabbed him yesterday or can this morning, so your bigs can tear apart your opponents Klitschko-style. Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:
Jeff Green – Along with Russ Smith, traded to Memphis in a 3-way. Like Boston, you can drop his broke ass. Gives the Grizz a perimeter “threat” who “could” also score a little. Meh. Tayshaun Prince and Austin Rivers head to Boston, and there’s all sorts of rumor mills that Rivers will eventually land in daddies lap. I mean go to the Clippers. More meh. Then the ultimate meh, Pelicans get Quincy Pondexter. The Lone Ranger! The bench will be kinda lonely too…
Brandan Wright – Ugh. Lands with Phoenix, and clouds an already cloudy rotation. It’s like pea fog out here! 7/2/1/1/1 in his Suns debut in a 2OT game yesterday, but I don’t see him getting enough run to be interesting.
Evan Turner – More ugh. He’s terrible! Had a big Friday in the counting stats for 9/15/7/2/0, but still kept the fire burning on the brown bag of poo for 3-15 FG and 3-6 FT. Then back to normal Miss Turner for 4/6/5/0/0 with 3 TO on 2-9 shooting Saturday. If Austin Rivers stays in Boston, I could see him playing more minutes than this schlub, as crazy as that sounds.
Jae Crowder – Moved into the starting line-up after Brad Stevens asked his Magic 8 Ball. Although it’s not magic… He asked his plastic 8 ball. Had an interesting Friday for 11/7/2/2/1 with no TO, but struggled Saturday for 7/3/2/0/1 and 1-4 FT. It’s like a Josh Smith game!
Roy Hibbert – After a scary ankle injury last week, ended up not missing any time and went bonkers for 19/11/4/0/5 Friday night. Got into foul trouble on Saturday, but still a usable 7/13 2 block game in under 20 minutes against the craptastic Sixers. Although they’ve been more fantastic lately winning 2 straight and 3 of 4! Maybe Roy Hibbert should’ve pulled a Saw last year – seems to do better with ankle injuries…
Knetavious Caldwell-Pope – What in the name of labradoodles?! 8-23 shooting Friday night, with a ridiculous 4-16 3PTM. 16?! 20/6/0/1/1 in 35 minutes, then only 24 minutes and 5 shots Saturday, but nabbed 4 steals.
Andre Drummond – Was playing sick (ill, not “sick” as in good) Friday night, I’m guessing with Instragram-speeding-itis, but improved Saturday. Nothing to worry about, maybe you can buy for a few cents lower.
Al Horford – It’s fun when you have a game doing what we’d expect him to do! 19/16/4/0/1 Friday against sickly Drummond, but then back to his bust-self (sounds dirty) for 15/6/3/1/2 yesterday.
Jeff Teague – Back-to-back dubdubs and dimebags. Absolutely dominated John Wall yesterday in a 11/2/10/4/1 line with no TO. I hate when I’m a year off on calls! Loved Teague heading into last year, got a little burnt, and now this is the career year…
Robert Covington – 6 steals and 20 points on Friday, but a little bit empty of a 16/2/0/0/0 line with 4 treys Saturday night. He’s been converted into a 2 guard, speaking volumes to his versatility.
Jarrett Jack – “Wahhhhhhh! Why won’t the ball go in!” 6-21 FG and 1-9 3PTM in two games over the weekend, but still had some nice lines. 14/5/10/2/0 and 5/1/8/2/0 will get it done as your low-upside PG-filler!
Bojan Bogdanovic – Took the starting job From Karasev with Love. Shot 5-11 against the Pistons Saturday night for 14/1/2/0/0 in 27 minutes. ThrAGNOF!
Dante Cunningham – Starting over Tyreke Evans… Hmmm… Evans is still getting his, but Cunningham is one of the worst-volume starters in the land even though he had 3 blocks Friday night.
Rudy Gobert – Continued to play his limbs game for a gorgeous 4/7/3/3/7 rainbow line Friday night, and still started with Enes Kanter back Saturday for 4/5/3/1/3 in 35 minutes. Either way Kanter is likely off the bench a few more, but I really wouldn’t be surprised if he goes back to starting to the chagrin of everyone reading this sentence.
Elijah Millsap – Baby Trillsap! Getting some interesting minutes in older brother’s former stomping ground, going 9/4/0/2/1 & 8/2/2/3/1 over the weekend. The TO are way, way too high (11 the last three games), but multi-treys in both of those games and an interesting deep league add. With Alec Burks done, I don’t know how married they were to Rodney Hood starting anyway (he’s still out with a foot injury).
Dion Waiters – I Waiters for no one! A big game Saturday against the Jazz for 15/3/1/4/0 in 27 6th man minutes. Reggie Jackson. Yikes. 15 minutes of nothing. R-Jax can go in most leagues.
Joakim Noah – What did James Cameron say to Ed Harris? The Abyss! Has scored a total, TOTAL, of 6 points on 2-10 shooting the past 3 games. Assists aren’t there, steals are down, the Jimmy Butler takeover is killing his usage. That said, is worth a low-end buy low offer.
Tony Snell – Mike Dunleavy is ailing with a kankle, so welcome to a starting role Mr. Snell-o-Vision! Andddddd, wasn’t great for 2/6/2/0/1 on 1-7 shooting and only started because Derrick Rose was out as well with knee issues. Gulp. Moves Kirk Hinrich into the starting PG role, and as Slim and I have mentioned – Nikola Mirotic can’t guard NBA SFs. So he still comes off the bench behind your Bulls bigs.
Pau Gasol – And it’s hard for No Minutes Mirotic to buck against his nickname when Pau is going How-Now-Brown-Cow-Pau out there! 46/18/3/1/0. What kind of awful PF in the NBA could let gramps Gasol do that?! Cough, Jared Dudley, cough…
Shabazz Muhammad – Originally reported to be out with a groin pull, but now is missing games with a lower abdominal issue. I’m no doctor, but when I’ve heard this series of events it a lot of times is a sports hernia. Which is scare-eeee. Probably droppable since Kevin Martin is almost back as well – rumored to be back by this weekend.
Mo Williams – Only missed one game with his kankle, and went 10/4/6 against the Spurs on a rusty 2-10 shooting. Even with Mo back, Zach LaVine looking decent! 7-14 FG 19/0/4 and played 26 minutes. Maybe we’ll see some combo guard usage until Ricky Rubio is back.
J.J. Hickson – Is surprisingly playing really well of late, with a 16/4/1/1/1 line Friday night off the bench. His last three games are 8-10 FG, 4-5 then 8-11 in that Friday one. Somebody get this guy in a gym to coach KCP!
Wilson Chandler – Out with a minor knee injury. Willllllson! I cried like Tom.
J.R. Smith – No LeBron, no prob! Went 11-23 on Friday night for 27 points in his first start for the Cavs! But they lost by 18. I guess there is a prob… Then Smiff went back to F- for 2-10 FG and 4 TO last night in another blowout loss.
Timofey Mozgov – “The savior of Cleveland!” said no one.
David Lee – Under 20 minutes again yesterday, and the Warriors C and backup PF minutes have turned into an absolute wasteland.
Kobe Bryant – Speaking of wasteland, the Lakers team stores are probably crashing harder than the Ruble. How fitting our final Guess the Kobe stat line ended with a DNP… Byron Scott said they will “revisit” shutting Kobe down after the All-Star Break. Ouch. The race to who will be shut down first, Kobe or Melo. Go!
Tarik Black – Had a Black Friday for 14/9 and a swat and played decently again last night off the bench for 6/6/1/0/1. The Lakers have never had faith in Jordan Hill (he did play well last night though), so who knows? Black also hasn’t missed the last two games at 7-7 from the field.
Jeremy Lin – Fluke alert! Huge rainbow line on Friday night for 18/3/6/4/2. A shocking win against the Magic! Still had some bad peppered in there though, with 5-10 FT and 5 TO, and then last night went back to being Jeremy Lin. No Linsanity here.
Ronnie Price – Handing out a dimebag is Linsane! A career high 12 dimes yesterday. Had 24 the previous 7 games. Meh.
Ryan Kelly – Had a nice fill-in start Friday night for 13/8/1/1/0 and three treys, but Wes Johnson returned and back to the shelf R Kelly.
Cleanthony Early – Mr. Clean! After getting some major buzz, started Saturday and was dreadful. 6/2/2/0/0 with 3 TO and Derek Fisher kept pulling him out. Making Fish lose some hair!
Tony Wroten – Can’t stop the Wroten! Slim’s least favorite player went 20/4/9/2/0 Saturday night, with 4 TO on 6-17 FG. Michael Carter-Williams went an eerily identical 15/5/9/0/1, also on 4 TO and 6-17 FG. They’re so similar! I don’t know if that’s praise for Wroten, or a major douche chill of MCW…
Austin Daye – My heavens ladies and gentlemen, I haft not seen such outlandish things in all my Dayes! 22/10/1/1/0 after not playing in any January games and 6 total minutes over 4 games to close out December. Pop up to his old tricks!
Gorgui Dieng – Choo choo! I hope you jumped on board the Dieng train! 18/12/1/1/4 without a TO against the Spurs Saturday night. 7-11 FG and 4-4 FT as well. Man the Spurs still lack good interior D, even with Tiago Splitter back… Dieng has multi-blocks in 9 of 10 and 13 of 15. Remember when we had him ranked like 30 spots ahead of Nikola Pekovic coming into the year? I wonder if anyone thought that was crazy…
Devyn Marble – …speaking of crazy, I’ve lost my Marbles! With Tobias Harris (kankle from the wet floor, according to him, of the Staples Center, which I’m guessing was wet with Jack Nicholson’s tears) and Evan Fournier (virginity) out, Vaughn pulled a wild thing and started Marble. Even though Orlando got blown out, Marble did OK for 6/3/2/5/0 and no TO. It was against the Lakers and their ineptitude and neither injury sound too serious for the Magic regulars.
Kevin Seraphin – Even though some of his stats came in junk time, Seraphin was ballin’ in his run in the first half as well ending up with 13/6/4/0/3. He could turn into something if given a major role, and looks much improved this year – he’s still only 25 too.
Streamers/Cheap Daily League Picks:
Donatas Motiejunas (17% owned) – We need mo D Mo! Back-to-back 36 minute games with a 14/10/1/3/0 line and a trey on Saturday, and has taken the starting role over Josh Awful. He’s going to be a tough matchup for Mason Plumlee when he’s playing PF next to Brook Lopez, so there will probably be a good chunk of Mirza Teletovic minutes to exploit.
James Johnson (15% owned) – After some weird reasoning, Landry Fields went from starter to DNP Saturday. Finally! It’s James Johnson time! 15/10/4/0/2 starting that game, and should pick up a few more starts.
I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend (better than I did watching the Panthers get skewered, ah!), and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
