Yesterday, I was walking in the woods. The booty call chirps from the male birds filled my ears while the wind blew crispness onto my face like a bug on a windshield. Since the season is autumn, the ground was layered with leaves of many colors; red, brown, and orange. It was pleasing to the eyes, but depressing when I got philomosophical about what I was seeing. The leaves were that color and on the floor because they were dead. As I crunched one leaf, then smooshed another, I began to fall deeper and deeper into a depressive state when……I saw it; a sole Leaf hovering in the air with a ray of light shining upon it. It was center stage, floating, wavering, then eventually started dancing; making a mockery of the autumn wind. This Leaf was none other than T. J. Leaf of the Indiana Pacers, who danced to a line of:
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 15 | 15 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 1/2 | 6/13 | 0 |
Before we mental masturbate over the prospects of this Leaf flying forever, keep in mind that he only played 22 minutes off the bench, and those 22 minutes only came as a result of Myles Turner and Domantas Sabonis not playing. Leaf has some potential, as he’s a big who can rebound, shoot from downtown, and run the floor. Unfortunately, his defense is suboptimal and he’s buried on the depth chart.
Here’s what else I saw last night:
Otto Porter Jr.
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 4 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 1/4 | 1/10 | 1/2 |
Played 27 minutes. You Otto spend today going to Costco and buying all the Pepto Bismal because the OPJ has been a tumultuous ride so far. It should flatten out, but you never know about these things.
Wendell Carter Jr.
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 20 | 10 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 9/10 | 2/6 |
This Carter Administration has had its ups and downs. That’s the nature of politics, but he stays true to his core constituents by providing points, boards, and blocks on the regular. So of course he didn’t block one last night, but it happens. Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what also stays true to its core and provides the data you crave? The Stocktonator. That’s what. Carter Jr. is normally a good free throw shooter, but is shooting only 65% so far this season. I wouldn’t be worried, but it’s something to monitor.
T. J. Warren
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 26 | 5 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 1/4 | 10/16 | 5/6 |
Led the Pacers in points and shot attempts, which helped regulate the Bulls, 108-95. Unfortunately, this regulator does not regulate on the regular, as his shooting efficiency is inconsistent. Also, he hasn’t played more than 66 games in a season yet.
Jalen Brunson
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 14 | 2 | 6 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2/6 | 6/11 | 0 |
Got the start and played 30 minutes. He’s received three starts this season, but normally comes off the bench. Brunson can provide tres and dimes, but not much else.
Luka Doncic
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 29 | 14 | 15 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 5/10 | 9/17 | 6/6 |
Hey Luka. You so fine, you so fine you blow my mind! Hey Luka! And that’s without you messing around. It’s like having a Playboy Playmate coming to your house and saying, “let’s have sex.” Then she proceeds to give you a foot massage, head massage while whispering I’ll make you a sammich when I’m done, body massage, then foreplay…..then………uhhhh, I’ll be right back. Have to….uhhhh….go to the restroom. The turnovers will always be high. It is what it is, but the percentages! That’s not going to happen on the regular, but if he can improve in those departments then………….use your imagination.
Kristaps Porzingis
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 18 | 9 | 0 | 1 | 6 | 3 | 4/6 | 7/14 | 0 |
Lukaps Donzingis is going to be a f’ing problem for the rest of the league for many of years to come. Damnzingis!!! Anyways, as for Kristaps, the usage rate is 27.5 and he’s going to provide a ton of points, boards, and blocks. The dimes and steals will be few, and the field goal percentage will be a problem. Whatever. As Biggie said, mo money mo problems. Same concept here.
Cedi Osman
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 10 | 4 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 2/6 | 4/11 | 0 |
Cedi has not been so Osman. Just average. Strictly a 3-and-D player.
Kevin Love
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 29 | 8 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 5/11 | 9/18 | 6/6 |
Top 15 player! Love is in the air. This Love does not block, which is good for everything but fantasy, but this Love is providing a ton of everything else…..except for STDs. That wouldn’t be good.
Tristan Thompson
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 11 | 12 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4/10 | 3/9 |
Any of you old enough to remember the Doublemint commercials? If they were to make a comeback, they could save money and just use Tristan Thompson. TT has played six games so far. TT has dub-dubbed in five. He’s a top 35 player, but the free throw shooting is absolutely, atrociously, asinine.
Richaun Holmes
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 14 | 10 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 6/8 | 2/2 |
Got the start and played 30 minutes. Orale, Holmes! Luke Walton is a bobo, but even he can’t screw this one up, right? Dewayne Dedmon only played 15 minutes so…..Now showing on AMC….The Walking Dedmon.
Bogdan Bogdanovic
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 6 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 2/7 | 2/8 | 0 |
Only played 19 minutes because Luke Walton is a bobo. Trevor Ariza played 25 minutes because Luke Walton is? That’s right, a bobo.
De’Aaron Fox
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 24 | 2 | 6 | 1 | 1 | 3 | 1/3 | 8/18 | 7/10 |
Fox has gotten off to a slow start this season, as the dimes, steals, and field goal percentage are all down from last season. Probably because Luke Walton is a bobo.
Marcus Morris
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 28 | 6 | 2 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 4/6 | 9/14 | 6/7 |
He’s a top 50 player for fantasy! Ha! He’s currently a member of the 1/1/1 club. If you think that’s continuing, I have some bottles of air to sell you.
Frank Ntilikina
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 2 | 2 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0/2 | 1/3 | 0 |
Got the start but only played 15 minutes. This is one Frank that is not doing it his way.
R. J. Barrett
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 22 | 5 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 1/5 | 8/20 | 5/9 |
He’s playing over 37 minutes per game!!! And jacking up a ton of shots! Unfortunately, the percentages from both the field and line are horrendous. 47% from the charity stripe! Barrett will provide points, tres, boards, steals, and some boards out of sheer brute force, but there will be tons of collateral damage.
Mitchell Robinson
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 10 | 5 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 4/4 | 2/3 |
Played 25 minutes off the bench because…..he got Fizdale’d. Chris Iseman on Twitter said that Fizdale wanted Bobby Portis in the starting lineup for his shooting, so that Julius Randle could have more room to operate.
Allonzo Trier
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 11 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 2/5 | 3/9 | 3/4 |
Played 24 minutes off the bench last night after not receiving any run in the prior three games. <insert shrug emoji>
P. J. Tucker
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 2 | 6 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0/2 | 1/4 | 0 |
The regression finally hit! Tucker wasn’t going to be a top 30 player forever. With that said, he did only play 25 minutes yesterday because the Rockets got neutered 100-129 by the Heat.
Russell Westbrook
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 10 | 4 | 6 | 1 | 1 | 7 | 1/6 | 3/11 | 3/6 |
The Heat are the #4 team in defensive efficiency, but damn! Russ had a plus/minus of -46. Ha! The Rockets were down 14-46 after the first quarter! Just one of those games, but you now know what the floor for Westbrook is….and it’s not pretty.
Eric Gordon
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 4 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 0/5 | 2/10 | 0 |
Thanks for playing. You have to be real hard up for tres to roster Gordon.
Danuel House
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 10 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 1/3 | 3/6 | 3/5 |
Came off the bench and only played 19 minutes.
Let’s see how D’Antoni plays it out next week, but it’s a House of Cards if he is relegated to the bench.
The game got so out of hand that Chris Clemons played 22 minutes and scored 16 points while Ben McLemore played 21 minutes and scored 14 points.
Duncan Robinson
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 23 | 6 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 7/11 | 8/12 | 0 |
Got the start, as Justise Winslow was out due to a back injury, and led the Heat in minutes, points, and shot attempts. Only useful when he gets the spot start due to injury, though.
Meyers Leonard
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 21 | 4 | 1 | 3 | 1 | 1 | 1/2 | 9/11 | 2/3 |
Leonard has played 28, 25, and 25 minutes the past three games. He’s blocked 1, 2, and 3 shots, grabbed some boards, and scored 21 and 16 points over the past two. He’s a big who can shoot, and he may have overtaken Kelly Olynyk’s role.
Kendrick Nunn
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 5 | 1 | 5 | 1 | 0 | 2 | 1/5 | 2/10 | 0 |
Got the start but only played 19 minutes due to blowout and some foul issues. Nunn for you…Nunn for you….Nunn for you. The reverse Oprah game.
James Johnson
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 17 | 4 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2/5 | 7/12 | 1/2 |
Played 22 minutes off the bench in his season debut. The Heat are kind of loaded when everyone is healthy, but JJ is someone to keep an eye on, as he does have the ability to contribute across the board.
Tyler Herro
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 12 | 7 | 7 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 2/5 | 3/10 | 4/4 |
Played 35 minutes off the bench. We know he can shoot. If he can contribute those boards, dimes, and steals on a consistent basis, then he will truly be a fantasy Herro.
Anthony Davis
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 25 | 11 | 2 | 0 | 4 | 6 | 1/2 | 10/20 | 4/4 |
LeBron James
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 21 | 11 | 13 | 2 | 1 | 5 | 0/6 | 8/23 | 5/10 |
Just another day that LeBron messes around. The percentages still kind of suck. With that said, LBJ has a usage ratge of 32.9, is playing 35 minutes per game, and is currently the #15 player for fantasy.
Javale McGee got the start, but only played 11 minutes and provided 2 points, 3 boards, and 2 blocks. You know you done f’d up when you can’t even get a stat box.
Dwight Howard
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 14 | 13 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 7/7 | 0/1 |
In 21 minutes off the bench. It’s only a matter of time before Dwight starts and soaks up most of the center minutes. I fronted on him entering the season, but he’s been fantastic; setting screens, grabbing boards, protecting the rim, and playing perimeter defense.
The Lakers are #2 in defensive efficiency and #23 in offensive pace. A complete 180 from last season.
Dejounte Murray
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 18 | 11 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 4 | 1/1 | 7/12 | 3/5 |
I want to slide into this DM all night and day. Only played 24 minutes, as the Spurs are bringing him along slowly. Also won’t play in back-to-backs. I can’t wait until he gets unleashed, though, because he’s so damn good. The shooting may not be great, but he can get to the rim at will, provides the D, and is one of the better rebounding guards in the league.
Rudy Gay
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 16 | 10 | 3 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 3/7 | 6/13 | 1/2 |
Gay is still a good player and will contribute points, tres, and boards. He only plays 23 minutes a game, though. That is not Gay.
Bojan Bogdanovic
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 19 | 3 | 4 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 3/9 | 7/17 | 2/3 |
Bojan is such an integral piece for the Jazz offense. He has a usage rate of 27 and provides excellent shooting to space the floor. He’s currently averaging 20.2 points, 3 tres, 4.2 boards, and 1 steal per game. And the percentages have been excellent. 49% from the field and 95% from the line.
Rudy Gobert
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 12 | 14 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 4/8 | 4/6 |
He’s only blocking 1 per game. As a result, he’s outside the top 100 for fantasy. This could be a Louisiana Purchase buy low opportunity.
Mike Conley
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 8 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 0/2 | 2/10 | 4/5 |
Buy low. Sell high. Buy low. Buy lower. Buy lowest. Sell high. Buy low. Welcome to the Mike Conley experience. My advice? Buy low.
Donovan Mitchell
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 36 | 4 | 6 | 2 | 0 | 2 | 4/6 | 11/21 | 10/14 |
I like to slide into this DM all night and day as well. Lot of DM sliding into going on.
Tony Bradley
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 8 | 5 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 0 | 3/5 | 2/3 |
Played 14 minutes off the bench. With Ed Davis out for four weeks due to a fractured fibula, Bradley should see the backup center minutes.
Patrick Patterson
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0/1 | 0/1 | 0 |
An Immaculate Binary Line! Beep. Boop. Bop. You know what pumps out Immaculate Projections using binary lines on the regular? The Stocktonator.
Kawhi Leonard
| PTS | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TOV | 3PT | FG | FT |
| 30 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 2/8 | 9/26 | 10/12 |
He is so damn good. My son….yes Son is a son of a Son and also has a son himself…..is eight years old. When he asks me who the greatest players I remember seeing live were, it’s Magic, Jordan, Hakeem, Shaq, Iverson, McGrady, LeBron, Kobe, and I think Kawhi is going to be in there.
