“With the 22nd pick of the two thousand and twenty one NBA Draft, the Los Angeles Lakers select….Isaiah Jackson of the University of Kentucky,” voiced Adam Silver through my Bose speakers. Unfortunately, he was immediately shipped to Washington as part of the Russell Westbrook trade. As of this writing, I am on a mad search for the DeLorean that makes magic happen at 88 mph. I used to often ponder where I would go if I could travel through time. Meet Jesus? Commiserate with/for the dinosaurs? Naw, I’m definitely going back to August 6th, 2021 and doing everything in my power to wipe that trade from the annals of history. Then a funny thing happened. It’s not anals, damnit! I got a call on the celly and future Son told me to come outside. As the gull wing door lifted up to the sky, I saw future Son frantically wave me to hurry up and get in. Before I could click the seatbelt, the back of my head mushed into the headrest like a Tempur-Pedic and zoom, zoom, zoom we went. Stars. Flashes of light. Darkness. They all zoomed by as we raced through time. Then I saw a face. Another. Then another until it looked like an army of ants marching towards a picnic. It was none other than DeUngela Jackson, mother to Isaiah Jackson. I channeled my innermost Nancy Kerrigan and bellowed, “Whhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy?????” How is Isaiah going to help the Lakers get to the Promised Land? We need shooters to surround LeBron James and Anthony Davis. Plus, Isaiah is only 18 years old and only played 20.8 minutes at Kentucky. Naw, Momma Jackson, I’m heading back in time for Kentavious Caldwell Pope and Kyle Kuzma. Excuse me as I eradicate the puke I just swallowed from myself. Well, after last night’s performance, future Son better get his ass back to 2022 because….


Sheeeeeiiiiiittttt. I’m sorry Ms. Jackson. Isaiah is for real! Inside. Outside. Offense. Defense. He did it all. He’s not an ogre who lumbers around like Boban. Instead, he’s agile and has springs in those legs that make the lowriding cholos out in East LA jealous. Now, he only got the start because Domantas Sabonis, Goga Bitadze, and Oshae Brissett were out due to injury, but whatever. It’s not like he did this against the Washington Generals. Over the last three games, he has played 30, 19 and 25 minutes. Goga is ahead of him on the depth chart but with Sabonis in the league’s health and safety protocols, Jackson should get some decent run in the short term.

Here’s what else I saw last night:

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Amir Coffey


There are many things that have taken me a while to truly appreciate. Sashimi for one. Especially with wasabi. Now it’s probably my go-to. I used to drink coffee with tons of cream and sugar as I thought that was the way. But I followed the white rabbit into the world of pure, black, unadulterated coffee. They do say “once you go black, you never go back.” Yup. Coffey went undrafted in the 2019 NBA Draft. The Clippers picked him up and he’s been living two-way contract to two-way contract. He had some early spurts of playing over 20 minute but he didn’t do much to provide an espresso-esque jolt. But slowly and surely, the minutes increased and so did the production. He has now started the last 14 game and been a top 70 player. He’s played over 30 minutes 10 times and scored at least 20 points four times. He drains tres, grabs boards, dishes out some dimes and contributes the D. Pure, unadulterated Coffey.

Serge Ibaka


Got the start because Ivica Zubac was out. Only played 22 minutes though. He is a far cry from the beast known as Iblocka but he can be of some utility. He’s just not going to get the run to be a difference maker. Sad face. He played fewer than 10 minute in four of the last five games.

The Blazers scored 81 points. No blurbs for you!!!

Tre Mann


Got the start and played 24 minutes. With Shai Gilgeous-Alexander out until the All-Star break, Mann could get plenty of run to make an impression. He’s got moves and can create his own shot. The issue is the shooting efficiency, as he’s at 39% from the field. In addition, he doesn’t contribute much in the periphery categories. Oh, Mann. I’m looking forward to seeing what Tre can do.

Josh Giddey


Josh is one of the few players who makes both the women and men Giddey. He’s a threat to mess around on any given night and should see a slight uptick in usage with SGA out. Last night, that number was at 24.3%, up from the 21.5% he has averaged on the season. As with Mann, the issue is the 40% field goal percentage. Sam Presti definitely has a type.

Andrew Wiggins


Hilariously, since the All-Star starters were announced and the Wiggins selection almost destroyed Twitter, Wiggins has played four games and been a top 15 player! Take that haters! Hmmm, quite the conundrum here. I was in fact a hater, so I’m hating on myself. Son, with your left hand, grab your right hand, and smack yourself across the face. Like the dead cat bounce that is happening in the equity markets….

Wiggins is a top 100 player. Capice?

Kevon Looney


In 26 minutes. If you need boards and some defensive stats, you’d be Looney not to consider Kevon. Sure, he’s not exciting, doesn’t play over 30 minutes and his overall value doesn’t make Yosemite Sam fire the six shooters into the sky. That said, he’s a specialist that performs a specific job.

Stephen Curry


A single-patty 40-burger with no animal style. What a disappointment. That is where we are with Curry. If it ain’t extra spicy then….Son, with your right hand, grab a hold of your left hand, now smack yourself across the face. Curry has now scored at least 40 points in a game 55 times. Only 216 more and he’ll tie Wilt!!! There are only four players in the history of the game to have at least 100 40-point games: Wilt, MJ, Kobe and Harden.

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Christian Wood


I’m confounded by Wood. Sometimes it lasts for four hours! I kid, I kid. He’s got skills. Can score inside and outside while contributing the D. That said, does he just rack up stats on a shitty team? Would he be a good player on a good team? I think he can but I have some doubts. From a fantasy perspective, he’s almost a 1/1/1 player and is top 10 in dub-dubs, yet he’s barely a top 100 player. The 61% free-throw shooting has a lot to do with that. And as the main option, he’s only scoring 17.6 points pier game.

Kevin Porter


The Saw series was great because people were often put in situations where decisions had to be made. Do you stick your hand into flesh-eating acid in order to grab the key that could unlock you to freedom or not? With KPJ, how bad do you want those dimes? Because he’s going to murder the percentages: 38% from the field and 64% from the line. I personally put my hand into the acid and, !@!@##$!#@$!#!#%!$%!$%, it hurts!!!

Pascal Siakam


In 41 minutes. He’s starting and playing small ball center. Chris Boucher played 21 minutes while Precious Achiuwa played 18 minutes. During drafts, Curtis Gazdewich, who is second all-time in career earnings at the NFBKC, was drafting Siakam in the 6th-7th round of every draft that I saw. Lesson? Follow smart and successful people.

Gary Trent Jr.


In 41 minutes. All hail Nick Nurse. Only seven Toronto players received double-digits in minutes. Trent is a top 40 player on the season. Over the last six games, he’s top 30. In the most recent four game stretch, he’s top 10!!!! If you believe this is the New World Order, did you know that I’m a direct decendent of Son Young Hyun of the Son Dynasty who was banished from the Korean peninsula after Kim Il-Sung became the Great Leader of the North. Due to the inequality, remnants of the Son family have been able to contact me and drawn up support throughout the land and are ready for insurrection. They just need funds. Your help is needed. DM me for PayPal information. I accept ETH and BTC.

De’Andre Hunter


Was second on the team in shot attempts with Trae Young out. Hunter chips in a little something something in every category but it’s closer to nothing nothing. He’s outside the top 200 on a per-game basis.

Kevin Huerter


Played a team-high 39 minutes and led the team in points. Only the fifth time he’s scored over 20 points. He’s scored fewer than 10 points in 18 contests. Not good, Bob.

Bogdan Bogdanovic


In 31 minutes off the bench. BogBog has had a usage rate of at least 24% in three of the last four games. He’s scored at least 18 points in three of those contests. That said, last night was the only game he received more than 30 minutes. When Trae is healthy, it looks like he will be in the 27 minute range. That’s good but not Tony the Tiger ggggrrrrreeeeaaaatttttt!!!!!!

Davion Mitchell


Got the start with De’Aaron Fox out and played 34 minutes. He’s started the last three games and played 34, 33 and 31 minutes. He’s scored 18, 15, and 20 points while providing tres and dimes. The usage rate has been 23%, 19.6%, and 26.6%. In 42 games as a reserve, though, he’s only averaging 24.6 minutes, nine points, 1.1 tres, 2.2 boards, 3.2 dimes, 0.7 steals, and 0.3 blocks while shooting 38% from the field and 59% from the line.

Mitchell Robinson


In only 22 minutes. Nerlens Noel played 21 minutes and Taj Gibson played three minutes.

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Alec Burks


In 26 minutes off the bench. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Will Burks plateau, go low, or overflow with fantasy goodies to take us to the chateau? It’s all on the table. Just depends on the flow of the universe I guess. If you are able to read the winds of change, then I recommend you open up a Palm Reading or Tarot Card shop. Hey, I saw one just upgraded into a pretty big house. Business must be good.

Max Strus


Played 41 minutes as Jimmy Butler was out. I love it when the Strus gets loose. Strrrrruuuuuuuussss. He doesn’t shoot a high percentage and doesn’t provide much D but he’s a professional getter of buckets. He makes it rain from downtown but he has the ability to take it strong to the rack and produce posters.

Tyler Herro


In 29 minutes off the bench. Prior to last night, in 282 minutes with Lowry and Butler off the court, Herro had seen a 5.2% usage rate bump to 34.4%. He was at 29.8% last night so the opportunities were there.

Jayson Tatum


The field goal percentage is slowly creeping back up to the 45% range that he’s finished at the last three seasons. He’s at 43% on the season but, over the last seven games, he’s shot 50% from the field. Tatum usually contributes a little something something in every category, so last night was an aberration. Scroll up and click on Monica again. Tatum is a top 20 player on the season. That’s below where most drafted him but it ain’t too bad. Here’s a lesson I learned from my second year in the Main Event. Games and minutes are golden. For those that read me, you know I’m all about that. Minutes are half the battle. Yo, Joe! But I’d sure be happy with Tatum instead of freaking Paul George and Anthony Davis who have helped me be a bottom dweller. Sad face.

Jaylen Brown


Led the Celtics in scoring. J & J had the cure for the Heat as they won 122-92.

Steven Adams


In 38 minutes. The usage is low so no points to go along with that bottle of S. Adams. The free-throw shooting is shitty at 57%. He does grab boards and provides some D. He has more value in real life than in fantasy but I wanted to give him a shoutout for what he’s done. He’s provided the Grizzlies with a toughness inside and sets some wicked screens.

Ja Morant


In 42 minutes. He did all that he could but the Grizzlies fell short, 119-122 in Philly. Is Morant a top 40 player on the season? Ja. Has he scored at least 30 points in seven straight? Ja. Has the usage rate been over 40% in three of the last five games? Ja. Should the name be changed to the Morant Grizzlies? Ja.

Desmond Bane


Played 39 minutes. Top 45 player on the season. This was the second time he scored over 30 points and eighth time he attempted at least 20 field goal attempts. Bane is a fantasy delight since the turnovers are low while the efficiency is high.

Tobias Harris


Played 40 minutes. Over the last seven games, Tobias has been a top 10 player! Holla! He’s a top 50 player on the season. He doesn’t excite the loins as the defensive contributions aren’t great, but he scores, boards, dishes out some dimes, and provides good percentages. Over the last four seasons, he’s finished as the 28th, 51st, 34th, and 43rd player.

Andre Drummond


No Joel Embiid. Drummond role, please……Played 43 minute and it was a glorious Dre Day. In 12 games as a starter, he’s averaging 29.4 minutes and is a top 90 player. In 33 games as a reserve, he averages 14.9 minutes and is a top 80 player.

Tyrese Maxey


In 43 minutes. The third time Maxey has scored at least 30 points this season. He’s a top 65 player on the season, averaging 35.7 minutes, 16.8 points, 1.4 tres, 3.5 boards, 4.7 dimes, 0.7 steals, and 0.6 blocks. He’s shooting 46% from the field and 86% from the line. The usage rate is 20.4% and the turnovers are an impressive 1.3 per game. Ben Simmons who?

Jaxson Hayes


With the Cavs going big with Jarrett Allen and Evan Mobley in the frontcourt, the Pelicans went with Jonas Valanciunas and Hayes in the starting lineup. He played 31 minutes and got busy. Hayes is super athletic but doesn’t have the best mental acumen. He’s young, though, so there’s plenty of time and room to grow. After last night’s game, coach Willie Green said that he may go with Hayes at power forward more. That would obviously be a boon for his fantasy value.

Josh Hart


Hart is shooting 50% from the field and averaging 13.4 points, 7.8 boards, 4.1 dimes, and 1.1 steals. That’s been good for top 90 production. He has 13 dub-dubs, which is good for 30th in the league.

Kevin Love


Played 33 minutes off the bench. Hart and Love side by side. Actually on top of each other. I never knew Hart and Love were so freaky. Anyways, if Hart and Love were always side by side, the world would be a better place. On the season, Love is averaging 21.8 minutes and been a top 95 player. If he gets close to 30 minutes, sure, he could break but he could also be a top 60-ish player. Love hurts but one can’t experience Love if you don’t put yourself out there.

Brandon Goodwin


Played 27 minutes off the bench and led the team in scoring. The Cavs won 93-90 last night, their 11th win in the past 15 contests. Break up the Cavs! What a time to be alive. Darius Garland was out so Goodwin got extra run.