As we prep for the 2016 NBA Draft in a mere two weeks, I’ve noticed that some of the buzziest guys we didn’t draft in Slim and I’s (grammar police!) 2016 NBA Mock Draft have some absolutely awesome names.  And what do you think of when you hear absolutely awesome male names?  Porn stars of course!  So I dedicated a little mini-series to the under-the-radar draft day names that could sneak their way into the first round and have some deep league 2016-17 fantasy impact.

To kick this series off – have you ever done the thing where you figure out what “your” porn star name would be?  It’s your middle name as your first name, and the street you grew up on as your last name.  Mine is “Brock Eastway”.  How baller is that?!  Share your own names below!

Consistently ranked just outside the first round (yeah, there’s no smooth transition here!), 7’1 Thon Maker has been making some noise recently as a draft day riser.  The most recent buzz is the Pistons are apparently raving about the guy, and might consider nabbing him at 18th.  Then I saw a recent place with him going 10th in a mock draft…  10th!  Ahead of my boy Deyonta Davis!  Crazy talk.  Pretty big news for a guy that wasn’t even sure he would get declared eligible by the NBA when he announced he wanted to enter the draft on April 3rd.  He’s 19, but didn’t play in the NCAA, instead staying at his high school as a “post-graduate” student.  Yeah, it’s called failing high school…  I dunno how anyone bought that!

Maker is an absolute bean pole.  Draft Xpress has him at 7’1, 216 pounds.  For half of you reading right now, you immediately feel really fat.  Not all of us can be skinny lookers like Slim!  At the combine, he kept building on his buzz by having the highest vertical jump (32”) of any player over 6’11 in combine history.  Bean pole got leg muscles!

Even crazier is the rampant KG comparison.  It’s in that Pistons article above, although it seems like a throwaway comparison that Rotoworld ran with.  Maybe Draft Day execs are Rotoworld loyalists.  We must protect our crown!  Squash the dissenting militia!

Regardless of where he’s drafted, he’s likely spending most, if not all of 2016-17 in the D-League.  He’s got some crazy physical tools, but I don’t know if he has the polish to be more than shot blocker, despite the following he has on YouTube as well.  But if he does get 15-20 minute playing time at some point, I think he could surprise as 1.0+ block guy and have a John Henson-esque impact for the deeper leagues.  Although with the same frustration we had with Henson and how Kidd played him…

So as we’ll wrap with each of these profiles of this series, vote in the poll below!

  1. JB Gilpin

    JB Gilpin says:
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    We’re at 90% for better porn name! (that’s how I voted too…)

  2. Foreign Affairs says:
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    My name would be Joseph Willis, could star in a parody of Joseph and the Technicolour Dream Coat.

    Maker was my other sleeper you guys hadn’t listed, I always have trouble though getting convinced by string bean big men though, I always feel like there about to get broken in some way when they’re playing against…well big men.. which is just perfect if the Pistons drafted him. Just imagine Drummond going against him in practice, someone keep the medical staff on stand by.

    • JB Gilpin

      JB Gilpin says:
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      @Foreign Affairs: Hahaha nice! Joseph Willis, Bruce’s younger brother…

      YeaH i’m not convinced either, although knowing the buzz now, he def woulda made our first round mock. Oh lord, yeah Drummond would eat this toothpick up!

  3. A Hill O' Beans says:
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    I wonder if “Baby” translates to “Thon” in some language? It must right? If so, then he has the perfect porn name….Baby Maker! For that, he gets my vote for better porn name for sure.

    • JB Gilpin

      JB Gilpin says:
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      @A Hill O’ Beans: Hahaha let’s hope so! If that becomes his nickname, any time someone in the paint bodies him up, it’ll make for a good announcing call. “Andre Drummond then takes it RIGHT INTO BABY MAKER!”

  4. Jesse says:
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    Viet Knight

    My vietnamese parents got ‘creative’ and made my middle name viet. My brothers middle name was supposed to be Nam until my other cousin got named nam instead… thats the story i was told.

    • JB Gilpin

      JB Gilpin says:
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      @Jesse: Hahaha that’s an awesome porn name! Would absolutely crush the Asian market 🙂

  5. Lasandro says:
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    Wow never would I have thought you’d include Thon Maker in a Razzy article title!! So back home in Canberra, I played ball with a ton of Sudanese-Aussies, one of which was Thon. Dude was younger but had great ability even back then. Hope he gets stronger, which doesn’t necessarily mean he needs to bulk up, a la KG and KD.

    • Lasandro says:
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      @Lasandro: I should specify that I doubt he lived in Canberra, but was probably down there to visit some fam. Played against the dude for a week in a state comp. So now I can say that I’ve played against Patty Mills (and tutored him in maths haha), Maker and Julius Hodge, who’s an absolute tool. I’m gonna make myself eligible for next year’s draft. I’l be one of those scrappy Euro 30-yr old rooks

      • JB Gilpin

        JB Gilpin says:
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        @Lasandro: Whoa really?! You keep playing with some great players! Can’t wait til we get a chance to ball, when you coming to the States?!?!?

        Hah I have to tell my NC State friends that, since I live in Raleigh and all. Mostly State fans here, who have the “loveable losers” attitude and hate UNC and Duke since they’re always 3rd tier

      • Lasandro says:
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        @Lasandro: Yeah man, he was great but not even the best guy on that squad. This Sudanese dude that i played with on the regular (because he also lived in Canberra) was an absolute beast! About the same size and Maker, with more muscle and a smooooth outside shot. Downside? He just didn’t give a sht. So lazy and loveable. If only he had any form of drive SMH.. But I know there’s a huge population of young Sudanese people in Australia, many of whom I worked with when I did some social work back in the day. This kid Maker is gonna be an idol amongst that community and hopefully a source of inspiration for those who settle in mediocrity, back home.

        Got too deep there, ma bad. But between he and Patty Mills (who’s also a minority-class Australia), this is great for bringing a bit more diversity into Australia’s pop culture, which is too damn white, even now. Hence why I’m so keen to move to the States man.. hopefully next year, btw! For now, my next stop is Bangkok in three weeks, to work.

        Oh, and Julius Hodge is a bitch. Yes, he dunked on me real hard, but what a punk.

        • JB Gilpin

          JB Gilpin says:
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          @Lasandro: Yeah it’s crazy how that happens. We had this UNBELIEVABLE player in high school that just kept getting kicked off the team and smoked weed too much, yada yada. The second best player was that guy I think I mentioned that took VCU to the final four and is playing in Europe I think.

          You’re making me wanna cheer for Thon! And awesome, I hope you can make it out here and find some work! Move to the triangle area in NC! Haha. Although you gotta be careful calling Hodge a bitch with all the state fans here 🙂

  6. Drez1 says:
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    Ryan Moonraker, the star of such classics as “Goldfingers,” “Thunderballs,” and “Dr. Yes.” Coming soon: “A Poon to Kill.”

    • JB Gilpin

      JB Gilpin says:
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      @Drez1: Your street name was “Moonraker”?!? That’s awesome! And I’ve already prebought my Poon to Kill tix 🙂

  7. Drez1 says:
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    Oh, and what do you guys think about Elfrid versus Schroder with the news that Teauge might be on his way out? Thanks.

    • JB Gilpin

      JB Gilpin says:
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      @Drez1: Yeah that’s an interesting trade potentially for both the Hawks and Sixers. I would prob take Schroder, although I could see team build needing elfrid’s ASt and STL upside more in some situations

    • Lasandro says:
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      @Drez1 @JB Gilpin: I’m so interested to potentially see Dennis Schrudel as a starter in this L. He comes across as someone so bloody desperate to prove himself, that it may bite him in the ass. Not many of those players have amounted to being stars – guys who constantly play as if they have a chip on their shoulder and are underrated. The last I can think of that truly felt underappreciated all the time was the zero-wearing Gilber Arenas. Before, you know, the guns..

      Hope I’m wrong. And hope Elfrid gets closer to being that nightly trip dub threat he should be, a la Rubio.

      • JB Gilpin

        JB Gilpin says:
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        @Drez1: @Lasandro: Before all his gambles with Crittenton haha. I do agree with that assessment though, feels like he wasn’t too happy being 2nd PG, but his play is showign he should be starting.

        Yeah I always saw Eflrid as a Rubio comp plus boards if he put it together, but hasn’t quite worked…

        • Slim

          Slim says:
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          @JB Gilpin: If this happens I’ll probably be one of the lowest on Schroder. 2.3 TOs in only 20 min?!?! Not exactly the kind of starter that wins games… After the allstar break that went up to 2.7 TOs and under 20 min per game. Assists also came down, steals came down. I don’t know. I’m pretty sure I’m taking Elfrid by a healthy margin ahead of Schroder even if Teague is traded. Schroder will outscore him, hit a 3 and a half and won’t hurt the FTs, but Eflrid gets the other 6 cats.

          • JB Gilpin

            JB Gilpin says:
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            @Drez1: @Lasandro: @Slim: I dunno, i think he mighta pressed a little bit since he knew he wasn’t getting much run. If we “knew for sure” that Elfrid would vault into 32ish MPG, yeah I might agree, but I think Schroder will end up being safer if Teague is moved. Not so sure on the assists, I think blocks shouldn’t count too much, FG% I think could be about even, and if Elfrid indeed plays the same minutes, I think TO will be even.

          • Lasandro says:
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            @Slim: I completely agree with your point but agree a litte more with @JBGilpin on this one. When you know you’re literally playing for more playing time on any given night, you’re going to try and force matters. If Dennis the Menace secures a starting role, he may ease up a little on the TOs. He’ll still have them, but I see him having a decent A:To because the guy can really dime.

            Also, I got into the lift with a whole bunch of German people today – a rarity in Saigon. Must be ein omen.. Das is gut!

            • JB Gilpin

              JB Gilpin says:
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              @Slim: @Lasandro: Uber gut! Haha

              Yeah and I was thinking – what was the Hawks second unit? Mike Scott sometimes… Mike Muscala? Thabo? Not like Schroder was playing with a good cohesive offensive unit

            • Lasandro says:
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              @Slim @JB Gilpin: Absolutely! He’s a decent pick and roll guy and should get to the line a ton, too. I think he could be quite devastating in a starters role and I’d just trust pick him a little ahead of Elfrid based on per min upside. I had Elfrid on my squad lat year and he was a pile of meh. not as underwhelming as Teague was haha, but pretty mediocre. ATL would be happy running most of their stuff through the German, if Teague leaves.

              Remember when muscala was super relavent for a week, when I think Milsap or Horford was out? Man, that dude is a pretty sweet stream option. Very talented and hustles too. Scott’s good too (better defensively), but doesn’t really pour in the pts like MM is capable of doing.

              • JB Gilpin

                JB Gilpin says:
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                @Slim: @Lasandro: Scott can pour in some good drugs though! Haha. Yeah if Elfrid had done close to what I thought he could do last yr, it would be a lot closer. They could be really close through some preseason games if it sounds/looks like Elfrid is going to 100% be the starting PG and get the subsequent minutes

  8. Lasandro says:
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    As the resident BUTT-ler kisser, what you think of a potential Jimmy to MIN move? CHI wants Wiggy included, along with their #5 pick I guess. I don’t really see why CHI would do it, but I’m over them since firing Thibs. And now that my fav coach is in MIN, I would absolutely love my fav player to join him there. It’s all good on MIN’s side of things, as they are already crazy young and flipping Wiggs and a pick for the best 2 guard in the East is a good move. But why would CHI do it? They wont be able to unload Rose’s guaranteed contract on anyone, so they’re a little screwed there.

    Ugh… dont recall a more overhyped star player in the NBA than Derrick Rose. It’s just so depressing seeing how many fans that guy still has. You should see how many Rose jerseys are walking around here in Asia! Whats the appeal?? Little guys dunking hard, I guess..

    • JB Gilpin

      JB Gilpin says:
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      @Lasandro: Hmmmm, I feel like that’s an overspend for sure by the Wolves, crazy Wiggins keeps getting swept in trade rumors! I dunno if it’s the best for the Wolves, Butler might only have 1-2 more peak years left the way he seems to wear down. Wiggins is still sooooo young.

      Hah shows that one year can have a ripple effect for Rose I guess!

    • Lasandro says:
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      @JB Gilpin: Yeah I hadd the BUTT-Kiss shades on – he doesn have some recent injury woes to his name. And even though Wiggins doesn’t have the alpha drive of two of his teammates, he could indeed morph into a lesser scoring version of Jimmy as soon as this year. Particualrly if Thibs declares him as the 40min guy (you know Thibs HAS to play one dude for 40min!). Lavine and KAT are still gonna grow IMO.. hm, the more I think about this, you’re right. No real need for MIN to do this unless they want to win in the playoffs right now. One more year under their belt together and they’ll be a force in the West.

      I LOVE Noah, but would be pretty sad if Dieng gets relegated once again to the bench, following a trade. He and KAT work so well together. But a Noah and KAT frontcourt would be a little unfair too, haha! They may lead the league in defensive brds. O brds too!

      • JB Gilpin

        JB Gilpin says:
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        @Lasandro: Hah yeah Thibs HAS to play someone that much! Man, scary to think KAT can grow but I agree! And Lavine will be a great sleeper.

        Mannnnn, I would LOATHE if Noah takes away starting minutes from the Dieng Train!

  9. OldNavy says:
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    I wouldn’t mind Maker as a backup center only if we get Fielder PG in the second round. If we had a 3rd round pick I would take Ochefu center from Villanova national champs. I thought Ochefu defense man to man was great against Kansas and North Carolina. Ochefu quickness helped him on offense where he shot 62 % and 68 % free throws is not shabby. Maker could be a OK as a shot blocker but Pistons need interior defense that Ochefu would provide. Fielder with his 44 inch vertical and quickness showed at the combine that know one could stop him going to the basket and what was surprising was his defense. He did lead the nation with assists. Having a great play maker on the bench would be my choice but with luck we might end up with all 3 players.

    • JB Gilpin

      JB Gilpin says:
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      @OldNavy: Yeah with Dinwiddie traded I think you guys are taking a PG. Yeah Ochefu can get an undrafted contract!

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