One more night. I know I’ve got a long summer filled with postseason rankings ahead of me. Not to mention keepers, sleepers, rookies, lockout news, more lockout news, Ron Artest-is-bored-and-crazy news, Greg Oden-is-progressing-and-looking-forward-to-a-lockout-shortened season news, Hey-is-that-Luke-Ridnour?-Why-is-he-even-in-this-state-much-less-at-my-laundromat-news, preseason rankings, and the inevitable process of writing about fantasy basketball if there is no real basketball. I’m just a fantasy calf in need of an NBA teet to suckle! So there’s your teet, now here’s the sour: just one more night. It’s going to be a long, possibly cruel summer, bananarama. I almost took last night off. I need a rest, figured I’d let a lesser blogger take a turn to end the season. Then I thought, “No!” I thought, “Hell, no!” You don’t see the Raptors sitting out do you? The Nuggets aren’t throwing Kosta Koufas in the starting lineup, are they? It’s not like Jeff Green is suddenly Bostn’s most important player, right? /Adam glances at a dozen team pages for tonight’s games, blinks, toussels hair in confusion, fixes himself a drink, let’s the bubbles tickle his nose, regrets fixing himself a Slow Gin Fizz, wonders wy he chose to make himself a drink that hasn’t been popular in 50 years, downs it quickly and chases it with a Screwdriver to cleanse the pallet, feels woozy, tries to recall what forced him to drink in the first place, recalls, does some more blinkin’. \ Um … okay. Lot of weird lineups coming up tonight. Below, I’m looking at widely available players (think less than 40 percent owned) who are playing tonight and organizing them by category. This is your last chance for glory. Hallelujah.

Here are the fantasy basketball adds for tonight’s final regular season game:


Ryan Hollins – Fighting Charlie Villanueva is like arm-wrestling a toddler, you absolutely should win that, so much so that the cost of losing is enough not to risk even trying it.

Chris Wilcox – Chris Wilcox could have told Hollins he didn’t want no part of Browless Newhouse.

Kwame Brown – Brown has scored in double-digits in his last four and should probably continue on that trend against Atlanta, who, as far as I can tell, are taking it easy until the start ofΒ  next season.


Sasha Vujacic – He’s playing a Chicago squad likely running out it’s normal rotation tonight. Go ahead and pray for Sasha to kamikaze his way into the lane just to see what happens. Heck, maybe he can employ Sharapova’s grunt everytime he does it.

Drew Gooden – My buddy Jason constantly repeats the story of a Bulls game he was at several years ago when Gooden still played for Chicago, back when Gooden was still growing that ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ beard. Most Bulls fans that liked the Bulls hated Gooden. He was sloppy, took bad shots, missed worse shots, played little defense and, oh yeah, had that effin’ beard. Anyway, sitting in front of Jason were two fat twentysomethings. Fat. Faaat. That’s not me being mean, that’s me telling you that they didn’t have ncce personalities. Had they been super fat, but kind or witty or something, I would have described them as kind or witty twentysomethings. But they weren’t kind. They weren’t witty. They were super huge Drew Gooden fans – so much so that every time he touched the ball or came into the game, they would cheer as if their decibal level would determine how many people would be handed out the cure for cancer. They were cheering as loud for Drew Gooden shooting the ball as the rest of us would cheer if Andres Nocioni hit Gooden in the head with it. And that is why I described those girls as fat. Jason’s biggest regret of 2008, besides buying the Killers’ third album, is not asking why the hell those girls were so into Drew Gooden.

Gerald Henderson – Don’t be Wary of the Henderson.


Ryan Anderson – He’s sinking 2.2 3ptm this week and faces the Pacers’ perimeter-allergic defense. Shootin’ threes is his biz. Anderson calls it his Threes Company.

Wesley Johnson – The Minnesota 3-Wolf has been averaging 2.2 3ptm right along with Anderson. 3-Wolf? No, Three-Wolf. Oh … Oh!

Sasha Vujacic – That’s twice in two categories. Now I’m beginning to see what Sharapova sees when she sees Vujacic eating See’s candies right before playing the C’s.


Jerryd Bayless – Averaging 22.0 ppg over his last five. Time to scoot your other boys on the side, grab a firestarter and turn Bayless into D. Baymore.

Gerald Henderson – 17.2 ppg last week. Hark! The Gerald Wrangler’s King.

Sasha Vujacic – Yup. 16.8 ppg in his last five. That’s three in a row for Vaj-a-chick. The final days of an NBA regular season give me brain freeze.


Ed Davis – Averaging 9.4 rebas, with a .554 FG% and 14.2 ppg last week to boot. Or “beaut” if you think it’s as pretty as I do. Or to “Butte” if you’re reading this in Montana.

DeAndre Jordan – Kaman is likely out tonight, which only nourishes Jordan’s output. You know what else nourishes Jordan? Nothing. It’s covered by the Arabian effin’ Desert!

Sasha Vujacic – Just kidding. Kendrick Perkins. He’s averaging 8.8 boards and 55.2 scowls per game lately.


Jordan Farmar – If you need to be told to pick up Farmar it means that you haven’t been paying attention and are probably reading this in September. Howdy! How was the Royal Wedding and that “Thor” movie?

Jarrett Jack – … Because I didn’t want to have to talk about Drew Gooden or Jerryd Bayless again. That last sentence doesn’t count.

J.J. Barea – J-theme! Barea is averaging over six assists a game in his last four. It should have been you, Beaubois!


Corey Brewer – Okay, who had April 13 in the “When Will Corey Brewer First Get Mentioned In Razzball” pool?

Larry Owens – Look, anyone can recommend Jared Dudley, how many fantasy basketball sites have mentioned Larry Owens? Them’s deep cuts, youngin’. You’re desperate for steals, you’d have to be desperate to roster Owens. It’s win-win, Giamatti.

Jeff Teague – Like Owens, Teague is also averaging 1.8 steals in the last week or so. For the record – and I’m not kidding here – Vujacic is averaging 1.6 steals in his last five. Jrue story.


Chris Andersen – He blocked four shots in his last game, but had missed several before that. I bet he lands somewhere between zero and four blocks tonight. And yes, I do get a kick thinking someone out there just dropped Kevin Love, Deron Williams and Paul Pierce for Larry Owens, Jeff Teague and Chris Andersen.

Ekpe Udoh – Twelve blocks in his last four games. Good news! You neither have to figure out his bpg average, nor correctly pronounce his name to pick him up. Just go. You! Go! Udoh!

DeAndre Jordan – Him again! Yes, him again, because you clearly didn’t take me seriously up at the rebounding section of this post. Next time I’ll just go ahead and suggest Erick Dampier or Brendan Haywood and leave you for dead on the final day of fantasy hoops!

It’s been a great season, y’all. I’ll see you next week for the (real) playoffs.

  1. hmm… after correctly sitting odom last night, i’m .001% behind in 3% and ft%, and 1blk behind in BLK…

    from my lineup:

    how would you go? i think the mowill/harden combo is a must… for the F/C/UTL, i think ibaka is a must… brand’s been playing out of his mind lately, but like you said, might get some rest tonight… if frye shoots like he did last game, then he’s a must play, but he’s so inconsistent…. last night FTW!!

  2. Adam

    Adam says:

    @hakasan: I’d load up on bigs that block instead of trying to catch percentages. You can almost guarantee surpassing your opponent’s one block with he guys you have, but what are the odds that your percentages will be so much better than the other guy’s that you’ll uptick by one? Go Ibaka, Frye and Brand. Then cross your fingers.

  3. Thanks. I’m gonna load F with Ibaka, first choice C and UTL with Frye and Brand and back them up with Horford and Dirk.

    Thanks so much for a season of advice!! Let the (real) playoffs begin!!

  4. Loving my scola, Bynum 1-2 punch tonight for all the marbles….

    Ay ya ya!

    Thx for all the help and quick feedback this year. Your top notch.

  5. hmm.. bynum’s out…. do you think Odom is a better play than Horford for tonight?? horford’s mins might be limited to save him for the playoffs??

  6. Adam

    Adam says:

    @El Burro: NP, Burro. I appreciate your readership … assuming “readership” is the kind of thing one can appreciate.

    @hakasan: For your predicament, yeah maybe. I don’t think it’ll change much either way.

  7. not sure if this has been tested before but i guess i might give it a go tonight… for last day of the season situations.

    in yahoo roto leagues, where you get 2 C and 2UTL positions, last day of the season, with one game left in each position, how do they score those positions? are these positions scored by the time of game played or order on the roster? if player A has a 5pm game and player B has a 7pm game, would playing player A in the 2nd UTL position be some sort of insurance policy? should player A have a horrible game, I’ll plug player B in the first UTL position and use player B’s stats?

    well, i’m in that predicament tonight… will report back my findings πŸ™‚

  8. Adam

    Adam says:

    @hakasan: I’m not positive about this, but in the past when I’ve been in that situation, it locks in the player with the earliest tipoff. If two or more players have the same tipoff time, it locks in whichever player is listed first on your roster.

  9. Jeff says:

    I really can’t thank you enough for all you do – I’ve followed you faithfully all season, and alst night I won my league, as the Downtown Doxies eeked out a 5-4 win over Wade’s World.

  10. hmm… for some reason yahoo is counting all of the games right now…
    will update if my final stats change in the next few days…

  11. Adam

    Adam says:

    @Jeff: Thanks, Jeff. Means a lot. As long as folks keep readin’ I’ll keep writin’.

    @hakasan: Yeah, the stats will shift. But for now, how did you do?

  12. hmm… yahoo league took the placement priority, instead of the early start time…
    ended up 3rd/12… first place went to someone who sent an injured tony parker for jj hickson, received g.wallace for ryan anderson, received d.granger for his injured boozer…. just saying…
    2nd place went to the number 3 overall draft pick who took cp3, and also drafted kevin love and added d.wright in the first week…

    all in all i’m happy with this season… thanks so much for all of your help!!

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