Greetings readers! Any of you read or hear about Wes Welker’s wife bashing the F out of “Uncle” Ray Lewis on Facebook after her husband’s team was demolished by the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday? So what if he has 6 kids from 4 different girlfriends? He’s rich beeitch. Uncle Ray can afford it. Throw in the fact he has done more for the community than 99 percent of all players in the NFL and I don’t know that I’ve ever witnessed an athlete so loved and revered by his peers in the history of the league. Maybe Reggie White. Name me one other and I’ll send you a nickel. The complaints I see about my Uncle Ray Ray on different social networks disgust me. Guess what ? They are all white people. So he had a couple shady friends, and they had all had an altercation with some other shady people, with two men’s lives coming to a bloody end. So what if they never found Uncle Ray’s gorgeous white suit or the murder weapon? The real story here is that Wes Welker’s wife is a JERSEY CHASING HOOTERS CHICK!! Who is she to speak on any athlete? Just shut your mouth and be happy you live a millionaire lifestyle, when 4 years ago you were slanging chicken wings, sneaking drinks at work, dating a biker and sucking off the ex-con chef out of pure boredom. Ray Lewis is a genuinely wonderful human being. He’s obviously learned from his mistakes and moved forward like a man possessed with changing peoples lives for the better. If the God talk bothers you, turn down the volume. Lewis was not guilty by the way. Silence yourselves.
Not guilty, he who does not feel me is not real to me
Therefore he doesn’t exist
So poof…vamoose son of a b*tch
What does this have to do with fantasy basketball you might ask? All NBA players love Ray Lewis and one of them gave me a special request to shout out Lewis in my opening paragraph today. Who is Tehol Beddict to say no?
Tristan Thompson– 21 points, 9 boards, 5 assists, 1 steal, 1 block, and 1 turnover. There is absolutely no reason that Thompson shouldn’t average a minimum of 15 and 9 per game, going into beast mode like this on a regular basis. The recent trade for Marreese Speights could eat into his minutes a bit since they play the same position but they will more than likely ending up sharing the court with one another for stretches of play. This trade actually makes Speights worth a pick up, so check into that. While you’re doing that, pour out a little liquor for one my main inspirations in life, Easy-E. God I miss him.
Kyrie Irving– 40 points, 3 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 steals, and 5 turnovers. Who cares about turnovers when you’re dropping heat rocks for 40? Not your Uncle Tehol, that’s for sure. Can you imagine if they actually had NBA talent surrounding this young stallion? Dion Waiters is exactly what I thought he would be thus far, as I failed to see why he was so hyped up in the draft process. Let’s hope the kid doesn’t flame out like David Charvet. Was that guy cool or what? Talk about heartthrob! I promise I’m not gay. I have this friend you see, and in tough times he would get down on his knees, and for a couple schillings, take a baguette to the oven if you catch my drift. Now when I was doing this, er, I mean when my friend was doing this, he was getting paid for it, so he clearly wasn’t gay in the least. Right?
Daniel Gibson– 0 points, 2 boards, 1 assist, 1 steal, 1 block, and 1 turnover. My theory is that Keisha Cole is bleeding him dry as she is undoubtedly used to an expensive lifestyle he’s losing his mind every time he witnesses another bill from Louis Vuitton. The rumors of her getting pounded out by every thugged out rapper in the game more than likely aren’t helping either. I used to be upset with Boobie for his past few year’s performance. Now I’m honestly just worried about the poor guy.
Jared Sullinger– 12 points, 10 boards, 1 block, 0 turnovers. Doc Rivers is saying changes may be coming for this underachieving Celtics roster. That could lead to more playing time for the productive Sully. Keep tabs. Better yet, pick up and stash. This young man has some skills.
Jeff Green– 5 points, 3 rebounds, 1 assist, 1 block, and 1 turnover. All of this production in only 21 minutes? Surely you know that I’m being sarcastic here. Green’s production this season has been more of letdown than Obama’s presidency. I know that’s saying quite a bit, but I expected substantial statistics. I used to believe, but now I’ve got an ice box where my heart used to be. I’m so cold, I’m so cold, I’m so cold.
Andre Drummond– 11 points, 11 boards, 2 steals, 2 blocks, and 1 turnover. The unquestioned steal of last year’s NBA draft, Drummond has the look of someone who could very well be a monster in this league for years to come. Why his minutes are continued to be limited on a horrendous team? I have no idea.
Brandon Knight- 18 points, 4 rebounds, 5 assists, 3 steals, and 4 turnovers. I honest to Jehovah, forgot Knight was in the NBA. Detroit has about 14 combo guards on their roster, with Knight being the youngest, so hopefully he turns out to be a near all-star caliber player for them a few years down the road. Nice numbers last night though. Kudos Brandon. Kudos.
Tayshaun Prince– 6 points, 3 boards, 5 assists. I recently read of a rumor about a male rapper, who was popular in the 90’s, who somehow manages to get some of his male fans alone, then proceeds to jail rape them. I mention this only because Prince has been playing like a continual victim of this crime and I’m hoping some of you can get the inside scoop for me. I am appalled at Prince’s play. Somebody give me some answers here.
Rodney Stuckey– 14 points, 2 boards, 1 assist, and 1 turnover. There you go Rod! Please silence the doubters. I suppose 14 points isn’t a mind numbing performance, but it gives me hope that Stuck has a little gas left in the tank. A change of scenery would be the optimum choice, considering the aforementioned gluttony of combo guards on the Pistons roster. How has Joe Dumars not been fired?
J.J. Reddick– 26 points, 2 rebounds, 3 assists, and 2 turnovers. I told you yesterday, the only white guards have a place in this league, strictly because they can shoot the lights out. It is of no consequence that they usually provide no other skill to speak of, and Reddick epitomizes this to the fullest degree. The kid sure can stroke it though.
Arron Afflalo– ZERO points, 9 rebounds, 5 assists, and 1 steal. Afflalo makes my post for the 2nd time in 3 tries, and once again it’s for a disgraceful performance. When Bill Simmons of ESPN, argued a few years back that Afflalo deserved to be paid a ridiculous amount of money, I was stunned. If Afflalo truly anything more than a maybe slightly above average shooting guard in this league? It seems the Nuggs quickly realized the answer to my question. ZERO POINTS? Against Detroit? Hopefully I won’t have to write of this man again, unless he’s doing something positive.
Evan Turner– 23 points, 6 rebounds, 7 assists, 1 steal, 1 block, and 2 turnovers. Another night, another sixers loss. But hey, at least the former number 2 overall draft choice showed some of the overall game that was supposed to make him a star in this league. I’d say the chances of becoming a star are minute, but maybe, just maybe he squeaks onto an all-star team once or twice in his career. One would think he’d be their number one option at this point.
Spencer Hawes– 21 points, 12 boards, 2 assists, and 1 turnover. Who needs Andrew Bynum? Hawes has been playing like a man possessed as of late, stepping outside and deep stroking like Greg Oden after an oyster buffet.
Ersan Ilyasova– 27 points, 16 rebounds, 2 assists, 3 steals, and 1 block. Ilyasova has returned like Jesus in fantasy owners greatest time of need. I pray, for your sake that you did not trade him. He may have won some of you titles last season, and he very well may do so again.
Monta Ellis– 18 points, 5 boards, 10 assists, 2 steals, and 2 turnovers. Double digit assists???? Is someone holding his mother hostage? Did his tattoo artist refuse more ink until he converted a minimum of 10 dimes in a one outing? I can’t think of any other possible explanation. See what happens when you share the ball Monta? Will this unselfish play continue? Highly doubtful, but hey, at least his Mother wasn’t harmed.