We’re here!  We’ve got ranks!  2014-15 is quickly approaching, and we’re jumping the gun on ranks, projections, anticipating trades… Seriously, one of the biggest trades of the decade is all predicated on a handshake agreement.  “My fingers were crossed Saunders, hah!”  It’s the proverbial dogs playing poker, except the game is the fantasy basketball landscape and the GMs look even uglier than the deformed pug.  “Heel David Griffin, heel!”  Then to top off that soap opera, we have a first rounder from last year (but not in my ranks!) out for the year with a horrific injury in Team USA play.  For all the Paul George banter we had last year, Razzball Nation wishes him a speedy recovery.  Back to happy thoughts!  Anyone see that one of my boyfriends last year, Archie Goodwin, was drunk and resisting arrest at a skating rink?!  He was gonna make my top 10 too!  What a comical situation… He should have his own Archie Comics!  Oh wait… Well despite the innumerable implications of Tony Hawk’s arrest, let’s start ranking!  And as we go through the top 200 in long form, we’ll be updating our master ranks/easy-to-use post linked up there in the rankings menu.  Razzball is so easy!  One crown & coke and I’m out of my Knickerbockers faster than John Starks at a flat top convention!  Here’s my top 10 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As we head into August, now is a perfect time to take a look back at the free agency period for the upcoming 2014-15 NBA season.

While there is one big name yet to sign (Eric Bledsoe), a few less-intriguing options still on the market (Michael Beasley, Andray Blatche, Kent Bazemore, Jordan Crawford), and another who’s unsure whether he’ll play or retire (Ray Allen), most of the fantasy basketball world knows where guys will be playing this season.  Of course, that still doesn’t include the possibility of Kevin Love finding a new home by the end of the summer, but that could be the subject of an entirely different article.

There is little doubt in anyone’s mind that Love will land in Cleveland, which will make them a huge force in the Eastern Conference — and in the entire NBA.

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In general I think it’s a good idea to say, “Spoiler Alert: Plot Climax”, but I don’t need to do that when talking about the new Godzilla movie because I haven’t seen it.  It’s not the plot I take offense to anyway, I’m disappointed in the choice of lead monster.  With today’s CGI the giant, furry, and oh so cute Mothra could still wreck havoc on the city but unlike Godzilla he would also sell millions of soft, fuzzy pillows to little boys and girls everywhere.  I’ve already mailed my script to Disney so don’t go trying to steal my ideas.  And what about King Ghidorah, the three-headed dragon monstrosity?  If I had to put down a few bucks between him and Godzilla then I’m taking King Ghidorah.  Sure Godzilla has his strengths with the loud roar and all but he doesn’t fly.  So while Godzilla is flailing his little T-Rex arms and squawking like a pissed off parrot, the King can leisurely glide around and deliver deadly destruction whenever he so pleases.

Godzilla is a tried and true brand so he makes the most sense but I don’t think that makes him the right choice.  In a Russell Westbrook vs John Wall debate you would probably assume Westbrook makes the most sense too – but I’m not so sure.  Actually I am sure, if you remember last time out I told you I was going into these comparisons with a predetermined winner.  So before we get started I’m going to go ahead and put a few bucks down on John Wall.  It would be a much easier debate if he could fly, but either way he’s still going to be a summer, I mean winter blockbuster.

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Razzball Nation!  You’ve seen a dime a dozen… And no I’m not talking about lady parts or buttcheeks on Game of Thrones…. But mock 2014 NBA Drafts!  And since Game of Thrones is the hottest thing on TV, Slim and I decided to join the fray.  Let’s pretend he’s built like Drogo, the facial hair is fa rizz folks,  and I back-and-forth with him like whatever the hell that giant was north of the wall.  But not like that!  Wait, this just got way off track…

What we did differently is alternate picks to adjust our thoughts and expectations accordingly.  Slim thinks Embiid to the Cavs, I think it’s Wiggins, many others think Parker… We then have to make new thoughts as we go, and track players falling to get them to their upcoming destinations.  We both go into why we made that pick for the team, and a quick blurb on their fantasy impact on said destination should it come to fruition.  Here’s how we see the 2014 NBA Draft’s First Round going down:

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Razzball Hoops Nation!  Wow, typing 2014-15 already just feels weird…  I’m not ready to quit you 2013-14!  Although, the disappointing image of the face of the Luminescent Lithuanian makes it easy.  We’re done, ya ho!  I’m just not that into you…

As I do every season during the NBA Playoffs, I think it’s a fun way to kick off the year with some way too early rankings through the top 50.  “Wait a minute, isn’t there free agency and a draft, moron!?”  Shut it, noob commenter!  There will obviously be numerous changes to these early ranks, possibly even some rookies trickling into the bottom end of the top 50, and all sorts of free agency moves to make this a really fun offseason.  Here’s my way too early Top 20 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (spoiler alert: no Jonas Valanciunas):

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Razzball Hoops Nation!  It’s officially the offseason!  Well for fantasy…  And for the Knicks and the Lakers.  And the Pacers!  Haha, sorry matt, just joshin’…

And what better way to look back on the 2013-14 season than to reflect on the rankings.  Those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it!  Dammit, that means I can’t ever rank Ricky Rubio highly again even though I know I’ll want to!

So I reflected back on my ranks, and patted myself on the back or immolated myself on what I was thinking so long ago.  Rankings are based on my final updated top 200 and eesh!  Looking back on these some are rough!  I then compared them to the FantasyPros aggregate Draft Day Rankings along with Basketball Monster’s Total Value for 9-cat leagues for the season.  I had Slim come in and grade each of my picks, and man, he’s a harsh grader!  And unfortunately he doesn’t take too kindly to giant pasty men flashing their teetans at him either, so I got no extra help. Here’s a look back at the Top 20 for the 2013-14 Fantasy Basketball Season:

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The Finals are here (well for RCL and most standard H2H leagues)!  And if you’re like me, and you didn’t have Kevin Durant or LeBron James on any of your teams and got knocked out, it’s baseball time!  Shameless plug!  Starting next Monday, you can check out my Pitcher Profiles if you’re about to hopscotch to baseball as well.  To those of you still in your fantasy basketball playoffs, I HATE YOU!  Haha just kidding.  It was a whirlwind of sports going on over the weekend: rounding out my baseball drafts/opening night, whittling down to the Final Four in March Madness, Hank Dobson’s Mini-Mart and Country performing on the uneven parallel bars in the Independent Nations Games.  A wild time.  But what sparked my eye, or ruffled my gander, or something like that the hardest was D.J. Augustin going career-high on us with 33 Pts.  Ended his night with a 33/1/3/1/0 line shooting 10-14 (3-4 3PTM 10-10 FT) in a %s dominatrix.  My safe word is “gimme more assists!”  A huge Sunday sendoff and a big bounce back from that Turd Ferguson earlier in the week against the Pacers.  He’s a guy I bet a lot of scuffling teams dropped while streamboating in the playoffs and should be owned in your title run.  Not to be confused with your “tittie run”, which might be the most enjoyable 5K anyone could come up with it.  Here’s what else I saw over the busy weekend in NBA action:

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Last night might have been an utter low for the New York Knickerbockers.  Haha, yup they get a full name scolding like your mom used to do.  Got shellacked by the Lakers by 31, in another horrific TNT Overtime fail.  It’s funny that the Lakers were involved in another redonkulous blowout this month:  One because the first was also on TNT OT when the Clippers beat them by, I dunno a million (?), and second because I had the following remarks on Xavier Henry, whom I call Wheels, three-ish week ago after that Clips blowout: “I dunno, I just have a weird feeling he is going to be fantasy-relevant even in shallower leagues in a few weeks because D’Antoni likes him.  And why not give him minutes again on this team?”  And that’s me quoting me!  It’s been a little up-and-down, and Wheels is a bit of a ThrANOF, but 8-11 (3-4 3PTM 3-5 FT) 22/3/0/2/1 last night.  Only 23 minutes (and oddly enough 23:20 exactly in the past two games), but mid-20 minutes seems about right the rest of the way.  He can easily score mid-teens, get a couple swipes, and nab a trey for you.  Jodie Meeks-lite, if you will.  I think even in 12-teamers he’s worth a look right now for the remainder of the week with three games left on the slate that all are pretty saucy (@MIL, @MIN, PHX).  And another 4-gamer next week with good matchups.  I just picked him up myself as I hope to slip by the Slippery Squirrels in my RCL playoffs.  Need more points and only up one in steals.  Go JB HUMAN!  Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:

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It’s been a year long punching bag.  Larry Drew sucks, he has no idea how to grow a young team, and because he plays guys different minutes every night the Bucks are atrocious and have no cohesion.  But that’s nothing new, as he was awarded the first Razzball Worst NBA Coach Razzie.  It’d be a wonder if he could do anything right!  Yesterday, I said Ramon Sessions might be the best player on that team (and he got a ridiculous 20 minutes to show for it Sunday), and Larry Screw actually paid attention to my advice!  Sessions started last night against the Clips, played 44 minutes, making the most of it.  Shot a ridiculous 13-21 (2-3 3PTM) for 28/6/7.  While this game was nice, and I maintain he’s probably the best fantasy asset on the Bucks right now, he’s not necessarily the best pickup.  The Bucks have only two more games this week, Thursday against the Lakers (which you obviously love) then Sunday against the Heat (not so much).  Plus it’s the Bucks and we all know how Larry Screwballs can jack things up.  I picked him up in one league just to lock down that Thursday game since it’s a light slate with only four games.  If you can afford to do that, Sessions is your man.  Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:

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Wait, what?!  Kobe Bryant is back?!  I mean, the Lakers beat the Thunder, and someone dropped 42 for purple and gold… I can think of no other scenario.  But as the verse goes, “Blessed are the Meeks!” Dropping 42 on OKC, Jodie Meeks hit a career-high with his typical Meeks game of treys and steals.  “He was hittin’ em from downtown like a mad scientist!”  I dunno, I was trying to come up with a good segway into Cosmos from last night, but got nothing.  “Went all deGrasse Tyson on the Thundah!”  “Gettin’ all cosmic on dem mfers!” The Lakers beating OKC definitely broke Vegas’ space time continuum.  Plus winning with 36 boards to 59?  Crazy town.  We’ve liked Meeks a lot over here in Razzball Nation, and somehow he’s still at only 58% owned in Yahoo.  I demand an Inquisition on this matter!  Even though he’s close to a ThrAGNOF, the 1.3 Stls a game, fairly high-volume 84% FT shooting, and just overall upside on such a crappy team make him an obvious must own.  Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in fantasy action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?