Captain N is aboard! Captain on the bridge! The respect he garners trumps captain Russell Crowe with long hair… Captain Patrick Stewart with no hair… Captain N has a huge ass flat top! And this captain is Nerlens Noel; double the N for twice the… nifty…? Twice the… neat hair? This captain will put non-believers 20,000 leagues under the sea! Here’s my top 75 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):Please, blog, may I have some more?
Happy draft lottery, Cleveland-ites! Is having another 1st overall pick enough to lure LeBron back?! I think chances of that are as good as Anthony Bennett turning out to be a good player…
And now to the fun stuff… Figuring out where to rank the volatile middle-tier guys. As Paris Hilton once said, “Studs are studs! Except for when they’re busts!” Wow, awful. Needed to get some shock value in here – that was my proverbial watermelon mallet.
After the top 20, things get pretty tricky this early in the offseason. And until a good bit after the NBA Draft, 50 is as high as we’re gonna go. The draft class is loaded, and several should proliferate into the top 100, with a few even top 50 guys in the right situation. Then free agency, old guys retiring, all that hooblah. But if you’re thinking ahead to some dynasties or formulating some early fantasy draft strategies, here’s my way too early Top 50 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (spoiler alert: still no Jonas Valanciunas):Please, blog, may I have some more?
More rankings, more “hindsight is 20-20″-ing! Damn man, seeing LaMarcus Aldridge carve up the Rockets after his huge season is bumming me out – even before I hop into reviewing 21-50! Get the red marker ready Slim! Get that F ready!
Just like we reviewed in the Top 20, rankings are based on my final updated top 200, comparing them to the FantasyPros aggregate Draft Day Rankings along with Basketball Monster’s Total Value for 9-cat leagues on the season. Slim busts out his grading pens and reviews for grammatical correctness and how stringently I followed the assignment. “What if I stay after class for tutoring!?” This dialogue and mental image is starting to sound like a low-rent porno. It’s not like that! Here’s a look back at the Top 50 for the 2013-14 Fantasy Basketball Season:Please, blog, may I have some more?
What a 2013-14 Fantasy Basketball Season its been! There have been tears, there have been laughs, there have been [formerly] Luminescent Lithuanians… Hard to believe a mere six-and-a-half months ago, we were launching into the season. Man, was I right to be scared of Tobias Harris‘ ankle! It ended up being scarier than watching Alien as a 10-year-old! Something was popping outta something! While this is the last daily recap until October, we’re going to have all sorts of fantastic content through the season starting with a rankings review with Slim and I, my very fun “Way Too Early Rankings” right around the end of the month, a few big announcements, and a video of me shaving “High as Greg Kite” in my head. Which, well… Sigh… Anyway, it’s been a great year, hopefully we’ve helped win you some titles and can win a few more for you Roto players. Here’s what’s going down on the Season Finale of Fantasy Basketball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hmmmm, ok, who did you pick in you office “who scores 40 points tonight” pool? I bet the Vegas odds were… a million to one on Nick Young. “So you’re saying there’s a chance!” Too bad Nick Young sucks in fantasy. You actually have to go back 15 games to find him putting up a 5 in any counting stat other than treys. The ThrAGNOF fairy strikes again! Dude went a preposterous 15-26 (6-13 3PTM 4-5 FT) 40/4/1/2/0 and only had one turnover last night. The Blazers should be ashamed. I’m pretty sure this game never actually happened, and it was some sort of elaborate April Fool’s joke. Swaggy P shockingly led the Lakers in minutes off the bench, and with his shoot first, ask questions later attitude, Mike D’Anotni’s rape stache kept curling upwards in facial hair glee. By the end of the game (and yes, another Lakers loss), D’Anotni’s mustache looked like Rollie Fingers. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Finals are here (well for RCL and most standard H2H leagues)! And if you’re like me, and you didn’t have Kevin Durant or LeBron James on any of your teams and got knocked out, it’s baseball time! Shameless plug! Starting next Monday, you can check out my Pitcher Profiles if you’re about to hopscotch to baseball as well. To those of you still in your fantasy basketball playoffs, I HATE YOU! Haha just kidding. It was a whirlwind of sports going on over the weekend: rounding out my baseball drafts/opening night, whittling down to the Final Four in March Madness, Hank Dobson’s Mini-Mart and Country performing on the uneven parallel bars in the Independent Nations Games. A wild time. But what sparked my eye, or ruffled my gander, or something like that the hardest was D.J. Augustin going career-high on us with 33 Pts. Ended his night with a 33/1/3/1/0 line shooting 10-14 (3-4 3PTM 10-10 FT) in a %s dominatrix. My safe word is “gimme more assists!” A huge Sunday sendoff and a big bounce back from that Turd Ferguson earlier in the week against the Pacers. He’s a guy I bet a lot of scuffling teams dropped while streamboating in the playoffs and should be owned in your title run. Not to be confused with your “tittie run”, which might be the most enjoyable 5K anyone could come up with it. Here’s what else I saw over the busy weekend in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzball Nation! We’re here on a special weekend wrap-up where Slim (this is JB speaking) got to the action and JB just snuck in the beginning. And snuck in the end! I’m like Brad Pitt at the Oscars. “Wait, why is he winning best picture! So confused right now…” Tomorrow I’ll proudly illustrate what I did over the weekend, but a nice defining touch hoops-wise was another great one from my boy Mike Scott, who while posting great lines, isn’t helping the Hawks win… And that’s a problem! Especially with Paul Millsap assumedly back sometime soon this week. But I thought Gravity mighta gotten best picture too! After a really rough send-off last Monday, went bonkers on the Suns for 20/5/2/3/0 with three treys and not a single TO. I bet Philly sports fans wish they had no TO. BOOM! Double sports joke. The main number that got my emoji tats all excited was the 40 mins played. Millsap is going to travel with the Hawks as they migrate on a 5-game road trip, but very easily could miss the first few making Scott a solid short-term add. So beam him aboard, win a big week as we near playoff time, and don’t forget to yell over the music if those pompous mf#@*$ng PA guys at the Oscars wanna condescend you by playing the music. And here’s Slim with what he saw over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Wow, what a wild night across the NBA-osphere. Tons of injuries, lots of scrubs getting some burn, if I didn’t know better, I woulda though it was late March. But no! I guess we can start with that other JB as Jerryd Bayless moved into the starting line-up and lit up the Hawks for a season-high 29 Pts. Shooting 12-21, it was pretty ThrAGNOFfy for 29/2/2/1/0 with 5 treys. Why you avoid the 3-point specialists on draft day! Who knows what preppy-boy Brad Stevens is going to do next, and while getting the Pacers on Saturday isn’t a great matchup, home games vs. GS, BKN, then DET next week could be a 10 3PTM week for JB. And while he’s not as multi-cat as the real JB over here, we can all grab the band if we need some scoring. I’ll wear a headband as well for the moral support! Here’s what else went down on a very busy night of injuries and surprise games in the NBA:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh man, it’s been a grueling season for a few of my fantasy teams. I’m like Oliver Twist out there. “Please, sir, give me some fantasy-more!” But it’s always nice seeing one of my boys go out there and have himself a career weekend, like Mike Scott who put up 20 on Friday then a career-high 30 on Saturday. #EmojiTats! In 30 minutes (he scored a 30 for 30) shot 11-14 including 6-7 from deep. Somebody step out on this guy! Reminds me of when the old UNCW coach would keep our hapless defense in zone when the opps were hitting threes. I remember when you were against us, Kent Bazemore! Oh man, I gootta elaborate more on that… Anyway, Scott went 30/8 with no other stats so it was a major-ThrAGNOF! And remember, ThrAGNOF isn’t derogatory unless it’s one of those high-ranked guys. Looking at you Klay Thompson. Scott got the start for Paul Millsap whose knee is all syrupy, and Scott could pick up another start or two early this week. Why you don’t need to draft threes! Grab your kilt, prep your best Mel Gibson, and ride with your fellow Scott against the Longshanks. Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“Deer in the headlights”. Makes sense for this team! And it starts with the pack leader Mr. Larry Drew, who we’ve slammed on ad nauseam here on Razzball hoops. But to rub salt on the wound, or in Milwaukee’s case I guess it would be to leave out a salt lick, both fantasy relevant Bucks bigs are hurt. Larry Sanders – who was first reported to just having blurry vision after being poked in the eye – actually has a fractured orbital bone. Could this have actually happened later that night at a Milwaukee nightclub receiving a right hook from a bouncer? Maybe! I’m just excited to see Sanders in rec specs. All he’ll need to do now is grow a goatee and dye it white and he really will be Colonel Sanders! Then to top it off, John Henson rolled his ankle last night landing on Zaza Pachulia‘s foot. Zaza was like, “Henson, is this your ankle? It struck my foot!” No updates on the severity, but we saw how long they waited to bring him back from that wrist injury so I’m a little sceered. For Sanders, I’d try and wait until he sees the specialist today to tell him how jacked up his eye socket is. It’s been suggested it could be 1-6 weeks, so if indeed closer to the full 6 weeks and you’re barely hangin’ by a thread I think you have to cut him loose. Tough to take a 0 the last weeks before the playoffs. Henson is another wait and see, but I doubt it will be nearly that long. But in both cases, if you’re in H2H and really needing a win this week, I couldn’t fault losing either in a All-Star Weekend shortened matchup. An extra start means even that much more in a week like this one. Sure someone will probably scoop up your Bucks roadkill to cook into their Chinese Food, but hey, at least it’s not in your dinner. Zaza is worth a look himself as a streamer in the interim. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?