I’ve got the ring in the cake.  The scoreboard operator has got it cued up for the 2nd quarter under-8 timeout.  The plane with some really carcinogenic toxins is ready to pollute the atmosphere in a “Will U Marry Me?” loopy smokestream.

An unsung contributor this year, DeMarre Carroll racked up another under-the-radar line last night for 14 Pts, 11 Reb, 3 Ast, 3 Stl, 2 3PTM, and a partridge in a pear tree!  No TO, and other than blocks really hits all the Silver Bells and whistles.  Hitting a career best 1.6 treys a game, it’s a Christmas miracle his FG% is at 46%.  The dimes don’t do much either, but there’s no reason not to to Sleigh Ride him while he’s hitting most of the cats this hard.  Even a Silent Night or two won’t scare me away, and at only 61% ownership in Yahoo, I feel like there’s still a lot of leagues where he could bring Joy to the World.  So sing a holiday carol for DeMarre, and even though nothing is too sexy, I felt like I needed Hark! The Herald Angels Sing (full disclosure, I had to look up a list of Christmas songs for this bit, I’m such a Grinch).  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I was off last week because of the holiday.  Hope you all had a safe and profitable Thanksgiving in DFS.  As you know I try to pass along some news if there is any and advice.  The best advice I can give to any new or veteran player in DFS is bankroll management.  Can’t stress enough how important it is.  50/50’s are the best way to build your bankroll.  It doesn’t matter if you finish 1st in these contests.  All you have to do is beat half the field to double your money.  Yeah GPP (Guaranteed Prize Pool) money is nice but it’s hard to cash in these contests consistently.  What I do for example is if I was going to play $100 for the night, $85 of that is going to be in 50/50’s.  Now if I am just starting out I’m probably playing all my money in 50/50’s to build that bankroll up.  Hope this advice is helpful.  Now let’s get on with some picks for a smallish 6 game slate on Saturday night.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wrong calls, right calls, as long as I’m always closing!  I have that same Baldwin-demeanor when I prep my DraftKings line-up.  I rally my players with a speech like that!  The RAZZBALL ONLY CONTEST is back tonight(!); get your entries in now, and the DraftKings only post will be up later in the day.  I don’t ask from much from you loyal readers in Razzball Nation, but let’s get this contest filled out this week!  Click that link there, it’s only $10, and they take no profit, just Razzball v. Razzball, mano y mano.

It was a light night for news with only the two games, so I figured it was a good day for patting my back!  The Ramon Sessions signing clouded an otherwise already dreamy outlook, but I didn’t let it deter me from my Darren Collison love!  Brought in for serious skrilla, the Kings just happened to land a quality guy in Sessions for peanuts, and even though it hasn’t worked out, they don’t have much tied into him.  With two fantastic scorers in Rudy Gay and DeMarcus Cousins, I knew passing on Colly would be folly, and had him green light go!  Obviously I didn’t think he’d be this good, but the joints keep rollin’ with dimebag after dimebag!  17/6/12/1/1 last night, second game in a row with 10+ dimes, and 23:1 AST:TO in that span.  We all knew he could slash, but with the dimes this high and the low TO, he’s turning into a premiere PG.  After last night and owning Kirk Hinrich, Collison was like, “That’s who Tom Thibodeau praises for defense?!  Must be why he praises Krispy Kreme burgers – for the health benefits!”  Here’s what else went down last night in NBA hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We are a few weeks into the NBA season and things are really taking shape.  The 76ers might set the record for losses in a season, the Knicks are still the same garbage team after paying Melo, Brian Shaw has made a mess with the Denver Nuggets and the Sacramento Kings set a NBA record for losing consecutive games in which they were up 18+ points after the first quarter.  With that said how about we get on with some picks.

On Saturday night we have a big 10 game slate:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sorry if today’s update is a little light on jokes, as I had to sit through the ultimate joke – my Panthers playing football.  Cam Newton looks more injured than the Thunder and the offensive line tanked worse than the 76ers.  Buzz’s girlfriend, WOOF!

Anthony Davis is good at basketball.  LeBron James can still get triple doubles.  Eh, there you go, open over.

 

 

 

Just kidding, but the level of ball Davis is playing right now is ridiculous, with my eyebrow raised off of my forehead like I’m a South Park cartoon.  And he’s doing it while being a boss with his %s.  27/14/4/3/4 last night in a near double-rainbow, while shooting 12-21 FG, 3-4 FT, and count em, even fewer TO than Davis has eyebrows, not a single giveaway.  I mean, the Panthers took two plays to have more turnovers than Davis last night…

Not to be overshadowed, LeBron tripdubbed for 32/12/10/1/1.  This game was redonkulous!  Key word on donk, as lots of that was being thrown around.  LeBron did have 4 TO, so advantage Brow!  According to Basketball Monster, Davis’ per-game value is on pace to obliterate the best per-game season since their system launched in 2005-06 with Kevin Durant‘s 2012-13 second best (looking at those, man I forgot how awesome Shawn Marion was!).  We need Rudy to build a best fantasy seasons of all time Sporcle!  While the times are a-changin’, just be happy if you got Brow, since I couldn’t anywhere.  Panthers suck, I see these lines from Brow even though I was in a big minority having him #1 overall… I will be drinking my Crown & Cokes for the duration of this article.  Here’s what else went down in hoops action last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Anyone watch the Mavs host the Celtics last night?  Game be scrappy!  Rajon Rondo tackled Monta Ellis towards the end trying to restrain him for a hard foul, and I got confused if I was watching hoops or that MNF tragedy!  Ellis held his knee for a bit there, so let’s hope he’s OK…

But the big story in that one was Jeff Green‘s absurdity.  Well, it actually mimicked the absurdity of this game.  Down 30 in the second quarter, the Celtics somehow came back – in Dallas – to make it a nailbiter to the finish.  The Mavs took Jeff Green as seriously as fantasy owners this year, and he had one of his three monster games he’ll have this season.  35/7/2/1/2 shooting 14-28 including 5-12 from downtown.  If there was ever a sell high game, this would be it.  You need any data to back it up?  How about after his last big game – 39/6 with four treys against the Pelicans on March 16th, 2014?  The subsequent 8 games immediately afterwards – 11.8/3.6/2.3 shooting 34% from the field.  Green is Brandon Jennings in a SF/PF body.  They couldn’t even do a Freaky Friday remake with these two, they’d wake up and look at their new bodies in the mirror and go, “meh, at least I can still get hot one game outta ten shooting the ball…”

Green’s first two games were the expected blah, and he just doesn’t do anything but score and trey… Glorified ThrAGNOF!  Is Chris Copeland really that much worse than Jeff Green right now?  Maybe Citizen Copeland doesn’t have this kind of big game upside, but it’s why we preach to stream your threeballers.  Stream your polyorchids!  Learn something new every day here at Razzball… Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the full 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Rankings now complete, let’s take a look at the double digit rounds.  The debate over Scrub A or Scrub B.  We don’t want no scrubs!  Well, play in a shallower league then!  People say you win your leagues in the later rounds.  I don’t know who these people are, but they’re probably jaded after drafting Derrick Rose in the 2nd round last year.  Where’s the violins?!  What I would say, is if you hit on one guy in the late rounds with 30th or 40th overall value, you’re set.  75% of your last picks are probably going to be drops.  So 75% of your late picks will be passes to Brandon LaFell.  Wrong sport!  Still bitter about how bad he was… Go Kelvin Benjamin!  Aka my favorite Panther.  Stay focused!  Here’s my top 150 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the full 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Rankings now complete, let’s take a look at the top 50.  Through the top 20, we’ve already had 6 PGs taken off the board, but your third round is going to be more littered with 1s than Neo’s kung-fu program!  If you don’t have a PG through your first three rounds, you may as well turn into Brendan Fraser and live for 30 years with your dad Christopher Walken.  Or just scream in your draft lobby chat “WILLLLSSSOONNNNNN!”  …because you’ve been left behind, not because you’re drafting Wilson Chandler… “It’s not funny if you have to explain your joke, JB!”  Fine!  Probably the biggest change from the Way too Early Ranks is the catastrophic Isaiah Thomas falloff moving to Phoenix.  While he’s not in the top 50, I still think he’ll be a value.  More on that later!  Here’s my top 50 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’re here!  We’ve got ranks!  With the full 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Rankings now complete, let’s take a look at the top 10.  2014-15 is quickly approaching, and we’re jumping the gun on ranks, projections, anticipating trades… Seriously, one of the biggest trades of the decade is all predicated on a handshake agreement.  “My fingers were crossed Saunders, hah!”  It’s the proverbial dogs playing poker, except the game is the fantasy basketball landscape and the GMs look even uglier than the deformed pug.  “Heel David Griffin, heel!”  Then to top off that soap opera, we have a first rounder from last year (but not in my ranks!) out for the year with a horrific injury in Team USA play.  For all the Paul George banter we had last year, Razzball Nation wishes him a speedy recovery.  Back to happy thoughts!  Anyone see that one of my boyfriends last year, Archie Goodwin, was drunk and resisting arrest at a skating rink?!  He was gonna make my top 10 too!  What a comical situation… He should have his own Archie Comics!  Oh wait… Well despite the innumerable implications of Tony Hawk’s arrest, let’s start ranking!  And as we go through the top 200 in long form, we’ll be updating our master ranks/easy-to-use post linked up there in the rankings menu.  Razzball is so easy!  One crown & coke and I’m out of my Knickerbockers faster than John Starks at a flat top convention!  Here’s my top 10 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I shouldn’t have waited.  I should have stepped up and said, “Yes JB, I’ve waited 30-some-odd years of my life to get on an airplane because I’m afraid that there really could be a gray furry monster who destroys it while we’re 30 thousand feet in the air”.  Looking back I fear perhaps I may not have been too logical in my thinking and now I have to carry that regret with me for the rest of my life.  Like when I didn’t go to Mexico with JB for spring break.  Even though I never really heard any stories because he claimed he  ‘couldn’t remember anything’, he came back with obvious aversions to Tequila, guacamole, the word ‘labradoodle‘, and giant black dildos.  Don’t ask how I know, I wish I didn’t.  Or when he did that semester abroad.  He told me about going hostel to hostel, meeting new people and learning new things everyday.  If I would have gone with him then I probably would have learned why he gets so strange whenever he hears someone speaking Dutch.  He gets this big smile on his face and his eyes gloss over like he’s catatonic.  If you want to break him out all you have to do is say ‘labradoodle’ and you can tell from the look on his face that whatever day dream he was having immediately turned into a nightmare.

I assume by now you’ve read the title and are asking yourself, ‘Self, why am I reading about Paul George for fantasy?’ Pretty simple really… because I wrote it before his injury.  Doh!  I shouldn’t have waited but I wanted to make sure Melo was going back to New York and then I had to wait on Lance to sign and then…  So what do I do with it?  Throw it away?  Well it’s just a bunch of 0’s and 1’s in a computer somewhere and I don’t know where so that wasn’t an option.  I figure I’ll post it, face the furry monster, and catch the next flight anywhere.  So here it is, Paul George v Carmelo Anthony unaltered and I hereby challenge you to find a more pointless post for fantasy basketball the rest of the year:

Please, blog, may I have some more?