JB Gilpin

The Black Mamba Gets Snake Bitten

| Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 14 Comments

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I’ve never been that bothered by snakes.  Now I never went out of my way to play with them or anything (except my own – bada bing!), but never ran the other way either except when I was in New Mexico when I was like 7.  When I was working on my parents mountain house when I was in high school, there was a snake under the scrap heap I was clearing and I killed that little bitch with a shovel.  If that doesn’t boost your testosterone, then I guess you need to contact Tony Bosch at Biogenesis.  The resident snake of the NBA (in name only – easy Laker fans), Kobe Bryant, the Black Mamba himself, went down hard after twisting his ankle last night, and blames Dahntay Jones for intentionally crowding him.  I thought snakes didn’t have ankles?  Well, this injury after sliding into 8th place in the West just puts the icing on the cake of the Lakers ridiculous season.  Right now the prognosis is “out indefinitely.”  About all you can do is make your sacrifices to the fantasy gods and cross your fingers.  One thing Kobe has going for him is that he is resilient to injury and can heal quickly.  He’s kinda like the Derek Jeter of the NBA.  And Jeter never had any ankle issues….  I could see Bryant back sooner rather than later, but stay tuned.

Here’s what else went down in fantasy basketball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

DraftKings – Serge-ing For Some Big Money

| DraftKings | 21 Comments

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It’s the last week of the regular season, which means roughly 40-50% of fantasy basketball will be over for the owners who didn’t make the playoffs.  But don’t worry!  You don’t have to wait until fantasy drafts next October to get back to your fantasy winning days.  Our friends at DraftKings run huge $ daily fantasy contests, and have got some of their biggest payouts yet.  Play today in their $150,000 Bank Shot and for an entry fee of only $200, you could win $50,000!  Payouts will go to the top 100 players, and the prize pool would make John Dillinger proud.  Or you can always hop in the $15,000 Big Wednesday for an entry fee of only $27 and win $3 G’s!  Now let me try and help you win some money with some good value picks for tonight:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

Anonymous Hacks Bank Of America, Orlando Hacks Dwight Howard

| Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 5 Comments

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I wonder what the public opinion really is on Anonymous, the computer hacking collective… I like them, they expose top-level greed – a mix between Russell Crowe in Robin Hood and in The Insider.  OK so he wasn’t a hacker in The Insider, but did the same type thing Anonymous does.  Anonymous hacked Bank of America last month and found they were using worthless Social Media searches to profile activists and their salary information was on a server in Tel Aviv.  Say what?  I thought it was Bank of ‘Murica not Bank of Israel!  Well the Orlando Magic knew they needed some hacking to try and beat the Lakers with Dwight Howard returning to Orlando last night.  With the crowd booing Howard from the moment he stepped on the floor, the Magic tried some psychological warfare, fouling Dwight every opportunity and giving him 39 free throw attempts.  Thirty-nine!  I don’t think I’ve taken that many free throws ever.  Now imagine 15,000 fans yelling at you every time.  Dwight made 25 of em, capping a 39-16 and 3 block night in his return to O-Town.  One of the best returns to a former team in NBA history, but the Magic just plain handed him 25 of those points.  The Magic are terrible (minus Tobias Harris – read below) and the Lakers, while a soap opera, I think make the playoffs.  A good career move for Dwight.  Just hope he doesn’t store his salary on a server in Tel Aviv.

Here’s what else went down last night across the NBA:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

The Knicks Retiring From The NBA, To Join Fleetwood Mac

| Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 13 Comments

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I had the unfortunate pleasure (displeasure?) of watching the Knicks get pa-rumped by the Warriors last night 92 to 63.  It was disturbing, almost laughably so.  Kinda like The Wicker Man.  Not the bees!  If only the Warriors were women in bear suits.  Sheesh get Stevie Nicks out there.  With her current body type, she could probably box out Kurt Thomas.  Fun fact: they’re both 64 years old as well.  Carmelo Anthony returned from three games off with a sore knee to go 14 and 10 but 4-15.  Maybe the knee needs more ice.  J.R. Smith got ejected for a flagrant and went 3-11 for 9 points in his 21 minutes, so it’s not like his departure was a main factor of suckage.  Kenyon Martin had a rough layup rip-check, Tyson Chandler couldn’t fend off David Lee for second chance points, and the Knicks shot 24.7% and 5-27 from 3 as a team.  The Clippers are lob city, the Knicks last night were brick city.  The Knicks will look to rebound Wednesday night against Carmelo’s former Nuggets, so I could see a nice bounce back from your NY fantasy options.  But lawdy.  Was a pretty nauseating performance from one of the NBA’s “better” teams.

Here’s what else happened last night in the fantasy basketball-o-sphere:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
ChrisV

RCL Update: Greased Up Rodent Edition

| Razzball Commenter Leagues | 4 Comments

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The Razzball Commenter League is the most exciting fantasy basketball competition in all of eastern Europe and parts of Asia. It’s been a while since we’ve checked in, so let’s cut the bull feces and dive in with our boots on (all league names transcribed as displayed):

Ain’t No Sushine When It Rains – Slippery Squirrels leads the pack with 72 points, although Bringin back Seattle is only 4 points back. Fun(?) fact: SS is also the overall leader of the Razzball Commenter Leagues. The most recent trade was a while ago, but it involved We Be Wall’n sending Jrue Holiday, Luol Deng and Joakim Noah to Motorboaters for Dwyane Wade and Marc Gasol. Although I’d rather have the Wade/Gasol side, the trade was fair to both sides. Good game, boys.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

DeAndre Jordan Shines The Light On The Knight

| Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 14 Comments

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I love all fantasy sports.  Baseball might be my favorite, just because it’s so long and hard and there’s so many guys to choose from…

But there are moments, fleeting highlights and moments, that I think make Fantasy Basketball special.  Like yesterday, with DeAndre Jordan absolutely murdah-ing Brandon Knight on the alley.  If you’re on your computer, just go to ESPN or NBA.  I mean Daaaaahhhhuuuummmm.  Lots of twitters about it, but my favorite might have been from Knight himself: “It wasn’t in the scouting reports that the clippers threw lobs lol”.  Hah!  Glad to see he isn’t in a deep depression.  Makes it more fun that everyone can smile about it.  ESPN then had a top ten of posterized moments.  All the others looked like the posterizee was about to kill the posterizer.  I’m 6’7 and I got posterized once by a guy the same height, but I didn’t know he had hops.  I just smiled and went my way, and luckily everyone didn’t go nuts/it wasn’t in front of 15,000 people.  Or else I’d be more Patrick Ewing than Brandon Knight.

Fantasy-wise, Jordan is still the barely-ownable center he has been all year.  You should get a bonus for posterized dunks.  Had one of his best games of late going 5-5 13 Pts 7 Rebs 1 Ast and 2 Blks.  Been at least 7 and 5 with a block the last five.  If you need blocks plus want to be on the edge of your seat if you only watch highlights of players on your team, give Jordan a look if he’s available.

Here’s what else went down over the weekend:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dan Pants

Suns Starting To Spring Forward For Daylight Savings

| Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 2 Comments

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After recording three wins in a row the Suns have now suffered back-to-back losses. It appears the Suns are setting again, but the most recent shakeup to the starting line up may prove there’s still fantasy value to be had in Phoenix. Yes, Suns FA pick ups just in time for Daylight Savings–first, the Morris Twins–Markieff Morris had 9 points, 2 rebounds and 3 assists, and Marcus Morris had 12 points, 5 rebounds, and 2 assists. You know I’m a sucker for the twinsies starting together–pulls at all the right heartstrings. This is real basketball people. But I must say fantasy-wise it’s hard to tell them apart–they’re both pretty mediocre. They’re worth watching for now, but if you’re have to own one, Marcus is the brother to own, but they don’t recommend separating the two.

Wesley Johnson could be an even better pick up, and Friday he scored 19 points, with 4 rebounds, 2 steals and 1 block in the start. Wes has developed a sixth man-type role over the past few games but he got the start last night over Jared Dudley and made coach proud. Johnson, a former top 10 pick,  always had the pedigree to do this, maybe its about time he got it done. Wesley was the only one who could save Princess Buttercup and if he can continue to play well in this role, maybe he could save your fantasy team come playoff time.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dan A

Buy/Sell – From The Desk Of The Department Of Redundancy Department

| Fantasy Basketball Buy/Sell | 25 Comments

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One of the many amazing things here at Razzball, for your perusing pleasure, good reader, is the amount of content you’re provided with every week by adequate (me) to great (everyone else) writers. The difficulty is that there is going to be some overlap. I mean, there are only some 400 players in the entire league, and many of them aren’t fantasy relevant. Feel free to request in the comment section if you want a hard-hitting fantasy break down of the merits of picking up Cartier Martin or Garrett Temple, but for now, if you see some of the same names from JB’s, ChrisV’s, Blairtch’s, or Tehol’s articles, is because they are awesome, and I can’t stop them, I can only hope to contain them…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

Turns Out K-Mart Isn’t Bankrupt After All

| Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 4 Comments

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K-Mart, the retail store I’m talking here, has always been a joke.  The one next to campus where I went to college always got robbed and there was always someone with a gun.  I know there’s a popular site People of Walmart, which would be pretty interesting for K-Mart too if there ever actually was people in K-Marts.  Maybe shoppers there treat the store like Dawn of the Dead.  They’re just ducking and covering, and steal supplies stealthily which is why the shelves are always empty.  Well I guess they have been in the news recently because of their great Black Friday deals.  Hey, if DeMarcus Cousins can’t shoot better than 1-10 or 2-10 like he has in the last two ganes, he might be in one of the lines.  ”We’re moving to Seattle, but we’re not taking you!”  Good thing the NBA version’s of K-Mart showed he isn’t completely chapter 11, going a respectable 16 Pts (4-6 FG 3-5 3PTM) 4 Rebs 4 Asts and 2 Stls.  Hey I just said Kevin Martin wasn’t bankrupt… Not that he is suddenly on fire!  Damn K-Mart (the smoldering store).  Most rebounds since Jan. 9th, first 30+ min game in 7 games, and luckily he’s still in the OKC mix.  Only two games last night, but let’s check out what went down:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

The Madness Of March

| Loose Balls | 17 Comments

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March Madness Razzball Logo

 

Razzball Nation!  As announced on our awesome Facebook page, join me in a March Madness pool to the death.  Join here to challenge yours truly in a bracket attack-et.  If you lose, Warwick Davis will terrorize you harder than  he did Jennifer Aniston.

I’ll shoot up another mini-post when the brackets are announced to remind you procrastinators, with a few updates as it goes along.  I’ve got UNC winning it all!  Wishful thinking.

Join today!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Archives