Perhaps the funniest catch phrase I made up with my buddies while watching the NBA through college -”Wahhhhhh I’m Jarrett Jack!” – can be used in so many instances.  It’s like Brian Dennehy’s speech about how versatile the F-Bomb is when he played Bobby Knight in an ESPN movie.  Whomever greenlit that idea, airing a movie with constant F-Bombs on ESPN2, is probably fired.  He’s like, “Don’t fire me!  Wahhhhhhhhh!  Wahhhhhhhhhhh, I’m Jarrett Jack!”  I use this phrase because every time I seem to watch him, he looks so so sad.  And just look at the cover screen grab for the Yahoo recap from the game last night!  So after Kyrie Irving flexed his guns too hard, Jack had three starts of very uninspiring ball.  Mike Brown sat him down and said he needed more from him.  The veteran responded, “Wahhhhhhhhh I’m Jarrett Jack!”   Then last night rolled around with the Knicks rolling out Raymond Felton to play defense.  Seriously, it’s like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with the blueberry chick.  The only difference is Felton actually ate the meals and didn’t chew the LSD-laced gum!  After a minute or two, Felton was winded, and went “Wahhhhhhhh, I have to guard Jarrett Jack!”  Jack lit up the terrible Knicks D for 31/5/10 with a trey and a side of whoopass.  Finally kicking it into gear as the starter, Jack has a four-gamer cooking up for week two of the playoffs, with my eye eagerly on Wednesday at the awful Pistons.  It doesn’t really matter who he’s playing, pretty much a must own.  Of course, in all my leagues where I’m still alive, he was already snatched up.  “Wahhhhhhhhh, I’m Jarrett Jack!”  Here’s what else I caught over the weekend in NBA action:

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JB - Welcome to the first annual 2013-2014 NBA Razzies!  A celebration and a spectacle of everything that went wrong for fantasy owners in the 2013-2014 NBA season.  We opened polls for fantasy owners to submit their votes on deserving nominees, and the tallies are in, the nominees are here, there really isn’t a more spectacular night for NBA fans, is there Slim?

Slim - That’s right JB, the entire Sydney Opera House is teeming with excitement as we welcome in the nominees, celebrities… I just talked with Jack Nicholson a moment ago, so glad he could make it out to support his Lakers.

JB - You know, I was surprised we could book this at the Sydney Opera House – -

Slim - Don’t doubt the straws I can pull in my native country!

Awkward Silence

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I imagine if you’re reading this, you have an injury or two on your fantasy roster, and you need promenade left to do-si-do your way into week 2. I don’t know where I’m going with this analogy, I’m more of an electric bugaloo type myself. But while I may not understand the allure of square dancing, I do understand all too well how an injury can derail your playoff hopes. I lost Kyrie Irving, and Jameer Nelson this week, and I will be hard pressed to make it past my opponent. There are more cats out than just those two: LaMarcus Aldridge, Dwight Howard, Nikola Pekovic, Andre Drummond, Jonas Valanciunas, Jamal Crawford, and the list goes on. So what’s a fantasy owner to do? You already know the answer, and it sucks the sack: Captain Obvious reminds you that you have to look long and hard at your situation, and decide whether you can afford to hold onto your injured player, or to drop him, because he can’t help you if you don’t make it to the semis. Of the few I just listed, only Kyrie, Jamal, LaMarcus and Nikola are pretty much guaranteed to be out for the weekend at least, perhaps into the semi finals week, so take that into consideration. If you do decide to drop somebody, here’s, in my opinion, the best of the waiver:

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Yet another start for the Gorgui Apparatus, with Gorgui Dieng going all out with a Goromotaro!  I have to say, definitely the most unexpected Goromotaro since the term was coined.  22/21/4/1/0 and double-doubles in his last three games.  Except this was a double double-double.  There’s so many Ds in that sentence you’d think I was daydreaming about Tyra Banks!  And while Gorgui is out proving that he’s America’s Next Top C, what are doing right now in crunch time of fantasy?  He’s a tough guy to leave on the wire, but the Wolves only have Sunday left this week, and Nikola Pekovic is traveling with the team.  Pek is questionable, but Dieng has given the team every excuse to keep the youngun out there with pretty much no realistic expectations to make the playoffs.  So unless you’ve got a bye with a real scrub and you can stash Gorgui and hope for another big upside game, or your line-up is virtually full Friday and Saturday, you’re probably letting him ride in 10 or 12ers H2H.  Roto he’s worth a spin and if you’re crushing it in week 1 of the playoffs, maybe worth a stache as well.  Oh no, Grey has me daydreaming about baseball!  Mmmmm, Tyra Banks and baseball.  Get out of my head Grey!  What will be really interesting next year is what the Wolves do up front with Kevin Love having an uncertain future and Pek a FA.  Dieng would probably be a really flashy flyer if he projects to start.  Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:

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In case you haven’t noticed I’ll go ahead and state the obvious, I don’t like to lose.  What’s that?  You don’t either?  Good, because it’s that time of year once again when we find out just what lengths we’ll go to to insure an early playoff victory.  Can you drop a player who’s been one of your most productive for months?  It’s easy when they’re injured but when you start to see your season about to end can you let the better player walk to gamble on a player with more games?  I can’t make that life altering decision for you but I can offer you a few words of counsel.

First, I ask that you confess your most shameful of fantasy sins, not to me but to yourself.  If you drafted Tristan Thompson and ignored all the warnings then you need to first come to grips with that before you can proceed.  This will be the internal struggle that not until you have accepted will you truly find peace.  Secondly, you must accept that none of us can do this little thing called life, or fantasy basketball, all by ourselves.  There was once and still are people there to guide me and as I write I pass this knowledge on to you.  I know one day you will continue this circle of life and pass the knowledge on to the next generation of fake basketballers.  And third, only you can make the decision to turn your life, or roster, over with this new found knowledge.  In other words, if you post your login/password below I will not make the move for you.  Now my apprentice go forth with this knowledge of weekend streamers and bring us back word of your glorious victory.

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Wow.  Last night was rocky.  For a lot of people.  Hopefully your playoff teams came out of the better end!  Lots of guys with minor injuries were forced to sit, and within only minutes of each other Nikola Vucevic and Josh Smith got ejected in different games.  Pretty much like the wild west out there!  Next thing you know, I’m quoting Will Smith from that god forsaken movie… “Let me kindly stand up!”  Probably the biggest benefactor in what will be dubbed “DNP-Day” was Aaron Brooks, who started for Ty Lawson who had “illness”.  Wow, that sounds ominous.  Brooks went all 2009 on us, and posted a redonk 27/6/17 line.  Dude, if you played in a daily league or if you were streaming Brooks for the dimes, you just got a major sign from the fantasy gods.  “You, my son, are blessed with stats that overfloweth!”  Distribute some to us less fortunate ones!  The Nugs play again on Friday, and it’s tough to say what Lawson’s status will be by then.  Ricky Rubio went bonkers on the Mavs last night (more below), so if Brooks does get the start – cue the Pavlovian salivating.  Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops action (and if you get here early enough, be sure to sign up for the Razzball NCAA Bracket pool with a fun prize to the winner!):

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We all knew it would come, but, like your winter religious holiday of choice, it’s finally here! And if you had the steam to make the finish line, well done. It was a great regular season, ladies and gents, but now the REAL season begins. And we hope you enjoy the playoff run. If you’re like me, you lost your first round pick, Kyrie Irving to a biceps strain, and he will effectively be out for the playoffs.  So I’m at a real disadvantage. But this isn’t about me, entirely! There were some photo finishes last week in the Razzball Random Commenter Leagues. Lets take a look as to how it all shook out!

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Oh man, was last night fun!  So much to hit on including a certain player going against his former team, but I want to start with two career-first triple doubles.  On the same night!  And on a night with only five games no less… First stop is Isaiah Thomas, who, and I mean this without sounding like I’m succumbing to a cliche about his size or anything, looked like the only dude who cared for the whole game on either the Wiz or the Kings.  I loved me some IT2 with the rankings before free agency, and really pimped him hard when Greivis Vasquez got sent off – as many sources did.  Regardless, everyone was right, he’s been a beast and went 24/11/10 with 10-10 FT and two treys.  And to top off the abuse of John Wall, Wall was 2-6 at the stripe missing pivotal freebies late.  My Wizards friend stopped texting me at the end.  I’m guessing he threw his phone through a Wall.  I capitalize that because he has a John Wall fathead on his wall.  Anyway, Paul Millsap also hopped in the trip-dub booze cruise for a 19/13/10 line.  Hopefully your fantasy teams own one or both of these guys and faced neither.  Nothing would be more annoying than marginally losing Rebs to an IT2 owner!  Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action (and don’t forget to fill out a bracket in our Razzball March Madness pool!):

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Razzball Nation!  No beating around the bush, here’s a link to brackets for our NCAA Tournament pool, try to topple me!  Which will be easy because I’ve only ever had one good bracket.  But it was a doozy!  The Chapel Hill Michigan St. year, had that final!  Last year – I picked Georgetown.  First round exit!  This year I’m going to be boring and have Florida going pretty far.  And pick Duke to do pretty good.  Lame.

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The regular season hath ended!  The final regular season standings are below in our inaugural Razzball Elite league with one Razzball staffer making the postseason.  We’re hitting .333!  Dammit, everyone is shifting over to baseball…  The office is eagerly cheering on Slim to keep the title within our cubicle walls.  Maybe Grey will give us corner offices if we get this one!  But probably not…  The playoff schedule is below with reactions from Slim and I and happy dynasty-ing-ing-ing this year!

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