It’s been a mad March! There are no more perfect brackets out there, with FGCU the first 15 seed to ever make the sweet 16. That’s more a Cinderella story than if Elizabeth Smart won the next leading role Oscar. As Warwick Davis would say, “mehehehehehehe!”
Let’s take a look at the standings through the first three rounds of the NCAA Tournament:
Please, blog, may I have some more?It’s crunch time people. We are in the playoffs and it’s balls to the wall from here on out. No long intro this week fortunately or unfortunately for you, as my body is still trying to repulse the HPV that Tahitian drag queen gave me in Bora Bora. I can hardly keep my eyes open for you, the readers, I would never leave hanging. Let’s hop right into this past weekend’s hit or miss performances.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Moe Harkless struck the Thunder for a career high 25 points last night and the rookie added 9 rebounds, 4 steals, 4 blocks and hit 3 threes. I’ve been pushing Moe for a while now, so this performance was a long time coming. Maurice is averaging a mediocre 10.7 pts and 5.4 rebounds over the past two weeks, but what really raises my fantasy eyebrow is the 3 steals a game. Do you know where your wallet is? No? Probably because Harkless just took it. Just like that. He’s that good. In fact, Moe has 21 steals in the past 6 games alone! Hashtag cleptomanic! Nikola Vucevic sat this game, and Arron Afflalo left the game in the first quarter in some serious pain. This explains Moe’s 45 minutes, and he should get major burn and plenty of touches going forward. Harkless is available in over 20% of leagues, if your looking for a playoff push, Harkless has all the tools to fill up all a stat sheet. And the steals! *drools Go steal him from waivers before someone else does!
Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:
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If you’re like me, you’re afflicted with the “March Madness”. And you love it. It consumes your every thought, much like the image of Sophia Veraga and Christina Hendricks, in nighties, you know, doing sexy things to each other…
Fun fact: the busiest day for booking vasectomies is the Wednesday before the beginning of the Tournament. So the snipped one can lounge on the couch all day with a bag of frozen peas on his mutilated nethers and take in 12 hours of frenzied basketball without being bothered by his lady. True fact, look it up. What I’m getting at is although you may be in the midst of your fantasy playoffs, we’re all too occupied to watch the hours of NBA required to give in depth analysis at the moment, as I have bag of peas on my junk. Metaphorically speaking. And I expect you to be a gracious partner and leave me to my tournament, and would it kill you to make me a sandwich?
Too far? Fine, here’s a smattering of add/drops:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
The league is finally taking notice of the Denver Nuggets win streak of 14 games (there’s not another streak going on is there?), as they survived a near upset to the terrible 76ers at home last night. The Nuggets are 31-3 at home. Rocky Mountain air! Get me an oxygen tank! The 76ers owner even slammed his team on Twitter. Doug Collins has got to be about to go on a Mel Gibson-esque tirade. Maybe paint his face like Braveheart and drive the tanker truck from The Road Warrior like in South Park. If he coaches again next year, it will be the biggest accomplishment in sports. We used to say that Oscar Pistorius, but you don’t hear that as much anymore.
Led by the late game heroics of one of my biggest supported players since I took over, Corey Brewer brewed up 10-18 FG (5-6 3PTM) 29 Pts 1 Reb 5 Stls and 1 Blk. ”Stealin’ and Shottin’!” Imagine I said that like Spike Lee’s “Stoppin’ and Poppin’, Postin’ and Toastin’” and you get the frame of mind I’m going for. Hey, I’m white, spoken word isn’t my forte which is why I’m writing this blog, not on the street corner yelling fantasy advice with a megaphone.
Here’s what else went down last night in the NBA:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
So I was at working my job logging highlights last night for the Brooklyn Nets at Dallas Mavericks (which was on the ESPN broadcast), and there were at least 20-30 updates/mentions/ohhhhh-ing and ahhhhh-ing about the Heat Cavs game where the Heat found themselves down more than 20 only to come back and win it. Jeff Van Gundy is like that annoying friend you keep around in your group – he does something funny half the time then irks you the other half. On the tip-off between Chris Kaman and Brook Lopez he said, and I’m paraphrasing, “that was the worst tip in NBA history, they shouldn’t be allowed to tip off ever again!” Pretty good stuff. Then, and admittedly I was checking the score too, all he and the other guy were talking about was the Heat game. What about the other fans? Even at halftime, the crew said they would give highlights for the Thunder game and Bill Simmons was like, “no I’m watching the Heat game.” I get it ESPN it was the biggest game of the night, but sheesh.
After a rough first half, LeBron James absolutely went off, ending his night with both a rainbow line and a triple-double going 8-22 FG (3-7 3PTM) 25 Pts 12 Rebs 10 Asts 3 Stls and 2 Blks. If that’s not gonna win you your first round of the playoffs, then you need better ancillary players! Ok so I’m a hypocrite and my open is all about the Heat game and nothing else… Let’s just dive right into other action:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzball Nation! So if you’re reading this you’re probably in the playoffs of your fantasy league, but if not and you read for my mere musings and devilishly witty forays into the intricacies of the English language (and obtuse adjective overuse), then huzzah! And huzzah for a site like DraftKings.com where you can draft a new line-up every day and play the matchups that you decide for the players you pick on a nightly basis. Maybe you squeaked into your playoffs with all your hopes and dreams that Derrick Rose would be playing by now, only to get crushed by the 3 seed. Either way, if you lost your fantasy league buy-in or it seems to be as useless as a Bernie Madoff investment, why not play in daily tournaments where your winnings can be much higher! Today DraftKings is running their SUPERQualifier for their $150k Bank Shot, where 25 people will win a ticket into their huge $150k contest. First place will win $50k for picking the best lineup tonight in only one day of fantasy goodness. It’d be like winning your NCAA bracket in a single night. Would be a rush. More a rush than going to see Rush. Ok, so they were before my time, but I like their music when it’s on. Here’s who I like tonight to give you a rush of cash:
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Gotta love Colorado. All the hippies, all the ganja. I went to Denver last year (not for that) and really enjoyed the city and caught a few Rockies games. That town loves their sports teams. Have you ever watched sports high? It’s awwwwwwesome. Well then again, I guess everything you like is intensified in aurae of sweeeeeet. And then if your team loses, you can just laugh it off like Brad Pitt in True Romance.
Fantasy wise, the Nuggets feature tons of options, but there enlies a bit of a conundrum as there are some hit and miss nights. I’m a big Corey Brewer fan, but he has some down nights, I really like Danilo Gallinari as a big 3 but he goes cold some nights (went 4-17 last night), and Kosta Koufos, who is criminally underrated and unmentioned on that team, played only 16 minutes yesterday. It really is a revolving door with a lot of those guys - Andre Miller almost hit a triple-double last night while Wilson Chandler only scored 9 following up 35 two games ago. It’s kinda like a fantasy wheel of fortune. You get jackpots and a trip to Tahiti with Tehol (although I would prefer Bankrupt there), or you have Lose A Turn or Bankrupt. See if you can figure this one out. _ _ R_ _ _ _ _ R _ U_ _ _ INC_ N _ I _ _ _ _ _ R_ _ _ _ _ _I _ _ _. Girlie Porn User Incontinence Rigamortis? Close! It’s George Karl Uses Inconsistent Rotations. OK, I officially never want to come a Wheel Of Fortune puzzle maker.
Here’s what else went down last night:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
As a very fair skinned, freckly and tall guy (makes me closer to the sun) I have had my problems beating the heat. One time in college (I went to UNCW so on the beach) I got burnt so bad on my legs it made me get shaky and more loopy than Joseph Gordon-Levitt. My friends thought I pulled an Ewan McGregor and snuck in some heroin. Suffice to say, I got some serious additional freckling on my calves. With their long slender shape and pretty much invisible blonde hairs, I could pass them off as Lindsay Lohan’s legs. Enough celebrity mentions already!
Unfortunately for the Celtics, St. Patty’s didn’t carry on into Monday night as the Heat led by LeBron James’ 37-7-12 (including this abuse of Jason Terry) were able to keep the streak alive at 23. Although the city of Boston probably would have gotten blackout drunk again either way. With no Kevin Garnett, the C’s gave another start to Jeff Green who exploded his green-ness on the Heat like Nickelodeon gak. He was the Green Monstah last night, going for a career-high 43 with 5 3PTM, 7 Rebs, 2 Asts, 2 Stls, and 4 Blks. Easily one of the best fantasy lines of the year for who is becoming a huge pickup for owners who nabbed him. Speaking of getting nabbed, check out this guy nabbing a few boogers on national TV. Proves you can do anything if you have the charm. Just look at that wink with the debonair of Mark Harmon/Dennis Quaid. I thought no more celebrity references!
Let’s take a look at what else went down last night across the NBA:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s that time of year – where even the die-hardest fantasy basketball fan gets their bracket pool together one the best tournament in all sports. You know it’s true. And you know it’s still fantasy. I can fantasize over another UNC title in one of the most unlikely runs in tournament history…. OK so Kentucky fans don’t have that luxury, but they can suck it up!
Challenge yours truly in the ultimate Razzball Nation pool right here. Winner will get some well-deserved Razzball love (who doesn’t wanna get absolutely smothered in it?) and I’ll keep up with some status updates as we plow through the fantasy playoffs.
Please, blog, may I have some more?
