One of me and JB’s favorite forms of philanthropy is the celebrity car wash.  Obviously we aren’t going to fool anyone into thinking we’re famous without a bit of a makeover.  To achieve that ‘celebrity look’ all you have to do is rent a minivan old enough to still have a tape deck, hire a dozen or so hourly day laborers, and borrow your parents/grandparents circa 1980s shoulder mounted video camera.  Now just find a Walmart parking lot with access to water and you have almost everything you need.  I say almost because you still need to stick out from your newly created entourage.  A pair of henna sleeves representing as many religions as possible and as much costume jewelry as weight you can squat is all you will need to complete the look.  Once you’re set up with everything you need to start the car wash borrow a cassette tape from one of your laborers, swing those double rear doors open, and crank it up to 11.  Just don’t forget to make sure your documentarian is recording it all.

We don’t do it for charity per se but I’m sure what we do is still called philanthropy.  You see we don’t charge money either.  We do it for the sheer pleasure our performances gives others.  Although, we still don’t do it just for them.  I know it’s the same for JB even though he doesn’t really talk about it, but I can surely say for me that once the soaps are sudsin’, the water gets flowing, and I’m dancing to the plucking of guitar strings in nothing but my pink string bikini – I feel alive!  So what if my skin turns red from the sun, green from the ‘gold’, and brown from the ‘ink’, the joy, at least I think that’s joy, we see on the faces of an entire car load of Smiths can’t be washed off in a week either.

In fantasy basketball this amount of joy can only be achieved by guessing right on a rookie and being rewarded with an all-star.  The two top rookies this year are unquestionably Andrew Wiggins and Jabari Parker.  Both are as talented as they come and both should receive plenty of fantasy relevant playing time immediately.  You want one, I want one, everyone else we’re drafting with wants one.  Before I decide if that’s going to be me I need to figure out what kind of player they are, or in a dynasty what kind of player they could become.  So I give to you Wiggins v Parker, in all its hip-shaking, beard-drenched glory:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I don't have enough spam, give me the Razzball email newsletter!

With the full 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Rankings now complete, let’s take a look at the double digit rounds.  The debate over Scrub A or Scrub B.  We don’t want no scrubs!  Well, play in a shallower league then!  People say you win your leagues in the later rounds.  I don’t know who these people are, but they’re probably jaded after drafting Derrick Rose in the 2nd round last year.  Where’s the violins?!  What I would say, is if you hit on one guy in the late rounds with 30th or 40th overall value, you’re set.  75% of your last picks are probably going to be drops.  So 75% of your late picks will be passes to Brandon LaFell.  Wrong sport!  Still bitter about how bad he was… Go Kelvin Benjamin!  Aka my favorite Panther.  Stay focused!  Here’s my top 150 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

rcl-basketball-logo

The time is here.  The calling, early.  The draft day prep work, extensive.  JB’s hair, slowly growing in.  Yes, RCL Basketball is back!  And we’re as pumped as ever to see who will be the next champion among champions.  The smartest in the room amongst the moderately intelligent people in the room.

So I know what you’re all thinking…  What is JB going to embarrassingly do this year?  If you missed it, I shaved the 13-14 RCL Grand Champion’s team name in my head, and I’m going to do something goofy again.  Well, you’re the biggest part of the site (talking to you readers!) and so I think the Youtube video prize should be something suggested in the comments.  Something that majestically displays the RCL Winner’s team name that I can spread to the world, but doesn’t involve a big monetary investment.  Nothing illegal!  Or tattoos, I don’t have Birdman’s budget!  Low key, but funny.  That would be my tagline if I was single and online dating…  Be sure and share your ideas, reply on comments/suggestions you like, and we’ll have another public shaming in 2015!

But you don’t get only the humiliation video; as usual, Razzball loves to pimp out our gear and we have another official 2014-2015 RCL Champion Jumpsuit (branded basketball of course) to tailor to the official winner (cost of tailor not included).  Most importantly, an everlasting shrine in the annals of history.  Wow, that sentence is fun!  And just as fun, we’ll have the weekly updates tracking the standings throughout the season as we did last year.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the full 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Rankings now complete, let’s take a look at the top 100.  After a week filled with triumphs, successful trades going through, and possibly the biggest news of the offseason – Jared Dudley getting moved.  I couldn’t finish the top 100 without knowing where Dudley would be!  The ramifications would be catastrophic!  So past 75 you’re starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel.  The dregs of the cask.  Which means it’s sleeper land!  Bring out the sleeper patrol!  And a lot of times if you hit on just one of these and avoid injuries in your early rounds, you’re set for a playoff run.  Here’s my top 100 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the full 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Rankings now complete, let’s take a look at the top 75.  Captain N is aboard!  Captain on the bridge!  The respect he garners trumps captain Russell Crowe with long hair… Captain Patrick Stewart with no hair… Captain N has a huge ass flat top!  And this captain is Nerlens Noel; double the N for twice the… nifty…?  Twice the… neat hair?  This captain will put non-believers 20,000 leagues under the sea!  Here’s my top 75 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Heading into the upcoming Fantasy Basketball Season, Razzball will be interviewing local NBA beat writers for actual, real-life basketball knowledge to shed some light on our measly fantasy basketball knowledge. Keep your eye out for interviews from [hopefully!] every NBA team through the summer. This installment comes courtesy of Joe Dexter from leading Detroit Pistons blog Piston Powered (interview held on Aug. 13):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you were an 80s baby, your teenage years were flush with great movies such as There’s Something About Mary, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and The Cable Guy.  Remember the stars of those films, Cameron Diaz and Jim Carrey?  Sure we do.  They were great!  Diaz commanded the screen as a sexy, but funny “everyday” kinda gal.  Carrey contorted his face and gave us belly laughs from role to role.  They even starred in The Mask TOGETHER, which was Diaz’s film debut.  Carrey had a pretty good run in the 90s.  In addition to the aforementioned films, Dumb & Dumber and the Truman Show were also instant comedy classics.  He even ventured into the “serious” with a breakout performance in Man on the Moon (which was the Andy Kaufman bio-pic).  Diaz had a less-than-illustrious early career as far as critical acclaim was concerned, but she was still immensely popular and became one of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood.

Then came the year 2000.  To me, that year was the end of an era for both of these icons.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the full 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Rankings now complete, let’s take a look at the top 50.  Through the top 20, we’ve already had 6 PGs taken off the board, but your third round is going to be more littered with 1s than Neo’s kung-fu program!  If you don’t have a PG through your first three rounds, you may as well turn into Brendan Fraser and live for 30 years with your dad Christopher Walken.  Or just scream in your draft lobby chat “WILLLLSSSOONNNNNN!”  …because you’ve been left behind, not because you’re drafting Wilson Chandler… “It’s not funny if you have to explain your joke, JB!”  Fine!  Probably the biggest change from the Way too Early Ranks is the catastrophic Isaiah Thomas falloff moving to Phoenix.  While he’s not in the top 50, I still think he’ll be a value.  More on that later!  Here’s my top 50 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Archives