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Greetings! It is I, Tehol Beddict. Becoming internationally known for my scripture in the football section this past season, I was crowned league champion of all the fantasy experts, which has been a humbling experience. Behold, I come to you now, bearing massive quantities of basketball knowledge, to provide you with the insight you need to win your league title this year, as well as providing some humor along the way. I’ve been reading many posts from people I once respected, about how the NBA is a terrible sport for many idiotic reasons, and frankly I’m disgusted. These are the greatest athletes in the world, playing one of the two greatest sports. What’s the next best thing to playing in the NBA you might ask as you sit there deciding whether to keep reading my post or stream some interracial porn? Fantasy basketball my friends. Fantasy F-ing basketball. Let’s get it on.

J.J. Barea- 21 points, 3 rebounds, and 5 assists. Oh Minnesota, how I miss thee. Went to a rehab there once, which is where I learned that incentives are good. Speaking of incentives, I pleasure myself nightly  to J.J.’s wife, while my chicken curiously watches, and I was pondering the possibility of his this gorgeous creation offering Barea a threesome if he dropped 20 tonight. A man can dream right? Why is Luke Ridnour still on this roster? How David Kaaaaaaaaaaahn, the Wolves G.M, is getting paid millions, having affairs with 23 year old women, and living in mansions, while I live in this outhouse sized shack really makes me contemplate suicide.

Emaka Okafor- 19 points, 11 boars, 2 assists, and 1 block. Okafor has at last proven to be the player Orlando should have drafted over Dwight Howard. Embarrassing the team that passed on him by showing a vast array of moves that would make even Hakeem Olajuwon envious, Okafor led his team to a stunning victory over the powerhouse Magic. The Wizards are finding the zone and have an oak solid 7 victories. If you believed a solitary thing I just wrote, come on out to my shack and I’ll lace you with a Sebastian Janikowski kick to the sack. Even so, not a dreadful option if desperate. When is the center position being extracted from fantasy basketball?

Avery Bradley- 16 points, 1 board, 1 assist, and 2 blocks. Uh oh, Avery’s having a block party ya’ll! Bring the kook-aid and the squirt guns and I’ll arrive with the hood rats. Speaking of hotties, a friend of mine’s sister has been “dating” Bradley for years. You truly have to respect jersey chasers and the hard work and dedication they put in. It’s an honest to God art form. My absolute favorite story is hearing about these women poking holes in the condom through the wrapper. Better double bag it fellas. Seriously though, I love Bradley’s upside in all facets of the game, with steals being his specialty. I know he didn’t have any tonight. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think? It’s like raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain, on your wedding daaaaaaay. Ok, I’ll stop now. My apologies. Beautiful song though. It’s almost impossibly hard for me to fathom that the studley Ryan Reynolds used to beat those cakes.

Arron Afflalo- 2 points, 2 boards, 3 assists, and 1 steal. Afflalo’s baking a loaf of bread and I think it’s sour dough. No, he didn’t have a yeast infection that I was made aware of, but he most certainly performed as if that were the case. Hopefully it clears up shortly and he goes back to his usual solid self(for our sake and his own).

John Jenkins- 2 points, 2 boards, 3 assists, and 1 denial. Thus far, I’m failing to comprehend why Atlanta drafted this supposed long range specialist in the first round. Oh yea, Danny Ferry is the G.M. You’re wondering why I even included a guy who barely played. Hold on guys: You just assumed he hardly played based on his disgraceful numbers. What makes this truly special, is that Jenkins did this in 31 minutes of play, including going 1-9 from the field. He looks like a real spark plug for Atlanta’s future. Did I say spark plug? I meant butt plug(get used to that joke).

Eric Bledsoe- 14 points, 3 boards, 4 dimes, 2 thefts, and a block. Bledsoe got the start with CP3 nursing an injury and let us down a little. I was hoping to see a full on eruption of Ron Jeramy proportions, alas he only was able to play 28 minutes since the legend that is Vinny Del-Negro coached his squadron to a blowout over Memphis on the road. And hey, I won money on the game so I’m not gonna complain. Did I mention I’m a degenerate gambler? I would be much obliged for any inside tips. Come on down to the meth lab and we’ll make a trade.

Elton Brand- 20 points, 6 boards, 3 assists, and 1 steal. I love the talent Dallas has accumulated this offseason. Obviously that was a lie, but Brand has been a pleasant surprise. Would like to see him on a contender, but hey, then he wouldn’t be fantasy relevant so there’s that chestnut.

Gordon Hayward- 22 points, 2 boards, and 4 assists. Hayward has been somewhat of a fantasy enema for the Utah Jazz since being drafted out of Butler. Wait, sorry, I was Alec Burks. The aforementioned snowflake Hayward, has been a fantasy enigma, as we keep hoping he breaks out one day. Most American born white guys tend to not, but I like his game. Keep an eye on this handsome young fellow.

This concludes my first post in the basketball section. Feels like I’ve been devirginized all over again. Not like it was in prison, but you know, with a hot babe. Or in my case, a 20 dollar hooker. Remember when I wrote about double bagging it? Whoops, the joke was on me. Anyway, I look forward to a fantastic season with you all and I will be responding to all questions very quickly. Twitter or in the comment section, it doesn’t matter really. Good luck this week.

 

 

 

95 Responses

  1. Hotrod says:
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    Is Varejao worth a stash? Kinda surprised he was dropped in my league…

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Hotrod: HotRod!! Reunited at last. god I’ve missed you since football season ended. Anderson def worth a stash. Ooooo he works hard for the money

      • Hotrod says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Yep, I am still alive. Won 2 of 4 football leagues, and close to $1k in winnings.

        Now trying to keep the part time job alive here with hoops.

        Its a 14 teamer, so I think I am going to just go ahead and grab “the sideshow”.

        Drop Pat Pat, Mullens, Koufos, Amir Johnson, or Earl CLark??

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Hotrod: I knew you had it in you big dog. Nice work. Earl Clark can be dropped without a doubt. congrats on the championship move you just made.

  2. Zandy says:
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    Is Love worth a stash? he was dropped in my Yahoo league. playoffs star 3/18

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: I’d say so. That’s the kind of move that could take you to a title no matter what seed you are. Godspeed

  3. Zandy says:
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    Thoughts about this:
    I trade Teague, Horford, Pekovic, Wall, Rubio for Jennings, Al Jefferson, Aldridge, Brandon Bass, Gerald Henderson? 10Team H2h Id drop Bass and Henderson for Drummond and IT2

    • Jeff says:
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      @Zandy: If the other team is willing to give you Jennings, Jefferson AND Aldridge, take it, run, laugh.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Zandy: Zandy I believe that is a must do. THough I love Wall, the returning package in insane. pull that trigger

      • Zandy says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: What about Conley Horford Rubio for Jennings Aldridge & Tristan Thompson?

        Also if i could pick, who would you rather have ROS Aldridge or Jefferson?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Zandy: I’d take Jennings Aldridge and TT. And Aldridge over big Al

  4. daniel says:
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    Funny stuff i like your style…
    you think lou williams is gona start producing again or has the bench role doomed him fantasy wise?

    Lowry?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @daniel: I would assume sweet Lou will turn it back on as he is easily their best offensive player. Lowry should produce especially with the highly possibly trade of Calderon. They need to get him out of their or not sure why they traded next years pick for Lowry

  5. Travis says:
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    Best Basketball post of the year, funny shit! What happened to Adam?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Travis: My deepest gratitude Trav. Your thoughts warm my heart. or is that the blow? Adam Morrison? or an Adam that used to write here? Couldn’t tell you either way

  6. Mike says:
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    Great article, I love hearing .

    Anyway, I’m pretty much a shoe-in for the playoffs (1st place in division with a big lead at 9-2)… 10 team h2h 9 cats. I’m not sure what I should do going into the playoffs… I am never going to win 3pm, ft%, or TO’s, so I have to keep my fg% up and also win either points or steals (I’m fairly strong in both). I just grabbed Wall and Gordon but I’m worried that my FG% will fall too far with those guys added in.

    Here’s my team: LBJ, Rondo, Lawson, Vasquez, Cousins, Dwight Howard, D West, Vucevic, Farried, Wall, Gordon, Javale, and Amir

    Should I just grab Verajou or Love and stick with Gordon and Wall, or should I look to make a trade? I’m getting offered Rose and Gortat for Cousins as well, but I was thinking of moving Farried and Gordon. The only reason I have Javale is for the blocks.

    Cheers.

    • Mike says:
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      Shit… I screwed that post right in the butt…
      I meant to say that liked the part about Okafor and the Magic, made me laugh pretty hard…

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mike: That, my friend is an incredible squad. You could def stand pat, but picking up Rose and Gortat for Cousins could push you into next level territory although not sure how Rose will affect your field goal percentage. I like Wall and Gordon to finish the year strong but we both know they are injury prone. Varejeo or Love could be a very nice addition as well. I’d go Love since he could lock up the title for you when he gets back. Thanks for reading

  7. Eric says:
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    No love for Jameer? He’s playing like a beast lately.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Eric: You know, I was thiiiiiiis close to including Jameer in this post, but I was just so flabbergasted with Afflalo’s performance, I couldn’t resist. I should have written about Jameer as well. He had a great game

      • Eric says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        That’s true. Jameer is very streaky though.

  8. Jesse says:
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    I have Kyrie Irving. Trade him for Nikola Vucevic and Monta Ellis?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jesse: I would need to see the rest of your roster to be able to make that call jess. Interesting trade for sure. Can Vucevic keep it up or go limp like an aging porn star? I love Irving. show me the rosta

      • Jesse says:
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        I have Westbrook, Harden, Josh Smith, Iblaka, Marc Gasol, Kyrie, Zach Randolf, Chris Bosh, Kemba Walker, Bynum, Felton, and Rose

        • Eric says:
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          @Jesse:

          Kyrie is playng like a top 10 player. I’d try to get Kevin Durant or Lebron w/ a player like Kyrie instead of trading down. Two for ones almost never work out for the person getting the two players. Bynum and Rose is what’s killing you. Everyone else on your team is quite beastly.

          Seems like you’re in a small league, if so drop Felton.

  9. Shaun says:
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    Do you think that wilson chandler is worth a pickup
    Head to Head pts league

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Shaun: I can tell you that I’ve always been a fan, and I can tell you that he should post numbers if healthy. Depending on who is at the end of your bench, I say grab him.

  10. Luis says:
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    I was offered Nene or Patrick Patterson for Ridnour straight up. Should I take Nene even though he’s been having plantar fascitis problems all season and just recently knee problems? I need rebounds, FG% help, and blocks. Nene doesnt give me that though. What do you think?
    My team:
    Jrue
    B. Jennings
    Stuckey
    Wall
    K. Thompson
    Delfino
    T. Evans
    Cousins
    B. Lopez
    Pekovic
    Faried
    J. Henson
    Al. Jefferson

    Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Luis: Nene may offer more. looks to be like your pretty set at guard. Your big men are nice too. sure pull the trigger.

      • Luis says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Thanks for the kind words about my team. I drafted just about everyone there, except for Jennings. I traded Bargnani and Glen Davis for him before Bargnani hurt himself.

        I’m worried about taking on Nene since it seems like he’s just going to continue getting hurt. It does seem like Nene has more upside than anyone else involved. You don’t think that if he gets hurt, and being a veteran, that they’ll pull the plug on his season since they’re obviously not going anywhere?

        • Eric says:
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          @Luis:

          Stay away from Nene man. Rodney Stuckey is your weakness. You’re better off picking up someone like Ed Davis or Okafor.

          • Luis says:
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            @Eric: Im in a 12 team roto league, those guys are long gone. I like Stuckey for two categories: free throw attempts and makes and A/TO ratio. He’s pretty good at both. He’s been a little down this year overall, but I’m hoping he turns it around.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Luis: stuckey is my boy. All I’m saying is that trade isn’t going to kill u and has a bit of upside. those other guys are not too useful but do what u do playa

  11. nightpandas says:
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    Thoughts on Matt Barnes? Can he keep this up? thinking of giving George Hill the boot to help with 3pt, steals and blocks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @nightpandas: thats a very interesting question. I would say, he won’t keep it up at this level, with Grant Hill coming back and some great depth out there, but should stay solid. Are you set at guard? I’m not in love with Hill but he solid

  12. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey whats up dude.. Yeah I picked up Okafor off the wire and he’s been killing it along with Tristan Thompson.. Hey I picked up Alexy Shved and he’s been off and on but everyone keeps telling me to keep him. Do you think I should drop him for j.j. barea like you put in your blog??

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasup. I prefer J.J. but they seem to like starting Shved for some reason. rubio should eat his minutes and JJ fits next to him as a scorer. go barea. plus his wife is hot

      • Eric says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Rubio will eat up Ridnour’s minutes not Shved’s. They want them to start together.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Eric: well then if thats what ur thinking you could just stick it out with him. i suppose he’s more consistent

  13. Thrilla says:
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    Have to drop one of the following guys in a 12 Team H2H Y! league… Who’s the odd man out?

    Shumpert – Dunleavy – Shved – Gerald Henderson

    Thanks

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Thrilla: as of now I’d say Shump daddy

  14. Frank Lynch says:
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    Lol…. Yo your the man!!!! I’ve been waiting for someone like you to help me out… Cool, funny n down to earth.. Thanks bro

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: you are too kind brotha Lynch. Thanks for reading

  15. D Rich says:
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    Good read. Classic MaGruber! J.J. I cant help but respect the little man he’s a champ and his wifes a dime piece. Lets all just hope we dont have another brent barry incident with some other teamate taggin his chick. My money is on Kirilenko. I have a fantasy and personal question. Where is Daniel Boobie Gibson?! I need an explanation. Dont get me wrong i never considered him an allstar but man is he alive ? Lebron please call him back or text him hes hurting.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @D Rich: I’ve patterned my life and hairstyle after Magruber. A great man and a patriot. One of this great nations heroes. Slick Rick Rubio probably already showed her the salami. He’s a true ladies man. Boobs Gibson? Last I head, he married that singer Keisha Kole, probably gets bossed around by her, plus worries about the fact she’s probably been dug out by half the rappers in the game. Gucci claims jeezy and diddy hit it and thats just the tip of the iceberg. Or maybe he just sucks and Lebron can make anyone look decent.

  16. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey whats up bro!!! Hey someone proposed a trade to me and I don’t think I like it but I wanna hear what you think? He wants to give me Cousins and Michael Kidd-Gilthrist for Ty Lawson and Gallinari…

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: Ohhhhhhh, I kind of do do like it. hold on, let me look upon your roster

  17. Frank Lynch says:
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    Do you think I should counter trade maybe Ty Lawson and Gallinari or Hibbert for Cousins and Vasquez? Or do you think I shoul do the other or stay away from all???

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: yes do it for vasquez and cousins

  18. Frank Lynch says:
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    Just to let you know my situation before I ask for your help, If you can, I’m in a head to head League where I play a guy every week and theres 11 categories so however many categories you win by the end of the week goes on your main record.. Right now I’m in 2nd place and this is my first time ever doing fantasy basketball. I usually huge into football but I dont know much about basketball, just what I know from sportscenter n all that… Thanks to your guys blogs I’m pretty nice on the waiver wire. lol.. Sorry for rambling but here’s my team
    tony parker
    ty lawson
    evan turner
    j,j, reddick
    george hill
    kevin durant
    roy hibbert
    danila gallinari
    emeka okafor
    tristaN THOMPSON
    tyson chandler
    greg monroe
    j.j. barea
    and Kevin Love but I had to drop him cause he’s hurt so I picked up,
    Glen Davis

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: Well after looking at your roster, I’ve decided against the trade as you have no other point guard. Lawson has been half a man lately but he’ll pick it up. you idea for the vasquez trade butters my biscuit. send lawson and gallo for vasquez and cousins. its finally clicking for the big guy.

  19. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo you there?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: In the flesh bro

  20. Frank Lynch says:
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    Oh shit sorry man… I live in Jersey so it’s 2:15 over here… I didn’t remember that I gotta give the morning a wait cause of hangover’s… LOL.. I would too if I didn’t have 2 year old twins….

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: twinsies? Tehol has always wanted twins

  21. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yeah kid!!! A boy and a girl…. Alot of headaches!!! LOL

  22. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey are you around right now???? I got a trade proposal and I need advise asap… Could you help??

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: I got you brotha lynch! Hit me with it

  23. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yeahh boyy!! Yo this feels to good to be true. He wants to give me blake griffen, kevin martin and derrick rose for tony parker, tristan thompson and greg monroe

  24. Frank Lynch says:
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    And you know my line-up right? I got Durant.. I would be off the meat rack right!!! Or no?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Tehol Beddict: @Frank Lynch: yea man only couple weeks u got to hold on till rose gets back. HIT that accept button mayne

  25. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo should I try to give him Okafor instead of Thompson or is that pushing it??

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: yea why not go for it. If not just do original deal

  26. Frank Lynch says:
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    idk then he might cancel the whole f’n thing…. or no?? I

  27. Frank Lynch says:
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    what you think??

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: I don’t know what kind of guy u are dealing with but if you wanna be absolutely safe and want it to Happen for sure just accept it but if you don’t think a counter offer will turn him off or give more time to think feel free to counter. I’d prob just accept. I would not take okafor if I was him

  28. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo I did it.. good looks man

  29. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey I was thinking. I feel like I’m losing alot of rebounds,, Do you think tristan thompson will stay killing it or do you think it’s just a faze?? Cause he said no to Okafor but he said Glen Davis instead of Thompson but idk… You think I should keep the trade or what??

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: oh I love TT. Give him Davis. Niiiiice

  30. Frank Lynch says:
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    hey whats up!!! Yo do you like Kevin Martin or Jameer Nelson better. Who would you pick for your team?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: totally depends on needs. Assists and all other stats jameer. Actually yea probably jameer

  31. Frank Lynch says:
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    Oh lso I was wonderingif you think that Milsap is getting traded?? Do you think I should scoop up Favors off the wire just in case since I’m losing rebounds off trade?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: I think Jefferson getting traded. Scoop favors should boost his stats major

  32. Frank Lynch says:
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    you there?

  33. Frank Lynch says:
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    Thanks man… If i get Nelson then it’ll Fuck up the trade and we gotta start all over.. Is it really worth it our should i keep Martin and scoop up Favors??

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: Martin is fine. You have to get that trade done

  34. Frank Lynch says:
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    Oh i forgot to tell you. He don’t want Davis now. He wants Thompson.. Still cool with Martin? A also i figure i might makeup on rebounds if i pick up favors right?

  35. Frank Lynch says:
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    I’ve been in 2nd all season and 6 teams make the playoffs so I figure I’m in a good position to wait for Rose right? After that i should be set and Fuck Thompson then right??

  36. Frank Lynch says:
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    U there Maynn???

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: yep got to pull the trigger

  37. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo sorry to sound like I’m wining to you but thanks for your help brotha!!! Yo do you think Rose will come out swinging or do you think he’s gonna be coming out slow at first with low minutes?

  38. Frank Lynch says:
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    And my bad i know i sound paranoid about the trade but it’s just like i said, I’ve been in 2nd all season without the new guys so I’m kinda scared of change but you know what, the first place guy is always been like 9 games ahead of me and he don’t ever budge… SoI’m excited at the same time cause with Durant, Griffen n Rose it feels like i can finally climb that ladder. If not hopefully i feel like I’m gonna sweep nukas in the playoffs. What you think?

  39. Tehol Beddict says:
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    You are good to go man. Rose will be fine eventually. maybe a slow start as they work him back in but the upside is too great to pass up. nice work

  40. Frank Lynch says:
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    Thnx Brotha!!!!!!

  41. Frank Lynch says:
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    yo u around?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: yes sir

  42. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey wasup!!! So i picked up randy Foye like a couple days ago and i just dropped him for Derrick favors…. Do you think it was too early or a good move?? The thing is that i don’t know when this trade is gonna go through so i wanted to grab him before word choir out and everyone else tries to get him.. Too early or good move?? Oh and that trade went through today do I’m pretty excited about that

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: Oh it’s a good move Lynch. Trust that. Favors is a monster, waiting to be unleashed on the masses. excellent move.

  43. Frank Lynch says:
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    Thanks dude… I can’t wait for Rose starts and then I’ll have Durant, Rose and Griffen!!! Ggeah!! And what’s great is that guy held on to him the while yeast and gave him up no less then a month before he came back

  44. Frank Lynch says:
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    Tweet only thing that sucks is i got kneed less player forabout a month so like this week this guy I’m playing has four more players/ or games up on me this week but it’s well worth it right?? I’m in 2nd and i can afford to take some shots cause 6 teams make it to the playoffs… You agree??

  45. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey I’m not trying to be annoying but i don’t know much about basketball and i really respect your opinion.. You good peoples!!!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: no worries my friend! U are good to go. My next blog comes out tomorrow. Check that out brotha

  46. Frank Lynch says:
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    You got anything to say? Even if you disagree i don’t care as long as i get any tips from you I’m satisfied with that??

  47. Frank Lynch says:
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    Oh shit I dint see that… Good looks bro!!!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: your welcome buddy. hit me with as many questions as you feel. And again, my posts are slated for tuesday mornings but I truly appreciate your support. Let’s get you a title

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