On Wednesday, Hornets coach Monty Williams said he “Wouldn’t be surprised to come out here one day this week and say Eric Gordon is playing tonight.” He also said he wouldn’t be surprised to see Gordon reinjure his knee in practice. He also said he wouldn’t be surprised to see Gordon reinjure his knee while literally sitting still on the bench. He also said he wouldn’t be surprised if surgeons found small elves dwelling in Gordon’s knee, re-tearing ligaments every time they began to heal. He also said he wouldn’t be surprised if one of those elves could do a better coaching job in New Orleans than he can.
But before we get into the surely lengthy coaching debate of between Williams versus a group of knee-dwelling elves, let’s talk about Gordon. He’s back! Almost. Maybe. Potentially. We actually don’t know. He’s played fewer minutes this season than teammate Carldrell Johnson (I’m not even convinced that’s a real person). But he averaged 21 points, five rebounds and two assists in the two games he did actually play in, so make sure he’s not floating around on your waiver wire. And if your waiver is filled with enough water that Gordon should be floating on it, I suggest you call a plumber.
Isaiah Thomas – There’s a farm of little people located just outside Seattle. Every six years, that farm releases one of the little people, allowing it to play for the University of Washington and, later, the NBA. In 2005, it was 5-foot-9 Nate Robinson. Now, it’s 5-foot-9 Isaiah Thomas. Little Isaiah has averaged 15 points, seven assists, four rebounds, a steal and a three per game over his last seven and dropped a 28/4/10 line on Wednesday. Height be damned, you want that on your pretend team.
Iman Shumpert – Slumpert is slumping no more. After six straight games with single-digit scoring, Shumpert is averaging 18.5 points, 6.5 rebounds, 3.5 assists and 3.5 threes per game over the Knicks’ past two. Will it last? Not if Carmelo Anthony and J.R. Smith have anything to say about it. But coach Mike Woodson likes Shump’s defense in the lineup, so pick him up if you’re feeling lucky.
Brandon Rush – You’re going to want to run out and get this guy. He’s been speeding to some really good numbers over the past few games. His 14 points, four rebounds, two blocks and two threes per game over his last six show some really good hustle. It’s going to be an all-out sprint to the waiver wire if you want to grab this guy before your league-mates do. If you don’t, get him, you’re going to be left scrambling for other players. These are terrible jokes.
Gordon Hayward – Since being reinserted into the starting lineup six games ago, Hayward is averaging 15 points, six rebounds and four assists. Of course, he won’t do that on your fantasy team. Because he hates you. But on the waiver wire, Go-Hay is pure money.
J.J. Hickson – When J.J. Hickson awoke from a hearty slumber on March 20, things seemed a little bit different. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and that sinking feeling that had stayed with him throughout the season had finally disappeared. After months of pain, Hickson finally got to leave Sacramento. And after averaging a paltry 4.7 points with the Kings, he’s totaled 51 points and 16 rebounds in four games with the Trail Blazers, and he hasn’t even needed a single microfracture surgery yet. Yes, the grass is greener when you don’t have to play for the Kings.
Zaza Pachulia – I’ll admit that Zaza is boring addition to any fantasy team. Like watching your 7-year-old nephew play youth soccer at 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning boring. But he’s averaging a double-double 10 rebounds and 10 boards over the past month for the Hawks with a few assists, steals and blocks thrown in for good measure. You could do much worse on the back end of your bench.
D.J. Augustin – DJA is averaging 3.4 points per game and shooting 33 percent from the field in his last five. And he’s still the best player on the Bobcats. That thud you just heard was the sound of all his fantasy owners dropping him.
Mo Williams – He injured his big toe and will likely be out for the next few weeks. He suffered the injury while participating in The Hunger Games. Not the actual movie, of course, but the bootleg versions he and his Clippers teammates sometimes stage in Staples Center after games.
Alonzo Gee – Remember when one-week-ago me lead this Buy/Sell column by saying “you might not be able to find a more balanced roto-line sitting for free on your league’s waiver wire,” than Gee? Apparently, one-week-ago-me is dumb. Like you after drinking nine beers and flirting with your second cousin dumb (I’m looking at you, West Virginia). Gee is averaging less than nine points per game over his last six and shooting 28 percent from the field in that span. Forget I ever told you about him.
Amar’e Stoudemire –He’s got a bulging disc in his back, the same way he has a bulging apostrophe in his first name. It’s an injury that will likely keep Stat sidelined for the rest of the season. It’s also an injury that will finally give Carmelo Anthony the freedom to start chucking up 40 shots per game. Every cloud has a silver lining, folks.
Nikola Pekovic – The big Montenegrin (Yes, that is a real word) has bone spurs in his ankles. Not to be confused with the spurs often found on cowboy boots, bone spurs are painful and do not make you look more like a badass. Pekovic might return tonight, but his condition will surely bother him for the rest of the season. If there’s a Jason Thompson-type guy on your waiver wire, it wouldn’t hurt to consider a switch.