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Greetings Razzball nation! It is I, Tehol Beddict, your indebted servant, scrutinizing player performances yet again to help you win your fantasy league. Let’s just say that Chris Bosh has had a trying last few days. The guy already gets blasted mercilessly for his resemblance to prehistoric creatures, flaccid rebounding numbers and his many peculiar moments on camera, some which of are on this video. Now, famous rapper Lil Weezy has called him out, saying that he played “hide the salami” with his wife. This combined with Bosh getting utterly embarrassed during the all-star game and more recent news of his wife being as ratchet as it gets earlier in her life may have put him in a funk for the remainder of the season. I mean, how could any man get over the vision of that little Alien pounding out their wife over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over again? I just don’t know if this fragile minded man can take much more punishment. If his first performance after the All-Star Break is any indicator of things to come (6 points and 6 boards) Bosh’s fantasy owners could be in major trouble going forward. I mean honestly, how many rappers has Bosh’s wife’s cakes been beaten by? 10? 20? 100? Does he have a prenup? These humiliating experiences could cost the Heat the title, I kid you not. Even more importantly, it could cost his owners fantasy glory.  Be afraid. Be very afraid. Here’s a glimpse of what else went on in the world of the NBA last night. Hold on a second! I can’t get over the fact that Bosh now has to deal with the truth that Tunechi (wayne to the lapers) went one in the pink and two in the stink on his wife!!! I honestly feel for the guy. Ok sorry. Let’s move forward and never mention this again.

Al Horford- 27 points, 9 boards, 2 assists. I can be your body guard and Betty you can call him Al. Well of course you may. That’s his name for God’s sake. Great song though. Do people still name their kids “Betty”? Never having met a Betty younger than 87 I would assume not.  After the Hawks trade Josh Smith today, the offense will fully be ran through Alf. His numbers have never been on par with the talent he possesses, but now there should be no containing this man-beast as I fully expect an eruption of Mt. Saint Helens proportions.

Zach Randolph- 17 points, 18 rebounds and 3 assists. It’s hard to drop 17 points when going 4/17 from the floor, but my man Zachariah did just that along with the Rodman-like rebounding. Randolph should be picking up more of the scoring load with Gay’s removal from the squad. I foresee a beautiful second half of the season for this chubby wonder. However, I don’t foresee myself ever getting enough money to get out of this shack……Please send money. I beg of you, please.

Andrea Bargnani/Terrence Ross- Combined for 2 points and 3 rebounds in 36 minutes of play. If there is anything in this universe that makes Tehol Beddict quiver, other than my head lice of course, it would be the uninspiring play of this Italian who was once taken with the number 1 overall selection in the draft. A goose egg? Do the world a favor and trade this long range gunner so he will start trying again. I don’t see how Ross fits in to the Raptors plans any longer after trading for Rudy Gay and signing DeRozan long term. I love his upside but maybe time to cut bait in fantasy.

Will Bynum- 8 points, 7 dimes and 3 boards. Brandon Knight went down and it didn’t look good. Bynum, who I’ve been fascinated with since his days at University of Arizona, is extremely talented and could see an uptake in minutes. Of course these aforementioned minutes could also be given to Stuckey, but either way, you will need a replacement if Knight is down for any length of time.

Michael Kidd-Gilchrist- 11 points, 6 boards, 3 assists and 3 blocks. Not the most riveting of numbers but I believe it to be a good sign of things to come in the second half for MKG. He simply hasn’t been impressive thus far this season but hey neither was Dane Cook until……Wait Dane Cook always blew whale rod. For our sake, hopefully Gilchrist doesn’t go out like DC.

J.R. Smith- 5 points. This tattooed lady slayer had the audacity to openly complain about his absence from the eastern conference all-star team and I for one, was appalled. It’s true that I’ve always been a fan of Smith and think he’s grossly underpaid, but the numbers, simply put, aren’t all-star worthy. However, I do enjoy reading about all the high class hoodrats he smashes on the regular. You can live and die with Smith in fantasy, just like the Knicks will.

Paul George- 27 points, 8 boards, 3 dimes and 2 blocks. To say that George has not become a fantasy monster is to say that Charlie Sheen is not a complete blow fiend. Kudos to you if you drafted him as he looks to become a 1st or 2nd rounder next season.

Anthony Davis- 12 points, 4 rebounds and 2 blocks. It’s high time this pop tart started playing like the gifted wizard he is. Not converting a field goal until late in the 4th quarter against Cleveland is simply unacceptable. This young man has been gifted the body of a giraffe mixed with a gazelle on steroids and should be putting up far superior numbers than he has thus far. Maybe we have to wait until next season. Woe is us.

Kyrie Irving- 35 points, 7 dimes, 5 boards and 2 steals. I would just like to point out that this kid is a fantasy God who shall be wreaking havoc in the league for the next 15 years. We, his worshippers, should get down on our knees and give our thanks on a nightly basis for what it is he brings to our rosters. Gods like sacrifices, so might I add that it could be a good idea to kill something and offer it up to Kyrie. No, not a human being you sick bastard. I was thinking more like a cricket or better yet a centipede. My what ghastly creatures centipedes are. Kill them. Kill them all I say!

Gerald Wallace- 7 points and 6 boards.  I’ll never get over the fact Brooklyn traded for the man formerly known as “crash” at the tail end of his career, giving up a pick that turned out to be Damian Lillard. Makes me sicker than swallowing a full cup of chew spit (typing that just made me throw up in my mouth). It’s unfortunate Wallace has followed a similar career path to Ellen Degeneres: Once quirky and somewhat enjoyable to watch, now I’d rather shart in my pants on a crowded monorail than view either of them. I’m not saying I wouldn’t bone but still, enough is enough. I was writing about boning Ellen of course, not Wallace. Or was I? Of course I was!

Larry Sanders- 12 points, 13 boards, 3 dimes and 5 blocks. Sanders is up to his old tricks again, continuing his unforeseen dominance in the swat department and adding excellent point and rebound production to it as well. What a find! Keep riding “Scary Larry” like the great Tonto did “White Feller”. What a name huh? Sounds like a good name for coke. “Hey throw some of that white feller on the glass bro.” “Spell my name in that white feller dude. I want to push the limits today.” Seems like I’m getting off track. Sanders is good.

Thabo Sefolosha- 28 points, 5 boards, 3 assists and 2 blocks. The Swissman played like a caged cheetah who had deer antler spray applied to the back of it’s throat every day for a year, released into the wild to slaughter anything that moves. That makes me wonder if Cheetah’s and other cat predators eat or chew on the antlers of their prey. Is that part of the reason they are so dominant? I just acquired some from Razzball follower Jose Canseco and will let you know the results. Back to Sefolosha: He will never, and I mean never, do this again. Don’t get cute.

Thomas Robinson- T-Rob didn’t play last night, oh no. He was however, traded to the Houston Rockets and should immediately slide into that starting power forward spot. I love this move for Houston a great deal and expect to see Robinson show why he was such a high pick. Mind blowing trade for the Kings. I’m waiting on the full explanation. Did he impregnate Adrienne Maloof or something? I wouldn’t blame him. In having millions of dollars of plastic surgery, the Maloof sister has become attractive in a sick way  and gets my “boner of the month” award. This is only given out to women involved with ownership of professional sports teams. Sorry Jeanie Buss, you’re never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Shout out to ‘En Vouge. ‘ Grab Robinson.

Nikola Pekovic- 27 points, 18 points and 2 blocks. And you thought they called him “Big Pek” for the size of his manhood. You’re wrong there my friends. I’ve been in that locker room as I begged my former girlfriend to not go home with Luke Ridnour for a drill sesh, and the man was hung like a squirrel. But those types of things aren’t important if you got game, and “Pek” certainly has that. A very nice fantasy surprise this season.

Nikola Vucevic- 16 points, 13 boards, 2 dimes and 2 blocks.Two men back-to-back named “Nikola?” Seriously, what are the odds of that happening?  How are Europeans so much better than white American players? I’ve been working on a thesis covering the subject for 10 years. I was thinking of  turning it into a book but then I would become world famous and more than likely not have the time to write this blog every week and then what would you guys do? Vucevic, quite frankly is one of the best centers in the game fantasy wise and looks to be a very nice piece for Orlando going forward. I wonder if he’s given Chris Bosh’s wife a thunder clap or two. I mean, who hasn’t?

Vince Carter- 14 points and 8 assists. Half man/half man that more than likely took old one eye to the optometrist. The optometrist being Chris Bosh’s wife of course. Carter has enjoyed a resurgence as of late and I for one am on the bandwagon. Ride him like “White Feller.”

Courtney Lee- 20 points, 4 boards and 2 assists. Lee is like that woman (or man) you think you’re interested in until they give it up. Once they do, you become disgusted with yourself, make up an excuse on why you have to leave, then never answer their texts or calls again. Many a team has acquired Lee’s services only to kick him to the curb the first chance they get. Lee has been passed around like the village slut as it seems he will one day have played for every franchise in the NBA. Without Rondo, he could be useful, but still a 30-percent chance he get’s traded today.

Dwight Howard- 24 points and 12 boards. Daaaaaawight is back people. His owners are rejoicing in the streets as if Pamela Anderson just offered to let them go balls deep after acting out their favorite Baywatch scene. I don’t own Howard in any leagues but I am rejoicing the fact that Weezy didn’t bump uglies with my boo. I guess for that to be true I’d have to actually have a girlfriend. All I have in this world is my chicken and hey that’s good enough for me…..Who am I trying to kid? FML.

Jarrett Jack- 21 points and 4 assists. With the ever fragile Curry starting, you never know when Jack will be thrust into the starting lineup  like lil Wayne’s wang into Bosh’s wife. Even when Curry is playing Jack puts up numbers and isn’t a terrible option at guard.

The Morris Twins- Reunited and it feels so good. I’ve always wanted to say that. Now I have.

Wow, went over 2000 words on this one. The new editor is going to have a splendid time with this one I’m sure [he did - thanks a lot Tehol!]. Maybe he can insert a couple more comments about Bosh’s wife. As always you can expect swift replies to all of your comments and questions and I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for reading I wish you all an extraordinary weekend.

 

 

 

 

 

  1. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey buddy long time no talk!!! Hey I need your help really bad can you hook me up with some advise??

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: I’m here for you plaaaaaaaya

  2. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey I’ve only lost one week out of this whole season and ever since the allstar break I lost bad that half a week before the break and I’m getting spanked this week.. I’m stil in 2nd by 13 games but with this week getting killed and next week I play the number 1 guy I’m in danger.. I dropped splitter n picked up Earl Clark. Was that anygood?? Also I’m thinking about drpping Speights but should I wait to see what happens at trade deadline?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: Earl Clark is an exquisite player with the reflexes of a cat and the speed of a mongoose. keep him

  3. Frank Lynch says:
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    If I do drop Speights, Is there any player that might be available on the wire that I should keep my eye on today?? I feel like that trade killed me cause giving up Parker and not getting Rose now might fuck my whole season up and never win in the playoffs.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: ROSe is coming Brotha Lynch. I’ve heard whispers from the trees in my sleep that he looks fantastic and is ready to make shit get uglier than the master p sneaker son. is kevin love available ?

      • Frank Lynch says:
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        LOL!!! Lloyd Banks my nuka.. Na remember I had Kevin Love but I had to drop him.. Someone actually picked him up right after and held or I should say, tugged that MO FO ever since… Do you really have inside connections or are you just kidding? ” No Disrespect my dude”..

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Frank Lynch: broseph, rose is coming back. he is looking good playing 5-5 in practice and it’s only a matter of time. I say he’s back in a couple weeks possibly. just in time for you big dog.

      • Frank Lynch says:
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        Also, So that shit when they say he can’t even dunk is BS? If he comes in playoffs then thats gonna fu#k me cause I need him for fantasy playoffs ya know?? I know i gotta million questions at one time but I’m stressen cause I don’t wanna lose the buy seed In the playoffs a week or 2 before playoffs… Well they say Speights might get traded but I would only keep him if he’s a starter.. What about Danny Green???

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Frank Lynch: do you need a big guy or a wing. Green is solid wing. Speights has blown whale blubber the past few games but he should return to posting solid stats.

          • Frank Lynch says:
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            So your saying keep Speights??? Or green?? If not then any other players in mind? sorry I didn’t understand what guy you think fits on my roster?

            • Tehol Beddict

              Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Frank Lynch: I’m saying it’s probably not going to make a huge difference either way. things should play out nicely for you from here I can feel it dog

              • Frank Lynch says:
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                Yo your the man!!! I swear u answered all my questions and weather I liked it or not Which I did You kicked the truth and I realy appreciated that alot so I’ma do what you said… IDK why my team aint putting up numbers but those people u talk to ‘ whispers in the trees” but I hope they’re right cause I need that motha F er Rose to hop in ASAP.. If you look atmy team I lost the past 2 weeks to teams that I killed before but now They’re catching up quick

  4. Hotrod says:
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    My boy Tehol,

    Any changes you would make, or areas you would look to improve heading into the playoffs(trade deadline in a week)? (14-team 10 cat H2H)

    Westbrook
    Nash
    Collison
    Bayless
    George
    Beal
    Melo
    David Lee
    Mullens Mafia
    Amir Johnson
    Robin Lopez
    Thomas Robinson
    Dalembert
    DL – Mo WIlliams

    Thanks!!

    Also, Just traded Dwight for Melo, and Tyreke for Nash. How’d I do?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Hotrod: Who needs Daaawight when you have B Mullens??? almost serious but I like the trade for Melo and am interested to see if this T Robinson thing works out. I’ve always been a Dalembert supporter. Tyreke for Nash is tougher but I don’t mind that one. I think Lakers finish strong and Nash will stroke and dish like he been doing since he came out the nut sack

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Hotrod: if I didn’t answer this I would say you don’t have a real weakness, but if you did it would be in the middle after trading howard but you can easily get buy with those guys, especially if Mullens keeps playing like the future hall of famer he is. Is anyone big available that ur considering?

      • Hotrod says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Not sure he is available, but thinking about offering Nash(with Mo WIlliams due back before playffos) for Unibrow? You Like?

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Hotrod: oh yes Tehol Likey. send it

  5. Frank Lynch says:
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    Just t o remind you my team is
    Ty Lawson
    evan turner
    jj reddick
    george hill
    kevin martin
    Derrick rose inj. of course
    kevin durant
    blake griffen
    roy hibbert
    earl clark
    danilo gallinari
    tyson chandler
    emeka okafor
    marreese speights

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: Love the squad Frank, love the squad kid. You’re stacked and when rose comes back they better get off the track when the trains coming through

  6. R says:
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    I have Amir right now but I’m concerned about his PT with Bargnani and Valanciunas back. Would you drop him for Hayward, Thomas Robinson, Jeff Green, Splitter, or Billups?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @R: You know, I was once concerned with him too, but Bargnani wants out and if they dont trade him today maybe they just majorly decrease his minutes since he doesnt want to be their obviously. Hayward is interesting choice and I need to see at least a couple games of T-rob before dropping amir for him. any other scrubs you can drop?

      • R says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Not really. The only other guy thats underperforming is JR Smith but I dont think hes worth a drop yet given that he has a couple 4 game weeks left.

  7. thhhhhpppt says:
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    bosh’s wife got lil wayne to pay for fake cancer treatment

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @thhhhhpppt: I know! I can’t believe I somehow left that out. im hoping for more info to come out. I love it. I’m like a school girl again

  8. Frank Lynch says:
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    Oh I replied to your reply a couple of questions ago… Thanks brotha

  9. m1chael says:
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    Need help. I’m in a 14 Team 9 CAT H2H. heres my team
    Tony Parker
    Wade
    Bosh
    Ginobili
    Derozan
    Melo
    MKG
    Bogut
    Jeff Green
    T-Rob
    Bargs
    Tony Allen

    I was offered.. CP3, Joe Johnson and Noah for Melo/Wade
    Should I take the trade?
    Also I’m thinking about dropping Bargs for Andrew Nicholson.

    Let me know what you think.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @m1chael: picking up Nicholson isn’t a bad trade whatsoever as he much more consistent. the other trade most likely isnt neccesary though it gives you a bit more depth. Im not highly opposed to it. But im not gonna say pull the trigger for sure

  10. Frank Lynch says:
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    Oh shit I just saw jj reddick went to Mill. Bucks.. is that good for me or a downhill slope for him??

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: shouldn’t hurt his production much if at all. THey traded for him for a reason so I assume he will play quite a bit

  11. m1chael says:
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    Got another trade that was offered to me. Bogut/T-Rob for Dion Waiters/Michael Beasley.

    Fair trade? I’m not too fond of Beasley and Waiters have been up and down IMO..

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @m1chael: yea I would hold off on that one big dog

  12. Richie says:
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    “I mean honestly, how many rappers has Bosh’s wife’s cakes been beaten by? 10? 20? 100? Does he have a prenup?”

    Literally had me laughing out loud! Can you say “roasted?” hahaha

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Richie: well I keep laughing about it haha glad someone else liked it

  13. Frank Lynch says:
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    Hey thanks again for the help… I got 3 n a half weeks to playoffs. How much time should i give Rose till I drop him?? Also I’m getting killed this week and last week. I don’t know whats going on with my team but I hope there not gonna fall apart now.. All my categories are mad weak. The weeks almost done and I got a lil over 200 points.. I never had that low. I’m kinda in freak out mode cause I’m gonna lose my buy spot.. I think I might grab danny green tomorrow.. idk

  14. Frank Lynch says:
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    Letting go of Parker killedme.. He’s allot better then Griffen and Martin… SSSHHIITT

  15. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo I cant be more pissed!!!! Somebody grabbed D green.. I was just gonna grab him. You really think Speights is a better keep?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: just breathe big dog. We gonna do this. Speihhts is just fine

  16. Frank Lynch says:
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    Thanks dude… not to be gay but u always make me feel comfortable… lol.. But yeah I hit that other dude up cause I haven’t heard from you. My bad I aint no trader!! LOL

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: its all good. JB is a good dude and an expert in the game as am I. lets all be gay!

  17. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yeeerrrrrrp!!! Hey I picked up Jamison for Speights.. I might switch it to Moore on Orlando. U like? Or do u think I should also pick up Moore for Clark?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: Keep clark. we will wait for the perfect pickup to drop jamison for. until then ride the lakers

  18. Frank Lynch says:
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    And yo I was just kidding about that feeling comfortable ISH!!!! LOL

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: well that hurts my feelings Frank!

  19. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo i’m thinking about trading rose.. Rose and another guy for really good guard like josh smith if I could. What you think Nuka?

  20. Frank Lynch says:
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    Also did u like the Jamison pick-up? He’s playing tomorrow so I wanted that but I can always grab Moore for him tomorrow. Y or N ? I’m so pissed cause I’m the man on the wire cause of you guys and I slipped this n last week and everybody I was gonna grab I slepped on and they all were taken… Jeff Green, Danny Green, Robinson, etc…. FFFFUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank Lynch: Speights got off tonight kid daaaaaaayum

  21. Frank Lynch says:
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    Goodmorning bro… Well a lil early to you’ll on the westcoast. Anyway I was thinking, It sounds like Rose is coming back mid-March so I’m def in playoffs but without him I have a feeling I’m gonna get beat up next week by the number 1 guy cause he wins huge every week all season but I got Earl Clark and Antawn Jamison n there both on the Lakers and only play 3 games next week. They play tomorrow so I can get one game from them cause I was thinking I should pick up Jameer Nelson. He should be out for A week and He’ll be back and I’ll have him through the playoffs.. What u think?? If u agree then which one should I drop? Can you let me know as soon as u can cause everyone has been killing the wire .. Thank dude!!

  22. Frank Lynch says:
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    Yo I need your help buddy… u around?

  23. Frank Lynch says:
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    I hope your not on another one of your crack binge’s Tehol!!! LOL JK.. Where you at kid?????

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