Fantasy Basketball Advice

Pip-pip! Huzzah! Ha-cha-cha! And bully! It’s time to wake grandma up, ask her where she keeps the key to the liquor cabinet, threaten her with permanent relocation to a faraway retirement community if she doesn’t tell you where the key is, get the key, use the key, grab that $9 bottle of champagne and pop that sucker. Now take an extra swig from the bottle, because you’ve waited extra long to get to this point in the season. We’re starting with the league’s 10 best picks in fantasy basketball, followed by the next 10, then the top 20 at each position shortly thereafter. Then the top 100. Then the top 200. Then some tiered rankings, maybe a few watercolors, a Haiku here ‘n’ there. Then the world.

All rankings are an amalgam of 9-category roto and h2h leagues (note the season projections at the end of each blurb. They’re compiled in increments of five-tenths. Why? Would I be here if I could predict in increments of one-tenth? C’mon. That’s just crazy talk).

Here ’tis, the top 10 for 2011 fantasy basketball:

1. Kevin Durant – Kid Delicious topped last year’s rankings too, but I was more sure of his No. 1 spot then than I am now. Mostly because we saw what LeBron was still capable of doing playing alongside other all-stars. Durant is also playing alongside an all-star and a bunch of guys I think will surprise fantasy folk (<– not LARPers) this year. Still, I think Durant’s supporting cast will make the Thunder better more than it will make Durant less productive. So why am I still second-guessing this top choice? I’m going with his ankles. Everytime he lands after a jump, I think, “This is it. Those little spire legs and ankles are never going to be able to support the rest of him. He’s done. Broken ankles.” His skinny legs and wide feet are what Chaplin imagined when he stuck those forks in the baked potatoes and made them dance. All that, and he’s still good enough to list as numero uno.
Season Projections: .470/.880/2 3pt/29 pts/6 rbd/3 ast/1 stl/1 blk/2.5 tov

2. LeBron James – There are guys in the league that seem absolutely indestructible. Tim Duncan in 2002. Garnett in ’04. Elton Brand in ’06. (Unless you were on the Jazz throughout the ’90s, most elite indestructible guys eventually destruct and miss half-a-season. It happens, but you can’t avoid these guys just because you fear this is the year they snap a femur). They’re the elite guys you target because, on top of their skill, they never seem to get injured. Even when they get hurt, they avoid injury. Being hurt and injured ain’t the same. I encourage you too look up the definition of each, but only after you’ve finished reading this post, because if you’re anything like me, you’ll get to flippin’ through the ol’ dictionary and WHAM-O, half-a-day has passed. Book learnin’: what a delight! Anywoot, 2011 LeBron James strikes me as an indestructible player. Sure, he’s been hurt, but the only time he’s missed extensive games was when the Cavs rested him at the end of the 2009 season. Ain’t no rest for the wicked in short seasons. But there will be rest for the weakened. Here’s to hoping ‘Bron stays indestructible.
Season Projections: .515/.755/1 3ptm/25 pts/7 rbd/7 ast/1.5 stl/1 blk/3 tov

3. Chris Paul –Other fantasy blogs are going to lump in Paul with the first two blokes and tell you that you can’t go wrong choosing either one of them with the No. 1 pick. I won’t argue against that (mostly because arguing with a computer screen is the second-best way to get your neighbor to call the police on you. The first-best way, you ask? Retrieving your mail in an open bathrobe and nothing else), but I can’t honestly say I’d consider picking CP3 if either of the other two are still on the board. There’s just enough unsuredness to make me … well, unsure, I guess. He’s missed 17+ games twice in his last five seasons, the Hornets are in all kinds of flux and I’m not even sure if the Hornets matter because Paul might not be on N’Awlins’ roster much longer. Paul’s NBA value has yet to be fully realized. It’ll happen if he lands in New York or L.A. But if he lands in either of those places, I think his fantasy value takes a hit.
Season Projections: .480/.860/1 3ptm/18 pts/4 rbd/9.5 ast/2.5 stl/0 blk/2.5 tov

4. Derrick Rose – I almost sent Rose up to number three. I was close. Real close. I would have done it, too, if it hadn’t been for those nosy kids and their dog, Scooby. In just 0.6 mpg more than the previous season, Rose added 4.2 pts, 1.4 3ptm, 1.7 ast and shot almost 10 percentage points better from the line in addition to his already stellar stats. Never mind taking Chris Paul over Durant and LeBron, I’m not sure I’d even take him over Rose. I would, but just by THIS much. You can’t see me, but my thumb and forefinger are really, really close together, thereby signifying the slight advantage I feel Paul has over Rose. And what’s the advantage? Well, mostly that I’m not sure where Rose can go from here? Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau runs too tight a ship in Chicago to let his star PG go any more than he has. In fact, I envision a more efficient season from Rose (fewer TOVs, better FG%, most ASTs) at the slight down-tick of his scoring. Not that it will matter much on draft day. A Rose by any other name might be Jalen.
Season Projections: .460/.850/1 3ptm/24 pts/4 rbd/8 ast/1 stl/0.5 blk/3 tov

5. Dirk Nowitzki – His rebounding has dipped more often in six years than Lenny Dykstra throughout his entire chaw-filled career. Also, my wife refers to him only as, “that blonde guy who looks like an ’80s player from the waist down.” Why, yes, it is he. The Finals MVP back again to do everything just about the same way he did it the year before. He won’t be as efficient (he shot a career-best .517 from the floor last year) and as long as Dallas keeps Tyson Chandler or replaces him with someone of that ilk (or “Ill ‘K,” if you’re a Beastie Boy), Dirk (or Durr ‘K, if you’re a Beastie Boy) won’t grab more than seven boards a game. He’ll be 34 at the end of this season and, forgive me, I imagine this is the last time we’ll see him in the top 5 on most fantasy boards.
Season Projections: .475/.885/1 3ptm/22.5 pts/7 rbd/2.5 ast/1 stl/1 blk/2 tov

6. Pau Gasol – I know, I know. Pau’s value shrinks if Andrew Bynum is healthy. First of all, Andrew Bynum is never healthy. Second of all, it’s not as drastic a plunge as, say, deep V-neck t-shirts from American Apparel. He averaged 19/10/4 starting at center with Odom in Bynum’s place and 19/10/3 with Bynum at center. Also, I’m pretty sure Pau owns a half-dozen deep V-necks. Also 2: The Bride of Also – I reserve the right to completely void this entry if Dwight Howard dons a Laker jersey at any point this season.
Season Projections: .529/.830/0 3ptm/19 pts/9.5 rbd/3.5 ast/0.5 stl/1 blk/2.5 tov

7. Dwyane Wade – I never have anything insightful to say about Wade (or anyone really, but especially Wade), and that in and of itself, is the biggest insight I can offer about the guy. He’s you’re slightly younger brother’s Kobe. He’s you’re slightly less front-running cousin’s LeBron. He’s Lisa Bonet’s Kadeem Hardison-less Dwayne Wayne. He’s whomever you want him to be. Unless this is 2007 and you want him to be healthy. Otherwise, even with James and Bosh shootin’ the curl in Miami, Wade is still the best fantasy option at SG, still a great source of blocks from a backcourtsman (<– fancy term!) and still has yet to play 80 games in a season. Wait, that last one wasn’t a positive thing. Doesn’t matter. Whatever. This is Miami. They’re used to things being done kinda half-assed.
Season Projections: .485/.765/0.5 3pt/26 pts/6 rbd/5 ast/1.5 stl/1 blk/3 tov

8. Stephen Curry – Did anyone have a 19/4/6 season with 2.0 threes and 1.5 steals per game while leading the league in FT% more quietly than this kid did last season? Part of it was his nagging foot problem that forced him to miss eight games. Part of it was that he played for Golden State. Had I divided this excuse pie into only two parts, I’d be done. But I divided it into three parts, so I still owe you one. I tend to think the high expectations leading into last season pickled his favorability with fantasy owners instead of, ahem, currying it. He was better, but not immensely better and it made his owners feel as if he was underachieving. Totally unchill, bro. In 2010, he was being drafted somewhere between No.5 and 14 after a spectacular 18/5/6 rookie campaign. Where was he going to go from there? 30/15/15 with the ability to balance the U.S. budget and explain to people why Whitney Cummings is popular? No way. He showed minor improvement as a sophomore and will add slightly to those improvements this season.
Season Projections: .470/.895/2 3ptm/21 pts/4 rbd/7 ast/1.5 stl/0 blk/3 tov

9. Deron Williams – I ranked Deron Williams here last season and he ended up missing 17 games, turning the ball over a career-high 3.5 times a game, doling out a four-year low in assists and shooting .439 from the floor (the lowest since his rookie season). He injured his wrist and even when he was healthy enough to play, it killed his shot. Wow. Doesn’t seem like a top 10 player to me. Ah-ha! Me thinks you doth protest too much, Italicized Voice. I’m not protesting. It takes at least a nine-man drum circle and a tent full of Hemingway books before it counts as a protest.All that bad news about D-Will and he still ended with a career-high 20.1 points and 10.3 assists per game. Alas, he’s one of the few players who started playing professional basketball on time this season, something that may prove itself useful in the first four weeks of the season. It’s also worth pointing out that while Williams was suffering from a .349 FG% in 12 games as a member of the Nets, he was also averaging almost 13 assists and 1.5 steals. Look for a very good season from New Jersey’s finest.
Season Projections: .475/.800/1 3ptm/19 pts/4 rbd/10.5 ast/1 stl/0 blk/3 tov

10. Kevin Love – There are a lot of players that could have been listed here: Kobe, ‘Melo, Amar’e. I went with Love. Always go with love. Hos before bros, I always say. Love offers far fewer weaknesses than anyone else ranked outside the top 10. He’s a big man who shoots threes and free throws well, passes the ball and does the rebounding work of two average fantasy forwards. The same way Wade’s blocks make him way more valuable than the average SG, Love’s accuracy from outside 10 feet make him a huge asset amongst big men. Now imagine if either Anthony Randolph or Ricky Rubio turn out to be valuable and either free up Love (Randolph) or set him up with ease (Rubio)? Love was double-teamed automatically by February and still averaged a double-double every night, he was that good. Love may be all you need, Lennon, but Minnesota could use a third weapon to throw out there besides Kev’ and Beasley. If Minny finds that weapon, it’s not inconceivable that Love could add another 5-6 points per game and an extra rebound or two. Goosebumps!
Season Projections: .475/.845/1 3pt/19 pts/14 rbd/3 ast/0.5 stl/0.5 blk/2 tov

It’s been a while since you’ve angrily stared at a basketball roster and wished you could start all over … unless, you’re Dan Gilbert, in which case, not a day has gone by where this wasn’t something you did at least twice. I hear you. I feel you. I touch you, Tommy. It’s all good. It’s that time of the year again. Time for Kevin Martin to strain a tricep? No … well, I mean, yeah. If this were a normal season, that would be correct, but for 2011, it’s time to sign up for one of Razzball’s fantasy basketball leagues. Come. Join in our reindeer games (because, sadly, reindeer will be in season when the NBA kicks off!)

The details are being etched into stone tablets as we speak, but here are the basics: we’re going to open as many 12-team leagues as there are readers interested in joining up. Last year, I only updated the combined efforts of each league a small handful of times. This year, I’m putting on my Hulk hands so this year’s handful will be much more plentiful. After all 1,980 regular season NBA games are tabulated, we’ll crown not only individual winners from each league, but one supersexy, ultra-macho, uber-menche winner among all the winners. (What’s he or she get for winning? That’s a good question. I’m working on it. Maybe something, maybe nothing. If you’ve got ideas, drop them in the comments – gently). We’re going to take the best scores among all the leagues to determine the best overall fantasy owner. Your standing in each individual league will determine your standing within your league. Picture your individual league as your division or conference. Pictured it? Good. We’re moving on.

Here’s how things shook out last year. For the Top 10-15 players from last year, I’m creating a special league for just you guys. Make sure to mention your final standings in the comments if you happen to be one these lucky cats. If you’re a forgetful lucky cat, the final standings can be found here.

We’re going to fill up as many fantasy leagues as we can for the next couple of weeks with a draft sometime between December 15-23.  Each Razzketball league will be a 12 team, 13-player Roto rosters (I know H2H is preferred, but it’s harder to link multiple leagues with H2H) that will shape up like this:  PG/SG/G/SF/PF/F/C/C/3 UTIL/3 BENCH.  The fantasy leagues will be played at ESPN’s site and they will be free to join. I prefer Yahoo, but Yahoo doesn’t give non-leaguemates the ability to see the leagues – those yahoos.

Drop me a line down in the comments so I know how many pints of apple juice and boxes of animal crackers we’re gonna need. If you’re interested in being a league organizer (we’ll need one per league to accept the other 11 people into the league, set up a draft time, set it up on ESPN, etc.) please say so in either the comments or you can message me on Twitter (TWEET!), Facebook (LIKE!) or even Tumblr (TUMBL LIKE!) if you’d like to look at girls in bikini right before you alert me to your interest in joining one of the RCLs. 

Jazzed? Good. Go sign up!

Remember when Han Solo was thawed from the carbonite freeze? Or when Cameron dropped the shocked-coma act in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?” Or how ’bout when R.P. McMurphy pretended to have been labotomized all to hell (before actually being lobotomized all to hell?) in Cuckoo’s Nest. Oh, and let’s not forget when Dana Barrett was momentarily lost forever in the charred remains of a demon dog in “Ghostbusters.” Death is temporary, cats and kittens. Time to reanimate and get back to work.

The NBA’s 149-day lockout came to an end early Saturday morning (unofficially, but close enough for our purposes) and with it, so too ended Razzball’s inert-yet-defiant period of fantasy reviews of yesteryear. The second-longest lockout in NBA history is history. It’s all about 2012 now. Look at ol’ Uncle Sam up there. Does he appear interested in BRI, MLEs, CBAs, Bird and ‘Melo rules, and caps? No. He doesn’t. You want to know the basics of the tentative agreement? Go here. You want to know what the players thought about it? Go here. Wanna know what the next month is going to be like for real basketball? Go here. Wanna know how to get your fantasy team ship-shaped for the suddenly-happening basketball season? Stay here. Grab a juice box if you must, but I can’t guarantee I won’t start without you. We’ve got fewer than 30 days. I can’t just go around waiting for everyone to get juice boxes.

We’ve got about four weeks to prepare you for one last fantasy basketball season before the world goes kaput (according to the Mayans and Britney Spears, whom I believe follow each other on Twitter). Deep breaths. Stretch out your quads. Downward Dog it for a second. Chew some almonds. I’ll have Razzball Commenter League information up in the next couple days, followed immediately by the 2011 Top 20 Fantasy Basketball Rankings. Next week, we’ll start in on the position rankings and free agency news with the top 100 and 200 followed shortly after. In between, we’ll update you on player movement throughout the league and try to maintain fresh rankings according to the free agency movements, signings, trades and the like right up until your draft day and beyond. Whoa. Heavy.

I haven’t forgotten about those last 10 2011 Fantasy Basketball Team Previews, but under the circumstances of what I suspect will be bizarre and fast-paced free-agency clusterfudge of changes, it would be better just to keep you informed of the league movement than focusing on specific teams.

Punch it, Chewie! It’s good to be back; 1988 was, like, so 23 years ago.

I almost titles this entry, “Even Burt Reynolds Can’t Touch Ronny Anderson,” but I decided against it because I’m pretty sure Burt Reynolds, could, in fact, touch Ron Anderson. Anderson was selected third overall in this year’s draft, mainly as an insurance policy against either Danny Manning or Benoit Benjamin going el-busto. And not the good kind of el busto, like the adult dance parlor filled with top-heavy talent in Sante Fe I went to on a winter bender back in ’83. It’s a tough thing for a franchise to understand how unlucky it is to burn a third draft-pick in order just not to mess up. Turns out, Smith is playing like a third overall pick should. He scored a career-high 34 points for Philadelphia, giving him 62 in his last two games. Benjamin has only averaged 4.5/5 in his last two (18/11 in the previous eight, to be fair). For now, I’d grab Smith for the same reason the Clips dis: insurance. I’d also ask the question why can’t you be more like Ron, Benoit? By the way, “Why Can’t You Be More Like Ron, Benoit?” is the title of a new play I’m writing about two brothers who both suspect the other was adopted.

Anyway, here’s who else did some basketballin’ last night.

Vern Fleming – Indy won it’s first professional basketball game of the season last night on Vern’s 20/3/10. Maybe if Vern had stopped listening to Ernest all this time, they’d have more than just one W on the board. Sorry about that last joke. No dessert for me tonight.

Scott Skiles – He had eight assists in 17 minutes last night. He’s averaging 9 assists per 36 minutes this season from the bench. That, mon amis, is a clear cut case of trade me-nengitis.

Jeff Grayer – Debuted and scored 13 points in said debut. He’s been out since training camp with chicken pox. He’s been telling everyone he’s been out because of the five guys who shanked him from the shadows though.

Shelton Jones – Golden State popped its Jerome Whitehead from the roster to make room for Jones. That concluded the last time you’ll hear about either player on a fantasy basketball post.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar – 12/6/3, played his final game at MSG. Looked like he was playing his final game before losing all feeling in his extremities.

Isiah Thomas – 6/3/8, with a steal. Shot 2-for-10 in 35 minutes. Combined with Adrian Dantley to go 3-for-18 and they still beat Charlotte by six. This is a not a comment on Thomas or Dantley. This is a comment on the Charlotte Hornets.

Kurt Rambis – 16/14/1, with 4 stl. Okay. Yeah, but can he play the piccolo? Get outta here? Really? Well, um … can he whistle?

Danny Schayes – 5/5/3, with four fouls in 11 min. Foul trouble + Nets = wasted fantasy day.

Terry Cummings – Shot 9-for-23, ended with 19 points. He celebrated by quietly getting dressed in the locker room and going out for a nice dinner at a quaint Italian bistro near his home.

Johnny Newman – 22/4/0, with his 16th and 17th three-pointers. The league’s in trouble if he makes a habit of contributing in any way other than scoring. Like a dolphin developing opposable thumbs.

Bill Cartwright – He averaged 11/5 last year with the Knicks. He’s averaging 14/6 in his first 10 games as a Bull. Call it the Air Pressure.

Vinny Del Negro – He shot 7-for-8 in 24 minutes and finished with a 15/3/7 line, with three steals. Nine games into his career, he hit all career-highs in everything. He’s available in almost every fantasy league roster. I would not have put those two sentences together if I didn’t mean for them to share a connection with one another.

Kevin Duckworth – And now let’s play, “Take a chill pill. Kevin Duckworth is going to be okay.” After averaging 11/7 all last week, he ended with a 27/11 line. So, take a chill pill. Kevin Duckworth is going to be okay. Until next time, this was “Take a chill pill. Kevin Duckworth is going to be okay.”

Olden Polynice – Five fouls limited him to 21 minutes. He did have 12 points and seven rebounds, but that’s like complimenting the frame of a painting you don’t like.

John Lucas – Why is he starting? ‘Kay thanks.

L I N E   O F   T H E   N I G H T

.500 / 1.000 / 0 3ptm / 25 pts / 12 rbd / 13 ast / 6 stl / 0 blk / 5 tov

Magic Johnson – First triple-double of his season. That’s why you drafted him. Enjoy it. Lie in it. Roll around in it like a pig in slop.

The Clippers’ “other” top draft pick, Charles Smith,  is averaging 18.1 pts/6.1 rbd for the maligned squad in his first three weeks. He’s started every game so far, which is nice. But he’s also committed either four or five fouls in every game so far, which has limited his production. That’s less than nice. He’s also going to need a nickname. Charles Smith ain’t gonna cut it. He’s not even the second most famous Charles in the league and “Smith’ doesn’t make him any more memorable. Rearrange the letters in his name and you get Hatch Rimless, which I grow increasingly partial to the more often I repeat it. Anyway, Rimless went 23/7 Saturday night, which shows just a fraction of his potential. He turned the ball over six times and fouled five times, which shows the reality of the situation. Give this rookie time, then give him a dang chill pill.

Here are a few more rookies to ponder and a many more who aren’t.

Danny Manning – 20/11/2 in team-high 38 minutes. Maybe the Clippers’ cursed history is set to turn around, with Hatch Rimless and Manning on board, but little is going to change until they bring Manning into the starting rotation. He’s getting swallowed up on many plays once the defense realizes he’s the only good player in secondary rotations. If you had to bet on the bigger name a decade from now, you going with Manning or Benoit Benjamin?

Ralph Sampson – Remember last year, when everyone freaked out about the Rockets throwing away Sampson for “Sleepy” Floyd and Joe Barry Carroll? Well, Sampson hasn’t scored 15 points or grabbed double-digit rebounds once in the first three weeks of the season.He’s only shot better than .445 from the floor once. Ralph’s back still ain’t right. Ralph ain’t never going to be well again. Trade Ralph to someone holding out faith, if you can. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go ralph all over the back alleyway.

Joe Barry Carroll – Oh, I love a natural segue! Joe Barely Cares’ doctor announced that he’s got a torn ligament in his left wrist. The Nets’ center was injured Tuesday after a fall against the Hornets. He’ll miss at least two games, probably more.

Spud Webb – Started in place of the injured Doc Rivers. He pretty much covered Doc’s offensive output, dishing out seven assists and only missing two shots. (Note: he only took two shots).

Jack Sikma – Exactly four assists in each of his first six games this season. He’s fun.

Paul Pressey – Pressey earned his first dub-dub of the season (12 pts/ 12 ast) and is nearly averaging his career high in points (16.1) and I’m told he doesn’t seem as selfish as I was told he seemed last season. I’m just going by what I’ve been told. I can’t be sure either way, as I’ve never actually seen this guy play. That would entail watching a Milwaukee Bucks game. No one enjoys basketball enough to do that.

Akeem Olajuwon – Played 39 foul-plagued minutes that eventually ended with the Dream fouling out. Before he went, he had a 34 pts / 12 rbd / 4 stl / 6 blk line. More importantly, the Rockets handed the Pistons its first loss of the season. What’s that? … I’m sorry, I’ve just been informed that Detroit’s defeat is, in no way, more important than Olajuwon’s final line. Olajuwon’s six blocks (good) + six fouls (bad) = 6 blocks (still good). How does that work out? Dunno. This is why I hate math.

Ron Anderson – Averaging 21 points in his last five, starting. Well worth an add. Not starting, but shaping up to be this team’s sixth man. Suffers from Charles Smith’s name recognition issues.

Rod Strickland – 14/6/8 in just 20 minutes from the bench. Her’s a hanky, wipe off your drool. New York was playing in a blowout against the worst-defensive team in the East. Let’s see him do it against the Pistons.

Rik Smits – The number two overall pick in this year’s draft has only scored more than 11 points once in nine games and has yet to crack double-digit rebounds. So when you wonder why the Pacers haven’t won a game yet, I’ve got your square one right here.

Ed Pinckney – Scored 26 points, the second-highest total in his four-year career. In his previous seven games, he’d averaged 7 ppg. Going to E-Z Ed for fantasy production is like going to Ted Turner’s new TNT channel for basketball games – there’s none to be had.

Mugsy Bogues – 4/3/11. I’d pay upwards of $250 to see Mugsy rest on Spud Webb’s shoulders and play 1-on-1 with Manute Bol.

Scottie Pippen – Friday’s game marked the return of Chicago’s sophomore swing guard, who had an operation for a herniated disk last July. None of the newspaper reports I read explained why in the world he’d want an operation giving him a herniated disk. He scored 15 points in his debut. That’s about his ceiling.

John Stockton – Twenty-one assists, the highest single-game total of the season so far. Amazingly, this wasn’t even one of Stockton’s five highest assist totals in the last four seasons. It was his seventh-highest.

Jeff Malone – The other other Malone put the Bullets on his back, scoring 36 points. His back was big enough to fit the whole team on, so D.C. somehow beat Boston. You read that right.

Reggie Lewis – Last week I suggested a run on Lewis. The week before that, I suggested a run on Brian Shaw. Saturday night, they combined for 8/2/5 on 2-for-7 shooting. So that happened.

L I N E   O F   T H E   N I G H T

43 min., .818 / .814 / 0 3ptm / 31 pts / 15 rd / 2 ast / 0 stl / 0 blk / 5 tov

Brad Daugherty -  Yeah, I know Akeem had the better night, but who do you expect to see with the Line of the Night more often: Olajuwon or Big Dukie? Hooch had perhaps the best game of his brief career. He’s scored more than 31 points four other times and grabbed more than 15 rebounds thrice before, but never in the same game and never after sinking more than .815 with at least 10 shots. He had 33/12/8 once on February 18, 1987, which I’ve always thought of as his best game … y’know, ’cause I’m always thinking about Daughtery’s all-time best games a little over two years into his career. April 14 from last season was also a good one. Prove me wrong.