This year’s Writers League was infected by a couple of non-writers. That’s on me for not changing the settings. But the lemons have morphed into sweet lemonade because some of the non-writers have decided to write some things. So, it’s a Writer’s League after all. What came first? The writers or the league? Anyways, enjoy Kelder’s piece below.
The Infector Parasite Review
Featured Team: Joker, Smoker, Mile High Toker, but man that’s a crazy name so from here on out will be known as just the JokerSmoker. I know Joker would be easier but it’s not as funny to me so just back up would ya? This guy is off to a 15-3 start and plays the Infector (clearly an inferior player who has no business being in this league) so should be able to continue this.
JokerSmoker has done this despite the obvious misstep of counting on Kawhi Leonard for anything besides a funny laughing meme this season. Also he has Embiid! That’s not as bad since he didn’t tell us anything about his foot and knee and bowel issues (okay, made that one up), but he’s gonna miss 30 games I predict this year. He’s probably also hoping to get more than 12 PPG from Klay, right? I mean, if you aren’t motivated by Charles Barkley I don’t know what more to give this guy? He has four of those MFers!!!!
The waiver wire has been JokerSmoker’s friend. Nic Richards, De’Anthony Melton, and Brook Lopez with his beautiful 3 blocks per game have made up for the missed games. Why do people attack him like he’s Zion or Vucevic on defense? He can block a shot, you crazy fools! And those beautiful, glorious, value pick guards in Dejounte Murray and Desmond Bane have surely meshed with Nikola Jokic to create a balanced stat line.
He’s leading the league in blocks and FG%, and is in the top half of the league in everything but FT%. I
think he’s here to say, unless of course everyone finds Kawhi’s injury management program.
Pickup of the week: The Parasite Infector got Bol Bol! He’s got crazy unicorn-like numbers. I have to
decide if he’s going to be a mainstay or if I should trade him given his injury history that extends even to his college day. He’s only played like 9 games. They’ve been good games, but I think I’ll troll some offers to the block needy. Not to Jokersmoker, though. He has enough.
Poor Patrick Williams, De’Anthony Melton, and Bruce Brown. They’re getting dropped more often than
pounds on the Biggest Loser. But then they get picked up again, but I shouldn’t make weight gain jokes
after I just realized I gained 3 lbs in October. Confound you Taco Tuesdays! And Pizza Fridays! And Waffle Saturdays! Maybe associating days with food isn’t a great healthy eating plan.
Infector Ineptitude Report: I drafted Ben Simmons on purpose and I deserve everything bad that’s
happening to me. My issue drafting three wings in a row is that yes, I have a base in every stat. That’s
good! However, then I have no elite production in any category from them. That’s not so good! So
then I had to pick up one-category guys as I sifted through the rubble of the rest of the guys. Next time I’ll try to remember to stack categories early to give me an advantage, than fill in the rest later.