Perhaps the funniest catch phrase I made up with my buddies while watching the NBA through college -“Wahhhhhh I’m Jarrett Jack!” – can be used in so many instances. ¬†It’s like Brian Dennehy’s speech about how versatile the F-Bomb is when he played Bobby Knight in an ESPN movie. ¬†Whomever greenlit that idea, airing a movie with constant F-Bombs on ESPN2, is probably fired. ¬†He’s like, “Don’t fire me! ¬†Wahhhhhhhhh! ¬†Wahhhhhhhhhhh, I’m Jarrett Jack!” ¬†I use this phrase because every time I seem to watch him, he looks so so sad. ¬†And just look at the cover screen grab for the Yahoo recap¬†from the game last night! ¬†So after Kyrie Irving flexed his guns too hard, Jack had three starts of very uninspiring ball. ¬†Mike Brown sat him down and said he needed more from him. ¬†The veteran responded, “Wahhhhhhhhh I’m Jarrett Jack!” ¬† Then last night rolled around with the Knicks rolling out Raymond Felton to play defense. ¬†Seriously, it’s like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with the blueberry chick. ¬†The only difference is Felton actually ate the meals and didn’t chew the LSD-laced gum! ¬†After a minute or two, Felton was winded, and went “Wahhhhhhhh, I have to guard Jarrett Jack!” ¬†Jack lit up the terrible Knicks D for 31/5/10 with a trey and a side of whoopass. ¬†Finally kicking it into gear as the starter, Jack has a four-gamer cooking up for week two of the playoffs, with my eye eagerly on Wednesday at the awful Pistons. ¬†It doesn’t really matter who he’s playing, pretty much a must own. ¬†Of course, in all my leagues where I’m still alive, he was already snatched up. ¬†“Wahhhhhhhhh, I’m Jarrett Jack!” ¬†Here’s what else I caught over the weekend in NBA action:
J.J. Hickson –¬†Torn ACL and out for the year. ¬†He’d been tapering off for a while, and gives a big opportunity to Healthcare.Mozgov. ¬†Good thing Hickson was covered to get his MRI. ¬†Just kidding of course, but I do find it funny how many Healthcare.gov commercials I’ve seen pandering to basketball players. ¬†We’ll just leave it at that, don’t need to get this too serious! ¬†Timofey Mozgov is a solid pickup for the upside in virtually all leagues.
Tony Wroten –¬†Hurt his ankle early over the weekend and missing more time. ¬†You all know how I love Wroten, but I’m cutting where I have him. ¬†Wire She Wroten.
Pau Gasol –¬†“Nicolas Cage wagered – and your podium’s gone…” ¬†“I dunno what happened, I’m confused!” ¬†Well, I guess I shouldn’t make jokes since Gasol was taken to the hospital after getting dizzy and nauseous. ¬†Welcome to being a Lakers fan! ¬†Dammit, I said no more jokes! ¬†Got three liters of fluid pumped in his veins as apparently he was more dehydrated than a bender with Hunter S. Thompson.
Jose Calderon –¬†Elbowed in the face. ¬†Not a good night for our Hispanic NBA players… ¬†Could we see a mask? ¬†If Calderon has to don a mask, I’m calling him Zorro.
Jameer Nelson –¬†Still hurt. ¬†I’ve fought for him a few times throughout the year. ¬†Loved the dimes, liked the treys. ¬†Nothing spectacular and a little underrated. ¬†But it all ends now – cuttable in all shallower leagues during the playoff push.
Russell Westbrook –¬†Tweaked his knee and is missing a game this week according to reports. ¬†Thankfully it’s just one and he can pick and choose apparently. ¬†At least he’s getting the most of the night before he dies young…
Kevin Love –¬†Beasssssst. ¬†I wonder how many teams directly won their playoff matchups on this sendoff Sunday monster. ¬†36/14/9/2/0 with three treys. ¬†Along with Anthony Davis, I think both PFs have vaulted into top-5 territory for drafts next year.
Ricky Rubio –¬†Whoa! ¬†Shot 7-12 including 2-4 3PTM for 19/4/9/3/0. ¬†Finding some offense at the right time.
Gerald Green –¬†Yup – is what a figured. ¬†“He is what I thought he was!” ¬†14/1/2/1/0 with two treys, and solidly in ThrAGNOF territory.
Pero Antic –¬†Showing some flashes. ¬†Both of fantasy-usefulness and utter-awfulness. ¬†4/10/3 in 26 minutes is pretty good, but 1-6 with 4 TOs from a C is not. ¬†Turning the ball over way too much and is as cold as the Yugoslavian winter.
Jordan Hill –¬†Started, and with Pau Gasol taken off by an ambulance, Mike Doh-toni actually had to play him big minutes. ¬†Two straight big games now, with a career-high last night of 28 Pts with 13 boards and a swat. ¬†Worth the spec add in most leagues, but it’s playing with fire as we all know.
Ryan Kelly –¬†Rather have Hill right now, might change tomorrow, might be neither by Thursday. ¬†So annoying. ¬†D’Antoni didn’t push Larry Drew too hard for the worst NBA Coach Razzie, but the fact he got over a third as many votes is pretty comendable!
Victor Oladipo –¬†Back to the RainbOladipo we know and love! ¬†21/5/1/2/0 with two treys and the awful 8 TOs. ¬†In non-TO leagues next year, man, he’s gonna be a really flashy pick.
John Wall – Yikes. ¬†15/3/4/3/1 is pretty solid, but 8 TOs? ¬†Pretty ugly game from one of your main guys. ¬†Too bad he couldn’t channel his Kentucky energy after that upset! ¬†I had that one too! ¬†Clyde did not… Haha sorry Clyde, had to mention your busted bracket :). ¬†Shout out to our Razzball Pool leader Yuguete Nothin’ and Like It leading the pack with 46 Pts. ¬†I’m not too far behind with 43 though! ¬†And should have more, refs really hosed Chapel Hill.
Ramon Sessions –¬†After proving he might be the best player on this team, gets relegated to only 20 minutes after a major injury to Nate Wolters thinned out the guards. ¬†Still went 13/5/6. ¬†Erstwhile, the poppycock that is O.J. Mayo goes for 21. ¬†I might just avoid all Bucks updates for the rest of the year, I’m so angry.
Sacramento¬†Kings –¬†All your studs absolutely go off. ¬†Because it’s against the effin’ Bucks.
Shaun Livingston –¬†Not going to go off in any one area, but another productive stat-filler line of 12/7/1/3/0 shooting 4-4 FG 4-4 FT and no TOs. ¬†Pretty much eight straight really useful games.
Samuel Dalembert –¬†The Haitian is back to Sensationing! ¬†12/15 with a ridiculous 7 swats. ¬†5 were on Mason Plumlee, who channeled that negative energy from Duke. ¬†Before the game, Plumlee was crying and had a big collection of Mercer voodoo dolls. ¬†Dalembert’s Jobu took that negative energy, and… OK, I’m too far with this, Plumlee is young and got a little lesson from a big boy vet.
Devin Harris –¬†With Zorro out after the elbow to the nose, 40 minutes for 11/7/6. ¬†Interesting in even shallower leagues for a spot start if Zorro misses a game.
Next Game: Highlights for BKN @ NOP. ¬†Man, some high-flying action between Brow and Plumlee! ¬†Plumlee should be eager to bounce back from being Haitian Sensationed. ¬†I hope everyone is pumped for a huge week 2 of the playoffs, and if you’re still reading anyway after getting knocked out, I’m throwing you a hypothetical beer! ¬†Drink up on me!