Oh, this is not what Kevin Love owners need right now. JaVale McGee elbowed Love in the head and knocked him right out of the game. It was perhaps the most helpful thing McGee has ever done for any team ever. In brighter news, I read that “Kevin Love (head) will not return” and immediately thought Love had been decapitated and they could not find the head. Ultimately, I’m happy that did not happen. In less bright news, Love was concussed and injured his neck badly enough that they kept him overnight. When Love prepares to go head-to-head against the Nuggets, he really goes at it literally. If he misses this week’s two remaining games (and missing one is pretty much a sure bet), you can’t replace him totally. Best to focus on the categories you can remain competitive in for the rest of the week and fill Love’s spot with a one or two-tooled player. Either that or find a dark room to rock yourself gently asleep. Either would be productive in their own way. ‘Sup to you. Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball last night.
Evan Turner – 6/8/6, in 24 minutes. It’s not quite his pout-y performance from Tuesday, but on the bright side, it’s still less-than-helpful to your fantasy team. It’s Thursday and fantasy basketball is almost over; my bright sides aren’t what they used to be.
Thaddeus Young – A sophisticated basketball writer would compare Thad’s mental state over his last four games (in which he’s averaged 15 pts/ 6 rbd) as compared to his previous eight (7.9 pts/4.5 rbd). The blue-ish milk leftover from my third helping of Lucky Charms suggests that I’m not sophisticated. So Thad’s .531 FG% in his last four is all you’re gonna get. Ride him, but assume he’ll buck you off any day.
Linas Kleiza – Left with a sore knee. He’ll be soreknee missed. Pun!
Alan Anderson – A game after dropping 4 threes and ending with 17 points, your uncle’s tax attorney Alan Anderson dropped another three and ended with 13 points. Any tax attorney worth his fees will tell you that 2.5 threes and 15 points is about 65 percent of Andrea Bargnani‘s production. Desperate deep-leaguers might want to consider Anderson. Then if, after considering him, you decide 65 percent of Bargnani is a bargaini, then go for it.
Jose Calderon – Left Wednesday’s game in the second half after re-aggravating his eye injury. He was told last weekend not to train his gaze on ugly sights for a while, which is an unfortunate predicament for a member of the Raptors because this suggests dude would have to play with his eyes closed.
Aaron Gray – 0-for-4, with five rebounds in 13 minutes. HE BLINDED JOSE CALDERON!
Ed Davis – His second double-double in as many games. He still earns very little respect among casual fans. I think it’s because of his weak chin. Chicks hate weak chins. And let’s face it, tons of chicks are casual fans.
Ray Allen – Surprise! Ray Allen was scratched from the lineup! Surprise 2: Return of Surprises, it’s 2012 and we care what Ray Allen is up to. Surprise 3: Surprise Harder, Avery Bradley went 7/4 in 31 minutes in Allen’s place. That’s not much of a surprise. Neither is the fact that he’s probably taking Allen’s spot in the next game and is likely available in your league.
Jimmer Fredette – 4/3/1, with a three as he played 23 starter’s minutes. Remember back when we weren’t sure if he’d be a superstar by now or just an all-star? Ah, we were all so young then.
Jason Smith – 22/6 on a 10-for-12 shooting night. They said he tried last night. Honestly, I don’t think he did. Otherwise, how do you explain those two shots he missed?
Eric Gordon – Out with a back injury. Sing it with me! The shin bone’s connected to the knee-bone / The knee bone’s connected to the the back-bone / The back bone’s connected to the side-lines / Because Eric Gordon has been worth-less.
Darren Collison – Out last night with groin pains, Mike Seaver. And speaking of ’80s television, Frank Vogel said he expects Stabbone’s boner to be healthy for Friday’s game. +3 to the one reader who understand what anything in this post means. Anyway, George Hill should have been grabbed on Tuesday.
Lester Hudson – I know we’re all very jazzed about Hudson, but some of you who picked up the week 16 wunderkind might want to look at the 1-for-9 from the arc and 18 turnovers (actually, 6). That’s hurting somebody, more than his 19/6/2, and a block. Think about THAT! Also, in nine years, it’s going to be 2021. Now, think about THAT!
Dwight Howard – Set to return Friday. He could have returned Tuesday, but SVG didn’t want him taking contact. Meanwhile, in Atlanta, they happen to be practicing non-contact defensive drills, so everything is totally cool.
Markieff Morris – 13, 21 and 17 points in his last three. You have about two more games before he goes into another dark period. That was not a racist comment.
Shannon Brown – Dropped four treys last night and everyone salutes him. I drop three trays at the Burger Shack and my boss fires me. Life just isn’t fair.
Iman Shumpert – 16/6/5, with 3 steals. Did he score 16 because he was on fire or was he on fire, so he opted to go ahead and score 16? We may never know unless Imani Shumpere wakes up, announces he’s feelin’ hot, and then does this again.
Ersan Ilyasova – 3/2/0, in 14 minutes. After seven straight games of scoring 12 or more points, the streak of Illy’s ovah.
Drew Gooden – One foul in five minutes. The only thing more sore than Gooden’s back are the owners who thought they’d be able to rely on Gooden throughout the playoffs.
Goran Dragic – The power struggle between Kyle Lowry and Dragic continues. Dragic went went 19/4/7 despite the presence of Lowry. That’s both excellent and steady. I was dumped once for being both. It was one of those “it’s not you, it’s me” deals. I mean, how can you be too excellent and too reliable? The more I think about it, the more I begin to think she was full of it. Being excellent shouldn’t hurt so much. But it does. Just ask Lowry’s ego when Houston starts Dragic in future games.
Andrew Bynum – Thirty rebounds. It’s too bad DeJuan Blair isn’t taller, he might have been able to stop Andrew from flying – ahem – bynum all night long.
Metta World Peace – He scored 26 points. In the last week he’s also scored 19 and 23. The 26 and 23 were his two highest scoring totals of the season. If it were March, I’d tell you to stay away. Because it’s April, I’m just going to assume you know better.