Most fantasy writers, when they sit down, ultimately write about dragons. Most fantasy sports writers start their articles with the important news. What I tend to do is find the person I wrote the most about and lead with that. It’s just who I am! I think  Steve Novak is a fun player to watch. He is exciting, energetic, and he lets semi-racist fans feel comfortable watching basketball. Nevertheless, I have to wonder if something is wrong with the NBA when a guy averaging 2.9 threes a game (in March, anyway) has developed a reputation as a long range threat. You know what a real long range threat is? Projectile vomit. That’s gross. So anyway, what does this mean for you? Last night, Novak went  6/2/0, 2-5 from downtown. Does that entice you? Listen, I like Novak in real life. We would probably text if I gave him my cell phone number. Nevertheless, I am lukewarm on Novak for fantasy purposes. Also, you should avoid people that just ate lukewarm buffet food (that whole puke thing).

Mo Williams – Scored 12 points off the bench, and you may be lured in by the fact he scored an average of nearly 15 PPG in the month of Smarch. Don’t fall for his siren call, friends. If you got 3 assists and 2 rebounds from him in a game, that would be a high note. Mo Williams, No Peripherals.

Blake Griffin – He had a solid night with 23 points and 10 rebounds, but missed five of his seven free throws. Was he shooting at a moving hoop in a Chuck E. Cheese?

Chris Paul – 16 points, 8 assists. He’s a good source for assists, like Good Guy Greg.

George Hill – On Tuesday, he gave you a line of 15/4/6 with 3 from downtown. What did you give him? Nothing. That’s poor form. P.S. I want to own him in all leagues.

Paul George – 7/6/3 as the Double Beatle produces a pleasant tune.

Amar’e Stoudemire – Scored 22 points and grabbed 12 boards as he accidentally got enough rebounds to get his first double-double since March 9th.

Aaron Gray – Started, played a whopping 7 1/2 minutes, scored 2 points with 3 rebounds. He has started more than a third of all Raptors games but is only averaging 16.9 MPG. Is coach Dwane Casey required to start Gray in basketball games as part of some lawsuit settlement? The sad thing is, Gray averages a rebound every three minutes. The sadder thing is, this wasn’t his season low in minutes…that trivia answer is “3.” Oddly enough, he has played as many as 31 minutes. Both playing times were this month.

DeMar DeRozan – 17 points, 5 rebounds, 0 assists, 0 steals. He’s had better games, but I couldn’t be more neutral about a player. If he gave me a 10% of his paycheck, I’d probably still look exactly like this.

Mario Chalmers – Played 32:28. Went 0-3 in shooting, including a missed three. I’m not even giving him credit for his 8 assists. Super Mario he ain’t.

Grant Hill – 19/7/3, one shy of his season high in points. Sort of reminiscent of his Sprite drinking days.

Goran Dragic – Played an exhausting 41 minutes, but produced 16/7/13/2. The catch? 5 turnovers. The second catch? Dances weird.

Kobe Bryant – 29 points, yes, but on 10-27 shooting, including 2-7 from beyond the arc. Thanks, no one is trying to grab a playoff spot in H2H leagues or anything. This is why I hate drafting in the first round of fantasy basketball. Invariably, you end up with an all-star guard or forward that is going to give you 30 points while shooting .275. Give with one hand, throw up too many shots with the other.

Ramon Sessions – 14/2/4. Okay, sure, be that way. I will just presume every time Sessions passed to Kobe, he missed the shot.

Marcus Thornton – In his last four games, he may be the hottest person on hardwood this week (besides porn star Tori Black). Last night – 31/7/6/3.

Mike Conley – A whopping 9 assists to go with 16 points, and hopefully Arenas doesn’t eat into his time as he has been a huge source for assists this month (9+ six times in eight games).

Serge Ibaka – Earned a double double with 13 points and 10 rebounds. He’s an intriguing play at center. Serge: “Hey, thanks.” Me: “Oh, uh, yeah, sure.”

Devin Harris – After going 1 – 8 from behind the arc the prior two games, went 3-4 to help him gain 15 points, with 4 assists and 2 rebounds. Dev-in the zone.

Monta Ellis – 14 points and 9 assists as he gave the Bucks Monta-ellis Revenge.

Carlos Delfino – 16/5/2/2 (4-5 from downtown). I would like to make an extra note about the 2 steals. Delfino has been a steady source of steals without hurting your other stats. He is like the Robin Hood of fantasy basketball.

Raymond Felton – 9 assists (and 18 points), to improve on 7 assists from the game before, 5 before that, and 3 before that. If you ever took the SATs, you know that Felton will get 21 assists six games from now. It’s gotta happen!

Wesley Matthews – 21/9/1 but the real treat is he went 5-7 from downtown. He’s a sniper! But not the Boyd Malvo kind.

  1. A Hill O' Beans says:

    Ahhh whatever happened to Chuck E Cheese, are they still around? There used to be one right down the street from my house, and then they closed. With those cool (and a little creepy) singing and dancing robots…the only one I remember is Jasper the dog. Those were the days!

    • ChrisV

      ChrisV says:

      @A Hill O’ Beans, there’s one near my house. I drive past it to get to my favorite liquor store! On the west coast, I know they have (had?) something called Pistol Pete’s, which is the same thing.

      I guess adults without children go to Dave & Busters. It’s just Chuck E. Cheese with marginally better food and alcohol.

    • ChrisV

      ChrisV says:

      @JashFath, awesome.

  2. EK says:

    George Hill or A. Gee?

    • ChrisV

      ChrisV says:

      @EK, Gee

  3. EK says:

    Best pickup if Tony Parker misses time?
    Green, Neal, Leonard

    • ChrisV

      ChrisV says:

      @EK, Leonard, but Danny Green is also okay.

  4. dimmy says:

    10 team league, is farried ownable? he only gives good FG% and rebounds..not much else.. (i am punting points) can i drop him or lowry for delfino? need steals, ast, rebs, 3’s

    • @dimmy, Sure. Probably Delfino, not sure when Lowry is due back. Probably another two weeks.

  5. Elaw says:

    Rest of the way: George Hill or Roddy Buckets?

    • @Elaw, I have a deep man love for Booboo, so I would say Roddy.

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