So imagine you’re heading into fantasy hoops last night, wondering what the headline would be. ¬†You knock on the mansion’s door and Tim Curry is standing there all snippity-proper. ¬†You say, “Hey, Timmy, someone is gonna kill it tonight!” ¬†Could it be, Colonel Larry Sanders Mustard? ¬†Nope! ¬†His vision is too blurred to be the culprit. ¬†And no, it’s not because he topped off his third bottle of Cristal just to have another blunt weapon, it’s because he got poked in the eye! ¬†Could it be Reverend Jeff Green? ¬†No way, he had his big night a few games ago, we all know it’ll be at least another two weeks until another good one! ¬†So it’s surprise suspect #3, Professor Mason Plumlee, who went all Krzyzewki on the Pelicans leading the Nets in Pts Rebs Stls and Blks for a 22/13/0/3/2 line. ¬†Shot 8-10, 6-9 from the stripe, and made Anthony Davis lose a wee bit of hair on his Brow. ¬†“I’m supposed to be the high-flying big man in this game, Mason!” ¬†The crowd wasn’t chanting MVP for ya in this one! ¬†Awww, that’s mean. ¬†After playing under 12 minutes the previous two, Plumlee got 28+ in the past two games and productive in both. ¬†Keep Kevin Garnett at 13 minutes a game, Kidd! ¬†I think a good way to approach Plumlee right now is like James Johnson. ¬†Puts up solid stats all around (although a little less all-around than JJ) when he gets the minutes. ¬†I think he’s gotten himself to fringe 12-team worthy depending on your roster comp. ¬†Definitely needs to get scooped up in deeper. ¬†I think enough minutes will be there for him to fill in some Pts/Rebs/Blks. ¬†Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in fantasy hoops:
Kevin Martin –¬†Broke his thumb, but won’t require surgery. ¬†Luckily it’s his left non-shooting thumb, but it still is theorized to be over a month. ¬†Go ahead and Chapter 11 K-Mart.
Ty Lawson –¬†Fractured a rib on Saturday. ¬†He said afterwards he didn’t know what happened. ¬†Memory loss! ¬†Needs concussion testing. ¬†Is doubtful for tonight (duh, he broke his rib!) and remains very day-to-day. ¬†Not doing anything drastic with him, definitely don’t sell at a discount.
Kobe Bryant –¬†Quoted as saying he still plans to return this year. ¬†Yeah, well, I planned on winning the lottery and buying Texas! ¬†And by Texas, I mean the island in Dubai world islands thingy. ¬†But that would’ve been a bad investment! ¬†I still think you can leave Kobe on the wire in 12-teamers unless you’ve locked up a high seed going into the playoffs. ¬†And even then. ¬†Fishy. ¬†Like my island would be!
Chris Paul –¬†Backstreet’s Back, Alright! ¬†Played 23 minutes for 7/2/8/4/0. ¬†This game against the 76ers was neck-and-neck the whole way, so shocked he didn’t get more minutes. ¬†Psyche! ¬†Clippers won by like, 200. ¬†Mercy rule! ¬†Solid line to end your week and you’re psyched (used again!) for the rest of the year.
DeAndre Jordan –¬†They say hindsight is 20/20… DeAndre went 10/20! ¬†Does that mean he can see into the past? ¬†“You can read minds?” ¬†“It’s where you throw up after every meal!” ¬†Plus four blocks. ¬†He’s such a Merman.
Tony Wroten –¬†The only Sixer who showed up. ¬†21/3/2/3/0 in 23 minutes and I think he needs to be owned by all playoff bound teams. ¬†I’ve said this so many times, and just want to keep reminding you. ¬†Brittle Michael Carter-Williams is gonna get shut down! ¬†Wroten still owned in only 10% of leagues. ¬†In 100% of leagues that have playoffs, there are teams playoffs bound. ¬†So he should be owned everywhere!
Anderson Varejao –¬†We’ve always known he’s brittle, and after returning from the hyperextended knee now has a jacked up hand. ¬†Mike Brown said postgame, “The only thing that isn’t hurting [Varejao] are his curls.” ¬†Oh, ha-ha Mike Brown, you’re effing hilarious. ¬†Maybe focus on winning more than two games outta eight, broheim.
RainbOladipo –¬†23/4/4/2/0 and the Magic upset the Pacers. ¬†I wonder what the spread was on this game. ¬†Probably something close to Glen Davis‘ waist size. ¬†Hey oh! ¬†V.O. was the Magic’s best player, hit a three, did have the 4 TOs, but hey, we all know that’s part of the shindig.
Marc Gasol –¬†Rainbow line! ¬†8/9/5/3/4 and close to a double-bow. ¬†He’s still not been what everyone had hoped, but the multi-cat is a solid step forward.
Nick Calathes – Still ballin’. ¬†17/5/6/1/0, shot 7-9, hit two threes, helped me get an upset win in REL, and is an Achilles amongst sheer neck-tattooed mortals. ¬†Did have 6 TOs. ¬†His Achilles heel if you will…
Tristan Thompson vs. Andray Blatche –¬†Slim, I think it’s safe to say neither of these guys should be close to fantasy teams and there is no winner. ¬†Haha. ¬†Blatche for 6/1/0/0/0 and 3 TOs and TT for 4/3/2/1/1 (multi-cat?!) with Blatche losing time to the emerging Plumlee and TT sucking it up during a regime-change.
Tyreke Evans –¬†Got a non-injury related DNP. ¬†Something is rotten in Djibouti. ¬†Wait, Denmark. ¬†Went with the wrong D country. ¬†That’s how to fool that stupid mind-trick thing! ¬†No one has any idea what I’m talking about…
Jared Sullinger –¬†Huge 31/16 on Friday and decent 11/12 yesterday. ¬†Remember when I told you to hang tough for him! ¬†Let’s do this Sully!
Steve Nash –¬†The NBA’s most durable player had a shocking injury and had to leave early yesterday. ¬†Should be ready to go for tomorrow though. ¬†Like Kobe, he “plans” on playing every game, but not every plan works out!
Joakim Noah –¬†Rainbow! ¬†Filling up the stat sheet like Noah fills the shower drain…
Ryan Kelly –¬†Lost a ton of minutes in a disappear fest. ¬†Kelly might finally be the inspiration to let Jordan Hill play a lot!
Chris Kaman –¬†You know, for as bad as where I had him ranked, this is the sorta thing I thought he could do from time to time. ¬†27/10/3/0/2, of course I didn’t expect him to score 20+, but shot 13-23, is big and gets in the way for some rogue blocks and boards. ¬† Just enough to, well, you know – his name in my pants. ¬†But alas, Doh-toni wanted to play Robert Sacre… I hate the Lakers.
Kendall Marshall –¬†Despite coming off the bench, still slingin’ the dimebags! ¬†But I don’t expect it to keep up. ¬†My chips are all going into the Steve Blake basket, even though he had a rough one yesterday. ¬†It’s turning into a “pick-your-PG” carnival game! ¬†The winner gets a giant stuffed Monstar Shawn Bradley from Space Jam. ¬†That wouldn’t be creepy…
Jeff Green trade rumors –¬†Gossip girl tweeted out that he might be on the block to the Hawks for a DeMarre Carroll deal. ¬†XOXO – Gossip Girl! ¬†Wow, I am so much less of a man for knowing that. ¬†Damn women taking the TV! ¬†Why you gotta have an iPad to watch sports… Anyway, I think the Hawks would be nuts to make that move. ¬†Carroll is playing great and they need a C not another wing. ¬†Yes, that’s me hoping Mike Scott can hold onto his minutes!
Raymond Felton –¬†What the h?! ¬†Playing like a decent fantasy asset?! ¬†Say it ain’t so! ¬†16/7/7 with a pair of treys yesterday. ¬†Felton just heard “pair of trays” and starting salivating at the thought of another Golden Corral trip. ¬†Does Golden Corral even have trays? ¬†Never been! ¬†Suck it obesity!
Trey Burke –¬†Needs to hit up Shaq for an icy hot patch. ¬†I think I made that joke last week at some point. ¬†But I like it! ¬†Back pain and is making it really really hard for me to keep pumping him up as a buy low/hold…
I hope everyone had a solid weekend and is pumped to start up week 16! ¬†The¬†All-Star Break is just around the corner so get amped up for the dunk contest. ¬†I busted out my Fisher Price basket just to reenact the dunks in my living room…