The Pacers had an incredible night. Paul George scored 37 points, including 9 from downtown – yes, that’s NINE – and threw in 4 rebounds and 4 assists. Roy Hibbert was unimpressed with George’s performance, and decided to go with a very unusual triple double. In fact, it seems Hibbert was angry at field goals, shooting 3-12 but blocking 11 shots. And no, that’s not a typo; he finished with 10 points, 11 rebounds and 11 blocks. Between George’s 9 and Hibbert’s 11, we will never forget.

There are no games tonight (the NBA blew its load with 14 yesterday), and I will be busy eating food like any rational carbon based life form on Thanksgiving, so I won’t be answering any questions today. However, since you’re possibly Canadian and don’t know why we are celebrating Thanksgiving a month too late, here are some highlights from last night:

Greg Monroe – He played 30 1/2 min and produced 19 points, 8 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals. I don’t really need to tout him, do I?

Rodney Stuckey – Stuckey is the player du jour regarding whether he should be dropped, traded, or molested. Well, Elmo, Stuckey had 13 points, 7 rebounds, 3 assists, and 1 steal. How’s that fit in your roster?

Glen Davis – He quietly put together 11 points, 14 boards and an assist and still remains owned in only 80% of leagues.

J.J. Redick – Re: Penis, he played 28 minutes and put up 11 points, although he missed 6 of 7 from downtown. He also had 7 assists.

Evan Turner – The Evan Turner Overdrive had a prolific night for the Sixers, scoring 12, hauling 10 rebounds and sharing 7 assists. In addition, he had a pair of steals and a block.

Spencer Hawes – Came off the bench to score 4 points with 5 rebounds, 2 assists and 2 blocks. He is a bit of a thud, but not the same kind of thud as when grandma slips on the kitchen tile.

Thaddeus Young – 11 points, 11 rebounds, 2 assists and a block. Not as good as Turner, but not bad. It was one of his better games all year.

Alonzo Gee – I feel like I’m talking about this guy a lot. With the Cavs ravaged with injuries, he is sure to see more floor time. He already has at least 14 points in five of his last six games, including last night, where he went for 14 points, 6 rebounds, 3 blocks, 2 assists and a steal.

Jeremy Pargo – The 8 MPG, 2 PPG Jeremy Pargo played 39 minutes with 28 points (4-8 from back), 5 rebounds, 4 assists and a steal. With the Cavs problems, he seems like a decent streamer or deep bench option for the next few days.

Jason Smith – Off the bench, he produced 18 points, 7 rebounds and a block.

Robin Lopez – The big man grabbed 7 offensive boards, 6 defensive rebounds, for a total of ____? (Tune in next Sunday for the answer). He also scored 21 points and blocked 4 shots.

John Henson – Henson…MB…Muppet Babies? Milwaukee Bucks? Wait? Where am I? He scored 17 points and had 18 rebounds (8 offensive).

Chris Bosh – 24 points, 18 rebounds, 1 block (5 turnovers). That’s the Bosh everyone wanted.

LeBron James – 28 points, 10 rebounds, 8 assists, a steal and a block. I hear this guy is good.

Dwyane Wade – 28 points (yes, the big three scored most of the Heat’s points). Wade also had 3 rebounds, 4 assists and 2 steals, which pales in comparison to the other boys. That’s par for the course, it seems.

Kevin Durant – Shot for a blistering 35 points in 47 minutes, including 19 of 21 from the free throw line. He also had 6 rebounds, 5 assists, 5 steals and 6 turnovers.

Kendrick Perkins – He was on the court for 33 1/2 minutes and took one shot, missing it. He had 4 rebounds and 2 blocks. The mascot had a bigger impact on the game.

DeAndre Jordan – Had the double double with 12/10 and a block. It’s his second time reaching double digit rebounds.

Matt Barnes – Missed 6 of 8 from downtown but still finished with 19 points, 9 boards, 4 steals and a block.

Nate Robinson – Despite taking 7 shots from behind the arc and only hitting one of them, he still led his team with 21 points and 5 assists.

Carlos Boozer – The drunkard grabbed 15 boards and shot for 13 points. He was averaging 9.7 RPG in the past week before last night’s game.

Omer Asik – He played for nearly 40 minutes and only accumulated 4 points. Omer, oh my. He did have 3 blocks, though.

Jeremy Lin – More turnovers (5) than points (4). Must’ve been retro night.

Kevin Love – Returned to action ahead of schedule and only bothered to score 34 points, grab 14 rebounds, steal 2, dish 2, and block 1. Next time let’s see some real effort.

Luke Ridnour – 8 points, 6 assists, at least 5 assists in his past four games.

Kosta Koufos – Intriguing option at Center in deep leagues, that’s what Kosta Koufos is. Last night, he had 8 rebounds and 3 blocks. If he could work the minutes, he could easily reach 10 rebounds and 2 blocks most nights.

Kenneth Faried – He took 4 shots, making 2, 6 personal fouls and 4 turnovers. You’d say it was a rough night until you realize he grabbed 14 rebounds.

Tiago Splitter – Off the bench, he was second on the team with 23 points. This marks the second time all year he reached double digits, the last time being 13 points.

Rajon Rondo – He scored 22 points and handed out 15 assists. Magic Johnson commented, “I’m HIV Postive…that he will have more career assists than me.”

Nene (Hilario) – He played just shy of 20 minutes, finishing with 12 points, 4 rebounds, and 2 assists.

Kevin Seraphin – The flock of six winged angels, meanwhile, shot for 21 points with 10 rebounds and 2 blocks in 33 minutes.

Al Horford – Fell shy of the triple double, going for 15 points, 10 assists and 9 rebounds.

Stephen Curry – Any concerns were unfounded as he played 41 1/2 minutes, grabbing 25 points, 6 boards and 4 assists.

Keith Bogans – 6 points, 3 rebounds, 0 assists, 0 steals in nearly 22 minutes as a starter. Well, that sucked. Of course, he is 0% owned in Yahoo!, so it impacted basically, what, four fantasy teams total?

Ronnie Brewer – When you watch Knicks games, he seems like a really exciting player, but then you glance at the stat line and yawn. Tonight was particularly unimpressive, with 4 points, 0 rebounds and 1 assist.

Carmelo Anthony – Had 23 points but missed the go ahead shot. He also had 7 turnovers. He’s still worth owning, unless you want to trade him to me, then I will send Tiago Splitter your way.

Jason Kidd – The ageless one lived up to his name with 17 points, including 5 threes, and 5 assists, 5 steals and 6 rebounds.

Shawn Marion – He may play good defense but he still only had 7 points and 7 rebounds in 34 minutes.

Vince Carter – He nailed it for 25 points, 15 of those coming from downtown.

Damian Lillard – The Lillard of the Field led the Trailblazers with 24 points yet somehow did not grab a single rebound.

Michael Beasley – Coming off a solid run, he did not play in the 2nd and 4th quarters and therefore only finished with 5 points, 3 rebounds and an assist. It doesn’t seem to be health related.

Jermaine O’Neal – He tallied 17 points in 18 1/2 minutes. He was germane to the Suns victory.

Kobe Bryant – Hit 5 threes to add to his 38 points. Without Bryant, the Lakers scored a mere 59 points, including 8 from Pau Gasol and 7 from Dwight Howard. And I thought I got sleepy waiting for west coast games to end…

DeMarcus Cousins – With 7 points and 8 rebounds, he is officially not worth what I told you to pay for him (yet still giving you more than Andrew Bynum, a.k.a. the silver lining). If you have to shoot one of us, please point the gun at…yourself! What the hell, man, don’t shoot guns at people. Geez. Anyway, the season is still young and he is a buy low candidate in my book. Even if he just matches last season, that would be worth it.

Marcus Thornton – He remains a, ahem, Thorn-ton in the side of the fantasy world. He shot for 23 points, although not much else (4 boards, 1 assist, 1 steal). You want to drop him for better peripheral stats, but you can’t say no to those 14+ PPG.

  1. Clyde Prompto says:

    Jokes about 9/11, HIV, sexual abuse by a puppeteer AND gun-related violence? AND ON A HOLIDAY NO LESS??? Edgiest fantasy basketball roundup EVER. Loved it.

    • ChrisV

      ChrisV says:

      @Clyde Prompto, glad you liked it.

  2. kent says:

    Can you lemme know how I did in my draft? It was my first one, snake and I had 7th pick.

    PG: Russell Westbrook
    SG: Jason Terry
    G: Deron Williams
    SF: Danilo Gallinari
    PF: Serge Ibaka
    F: Kenneth Faried
    C: Omer Asik
    C: Andrea Bargnani
    Util/Bench: Jason Kidd
    Util/Bench: Glen Davis
    Util/Bench: Shane Battier
    Util/Bench: Nikola Vuvecic
    Util/Bench: Thaddeus Young

    I figured I’d be set on rebounds/blocks with my front court. I’m just a bit worried about PPG, threes and steals.

    • ChrisV

      ChrisV says:

      @kent, well, an addition like Kidd should certainly help you with steals. Without knowing how many teams, it looks like you did alright. Did you just draft now?

      • kent says:

        @ChrisV, yep we drafted last thursday. Our matchups don’t start until tomorrow but they did pretty solid the past few days. Assists were a bit lower than I expected, but all in all, I can’t complain too much. It’s a 10 team league. Any glaring flaws you can point out before I fall too far behind?

  3. thatguy says:

    I just accepted a trade offer sending Tim Duncan and Mike Conley for Chris Paul and DeMarcus Cousins… who should I point the gun at?

    • ChrisV

      ChrisV says:

      @thatguy, shoot the gun in the air, that’s celebratin’ time.

  4. nightpandas says:

    Gee or Parsons over Jamal Crawford? 7 team roto…or take a shot on Bynum who just got dropped, I’m actually between 1 and 4 games over on each of my position limits…3 bench spots, 1 currently occupied by Nash.

  5. ChrisV

    ChrisV says:

    I’d grab Bynum if you can do without him for another 6-8 weeks. Otherwise, I might inch towards Gee.

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