As a middle school teacher at age 45, with increasing amounts of gray hair (which I blame on my students), a constantly expanding and then shrinking waistline, and genuinely nerdy tastes to a middle school kid, I’ve been called boomer numerous times. I literally have a kid calling me a boomer right now, at this very moment!
At a certain point, my give-a-crap meter about such things broke and I just decided to own it. So the levels for this weeks recap are my top four boomer-like tendencies.
Dad Jokes Level
I mean, is there anything more boomer than a dad joke?
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Wherever you left it!
I have a ton, and they pop up from time to time. Another favorite is combining social media app names, like SnapGram, InstaSnap, or TweeterFace. Stuff like that.
This level is for the cream of the crop, which hasn’t changed. Joker Smoker and PB and G continue to rule the roost like a chicken in heat. I know that’s not a real thing, of course.
Current Trend Avoidance Level
This can be as simple as asking kids if they wear their pants to church because their holy, not knowing that Lil’ Baby is a rapper and not a nickname for a younger sibling, or having a TikTok account. It’s a ton of fun playing off that you don’t know what things are, or making fun of what the latest fad is.
I enjoy reminding kids that, when I was in 8th grade, Vanilla Ice and MC Hammer were the big things. People tight rolled the bottom of their jeans, and wore flannels in the summer.
This level is Philossie, Kostas, and Beats by Dray. Solid in playoff position, and all within one game of each other for that coveted playoff position.
Go Play Outside and get off that stupid phone level (probably while on a phone)
I love talking about things that we didn’t have growing up. Like, the internet. My first fantasy basketball league was done by hand from The Sporting News box scores, a week late. And of course, screen time and TikTok make people dumber, including myself.
No, reading this article doesn’t make you dumber, I hope. Maybe it does a little bit.
This level starts with ME, the Infector! I passed up Son with a random 8-1 victory this week to the six spot. Both Son and the Oracle are duking it out with me for the last playoff spot.
Overuse Emoji Level
Maybe in the comments you can answer this, but apparently according to a Google search guys like me overuse emoji. Like, I use the fist bump one for saying my answer is yes, and the LOL crying emoji for laughing out loud because I think LOL stands for laugh out loud, right? Is this really a bad thing to do?
Hooper, High Risers, Luigi, and Yancey (my next opponent) make up this level.
Notable Pickups
Ivica Zubac: You know PhilOssie is snake bit this year when he drops Zubac, only to have him drop a 19 point, 18 board party on his backside. He’s been slowing down of late, as have the six consecutive loss Clippers. Their rotation is a mess with all of their players going in and out of the lineup. I picked up Zubac so it’s obviously a league winning move, right? Right? Right? Oh no………..rewriting words and using a lot of periods also is a boomer thing. So is double spacing after a period, apparently.
Oh, Zubac. He’ll be sorta inconsistent game to game, but I’m thinking weekly he’ll put up his good big man stats.
TJ Warren: Double figures in 4 of his last 5 games. He’s the most talented player in theory to replace Kevin Durant in the event that Durant misses an extended time. Of course, he might be on a minutes limit since he hasn’t played since the Bubble. Remember this guy in the Bubble? Probably not coming back but might get some good usage in the minutes he plays.
Kevon Looney: With Stephen Curry out, Looney has had a bit of a scoring bump. His average is now a Ben Wallace-esque 6.7. He’s not for everyone, obviously. I’m using a big man stack strategy, going for FG%, boards, blocks, and TO, and hope to steal some others. Looney’s last five rebounding games: 12, 11, 20, 15, 12. That’ll work. He’s also 17-25 shooting in that time frame. Of course that’s low usage, but on the plus side I could do the math in my head!
Thanks again for the honor of reading my stuff, and let me know any other boomer things in the comments!
