Yeesh, it’s cold outside, no way around it. Frosty, like an Ice tray (whut what?! …check last week’s article for that reference) I’m up in Toronto, where, yes, it’s a tad chilly, but if you didn’t know, it’s even colder in New York! I mean they freezing their kishkas off, and the infantile side of me couldn’t be giggling more gleefully. I’m chock full of hip hop cultural references today, so strap in, soldier! To that end, If you ever gave a moment’s thought to my avatar, Flav wasn’t chosen haphazardly. While it’s true I’m a beathead from the nineties, me choosing the most recognizable hype man in the world was intended to be appropriate. I am the Flava Flav to Slim and JB’s Chuck D, good people, so take the advice I give accordingly, it’s mostly hype: “Yeaaaaah Boooooyyy!” Sorry. But you can take this to the bank, the Knicks are terrible, and the Nets aren’t much better. You gots to get up fo’ dis game, nephew, like Allan and Germaine do. If haven’t seen these Fox ads from back in the day, you sleepin’ son! And speaking of sleeping, and frosty, and New York slippin’, check this out: one two, one two…
Evan Founier SG
Sacre bleu! Fournier has got to be the MC Solaar of the NBA, no? Smooth flows, and this cat spits le feu! 14.6/2/3.2/1.6/0 with 2.8 treys per over his last 5 games. Aaron Gordon is out with a fracture in his foot, and Elfrid Payton is struggling, so the Frenchman will get more opportunity to chase the fromage, I expect beaucoup more upside! Sorry, that’s uncalled for. What should be noted is that he’s only 48% owned, and that has nothing to do with him being French. One more? Hon hon hon!! Because he’s French… Ok, I’m done. Sorry.
Kris Humphries PF, C
Pronounced with an “umpty”. I mean, he’s even got his own dance! Do the Humpty-Hump, watch me do the humpty-hump! It’s perfect, not just because the song works brilliantly, but because Hump is finding a grove on the Wiz. He suffered a hand injury to begin the season, but he’s back in the rotation, and in the last 2 games he’s 14/7.5/.5/0/1.5, playing 25.5 minutes, and adding a great shooting percentage. Also, he stands to gain when (not if) Nene Hilario goes down. and no need to bring up the nasty 72 day wedding, that would be pandering for cheap laughs. I may strive to entertain, and you can rarely see it, but I do have my integrity.
Nick Young SG, SF
This dude is every member of TLC, he’s a creep! The thing is, it’s so bad in L.A., he will get his shots, and be the second leading scorer for the Lakers, if Kobe Bryant ever gives up the rock. Need ThrAGNOF stats? He will definitely give you those. Coming back from injury, he has to prove his new contract’s worth, and he’s worth a stream, in my opinion. He’s an easy get, as he’s only owned 44% thus far.
Shawne Williams SF, PF
This dude is like Slick Rick, and should be wearing an eye patch. Dude is shooting 59% from three, for the last 9 games. Daaaamn. I know, he does basically nothing else, but that deserved a mention. And Josh McRoberts is injured again, so he’s good for the moolah, in the short term.
J.J. Barea PG
He’s the Skee-lo of the NBA. While he wishes he was a little bit taller, he’s most definitely a baller! With Devin Harris injured, Barea is definitley worth streaming, for dimes, points, and the odd steal, if you have need of those. Ok, maybe not really in anything less than 14-16 leaguers, but the song worked, ok? He’s a tiny NBAer, he, er, “fits” the profile. Ewwww…
J.R. Smith SG, SF
J.R. got the start, and ran with it, dropping a near rainbow last Sunday, netting 28/4/4/2/1 with 2 3pts, shooting a scorching 62% FG%. And you should drop act like Snoop, and drop it like it’s hot. I don’t think that you can sell higher, he’s on a baaad team that just broke a 7 game slide. He will get some short term burn with Iman Shumpert out with an injury. Smith is maddening, as clearly talented, but he’s inconsistent, and will very likely pout when Shump takes some minuted back from him in a game or two.
Arron Afflalo SG, SF
DJ, rewind!! You can basically cut and paste J.R.’s blurb here, as Afflalo dropped a respectable 23/4/3/0/1 with 4 treys. Well, this nugget is a gold digger. It’s not Orlando in them thar hills, and Aaron isn’t going to reproduce last year’s numbers. Get what you can for this fantasy Pyrite while he’s on a bit of a tear.
Deron Williams PG
D Will has gone a decent 16.25/3.75/5.75/1.75/.25 in his last 4 games. All losses. Deron his doing his best Boys II Men impression (the deep voiced talking guy, at least), telling you that he’s come to the end of the road on your squad. Joe Johnson If you could get a Jrue Holiday for Williams and a piece, or Goran Dragic straight up, if the stars align? I would do it.
Josh Smith, SF, PF
What the hell, J Smoove? You have the most hip hop nickname in all of the NBA! But you’ve been playing like a wanksta. Which isn’t good, isn’t good at all. Daaamn homie, you was the maaan homie! If you can get anything at all for Smoove, try and do it. Darren Collison? I know, I know waaay to high to shoot for, and Smoove has been air-balling a shocking amount of free throws, so there’s a double irony there. Heck, I would consider Nick Collison at the moment. Sorry Smoove, we all know you’re better than this, but I’m unwilling to ride it out with you.
And that’s where I’m gonna end it today, kids. Don’t say it didn’t warn you about Dwyane Wade, because I did. May all your shots be nothing but net!