Hard to believe Steve Carell, half of The Ambiguosuly Gay Duo, is now an Oscar nominated actor in Foxcatcher. That kind of ascension is bigger than a promotion from the D-League and turning into a fantasy superstar like the Hassanity! I would say it’s about as miraculous as Brad Stevens finally getting some sense slapped into him…
We figured it would happen at some point, but the Marcus Smart reign as the Celtics starting PG appears to have begun. Smart actually led the C’s in minutes with 37 in a 13/4/3/2/0 line. It’s nothing too flashy, but with the role finally bequeathed unto Smart we can finally stop calling Stevens a queef. Well, maybe not, because the Celtics coaching staff continues to mismanage Smart’s role, relegating him into a 3-point camping PG. It’d be like trying to turn Robin Lopez into a good player! Doesn’t make any good basketball logic… Smart shot 3-9 last night, with 2-7 being treys. A fantastic slasher at OK State, Stevens continually hammers this square peg into a round hole. They had the same problem when they tried to make the R-rated version of the Lego movie! Everything was not awesome… If Smart is still available in your 12er, now is the time to go ahead and hop on board. The FG% might not be awesome either, but I think he’ll fall into enough dimes and swipe enough to be usable. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops action:
Chris Bosh – The Brontosaurus trying to put the Heat on his back! 34 points on 14-23 shooting with 3 treys, but pretty empty otherwise in a 34/3/2/1/0 line. Not only has Hassan Whiteside dried up Bosh’s blocks, but the boards are slipping as well. Bosh has value to team builds that need some O up front, but he’s back into that stretch 4 with that stretch neck.
Terrible Heat PG – Wow, just atrocious. Mario Chalmers for 1/2/5, Shabazz Napier couldn’t play well enough in 15 minutes to hold off Norris Cole, who did nothing except hand out 8 dimes. Seriously, 2/0/8/0/0. Man, Rio just hasn’t been able to rekindle that magic he had earlier in the year when Dwyane Wade was hurt. I don’t even think a super mushroom will help! It’s about as hard for him out there as the hardest Mario level…
Tyler Johnson – Well, that was fun. After rainbowing on Sundy, only 5/3/0/0/0 in 20 minutes last night. You peaked too fast, Ty-Jo!
D.J. Augustin – Dude, he’s worth all 3 Heat PG and then some! Hands out a dimebag on top of 25 points in a 8-14 (2-3 3PTM 7-7 FT) 25/4/13/1/0 line, and the cherry on the icing – no TO! Did all that in 35 minutes, and the 3 Heat PG had a 3/4/17/0/0 line in 75 combined minutes shooting 1-7. Sheesh!
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope – Uh oh! The monster has awakened! 18/4/1/3/0 on a team high 19 shots (hitting 8) and no TO. While the FG% was bad on 2-pointers, very interesting seeing he only took 3 treys compared to 16 within the arc. Starting to boost that usage! If you can handle a bad FG% and FT% (he really should be a better FF shooter), then KCP is close to must own in 9-cat.
Jared Sullinger – Well, a game after getting benched, Stevens again is slapped silly and moves Sully back into the starting 5 for a fantastic 22/9/6 line in 36 minutes. No treys, steal or blocks, but shot 11-19. Sully money!
Evan Turner – From PG to SF. And from terrible to still terrible. 5/8/5/0/0 on 1-5 shooting and 5 TO. Moves Jae Crowder to the bench, but Boston Clam Crowder still got 29 minutes and played decent if you held on in deepers.
Avery Bradley – What is it with these thumb injuries making guys play better?! 11-14 FG (3-5 3PTM 1-1 FT) for 26/1/4/1/0 with a minor fracture in his thumb. Pretty soon every NBA locker room is going to look like that scene from Casino with trainers busting out the hammer to shatter everyone’s thumbs!
Langston Galloway – Ice cold from deep… It’s because his thumbs are healthy! 4/5/5/0/1, but still played 30 minutes and think he’ll have low-end usability.
Jose Calderon – Scored 17 and hit 3 treys. And the goodness ends there. 17/2/2/0/0 and 4 TO. He’s so so bad…
Jason Smith – MVP! MVP! Best player on the Poppycockers? Hit 6-8 FG for 12/7/5. Meh, he shoots too many jumpers to have a consistently usable FG% from a big and I don’t have too much optimism.
Jusuf Nurkic – Ughhhh. Only 13 minutes as he battled foul trouble, and it’s about time to end the Jamba Jus craze. 7/3/1/1/1 with no TO shows he can hit the big man multi-cat, but can’t stay on the floor and isn’t making the FT like he should (1-3).
Danilo Gallinari – Gallo coming into the shallows! Huh? 22/4/1/1/0 on 5-11 shooting (2-7 from deep) and the big 10-11 FT. Agressive Gallo! 26 minutes off the bench is good to see and all, but this was against the Sixers. Not getting too excited yet.
Kenneth Faried – Wow, 19 minutes of “hand me the pistol”. 0/5/0/1/0 and this is gettin more frustrating than getting super glue on your skin. Sure he was sick and got early fouls, but while the Nugs play awful, Manimal is going down with the ship.
Hollis Thompson – For a while couldn’t miss! 23/3/3/1/2 in a near rainbow shooting 8-12 from the field (4-6 3PTM 3-3 FT). Played 31 minutes, but was at 37.5% from the field before last night. Fluuuuuuuke! But sure is making K.J. McDaniels close to unownable in all leagues. Bleck.
Michael Carter-Williams – Certainly seemed like he wasn’t gonna play, but he’s like “you can’t bench my ratio-destructing, TO-prone game!” 15/8/12/2/1 shooting 4-12 from the field, 6-10 from the stripe, and 4 TO. “You can’t contain my cat killing!”
Jerami Grant – Ya know, doesn’t hit a FG but makes all his FT (6-6) and racks up 2 blocks in his 19 minutes. If the Sixers can Mbamove Mbad a Moute, Grant could Mbe an interesting asset late in the year.
Damian Lillard – You couldn’t make a couple of those treys?! Bounced back from a slow start for 25/4/6/2/0, but still wasn’t 30 points for me!
Robin Lopez – Welcome back Rolo jokes! Oh man, my Rolo slams have been sorely, sorely missed… 11/6/0/0/2, I guess that’s OK, but 2 TO and 1-3 FT?! More careless with the ball than Josh Smith playing a backyard pickup game after sloshing too many brews at a barbeque!
Trey Burke – Is the Jazz bench better than the starters?! Burke for 18/2/6/1/0 hitting 7-17 (1-5 3PTM 3-3 FT) and a ton better than Dante Exum, who struggled in 20 minutes racking up 5 fouls. But it’s not like you can trust Burke for anything, I wouldn’t trust him to refrain from eating a piece of cheesecake if he had to sit next to it for an hour with a million bucks on the line.
Klay Thompson – Uh oh! My ThrAGNOF radar is bleeping more than when I watched The Wolf of Wall Street on basic cable! 14/1/1/1/0 with a couple of treys. While that’s certainly ThrAGNOFfy, it was in only 24 minutes as the Warriors beheaded the Kings like an angry French mob.
Warriors C – All 3 played well in a blowout mix of minutes. Andrew Bogut for 6/5/4/0/2, The Ace of Speights (!!) for 17/8/3 and David Lee for 8/5/1/2/2. Combined it’s a Unibrow worth of stats! Each on their own and it’s three small eyebrows… It’s too many even for the Total Recall chick!
DeMarcus Cousins – Maybe it’s more like those 3 Warriors are one Cousin! 26/11/4/3/4 hitting 10-21 and 6-7 FT. Sheesh the Kings should be so much better…
Darren Collison – Played well for 18/2/7, but with the Kings looking this bad it’s making me shake in my space boots. There were those really weird sounding trade rumors early in the year that I didn’t think made sense, but now I’m not so sure.
Derrick Williams – Got a surprise start at PF, and an unsurprising line of nothingball. The Kings seem to want to showcase him, unfortunately for the Kings that means other teams see him play.
Streamers/Cheap Daily League Picks:
Kyle O’Quinn (4% owned) – A little bit of a dart throw here, but one of my big streaming tenets has been play your bigs against the Spurs. KOQ with a DNP last Saturday, but 23 solid minutes Monday night even though some were in junk time. It is the Magic against the Spurs, so the junk time Irishman may be jigging again.
Tarik Black (1% owned) – Shifting into the starting line-up for the hipless Jordan Hill, Black should be a lock for a dubdub. He won’t help much in the steals and blocks, and his FT shooting isn’t so hot, but those points and boards are stats too! And should be a good cheapie in DFS.
I hope everyone had a solid streaming Tuesday and get locked in for a busy Wednesday tonight!