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Nikola Tesla was of Serbian descent and is considered one of the most influential people of all time. He invented the Tesla coil, the magnifying transmitter, Tesla turbine engine, shadowgraph, radio, neon lamp, Niagra Falls transformer house, the induction motor, radio-controlled boat, but his crowning achievement was inventing alternating current, which allowed electricity to be sent over long distances more efficiently. Ranker.com has him at the top among famous people named Nikola. That’s fair, but Nikola Pekovic is number two? Granted, there is no number but the logical assumption would be that the next Nikola listed would be the number two Nikola, right? What about Nikola Jokic? Scrolls down. Nope. Scrolls down more. Where he at? Keeps scrolling, Nopenopenopenope. Finally CTRL-F. Big. Fat. Zero. Man, F#@! Ranker.com. As for Tesla, he’s dope and even has an awesome car named after him but when’s the last time he did this?

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I’m sure I’ve written up Paul Millsap before. Kind of like I’m sure that I rotated the tires on my ride. Millsap’s been in the league for 15 seasons, and I’ve been writing since…..huh, maybe I haven’t written up Millsap. I know for sure he’s never been the lede. When’s the last time I changed the oil in my car? Well then. Fine, we’ve established that my short-term memory isn’t that great. Neither is my long-term memory. I blame the trees but maybe I have bootleg Alzheimers? Anyways, back in 2015, Millsap was a top 10 player for fantasy: 17.1 points, 0.9 tres, 9 boards, 3.3 dimes, 1.8 steals, and 1.7 blocks while shooting 47% from the field and 75% from the line. Dayam. Since then, the decline has been like clockwork. He finished as the 45th player in 2016, then the 79th, the 80th in 2018, and the 114th last season. He’s currently the 169th player. Millsap is 35 years old so this is the natural course of a hooper. Last night, though, he turned back the clock to make the youngsters recognize. 

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There will come a day when the aliens present themselves, big bad ships with weapons and all. I’ve watched Mars Attacks! so I know how it all goes down. Their technology will be more advanced so it will be futile to fight them on the battlefield. Our pew pew weapons would be no match against the photon weapons they would likely possess. How about we pit Ken Jennings against their best for a game of Jeopardy? Uh, they travelled through space and time, so no thanks. Our only hope is to have them agree to one five-on-five game of basketball. I’m sure they didn’t pack sneakers and shorts. Any advantage we can get. Now, who would represent Earth? This debate has been going on for a while but the only logical course of action would be to breed Embiid now so that we have a team at the ready when the day comes. Why Embiid? Because he can literally do it all on the court. Look what he did to the Heat last night in a 137-134 victory in overtime.

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The Nets were mired in a two-game losing streak, dropping games to the Hawks and Wizards no less. Then he heard the news that Kevin Durant would miss the next four games due to COVID protocols. Frustrated, Nash stood up from the couch, heel kicked the soccer ball conveniently laying on the floor, then began heading it against the wall. At first, it was a slow rhythmic pace….thump…..thump…..thump

Then thump..thump..thump..thump..thumpthumpthumpthumpthump. The woodpeckers in the neighborhood all flocked to the noise and gawked in amazement at the display of pecking dexterity. Then he heard it. “Honey, rewind that. And turn up the volume.”

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