This might be more of a somber lead for your fantasy liking, but someone has to speak truths. So here I am taking the responsibility upon myself to teach lessons to those who play in Head-to-Head leagues and find themselves wondering, why? Think about it. As the level of NBA entertainment rises, the fantasy-friendly confines begin to fall. Excitement levels reach all-time highs, along with your heart rate, when Karl-Anthony Towns only has 2 games this week. There are a few schools of thought for teams around the NBA. Either said team is so far ahead, they rest their starters, team is so far behind, they play their youngsters, or team is right in the middle and do things just right. We tried something new in my league this year. We started the playoffs at the end of February. Sounds crazy right? We tried to avoid the problem sweeping the fantasy NBA realm, and that is the art of navigating the sit. H2H, distant cousin of H2O, is so very common, but so very flawed, and you’ll find yourself dropping Taj Gibson because he doesn’t play for another 6 days. Maybe you drop Bobby Portis who’s hot as hell because you need more games that week than your opponent. Then your friends brother picks him up, and you just lost a friend. It’s a complete numbers game and one hell of a slippery slope. So, I’m not going to write a thesis on how to fix this. That’s for another time, but I will  hand you some hot pickups to help you get through the end of the year and weather the storm.

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Certain things in sports are sexier than others. It’s as simple as that. While Ichiro strives to make singles sexy, the saying goes, “chicks dig the longball.” In hockey, Barry Melrose’s mullet screams sexy over Ovechkin’s buzz cut.  Big hits catch the eye before a 3 yard run up the middle. Lastly, slam dunks will always be more exciting than a mid-range jumper. Larry Nance finds himself in quite the unique situation. How many times since the inception of the dunk contest, has a contestant debuted their fresh new jersey on that stage? I’ll admit, I didn’t look into this at all, but man would it make a great HQ trivia question. In comes Larry Nance, I assume junior, or maybe even the third, traded from the Lakers and now sporting a Cavs uni. The same Cavs that are his favorite team, the team in which his father, Larry Nance, probably the first, played for and won the slam dunk contest with. The same Larry Nance whose number is hanging in the rafters at the Q. If that doesn’t give you goosebumps, I don’t know what will. As Kevin Costner said, it’s hard not to get emotional about baseball. Wrong sport, yes, but the man just wanted to have a damn catch with his dad, and now he can!

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The name Reggie brings a few players to mind. Reggie Jackson, Reggie Smith, and of course, Reggie Miller. That awkward, yet smooth, combo of grace and precision known as a shooting form. Reggie Miller is one of the greatest shooters of all time. 6’ 7″ shooting guard, able to rise up (barely) above the smaller defender to snap the net with a perfect rotation. Anyone who averaged 1.8 3PM for their career before 2008 is basically a champion, especially considering that his 4.7 attempts per game for his career is a joke these days. So what’s in a name? The name Reggie.

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I’m making a petition, right here, right now! But let my digress for a second. William Henry Parker. Sounds like he may have been an old war hero or 1904 Presidential candidate who you learned about in 8th grade history class. Well, that’s not the case here. William Henry Parker was an NBA player best known for his nickname and his hair from NBA 2K11, which looks like cornrows from one angle and an Afro from another angle. I’m talking about Smush Parker, the enigmatic point guard who played for six teams in merely five seasons in the NBA. The best two coming with the Los Angeles Lakers when he played 82 games in each season. What does this have to do with anything? My point is that nicknames like that don’t happen overnight. Nicknames are earned and stick for numerous reasons. Today, I am proposing a nickname for Tyrone Wallace.

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What did I do on New Years? I took a nap, went to the mall, bought some slacks, and binge-watched some Game of Thrones. Now this may not seem like normal behavior for me, considering almost all of my posts are humor based or geared towards Will Ferrell, but there is a darker side of me, one that enjoys the violent entertainment of Game of Thrones. So maybe 2018 will introduce a new side of me, to you my precious readers, because as you may know, winter is here, but not until summer 2019. Make some sense outta that one.

Major theme of Game of Thrones, for those of you who don’t have the courage to watch the greatest show on turf, dead people. Someone who has been dead to many for weeks now is Dewayne Dedmon.

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If this was a contest, I’d give everyone three guesses to figure out the title of today’s post. One hint, I will be briefly discussing two players. That’s your hint. Does it help? I’ll give you a few more seconds in the spirit of the holidays. Something about the holiday season makes one feel quite generous. As a side note, nothing brings more holiday cheer than a good fantasy trade. Take, for example, this coming Sunday. There are no NBA games. Like the All-Star break, there is no better time to make a trade than when there are no games being played. What you know until now is how the player has performed, and that’s it. No wondering what might happen in today’s matinee, or the nightcap. Make a trade this Sunday, filled with holiday spirit and warmth. Ok, enough stalling. Trey Lyles and Yogi Ferrell are this weeks Beyond the Glory contestants. Get it? Three Bears, Trey Yogi(s). Yes, it’s weak, but I have to at least try and be creative. The point is, these two guys may be slipping under the radar.

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I’ve always thought that Tyler, the Creator, was an interesting dude. Successful for reasons we may not understand. Funky styles, outlandish videos that only make sense while inebriated, using words and facial expressions that would get us all slapped by our mothers. The Tyler you should be picking up for you fantasy team is a little different, or a lot different, but the same in more ways than you may think… Actually, the more I think about it, the two of them really have nothing in common other than the fact that we don’t understand their monetary successes, but Tyler Johnson is missing a ton of teeth and refuses to get them replaced, something Tyler, the Creator, would probably endorse.

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There will come a time when you  look back and regret not taking the plunge and picking up a player, who at this point in time, is averaging just 10 minutes a game. That time spent on the court has amassed stats of four points and three rebounds on under three shots per outing. The thing is, if we dig a little deeper, over the last seven days, a span of merely three games, this same player is averaging 13 minutes per contest, with 7.5 points, 3.3 boards, 1 steal, and 1.3 blocks on 78% shooting. Come again…. 78% shooting? Yes sirs and small group of ladies.

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My spidey senses be tingling, mingling, and straight up singling. Injuries are among us and we must act… fast. Like BOOM! Fast Actin’ Tinactin on a fungus toenail preparing for battle. John Madden would be proud. Nothing gets Madden going more than some popcorn, turducken, Brett Favre, and toe fungus. Injuries have come and will come Ray, they most definitely will come, and when they do, you best be ready to hit the wire harder than Terry Tate, Office Linebacker. ALL PUNS INTENDED BABY!!!!

 

Let’s get to it.

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Am I a few months too early on my title? Yup! Do I know Thanksgiving is on the mend? Yup! Am I talking about Denzel Valentine? Yup! Did we all just become best friends? Hell ya we did. Like Denzel Washington, Denzel Valentine is efficient, reliable to perform when called upon, and a jack of all trades. Some of the best movies of Washington’s era have won slews of awards. He has won 39 total awards in his career, including three Golden Globes and two Academy Awards. Denzel Valentine? He was the Lansing State Journal Player of the Year as a senior in High School, George Alderton Male Athlete of the Year (Michigan State award), The AP National Player of the Year, The Big 10 Player of the year, and a 1st Team All-American all in his senior year of college. Between these two Denzel’s we have a ton of awards to talk about, both on and off the court. Today, we talk about Denzel of the Bulls from House Chicago. Yes, I am re watching Game of Thrones for the 3rd time and that’s just the way I speak now.

He sure got game

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