Tim Duncan Says “Let’s Party Like It’s 1999”

March 15, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 19 Comments

Where were you in 1999? Hard to believe that’s 14 years ago! I’m a spring chicken, so I was in 6th grade. Man, middle school was the worst. Elementary school was the shizz and in high school you could smoke good shizz. But middle school kids were just mean. Where was Tim Duncan in 1999? Oh just winning an NBA title with David Robinson. I had completely forgotten David Robinson has a 71-point game in 1994. Maybe Brittney Griner could get that. Duncan was huge last night fending off the Mavericks, grabbing the second highest total of rebounds this season with 19 and scoring 28 points on 12-20 shooting. After missing a game with a sore knee, Duncan didn’t miss a beat in the post. With the trade deadline passed, Duncan owners can have some optimism that even if he sits a game here and there down the stretch, he can still go off and be one board away from a Goromotaro.

It was a light slate of NBA games (only 2 last night), but let’s take a quick look at what happened across the NBA:

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The Black Mamba Gets Snake Bitten

March 14, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 14 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

I’ve never been that bothered by snakes. Now I never went out of my way to play with them or anything (except my own – bada bing!), but never ran the other way either except when I was in New Mexico when I was like 7. When I was working on my parents mountain house when I was in high school, there was a snake under the scrap heap I was clearing and I killed that little bitch with a shovel. If that doesn’t boost your testosterone, then I guess you need to contact Tony Bosch at Biogenesis. The resident snake of the NBA (in name only – easy Laker fans), Kobe Bryant, the Black Mamba himself, went down hard after twisting his ankle last night, and blames Dahntay Jones for intentionally crowding him. I thought snakes didn’t have ankles? Well, this injury after sliding into 8th place in the West just puts the icing on the cake of the Lakers ridiculous season. Right now the prognosis is “out indefinitely.” About all you can do is make your sacrifices to the fantasy gods and cross your fingers. One thing Kobe has going for him is that he is resilient to injury and can heal quickly. He’s kinda like the Derek Jeter of the NBA. And Jeter never had any ankle issues…. I could see Bryant back sooner rather than later, but stay tuned.

Here’s what else went down in fantasy basketball:

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DraftKings – Serge-ing For Some Big Money

March 13, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 21 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

It’s the last week of the regular season, which means roughly 40-50% of fantasy basketball will be over for the owners who didn’t make the playoffs. But don’t worry! You don’t have to wait until fantasy drafts next October to get back to your fantasy winning days. Our friends at DraftKings run huge $ daily fantasy contests, and have got some of their biggest payouts yet. Play today in their $150,000 Bank Shot and for an entry fee of only $200, you could win $50,000! Payouts will go to the top 100 players, and the prize pool would make John Dillinger proud. Or you can always hop in the $15,000 Big Wednesday for an entry fee of only $27 and win $3 G’s! Now let me try and help you win some money with some good value picks for tonight:

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Anonymous Hacks Bank Of America, Orlando Hacks Dwight Howard

March 13, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 5 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

I wonder what the public opinion really is on Anonymous, the computer hacking collective… I like them, they expose top-level greed – a mix between Russell Crowe in Robin Hood and in The Insider. OK so he wasn’t a hacker in The Insider, but did the same type thing Anonymous does. Anonymous hacked Bank of America last month and found they were using worthless Social Media searches to profile activists and their salary information was on a server in Tel Aviv. Say what? I thought it was Bank of ‘Murica not Bank of Israel! Well the Orlando Magic knew they needed some hacking to try and beat the Lakers with Dwight Howard returning to Orlando last night. With the crowd booing Howard from the moment he stepped on the floor, the Magic tried some psychological warfare, fouling Dwight every opportunity and giving him 39 free throw attempts. Thirty-nine! I don’t think I’ve taken that many free throws ever. Now imagine 15,000 fans yelling at you every time. Dwight made 25 of em, capping a 39-16 and 3 block night in his return to O-Town. One of the best returns to a former team in NBA history, but the Magic just plain handed him 25 of those points. The Magic are terrible (minus Tobias Harris – read below) and the Lakers, while a soap opera, I think make the playoffs. A good career move for Dwight. Just hope he doesn’t store his salary on a server in Tel Aviv.

Here’s what else went down last night across the NBA:

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The Knicks Retiring From The NBA, To Join Fleetwood Mac

March 12, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 13 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

I had the unfortunate pleasure (displeasure?) of watching the Knicks get pa-rumped by the Warriors last night 92 to 63. It was disturbing, almost laughably so. Kinda like The Wicker Man. Not the bees! If only the Warriors were women in bear suits. Sheesh get Stevie Nicks out there. With her current body type, she could probably box out Kurt Thomas. Fun fact: they’re both 64 years old as well. Carmelo Anthony returned from three games off with a sore knee to go 14 and 10 but 4-15. Maybe the knee needs more ice. J.R. Smith got ejected for a flagrant and went 3-11 for 9 points in his 21 minutes, so it’s not like his departure was a main factor of suckage. Kenyon Martin had a rough layup rip-check, Tyson Chandler couldn’t fend off David Lee for second chance points, and the Knicks shot 24.7% and 5-27 from 3 as a team. The Clippers are lob city, the Knicks last night were brick city. The Knicks will look to rebound Wednesday night against Carmelo’s former Nuggets, so I could see a nice bounce back from your NY fantasy options. But lawdy. Was a pretty nauseating performance from one of the NBA’s “better” teams.

Here’s what else happened last night in the fantasy basketball-o-sphere:

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DeAndre Jordan Shines The Light On The Knight

March 11, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 14 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

I love all fantasy sports. Baseball might be my favorite, just because it’s so long and hard and there’s so many guys to choose from…

But there are moments, fleeting highlights and moments, that I think make Fantasy Basketball special. Like yesterday, with DeAndre Jordan absolutely murdah-ing Brandon Knight on the alley. If you’re on your computer, just go to ESPN or NBA. I mean Daaaaahhhhuuuummmm. Lots of twitters about it, but my favorite might have been from Knight himself: “It wasn’t in the scouting reports that the clippers threw lobs lol”. Hah! Glad to see he isn’t in a deep depression. Makes it more fun that everyone can smile about it. ESPN then had a top ten of posterized moments. All the others looked like the posterizee was about to kill the posterizer. I’m 6’7 and I got posterized once by a guy the same height, but I didn’t know he had hops. I just smiled and went my way, and luckily everyone didn’t go nuts/it wasn’t in front of 15,000 people. Or else I’d be more Patrick Ewing than Brandon Knight.

Fantasy-wise, Jordan is still the barely-ownable center he has been all year. You should get a bonus for posterized dunks. Had one of his best games of late going 5-5 13 Pts 7 Rebs 1 Ast and 2 Blks. Been at least 7 and 5 with a block the last five. If you need blocks plus want to be on the edge of your seat if you only watch highlights of players on your team, give Jordan a look if he’s available.

Here’s what else went down over the weekend:

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Turns Out K-Mart Isn’t Bankrupt After All

March 8, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 4 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

K-Mart, the retail store I’m talking here, has always been a joke. The one next to campus where I went to college always got robbed and there was always someone with a gun. I know there’s a popular site People of Walmart, which would be pretty interesting for K-Mart too if there ever actually was people in K-Marts. Maybe shoppers there treat the store like Dawn of the Dead. They’re just ducking and covering, and steal supplies stealthily which is why the shelves are always empty. Well I guess they have been in the news recently because of their great Black Friday deals. Hey, if DeMarcus Cousins can’t shoot better than 1-10 or 2-10 like he has in the last two ganes, he might be in one of the lines. “We’re moving to Seattle, but we’re not taking you!” Good thing the NBA version’s of K-Mart showed he isn’t completely chapter 11, going a respectable 16 Pts (4-6 FG 3-5 3PTM) 4 Rebs 4 Asts and 2 Stls. Hey I just said Kevin Martin wasn’t bankrupt… Not that he is suddenly on fire! Damn K-Mart (the smoldering store). Most rebounds since Jan. 9th, first 30+ min game in 7 games, and luckily he’s still in the OKC mix. Only two games last night, but let’s check out what went down:

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The Madness Of March

March 7, 2013 | Loose Balls | 17 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

Razzball Nation! As announced on our awesome Facebook page, join me in a March Madness pool to the death. Join here to challenge yours truly in a bracket attack-et. If you lose, Warwick Davis will terrorize you harder than he did Jennifer Aniston.

I’ll shoot up another mini-post when the brackets are announced to remind you procrastinators, with a few updates as it goes along. I’ve got UNC winning it all! Wishful thinking.

Join today!

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LeBron Out Duels Magicians

March 7, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 27 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

Everyone saw it coming. Everyone had it circled on their calendar. The epic in-state rivalry of the NBA’s best team going for their 16th straight win playing at home against… the second-worst team in the NBA. Of course it would be a nail-biter! The Heat went up big, but the Magic went on a 46-21 run and kept it tight until LeBron James’ game-winning layup. Good thing Nikola Vucevic had fouled out so there were no shot blockers left. The Magic certainly didn’t put a spell on the refs, racking up 30 fouls and two foul-outs to the Heat’s 17. Conspiracy! The Magic fouls were illusions! You don’t have time for my illusions! Tricks are what whores do for money. Or cocaine. LeBron better get some nice wedding presents from those home refs. You think Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert got invited? Be funny if Lebron sent him an invite with a -1. This is a fantasy basketball blog right? Hah, let’s get into the numbers from last night’s games:

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DraftKings – Less Money, Mo Production

March 6, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 13 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

It’s that time of year. You’re either chomping at the bit because you’re in a good position for the playoffs, or you’ve sworn off even looking at your league because you’re too frustrated Derrick Rose never helped you out. That’s why it’s an awesome time to check out our friends at DraftKings, where you can draft a new roster every day and win big money prizes. In a special day of contests with an almost full slate of NBA action, it’s a perfect time to hop into one of three different $10,000 contests going on tonight! Buy in for as little as $11! Or you can up your bet for a bigger chance of winning for $109 or $1,050. There’s $10,000 to be won for all levels of players! And I’m gonna help you win that money with some insight on players who are going to be huge tonight that you can get on the cheap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Russell Westbrook Ain’t Gonna Die Young

March 6, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 25 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

I’m starting to get really frustrated with those AT&T kid commercials where this douche asks four or five kids random crap, like “what’s better less or more?” or “would you rather be faster or slower?” In one of em he cuts the kid off who just wants to prove she can be funny like the convulsing three-year old too! He’s probably too buys doing blow with AT&T execs to have empathy. However, the way those kids act isn’t too dissimilar to how I would see NBA stars act in team meetings. Like imagine the same guy sitting with Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook ans asking, “what’s better, scoring more or less points?” “MOOORRREEEE!!!” in unison. Then Westbrook is like, “if you score more points you have more chance of being on Sportscenter and people will like you more and clown you less for singing along to Ke$ha in pre-game.” Clowned anyway! Good thing Westbrook is having an incredible season, including beating up the Lakers last night to the beat of his drum (if there’s a more apropos lyric from Ke$ha hell if I would know it) with a line of 15-29 FG 37 Pts 10 Rebs 5 Asts and 2 Stls. On top of that, only two turnovers. Even Kobe Bryant was givin’ props. If there was a Facebook throw down of NBA players claiming to be elite, this would be a good time for Westbrook to chime in. Let’s check out what else went down in a fairly light night of NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Milwaukee Bucks Salivate Vs. Salt Lick City

March 5, 2013 | Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 17 Comments

by: JB Gilpin

Why do deer like salt licks? It’s one of the longest pondered mysteries in the world. Ok, that’s not true at all after I asked Jeeves. According to Wikipedia (I know Mrs. Hanson, I can’t use it as a source but this isn’t a research paper, bitch) “A mineral [salt] lick is natural mineral deposit where animals in nutrient-poor ecosystems can obtain essential mineral nutrients.” Parallels! Those poor Milwaukee Bucks were having such nutrient-poor fantasy lines and highlights of late and just needed some salt to lick. Easy, “that’s what she said” guy (you know if you are). The Bucks had three plays in the Sportscenter top 10! Fantasy wise, Monta Ellis hadn’t scored 30 in 2013. Brandon Jennings hadn’t scored more than 11 in his last four games. J.J. Redick hadn’t scored more than 16 or hit more than 2 threes in a game for his new squad. And Larry Sanders hadn’t… Well he’s been playing awesome, and was awesome again last night. Let’s look at their lines and the rest of fantasy basketball’s noteworthy performances last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: JB Gilpin

Read some of JB Gilpin's 860 posts

Tim Duncan Says “Let’s Party Like It’s 1999”

The Black Mamba Gets Snake Bitten

DraftKings – Serge-ing For Some Big Money

Anonymous Hacks Bank Of America, Orlando Hacks Dwight Howard

The Knicks Retiring From The NBA, To Join Fleetwood Mac

DeAndre Jordan Shines The Light On The Knight

Turns Out K-Mart Isn’t Bankrupt After All

The Madness Of March

LeBron Out Duels Magicians

DraftKings – Less Money, Mo Production

Russell Westbrook Ain’t Gonna Die Young

The Milwaukee Bucks Salivate Vs. Salt Lick City