Future Hall of Famer Shaquille O’Neal called it quits over Twitter (and eventually a proper press conference later today) after deciding his nearly 39-year-old body couldn’t withstand an achilles surgery and nine months of rehab. When Boston signed O’Neal a year ago, the strategy was that he’d play sparingly throughout the year and empty the tank on Dwight Howard in the spring if Kendrick Perkins didn’t return to 100 percent. Seeing as the Diesel couldn’t drive past 75 in any of his last five seasons, it’s not surprising that it didn’t work out for the Celtics. It was never going to happen. Hindsight is 20/20, but also 20? The percentage of possible minutes in which Shaq appeared in 2010. Fudge hindsight, man. Boston should have seen this coming. He’s never been one to play a full season’s worth of games (81 is his career-best, and he reached that in each of his first two seasons). Shaq averaged 61 GPs in his final 17 seasons and 53 in his last five. Signing a 37-year-old behemoth coming off a 53-game, 12/7 season with all sorts of joint problems to be the insurance backup for Perkins, in hopes of stopping the most athletic starting center perhaps the game has ever seen is like buying matches to protect your house made of pine. It’s a tale as old as time: old legend can’t call it quits, sticks around several seasons too long, forces bloggers to do away with prepositions. The old Shaq will be missed, but Old Shaq shoulda left the game anywhere between 2-4 seasons ago.

Here are s’more doings this week in fantasy basketball:

Amir Johnson – Had ankle surgery on Friday … seven weeks after his season ended. Ed Davis convinced him that Victoria Day just ain’t the same if your foot is in a cast.

Ricky Rubio – Coming to the T-Wolves, which puts Jonny Flynn in about the same position as the “h” in his name: left out.

Kwame Brown – Paul Silas said “Kwame is going to be unbelievable [in 2011] because we’re going to have a chance to work on some of his deficiencies.” Translation, “We’re preparing ourselves to be in disbelief at some of Kwame’s deficiencies.” Dude averaged 9/8 in 50 games last season. What can Brown do for you in 2011? Probably no more than 10/10, with 1.5 blocks per game.

Stephen Jackson – In other Bobcat news, Jackson dropped 20 pounds and the 2012 Bobcat compact tractor will come equipped with XM Radio for the more long-day farmer.

J.R. Smith – Cited for operating a scooter without a license. All-in-all, it could be worse. Worse than this. Worse than this, even. Probably not much worse than this though.