Ben Affleck may get shat upon by the hip and snarky, but he had the last laugh when his film Argo walked away with the Best Picture Academy Award (TM) (C) ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ACADEMY OF MOTION PICTURE ARTS AND SCbzzzt. Where was I? Oh, Surviving Christmas is a much better holiday movie than you would expect, and is worth watching if it comes on TV in 9-10 months. Just store that in your head. If you haven’t see The Town, it’s also enjoyable. Wait, is this the basketball blog? I thought we were talking about movies. Hmmm, well, let’s talk about Andrew Bogut. Bogut’s MRI came back and showed a protruding disc in his back. He has been ruled out indefinitely and will not travel with the team. Some of you may remember I had a minor herniated disc back in September, and it took me a few weeks to recover from, derailing my basketball career even further. Bogut is clearly a world class athlete while I get winded getting up from the toilet, but still, back pain is back pain, and Bogut has to wipe the same way the rest of us do. All of you that were so happy to grab Bogut may have to wait a couple of weeks to begin savoring his production again.
Andre Drummond – Talk about a pain in the ass! Drummond is still recovering from his broken tailbone, and although he avoided surgery, he is still due out for another 2-4 weeks. Coach Lawrence Frank told the press, “you get better intellectually and physically when you’re injured.” I guess Drummond will be walking to the library for home hardcovers. When he reaches Stephen King and George R.R. Martin, we’ll know he’s ready to return.
Joe Johnson – He’s considered day to day, although he could be out for a few weeks. Johnson believes he has a “serious heel bruise” rather than plantar fascitis, but I wouldn’t trust an NBA player to paint my house, let alone provide a medical diagnosis, so we’ll see.
Kirk Hinrich – When does day to day become out 2-4 weeks? Hinrich has missed 10 of the last 11 games with an elbow injury. At this rate, he’ll wind up dead.
Derrick Rose – He has not been experiencing setbacks, but they’re not setting a timetable for his return, and he’s saying he’s in no rush to get back, sooooo…maybe you seem him in 3-4 weeks.
Brandon Knight – His MRI came back negative, but he will still require a few days to recover from his knee injury. This Knight won’t be able to genuflect before the Kings any time soon, but the Pistons don’t play Sacramento again this season, so Brandon will rest a while to let the swelling go down.
Pau Gasol – He won’t require surgery, is close to coming off his crutches, and believes he will be able to join the Lakers if they make the playoffs. Broken down, that news is good, good, and you need to drop him if he’s still on your roster.
Kevin Love – After his check-up in March, we will know for sure whether or not he can make due on his promise to play 15-20 games this season. Translation: see Gasol, Pau.
Jameer Nelson – Has a bruised knee, should be back within a week. At least, he better be.
Andrew Bynum – Sixers coach Doug Collins watched Bynum’s practice and told the press this “looked like a guy who had not played in nine months.” Optimistic! If you listed to me, you avoided Bynum in the first round. If you’re contemplating stashing him, I ask you, why bother? And if you drafted him and still have him, then good luck coming out of your coma. I hope Quentin Tarantino doesn’t film your feet.
Brandon Roy – The Timberwolves’ coach, Rick Adelman, mused that Roy would not play this season. Unless you are in some ungodly deep league where Marcus Camby is a sought after commodity, Roy has been collecting dust on waivers for months already.
Tony Parker – He is sitting out the road trip to allow his bruised triceps a chance to heal. Should be back shortly.
Linas Kleiza – Should be back within a week, according to the words I read that formed a sentence which meant Kleiza is expected to return next week.
