I know Toney Douglas and his nine threes deserves to kickoff today’s daily notes, but sometime early in the fourth quarter of the Bulls-Nets game, today’s headline came to me and I jumped on it. I’m not sure you guys realize a) how few things sound like Douglas or b) how difficult it is to come up with terrible puns five days a week. It’s a challenge. Also a challenge? Boxing out Omer Asik apparently. The reserve Turk (always good to have one in reserve) grabbed a career-high 16 boards, blocked two shots and earned his first NBA double-double after sinking 11 points. Yeah, but Adam, Asik isn’t a viable fantasy option, why waste time talking about him? Okay, Sgt. SmartyPants, go pick up Toney Douglas and then come back when you’re ready to share in a brief congratulatory note on a scrappy Turk not named Hedo (I would never give Hedo a congratulatory note). I’ll wait. We’ll all wait. Don’t mind us, you go ahead. /crosses arms, taps foot, tweets: “OMGZ, Can’t believe Asik’s blurb is being so rudely interrupted! #omer4life,” eats an entire roasted turkey in 30 seconds (prove it didn’t happen!), waves hello to neighbor – Oprah, then returns to see if you’re done picking up Toney Douglas.\ Oh, you’re back. How’d it go? He was already taken, huh? Well, great. All of this was well worth it then. I don’t even feel like talking about Asik anymore. Kurt Thomas got into foul trouble and forced Omer into a situation in which he played extensive minutes. Won’t happen often and even if it did, he’s solid, but not reliably productive. Way to ruin my good mood.
Let’s move on to other fantasy basketball news:
Kris Humphries -Last night, he went 13/16, with five blocks. Let us step back a moment and ponder Hump’s season so far. He started as the probable reserve for top rookie draft pick Derrick Favors and big offseason acquisition Troy Murphy. Murphy was hurt, Favors wasn’t ready and *boom* a double-double machine was born. Then he started dating Kim Kardashian. She’s not the first Kardashian sister to hop aboard the NBA gravy train, but she’s definitely the hottest. Somewhere Lamar Odom is wondering what might have been if he’d just waited out Reggie Bush a year longer. Seriously, being a reserve big on the New Jersey Nets and Forrest Gumping your way into Kim Kardashian (hehe. He said “into.” He did. He said it!) while a star Laker has to settle for Khloe is like aiming for Carmelo Anthony all season and bumbling your way to Deron Williams. Which is a nice segue into part three of Humphries’ fantastic ride: the part where the Nets aimed to land Carmelo Anthony all season and landed the second-best point guard in the league for much less instead. Why’s that good for Humphries? Because he’s averaging 16/16 and 2.5 blocks this month – something he wouldn’t have done with Devin Harris or Carmelo Anthony. Seriously, you guys. Great season. As long as Avery Johnson is the coach of the Nets, I doubt Humphries will make my top 70 next season. Also, speaking of Deron … here comes a big ol’ bucket o’yuck!
Deron Williams – … In honor of St. Paddy’s Day, I typed bucket o’yuck, which is gaelic for “bucket of yuck.” Anyway, D’Will shot 1-for-12 from the floor with 11 assists and one big hiswristisnotfine.
Sasha Vujacic – Sank 13 points to go along with five boards. Not bad. He usually goes in mini streaks, just enough for you to take notice after his second solid game, roster him, play him, watch him sink 15 points with two threes and a steal, play him a game later where he plays 10 minutes and does nothing, so you give him one more game, where he also does nothing. Then you drop him, having paid the price of two terrible games for one mediocre one, just to watch him score 19 one game later. It’ll happen again. Wanna know how I can be so sure? ‘Cause the Machine played poorly the two games before this one and faces the Bucks, Wiz, Pacers and Cavs next. You watch. Good things are coming for the Machine, followed by bad things for anyone rostering the Machine.
Baron Davis – After missing the last eight days, Boom Dizzle returned. I didn’t actually watch any of this, but I knew he returned nevertheless after I checked the score and saw the Blazers up by 22 in the first quarter. I thought to myself at that exact moment, “Yup, Dizzle’s back!” Speaking of backs, Davis’ was spasm-ing so he left early. So there’s that.
Mike Conley – Ended with a supersolid 16/4/6 line. It occurred to me watching this game last night that it would take Conley averaging 22/4/9 this year for me to draft him in the round his value will dictate he gets drafted. I’m not saying I won’t rank him accurately come the preseason, I’m just saying, I can almost guarantee I’ll run into him sometime around the sixth or seventh round and I know I won’t grab him. Incidentally, the exact opposite is true for me every season with Odom. I never want him on my team because he goes through such wicked ebbs and flows. Yet there he is, every damn season, awaiting me in the eighth round. And there I am screaming to myself, “You have to take Lamar Odom in the eighth round. He’s got top 30 upside and Bynum can’t stay healthy!” And every December I’m glad I have him and every February I can’t trade him away even if I package him with a month’s supply of jerky and tickets to Gaga.
Shane Battier – 11/5/3, with a three. He’s owned in five times more fantasy leagues than Shawne Williams despite Williams having the far superior statistical month.
Shawne Williams – 9/6/1, with a steal and two threes. If it were Battier, you’d have rostered him a week ago. It’s the playoffs, every stats counts.
Toney Douglas – Okay, go back and check to see if Douglas is available in your league yet. It’s been, like, two minutes. Okay, nine minutes. I didn’t realize how slow you read. Go check again. He scored 29 points in 31 minutes, after all. He’s been a decent reserve all season for deep leagues, last night’s performance certainly doesn’t hurt that. Then again, he’s not suddenly way better than he was five days ago either.
