“1,000, 1,001, 1,002, 1,003. Wow, I can hardly lift my left arm I did so many. I don’t know if you heard me, but I did over 1,000.” Maybe should’ve stopped at like 40! Kyrie Irving strained his left biceps a couple weeks ago, sending owners into a furious frenzy of wire replacements. And one of the most fun times of the year (although you could argue most frustrating) is when the fringe or struggling playoff teams make drastic moves. Well, I would argue dropping Kyrie when news hit wasn’t a drastic move, but I think you all know what I’m saying in H2H leagues. After a very positive reevaluation, Uncle Drew was cleared for practice yesterday and could return as soon as tomorrow. Talk about positivity! While the game tomorrow against the Magic seems questionable, there still is cloudy uncertainty. Both that game and the Cavs next on Friday at the Hawks are on very busy, heavily-scheduled days. Of course when healthy, Kyrie is a no-brainer, but I’d imagine his first game back comes with a little bit of training wheels. So if you’re in your final week in your title hopes, I’m not seeing an immediacy in picking him up. But if your finals are next week, or a two-week final, go ahead and Cry Uncle. Wait, that doesn’t mean what I was hoping. Go ahead and pry Uncle? Eh… In Roto, hopefully you held Kyrie as that’s what I would’ve done. Looking ahead to next week, it’s sadly only three games for the Cavs, but stay positive! One against Detroit and another against da Bucks. Gotta like those. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:
Ramon Sessions – Dr. Drake Ramoray’s Venezuelan half brother! Well, he’s from Myrtle Beach, that’s kinda the Venezuela of the southeast if you ask me… 20/5/11, rocking out the dimebag, and boosting your FT% like I always rave about with Sessions, going 9-11. Must-own down the stretch.
Brandon Knight – 25/9/7 and I hope he doesn’t stay too hot through the rest of the season so I can be all over him again next year.
Indiana Pacers – Yikes. They bad.
Roy Hibbert – Does have a 5-block game in there, but also zero blocks in three of the past five including last night. 7 was his high rebounding total from the past six, not topping 5 before that. His numbers eerily look like Kyle O’Quinn‘s right now.
Tim Duncan – Not a big scoring day, but 9/6/4/1/3 is a really solid multi-cat that way outperforms a DNP-CD. I don’t even know when he last sat. In 2013? Hah, probably just means it’s coming, but man, playing every Spurs outing virtually through the whole playoffs has been “Timmay!”-outburst worthy.
Timofey Mozgov – With J.J. the lame plane not siphoning off minutes, Healthcare.Mozgov can finally prove to Republicans his value! Huge 23/10/1/0/1 line from the Thabeet from St. Pete. I imagine him playing this game with all the panache of being shirtless riding a horse.
Drew Gooden – Just when you thought his AARP membership was back to silver, BOOM! Platinum baby! Wait, I dunno where I was going with that… Two rough games in a row, and really three in a row with an empty 15/3/0/1/0 before those. Now hot, with two straight of solid production with 12/8/2/2/0 and no TOs last night.
Thaddeus Young – Thrainbow line! 23/3/4/4/3 with five treys. Shot 7-10, 4-4 FT, and this uber-% boosting, multi-cat orgasm-inducing line means yet another Philly loss. But not for fantasy owners! Man that was a sick flow right there.
Paul Millsap – Had a commenter worried about his mini-slump, but I said be steadfast! Huge eruption, and the best way to get out of any sort of funk – against the awful 76ers. They’re the Cialis of fantasy flaccid-ness. Are they called the 76ers because they almost lost 76 games this year? Sheesh! 28/17/4/3/0 for Millsap including a trey.
Tony Wroten – Tore up Detroit (shocker…) but looked awful last night. I think Brandon Jennings‘ and Josh Smith‘s terrible ratio ways rubbed off on him from that game…
Zaza Pachulia – “I make Noah!” 12/13/6/0/3 in one of the more preposterous lines of March. The Pistons are just a defensive travesty. And with such good athletes too! I think even they are ready to tune out basketball and follow the Tigers.
Jonas Valanciunas – 14/10/0/1/0 shooting 7-9. It’s a good Tristan Thompson day!
Greivis Vasquez – ThrAGNOF alert! 17/0/1/0/0 with 4 TOs and three treys. Hell, put me on an NBA court for 23 minutes and I might be able to do that!
LeBron James – I remember way back when, when I was just a young lad, ESPN played a high school basketball game. I wasn’t hardcore into basketball anymore after the Hornets left Charlotte, plus thought it was weird high school was on (no idea of anyone in the game), but I had nothing else better to do. Then some dude had a through the legs step back three pointer and looked like he was the center. Ah, memories…
Birdman – He flyeth! Multi-blocks in five of the last six with another pair last night. His consistency is as the crow flies, or something like that…
DeMarcus Cousins – If last night’s 35/14/3/1/2 shooting 13-18 (9-12 FT) is any indication, he might be the most important player in Finals week.
Ray McCallum – Yesterday: “Solid run for Ray-Mac with no IT2, and would be a fine plug-n-play if still available and no IT2 tonight.” Today: no IT2 and career best game! 22/2/10/2/0.
Anthony Davis – RainBrow!
Anthony Morrow – It’s like playing the deep league slots. I thought he’d get some decent run to round out the year given the Pelicans injuries. Sometimes it happens, sometimes no so much. Last night it happened. 23/3/1/2/0 with four treys and no TOs. If only his PT was a given…
D.J. Augustin – Whelp! Gasp! Ker-plut! Shot only 1-9 for 4 points after putting 33 Sunday. But dimebag it up! 11 treys. I gotta admit, that surprised me. This game was an absolute snoozer. I haven’t yawned that much since I tried to sit through S.W.A.T.
Jared Sullinger – Looked awful and got a bloody nose. Funny tidbit, the commentators saw it bleeding and someone tried to dish to Sully inside and the announcer goes, “Don’t pass it to me, I’m bleedin’!” Hah!
Matt Barnes – I called him a must-own with the Blake Griffin injury, the minutes were there already, but figured a few more boards and shot attempts would come his way. 19/6/3/2/0 with three treys. Barnesburner!
Nikola Pekovic – Had to leave after only 7 minutes with continued ankle soreness. Well, there goes that! Like the apes in Spaceballs would say, “There goes the Planet!” Might get shut down, and while Gorgui Dieng only got 19 minutes yesterday, he still shined for 14/4/3/3/1 shooting 4-4 and 6-6 FT. Yeah, be sure and re-grab Dieng.
Trey Burke – A paltry 5/4/3/0/0 with 3 TOs against a terrible Raymond Felton. I had a comment asking Trevor Ariza or Burke for yesterday. Turns out, no one wins.
Enes Kanter – Yo-yoed back to the bench. 12/6/0/0/0 as he provides nothing in other cats yet again. Womp womp.
Next Game: TNT OT on Tuesday again! HOU at BKN in what is actually a really entertaining game. More deliberate Nets vs. up-tempo Rox. Be sure to tune in, and hope you got a good start in your Finals!
