I’m starting to get really frustrated with those AT&T kid commercials where this douche asks four or five kids random crap, like “what’s better less or more?” or “would you rather be faster or slower?” In one of em he cuts the kid off who just wants to prove she can be funny like the convulsing three-year old too! He’s probably too buys doing blow with AT&T execs to have empathy. However, the way those kids act isn’t too dissimilar to how I would see NBA stars act in team meetings. Like imagine the same guy sitting with Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook ans asking, “what’s better, scoring more or less points?” “MOOORRREEEE!!!” in unison. Then Westbrook is like, “if you score more points you have more chance of being on Sportscenter and people will like you more and clown you less for singing along to Ke$ha in pre-game.” Clowned anyway! Good thing Westbrook is having an incredible season, including beating up the Lakers last night to the beat of his drum (if there’s a more apropos lyric from Ke$ha hell if I would know it) with a line of 15-29 FG 37 Pts 10 Rebs 5 Asts and 2 Stls. On top of that, only two turnovers. Even Kobe Bryant was givin’ props. If there was a Facebook throw down of NBA players claiming to be elite, this would be a good time for Westbrook to chime in. Let’s check out what else went down in a fairly light night of NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Why do deer like salt licks? It’s one of the longest pondered mysteries in the world. Ok, that’s not true at all after I asked Jeeves. According to Wikipedia (I know Mrs. Hanson, I can’t use it as a source but this isn’t a research paper, bitch) “A mineral [salt] lick is natural mineral deposit where animals in nutrient-poor ecosystems can obtain essential mineral nutrients.” Parallels! Those poor Milwaukee Bucks were having such nutrient-poor fantasy lines and highlights of late and just needed some salt to lick. Easy, “that’s what she said” guy (you know if you are). The Bucks had three plays in the Sportscenter top 10! Fantasy wise, Monta Ellis hadn’t scored 30 in 2013. Brandon Jennings hadn’t scored more than 11 in his last four games. J.J. Redick hadn’t scored more than 16 or hit more than 2 threes in a game for his new squad. And Larry Sanders hadn’t… Well he’s been playing awesome, and was awesome again last night. Let’s look at their lines and the rest of fantasy basketball’s noteworthy performances last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So one of my favorite directors, Darren Aronofsky, is working on a new movie Noah that is going to come out some time in 2014. Yeah, it’s about the dude in the “we’re gonna need animals in this boat”, not “we need a bigger boat.”. Russell Crowe is going to be Noah. Hmmmm. Did you know “hm” can be played in scrabble and Words With Friends? Man, did that grind my buddy’s goat. I don’t know how I feel about this new Aronofsky outlet, especially with a budget reported at $130 million. That’s a lot of water tanks. We all saw what happened to Waterworld. Producer Scott Fanklin said “…we stayed very true to the story and didn’t really deviate from the Bible, despite the six-armed angels.” Mind… Blown… Speaking of six-armed Angels and Noahs, Joakim Noah was downright swatty last night, racking up 11 Blocks against the 76ers. Although I guess Noah would be a six-armed Bull. Something like a mix between Goro and Motaro. Hey, that might actually be a step up looks-wise. Animality! Noah’s final line of 8/12 FG 23 Pts 21 Rebs 1 Ast 3 Stls and 11 Blks gave him one of the sexiest triple-doubles since three Baywatch lifeguards ran to my aid after a jellyfish stung my tooshie. Here’s what else happened around the NBA last night:
Sucker Punch! Another reminder to like us on Facebook as all our sports have melted into one hard-hitting Fantasy hub that stings like a butterfly and flies like a bee. OK, maybe I got that wrong, but it’s something like that… Once you follow, you’ll spontaneously outburst in dance in costume and merriment.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tobias Harris started the season fairly strong, putting together some decent lines in November, but then fell out of the Bucks rotation. “Oh Tobias, you blow-hard!” It looked like Harris’ career might be stalled. “I got my hands on some money. I can’t say how or when … or where my wedding ring is, but my purse overfloweth.” But with a trade to the Magic right at the deadline, Harris got a much needed new beginning in O-Town. “But guess what? There’s a new daddy in town. A discipline Daddy.” Harris has been a discipline daddy indeed, providing the Magic with their lone bright spot with 23 Pts 9-12 FG 2-2 FT 1 3PTM 6 Rebs 2 Asts and 2 Stls last night while being massacred by the Kings. And if any of these references are giving you a chubby, suck it up and watch Arrested Development! As I mentioned in both articles yesterday, I’m crushing hard on my boy T-Hair. Shooting a total of 21-31 (68%) and averaging 17.7 Pts 0.67 3PM 6.7 Rebs 1.3 Asts 1.0 Stl and 1.0 Blk over his three games for Orlando, he’s been a dynamite find for their unloading of J.J. I called him a pickup in deeper leagues, but with a third straight big performance where he looked worthy of 40 minutes (I watched this game – he attacked the rim hard, shot well, and played spry), I’m now calling him a pickup in all leagues. Here’s what else happened last night across the NBA:
Deke! Don’t forget that all our Razzball mindscapes are now in one convenient social media lollapalooza on Facebook. Shoot us a like, track all the new articles when they go up, and follow more of Grey’s game-winning musings on life.Please, blog, may I have some more?
As we get nearer and nearer to the fantasy basketball playoffs and more avid fans are knocked out of their league competish, what better way to keep up with fantasy than with our friends at DraftKings who run daily contests for big money prizes. I know what you’re thinking… What’s big money? How about $50 G’s! No, that’s not how many G’s are in Tom Gugliota’s last name (I think it’s only those two… Maybe there’s another hidden silent one…). You can qualify for as little as $5. That’s multiplying your money by 10,000! Best believe! And for an exclusive offer, click here for a 100% Deposit bonus on any deposit under $600.
Once the NBA has wrapped up, do not fret DraftKings aficionados! They will be running the same daily challenges for big money during the MLB season. Just how much money did winners receive from MLB DraftKings challenges last year?! $5.5 million buck-a-roos! And unlike leagues where you drafted Matt Kemp, Jacoby Ellsbury, or Troy Tulowitzki, the gods of injury won’t dispel your entire season as you can draft anew every day. All you favorite types of games – double-ups, steps, qualifiers, GPPs, sit-n-gos – will be coming soon for the MLB.
But back to hoops, let’s take a look at some of the mid-tier guys I like for good values tonight:Please, blog, may I have some more?
With six minutes left in the fourth last night, David Lee gave Roy Hibbert a little sucker shove that spawned a fracas that would have made Ron Artest (excuse me Metta World Peace) proud. Tangent – how can athletes just change their names like that? Getting pretty ridiculous. They should just change their names a few times a year and get a percentage of jersey sales. Imagine Chris Andersen changing his name to “Birdman” at the beginning of the season, then changing it again halfway through the season to, “You best stay away Chris Hansen“. But I digress. After Lee and Hibbert got separated, Stephen Curry tried to body up on ol’ RoyRoy and it didn’t go so well. Even down 11, Curry had torn up the Pacers for 33 at that point, keeping what would have otherwise been a blowout a watchable game. What ended up being one of the best MMA moments of the NBA season didn’t factor into the game much, as the Pacers still ran away with it after Hibbert’s ejection. Luckily Curry was able to finish the game with an incredible line of 38 Pts 7 3PM 2 Rebs 4 Asts 3 Stls 1 Blk 4 Broken Cheek Bones and 0 Ankle Injuries. Just kidding about the cheek bones. I made every Curry owner gasp there for a second. Let’s take a look at the other performances last night in the NBA:
Fake Out! Quick Public Service Announcement that the wondrous Razzball social media experience on the Book of Face has acid-trip melted into a conglomeration of fantasy goodness across all fantasy sports. Shoot us a Like on Facebook and keep up with us while you dominate your friends across all your fantasy leagues.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Every year, there’s a handful of guys that are waiver wire whores and bounce back and forth between owners for spot starts. It’s like the freshman co-ed dorm; you feel entitled if you’re the first to have one of em riding your roster, but then you feel dirty if you claimed them next. Enter Jarrett Jack, who before settling into his probable NBA 6th Man Award role, got run off the bench, then a few starts, but never those solidified minutes. A shoulder injury a few weeks back had the last round of owners jumping ship, but since returning he’s finally ready for a long term commitment. So what if he gave rival owners a little handsy here and rub-a-dub there? Time for everyone to lock him up Elizabeth Smart style.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s my first buy/sell piece, so apologies if I steamroll over any of Chris’ darlings or any of that jazz. But none of these players are gonna be on the Jazz. Sorry Paul Millsap. You’re OK as is.
Let’s get right into my picks as I put the daily recap in it’s own article just to make it feel special. I’ll probably combine these like Chris did in the following weeks as Thursday Night’s slate of games are usually thinner than Tehol’s angle hair. I’ll let you decide what that references:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Morning Razzball Nation!
If you missed it yesterday in my inaugural post breaking down the NBA Trade Deadline, I’m your new Razzball Basketball chief editor and fantasy basketball overlord. Hope I can bring ya the goods!
If you missed the games last night, and lets be honest, they weren’t exactly much-watch TV, you missed the Heat trounce the Bulls 86-67 and the Spurs romp the Clippers 116-90. 67 Chicago? Two more and and Lil Wayne would’ve found his dreads on Chris Bosh’s wife’s legs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you have been around the Razzball block, you may have seen my stuff as a regular writer for Razzball Football (along with Co-Host of the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast with @NickCapozzi) and an occasional contributor for Razzball Baseball. If not, then I say hello Basketball world! I will be taking over the reins as the editor-in-chief for Razzball Basketball (while continuing my contributions to our other fine sports sections) and look forward to making different jokes about the same players. Get ready for numerous Sam Cassell looks like E.T. references.Please, blog, may I have some more?