Look, I’m not going to go nuts here and tell you that Andrea Bargnani is terrible or overrated or any other hyperbolic fluff that clearly isn’t true. Bargs can play. He’s averaging 19 points in 32 minutes per NBA game. That’s something even I can’t do, and I’m great at basketball, according to my rec-league teammates. Like dogs walking in single-file, I smell a ‘but.’ Bargs is averaging 12.3 points per game in his last three along with four rebounds in over 31 em-pee-gees. Geez! That’s awful. Unfathomable, really. The guy is seven feet tall and standing on the court forever. It was cute when Toronto’s franchise big man averaged only three rebounds in his first three games of the season because Reggie Evans was gobbling up 15+ boards a night. But Evans ain’t doing that no more and the laughter has stopped in Canada, or as the Canadians call it, “happy crying.” Your third or fourth round pick went into drafting a 19/4 guy. That’s Luol Deng territory. It’s bad enough that he has a girl’s name, but now he’s grabbing just one more rebound per contest than Steve Nash. Uncool. Almost as uncool as burning a first round pick on a 7-footer averaging 19/6. That’s right, Brook Lopez. You’re next.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy basketball yesterday:
Aaron Brooks – Out 4-6 weeks. A healthy Brooks trumps Lowry, a healthy Smith trumps an injured Brooks, and a healthy Lowry trumps Smith. Brooks-paper-Ish’er … SHOOT!
Josh Smith – Attempted his eighth three-pointer this year, one more than he attempted all last season. But since we’re tripping down memory lane, I’d like to point out that unlike last season, in which he missed all seven of his downtown bombs, Smoove has made half of ‘em this season.
Marvin Williams – Could miss the next two weeks. Or if you own Williams, he’ll avoid screwing your team for the next two weeks.
George Hill – 0-for-4 with a rebound and two assists in 21 minutes. It’s the second time in his last three games Hill failed to score. He’s been injured already and the season is still young, but Hill looks like he’s content to hold down the fort until Ginobili and Parker relieve him of his duty. If you’ve got your eye on someone else, go ahead and relieve Hill of his duty.
Manu Ginobili - 26/5/3 in 34 minutes. If anyone can average 21.8 ppg and three treys per game quietly, it’s … not Manu Ginobili. MANU!
Boris Diaw – 15/6/5 with one steal, block and trey in over 36 minutes. He’ll have a solid game like this, then stink it up for the next three. He’s French. This is what happens when your country’s definition of bathing consists of going through one bath and six bottles of perfume per week.
Gerald Wallace – Shot 2-for-11 from the floor and was just off. Multiplicity may have been cold, but if you own him, you’re the one that needs to stay cool. He’s got the Raptors and Wizards coming up next. Cha(rlotte)-ching!
Leandro Barbosa – Left the game early after straining a) his shoulder and b) thousands of fantasy lineups so far this season.
Jarrett Jack – Played 28 more minutes than Jose Calderon last night and produced a 24/8 line with three steals. I’ll tell you what my mother told my sister and me many years ago, “if only one of you existed, it would make things a lot easier for everybody.” If you had to choose just one, Jack has played increasing minutes over the last three games while Calderon has not.
J.J. Redick – If I told you Redick scored 11 points in 27 minutes, how many threes would you assume he hit? One? Two? Five, but no one saw the last two? The Duke sharpshooter went 0-for-5 from behind the arc. He’s shooting .167 from downtown, which is why owning Redick, even in deep leagues, is Redickulous.
Chris Duhon – 4/4 in 25 minutes. Poo on Duhon.
Rashard Lewis – He shot 2-for-7 in 31 minutes ending with four points. He’s shooting .373 on the season. His FG% and PPG have been in decline in each of the last four seasons. Do with that information what you will (as long as ‘what you will’ consists of getting rid of Rashard Lewis).
Joakim Noah – Grabbed 19 boards and is now averaging a league-leading 15 rpg. I had him and Kevin Love tagged as the two most probable rebounding leaders at season’s end. Noah is the actual leader, Love is ranked second in per minute rebounding (0.43) and, oh God, do I really hate Kurt Rambis.
Taj Gibson – Well, if I’m mentioning Gibson, you know there’s a Carlos Boozer reference a-comin’. Chicago’s favorite blues harpsichordist scored 16 points and blocked five shots. This is why I would never want the ability to see into the future. Every time things were going well for someone, all I’d be able to see is what awful twist of fate Carlos Boozer had in store for them. There it is!
DeShawn Stevenson – I couldn’t resist pointing out that the Mavericks have – literally- five guys that can play SG and they start Stevenson and his 6/0/0/0/2 line just to keep Jason Terry‘s role as the ‘energy’ guy off the bench in tact. Sometimes basketball coaches *cough* Rick Carlisle *cough* just seem silly.
Zach Randolph – 23/20 in 41 minutes. Mmm, that looks like the line of a guy bumpin’ up against the Suns’ defense all night.
Grant Hill – 19/12/3 in just 29 minutes. He just keeps doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it right.
Robin Lopez – 2/2 with two blocks in 14 minutes. He’s making Darko look average. Drop him.
Hedo Turkoglu -8/1/1 in 21 minutes. He’s making Robin Lopez look average. Drop him. Yes I’m aware that I pick on Turkolgu every other day, but he’s still owned in over 85 percent of fantasy leagues. Clearly I’ve got a lot more work to do.
Channing Frye – Shot .142 from the floor amassing a grand total of three points. He’s averaging 4.9 ppg after seven contests and he’s clearly lost all confidence. He’s not the only one. Drop him.
Chauncey Billups – Anybody else want to discuss Billups’ 4.6 assist per game average? No, me neither. Especially because I talked about it all preseason.
Stephen Curry – .571/1.000/2/34/5/4/3/0. What? No blocks, bro? Psssh.
Monta Ellis - Dropped like a burnt brisket, left the game in the fourth quarter and stayed in a Toronto hospital overnight. And because it was a Canadian hospital, neither Ellis nor the NBA have to pay for it. Booyah! Way to get injured abroad, Monta! His fall sounded bad, but he walked off the court. My guess is he wanted a taste of that sweet, sweet worry owners were showering on Curry’s ankle last week. If you can spare the speculator pick, and either Dorrell Wright or Reggie Williams are unowned, own them. Don’t pwn them. That’s not in your best interest right now.