Drew Gooden is like a cockroach. Just when you think his career is over, he resurrects in the Bucks frontcourt. Then he injures his wrist and misses some time, and you’re thinking, “the joyride is over, right?” Wrong! And then he goes and tweaks his back in his first game back on the court, which has GOT to slow him down, right? Please. The man just dropped 23 points on KG and the Celtics like it was nothin’. If Gooden happened to be dropped after his first injury then you should jump on it, Sugarhill Gang. At this point, it looks like the Apocalypse is the only thing that can stop Gooden from delivering the fantasy goods; that or Andrew Bogut’s return. Now let’s take a look at what else happened in the fantasy basketball ‘hood today:
Ersan Ilyasova – Ersanity followed up last night’s double-double with a 25/10 performance Wednesday. He also added a trio of helpers and a block for those of you who are hard-to-please.
Rajon Rondo – Earned a triple-triple-double (third triple-double of the season) a night after he scored a whopping zero points. Okay Rondo, we can be friends again.
Brandon Bass – Started and played 35+ minutes for the second consecutive game, finishing with 16 points, seven boards, two assists, and a block. He should continue to put up lines like this while Jermaine O’Neal is sidelined. You should pick him up if you’re into that sort of thing, I won’t judge you.
Russell Westbrook – 22 points, nice! 13 boards, sweet! 4 assists, cool! Seven turnovers and 0-for-4 from downtown, owowowww!
Nikola Vucevic/Lavoy Allen – With news that Spencer Hawes will miss at least a couple more weeks, these two decided to step up their game and go for a combined 2/6/3 line in 32 minutes. Way to take advantage of an opportunity guys! The real beneficiary here (as much as it pains me to say it) is Elton Brand, who put together a 10-point, 10-rebound dub-dub in 32 minutes.
Ryan Anderson – Dropped a team-high 23 points to go along with 15 boards and a quartet of threes, as he continues his fantasy, uh fantasy season. He is basically Kevin Love with less boards and more threes. We can call him “Young Love.” Random italicized voice, “Love is actually younger than Anderson.” Shut up.
Hedo Turkoglu – Had a well-rounded line of 11/7/6/2 stl/2 3pm/2 blk. The most impressive aspect of this game was that he managed to block two shots, as I was unaware that Turkoglu could jump.
Trevor Booker – Grabbed double-digit rebounds for the second consecutive game, and is now averaging 13.5 points and 12 boards in his last two games. “Can you dig it, SUCKA?!” The Wiz have the Cavs and Dubs on deck, and they are, how you say, terrible at defending.
JaVale McGee – Came off the bench for the second straight game, and didn’t do much for the second straight game. I wouldn’t fret too much, as McGee’s bone-headed decisions on the court are one of the main attractions Wizards’ fans come to watch. So if ownership wants to keep their attendance above their season average of 10, then McGee will be back in the starting lineup soon enough.
Jeremy Lin – Lin had his best game as a Knick since being named the new Mayor of New York a few weeks ago. You: “How can Jeremy Lin have his best game when EVERY game is his best game?” While ESPN makes it seem this way, this game was special because Lin only turned the ball over once. That 19/13/5 line tastes so much better huh?
Carmelo Anthony – ‘Melo has increased his scoring every game since returning from injury. Wednesday’s line of 22/5/4 was no different, as he continues to try and crawl out of Jeremy Lin’s shadow.
Tristan Thompson – Had 11 points, eight boards, and a block in 29 minutes off the bench. What’s the difference between Tristan Thompson and Jason Thompson? Trick question, nothing. Play them when they’re hot, drop them when they’re not.
Antawn Jamison – Dropped 23/10 on the Knicks’ heads. But more importantly, I just noticed that his name was spelled “Antawn” and not “Antwan,” am I the only one who thought that?
Stephen Curry – Played a whole three seconds in tonight’s game. Glad to see he is making serious progress recovering from his injury.
Dominic McGuire – Grabbed a team-high 15 boards, but failed to score a bucket. Don’t know which is more surprising, that McGuire managed to pull down 15 rebounds, or the fact that he didn’t score a point playing over 36 minutes for the Warriors.
Zaza Pachulia – I can’t believe I am semi-endorsing this piece of pachulia, but with tonight’s 13-point, 16-board double-double, Zaza is now averaging 14.5 boards in his last two games. So there’s that.
Gerald Henderson – Returned to the starting lineup, subsequently crushing Kemba Walker’s owners’ dreams. Henderson posted 13/3/1 in 28 minutes, while Walker had a line of 6/5/3/2 in 19 minutes. I’d hang on to both and hope that one challenges the other to a duel.
Greg Monroe – Had 19 points and 20 boards in 32 minutes. More like Man-roe.
Rodney Stuckey – Dropped 29 points on 10-of-18 from the field and 9-of-11 from the line. That’s more like it! I don’t know what he was doing for the past week. Maybe he thought it was called the All-Star week instead of weekend.
Dirk Nowitzki – Left Wednesday’s game with a tight lower back. I prefer tight lower backs on my women rather than on my star forward.
Rodrigue Beaubois – With Nowitzki sidelined, Boobies filled in with 16/3/2/1 in 37 minutes. He is worth an add if Dirk is going to miss any time.
Marc Gasol – Put together a sexy 22/11/5/4 performance, along with a perfect 6-for-6 from the line. And he didn’t even ask you to look him in the eyes while he did it.
Pau Gasol – In less exciting Gasol news, Pau had just 15 points and five boards Wednesday. Marc gave him a noogie after the game.
Kobe Bryant – He had to pay Rip Hamilton royalties for using a clear facemask, but still finished with 31 points, eight helpers, and seven boards against the T-Wolves.
Kevin Love – He had the biggest impact on the T-Wolves Wednesday, as no one on the team scored more than 14 points without Love in the lineup.
Linas Kleiza – Kleiza channeled his inner Leonidas, leading the under-talented Raptors to a win over 10,000 Hornets*. THIS. IS. TORONTO! (*actual numbers may be exaggerated).
Marco Belinelli – Scored 20 points and continues to start despite having a healthy Jarrett Jack back. If you need help with points and threes, then do whatcha do.
Joakim Noah – Scored 10 points and grabbed 13 boards, putting up his third straight dub-dub. Unfortunately, he hasn’t stopped dating your sister.
Gary Neal – Wasn’t supposed to play, but did, and finished with 21/3/2/2/1. In one league, I benched him for Danny Green who finished with 11/4/3/3. I give up.
Kenneth Faried – Made good with the 17 minutes he received, scoring 13 points (6-of-6 FG) and grabbing 10 boards. It frustrates me when coaches don’t give players who could be fantasy studs more minutes. Then I remember that they are coaching to win real basketball games, and not to try and help me win bragging rights amongst my peers.
Gerald Wallace – Crash crashed and burned Wednesday, scoring just four points in 35 minutes. This was even more embarrassing considering he was matched up against Corey Brewer and Al Harrington for most of the game, not cool breh.
Luis Scola – Oh hey there Scola! How nice of you to show up at this point of the season. He is averaging 17.3/10 over his last three. Now do that for the rest of the season and I MAY stop making fun of your womanly hairdo.
C.J. Miles – Miles dropped a season-high 27 points on 10-of-16 shooting Wednesday. I won’t rain on his parade by pointing out that he only contributed one rebound and nothing else to the stat sheet. Random Italicized Voice, “you kind of just did.” Adam, how do you write with this guy around?! Anyways, I doubt C.J. will score a point-per-minute on the regular, so I wouldn’t rush to add him until we see more performances like Wednesday’s.