Upon occasion – especially while watching the Wizards – I think to myself, “Self? You could do better than these guys, right? Sure, you’re not as tall as most of these guys and you have trouble going to your left, you tend to get wheezy after just a couple laps up the court, your sweat makes people not want to talk to you, you choke on the gum you’re chewing 3/4 of the possessions, and your on-court communication consists mostly of reciting lines from ‘White Men Can’t Jump,’ but still, the Wizards are awful.” Now I know you think it’s weird that I address myself as Self, but if I didn’t do that how would I know who I’m talking to?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Here’s what you’re likely to hear around the fantasy blogosphere today: You’re likely to read that Norris Cole scored 14 of Miami’s final 24 points. You’re likely to be reminded of Mario Chalmers‘ embarrassing 6 tovs in 19 minutes. And if you read about those two things, you’re probably likely to read about how Cole is Miami’s newest, shiniest toy.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I hear that all your favorite NBA players are playing basketball overseas next year. I hear that all your favorite teams and all my favorite teams are holding cheerleader tryouts for the next six months. I hear that the captains of our favorite teams are all moving to Turkey and China to start hoops camps for children, or whomever, really.

Please, blog, may I have some more?