Captain N is aboard! Captain on the bridge! The respect he garners trumps captain Russell Crowe with long hair… Captain Patrick Stewart with no hair… Captain N has a huge ass flat top! And this captain is Nerlens Noel; double the N for twice the… nifty…? Twice the… neat hair? This captain will put non-believers 20,000 leagues under the sea! Here’s my top 75 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):Please, blog, may I have some more?
Free agency is here! It has been a bit mum since the FA pool is awaiting that LeBron James cannonball, leaving us without a good snapshot of how the league will look in 2014-15. But we’ve got Summer League getting into gear and a couple interesting FA moves.
With the The Decision 2.0 on hold, even P.J. Hairston is antsy and trying to get some ball in. According to reports, he got into a fight with a high school senior, literally at the YMCA closest to the one where I play pickup (Chapel Hill). While some guys are really good at Chapel Hill, there aren’t any NBA players actin’ a fool and calling three in the key! This is likely a non-story, but it just makes you shake your head. Almost as much as my former rookie nookie Archie Goodwin getting arrested at an Arkansas skating rink. Sure, you can tweet “Don’t assume if you don’t know the whole story…” to which I say, “the hell you gonna get into that kinda situation at a skating rink for!” Man, that pine gonna stay warm this year, Archie! Here’s some other [actually useful for fantasy] news and notes of free agent signings and early Summer League performances:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So we’re through my top-50 and now getting into the mid-rounds. We’re taking this through the whole top 100, but some of these are going to be gold and some fool’s gold. As in, Larry Sanders‘ gold. If I got to the end of a rainbow and Larry Sanders was there, I’d ask for a refund…
Through the Top 20 and Top 50, I think I’ve done the rankings pretty well. They tell you towards the end of high school, “the smart ones get the As, but the most successful get Bs.” I might have made that up since I never studied for virtually anything and got Bs… But a 3.00 GPA thus far sounds about right! Rankings are based on my final updated top 200, comparing them to the FantasyPros aggregate Draft Day Rankings along with Basketball Monster’s Total Value for 9-cat leagues on the season. Slim then grades me. I asked him, “will you give me As if I show you my double-Ds?” He then flunked me… Here’s a look back at the Top 75 for the 2013-14 Fantasy Basketball Season:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t know today’s title has a Boston accent, just sorta happened! Tyreke Evans absolutely tore up the Thunder last night, slashing-n-gashing his way to a 41/9/8/3/0 line with only one turnover. I don’t know what’s crazier, that line or a Pelicans win! That starting NO line-up other than Evans was scrub city. If you followed the news leading up to this game, it went from Evans being unlikely to play a mere hour-and-a-half before tip, to getting the start right before the game started. The emotional toil on fantasy owners was bigger than in Silver Linings Playbook! Since the All-Star Break, right around when the Pels finally decided to start this guy, Evans has been a monster averaging 17.1/5.4/6.1. He’s also boosted his FG% and actually made a three or two, despite a 3PT% even Josh Smith thinks is poopy. But despite a big second half, the Pelicans owner isn’t too impressed. Haha, that was hilarious – I made highlights for this game if you couldn’t tell. Been a lucky run for my games the past two, getting this one and the Corey Brewer one Friday! Almost 100 points from those two! Hopefully the Pelicans realize they need Evans as a starter in 14-15, but it’s tough to see another stretch with 6+ dimes next year with a healthy Jrue Holiday. If the price is right, I’ll be a buyer next season, however Evans seems to always have a little more hype than substance ever since his rookie year. If this second half inflates some big buzz next year, I’ll be about as deadpan as the Pelicans owner! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there’ll be ThrAGNOF! Full disclosure – I had to look up this song from that movie about a weird looking ginger chick and it’s about coming of age or something. No, not Teeth! Last night, an injury-ravaged, de-taloned Pelicans went out and shocked the Clippers. Kevin Hart, apparently a big Clippers fan, got to travel with LA on a Ride Along I’m guessing. When Jamal Crawford upchucked a three at the buzzer for the win, that arced so high it might’ve hit the Cowboys Stadium scoreboard, Hart started crying when it barely hit rim and got angrier than his little cameo in The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Anyway – Anthony Morrow was a big factor in the upset win, going full-ThrAGNOF 27/5/0/0/1 with two treys. Scoring is the name of his game! Always a high-volume shooter, Morrow just has never stuck in a big role as he doesn’t do anything else. Dude, if he was on a D’Antoni Lakers team, he might break the NBA! With Brian Roberts with a bruised knee, Eric Gordon with an absence of knees, and Austin Rivers with the sniffies, the Pels were without three of their bigger remaining scorers. Looking ahead to tomorrow, the Pelicans get a beignet of a matchup against the former New Orleans Jazz and all three could miss again. So if you need some treys and a little scoring upside in the deeper leagues, it’s that time of year when the scrubs will come out tomorrow! Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh man, rough night for matt’s Pacers! Al Jefferson just went absolutely bonkers, adding to his stretch of bonkertude giving Jefferson owners a huge boost for the playoffs. Owning Roy Hibbert like an Entertainment 720 entrepreneur, Big Al shot 16-25 in a full multi-cat dance party of 34/8/3/1/1 and even hit a three! Only his sixth of his career to pepper all the cats. Over his last 3, Jefferson has hit 44 of 65 shots for a very high volume 67.7 FG%. Jefferson hasn’t played this well since his Minnesota days, and you can even argue this has been a career year. Which for a guy with the history Jefferson has put down in the stat sheets is really saying something considering how rocky it all started. Remember the ankle issue that had him sit a lot of games? Then the slow start? Because I sure do, and I steadfastly said “Hold me tighter baby!” Is that a song? I feel like there’s something close to that… Anyway, hopefully you were able to buy low or weather the storm and now you’re reaping some big man stats like it’s the 90s. We miss you David Robinson! Two losses in a row for the Pacers, right after barely beating the Jazz. The Heat are now only 1.5 games behind, and might be taking the Pacers piece of the home-court advantage pie! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzball Nation! We’re here on a special weekend wrap-up where Slim (this is JB speaking) got to the action and JB just snuck in the beginning. And snuck in the end! I’m like Brad Pitt at the Oscars. “Wait, why is he winning best picture! So confused right now…” Tomorrow I’ll proudly illustrate what I did over the weekend, but a nice defining touch hoops-wise was another great one from my boy Mike Scott, who while posting great lines, isn’t helping the Hawks win… And that’s a problem! Especially with Paul Millsap assumedly back sometime soon this week. But I thought Gravity mighta gotten best picture too! After a really rough send-off last Monday, went bonkers on the Suns for 20/5/2/3/0 with three treys and not a single TO. I bet Philly sports fans wish they had no TO. BOOM! Double sports joke. The main number that got my emoji tats all excited was the 40 mins played. Millsap is going to travel with the Hawks as they migrate on a 5-game road trip, but very easily could miss the first few making Scott a solid short-term add. So beam him aboard, win a big week as we near playoff time, and don’t forget to yell over the music if those pompous mf#@*$ng PA guys at the Oscars wanna condescend you by playing the music. And here’s Slim with what he saw over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When Glen Davis went to the pre-season Magic weigh-in, the trainer was like, “355 Big Baby, really?” “These hips don’t lie!” And in a very full slate of games last night, we had two pretty premiere big men have their hips not lie and go out on them. “Help I’ve fallen and can’t get up!” The NBA to start issuing players life alerts to wear around their necks. DeMarcus Cousins was the first to succumb to the AARP ailment. Suffered a left hip flexor, but coach Mike Malone said it probably wasn’t serious. Destiny is like, “wait a ‘left’ hip? I thought, like, for people we had only one hip!” No child left behind fails us yet again. Good thing it’s the All-Star break for Boogie! An All-Star Boogie! Dude, that should totally be an event. Breakdance Horse! Hah. Then Derrick Favors went out and re-aggravated his right hip that had caused him to miss games here and there over the past month. This one is a lot less bueno. But hey, DeMarcus and Derrick have a pair of healthy hips! If only they were siamese twins – they’d get, like, 35 rebounds a game. Favors will likely get an MRI and be brought along very slowly since this is a re-aggravation. Enes Kanter to the rescue! Might get some solid run and deserves love in a lot of leagues. And don’t sleep on Rudy Gobert in deep leagues if you need some blockage. Speaking of blockage, look at some of the traffic photos of NC from yesterday. No one learned from Atlanta! And the best basketball game on the slate, UNC-Duke, cancelled. Travesty. Let’s get this global warming going again! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Breaking news! Kobe Bryant is injured. No one has been talking about this. And in a further Razzball exclusive – he’s old. Not exactly the best combo coming back from a major injury, followed by another pretty bad one just a few games back. After a re-examination, apparently the knee bone still isn’t connected to the leg bone, so let’s call the whole thing off! Will be examined yet again in three weeks, and that’s just another knee rub-rub. Who knows how much longer it will be after that. Good news is! Jodie Meeks is still gonna kill it, Kendall Marshall is still going to hand out dimebags like a Colorado bakery, and with the Lakers still atrocious, we can make a pretty educated guess that Kobe is going to be out A – until he is 100%, no questions asked, no way he could get hurt again healthy or B – the season. Leaning B. And even if A happens, it would be so late and in such limited minutes that I don’t think the value is worth it. Cut him in 10 or 12-teamers. Just do it. I know some people will keep holding him, if you’re in 1st or 2nd and fine for the playoffs and wanna stash, I can’t argue much with you, but I think the time is now to use that spot for others. Tough year for Lakers fans, but hey, you’re not the Bucks… Here’s what else went down across the NBA-o-sphere:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yeah, I think about the Thompson Twins. They sang one of the 1980s most epic cheese ballads. And yeah, I think about the Minnesota Twins, specifically the 1987 Minnesota Twins, who were one of the raddest teams ever, especially on RBI Baseball. And what was the deal with the Wonder Twins? Who decided to come up with superheroes where one could turn into animals and the other forms of water? How is that helpful at all to anyone?
But I never gave the Morris twins’ story much thought beyond, “Hey, that’s pretty cool that twin brothers play for the Phoenix Suns.”Please, blog, may I have some more?