Well, it’s New York, and it’s Derrick Rose. Mo’ drama! After attending shootaround and everything seeming about status quo, Rose just flat out didn’t show up for last night’s game against the Pelicans. Didn’t tell anyone, didn’t shoot someone a text… He had no problem sending all sorts of horrible texts to that ex-girlfriend… The AWOL was so abrupt, that apparently the Knicks sent team representatives to his apartment and his teammates were praying for him! Yikes. According to reports, he’s fine and it was a “family issue” in Chicago, but this is redonk! I can’t remember a starting player just “not showing up” for a game, much less a former MVP! Things have gotten super sour in NY… Then the actual game last night happened! …which was an absolute shitshow. At least Brandon Jennings played well, as he’s been given a golden opportunity to start and show what he can do again (20/5/4/2/0 with 4 treys and 2 TO in 29 minutes – I would probably give him a spec add in 12ers based on this drama). But nothing but downhill from there. Carmelo Anthony got ejected for arguing, probably because the Knicks were down 20 and his knees hurt. “My fingers hurt!” “Well now your back is gonna hurt, because you just pulled landscaping duty!” Then our favorite Irishman Kyle O’Quinn apparently hit the Jameson too hard on the bench watching the Knicks implode, and fouled the crap outta Anthony Davis, causing the brittle 7 footer to fly into the stands and exit with a hip injury.

I’m sure that’s exactly what all Brow owners wanted to see, in a game with NO up 22 in the late 3rd… See, calling him KOQ makes all sorts of sense now! We call that defensive play a “KOQ block”. The Knicks ended up losing at home to the Pelicans, have lost 8 of 9, and have fallen to 17-21 (I erroneously on the Podcast thought there were still .500, man this fell apart quick!). Yup. The Poppycockers ladies and gents! Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:

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Happy 2017, Razzball Nation!

After immense pressure from the DA’s office to flip on Tommy DeVito and Paulie Cicero, [redacted] needed protection to secure his testimony in putting those good fellas away. It didn’t start on the best foot either, as the WitSec guys asked [redacted] if he had any distinguishing marks and he lied about his tattoos… But the man formerly known as [redacted] changed his name to the very inconspicuous James Johnson, and moved his family to Miami. After being a humbling under-the-radar role player, Johnson was supposed to continue as merely a minutes-filler, amongst an uninteresting mix of PF to get through the tough void of losing Chris Bosh. He’s supposed to just shy away from dunk attempts and stand around on offense…

Well, way to ruin that, Johnson! We can’t protect you no more! An absolute monster weekend from Johnson, going 22/3/6/2/2 against the Celtics on Friday night with 4 treys, then followed it up with 20/7/3/1/1 against the Pistons. After a rough stretch of FT last week, he made 6-7 in these games too. With the added onus on O (no Goran Dragic or Justise Winslow OR Hassan Whiteside last night), he is turning it over a little too much (8 total in these two games), but with all the injuries and a void in playmaking on the Heat right now, Johnson is as erect as ever. He’s playing SF, PF, and even some C right now, so while we shouldn’t expect the 34 minutes like he got against the Pistons, he should be pretty solidified in his 25ish MPG role even when everyone is healthy. He’s gotta be a must-own in all leagues while this hot, as he has brazenly blown his cover. Hopefully no one recognizes him as [redacted]! Here’s what else went down over New Year’s weekend in fantasy basketball action:

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NICK YOUNG HIT A GAME-WINNING THREE FOR THE LAKERS!!!!!

Yes, this Nick Young. The Shaqtin’ a Fool Hall of Famer hit the game-winning 3 for the Lakers. Granted, the play wasn’t designed for him, as he intercepted a pass intended for Lou Williams (13 points, 5 assists) to get the shot off. But he finished with 17 points (6-12 FG, 4-7 3pt), 2 rebounds, and 2 blocks. Heading into the game, he was leading the league in free throw percentage.

Under new head coach Luke Walton, Swaggy P has looked like a different player. While Walton may be the main reason, I think he’s playing better because he is no longer engaged to Iggy Azalea. Just like in her rap career, she was taking down everybody associated with her, forcing even T.I. to drop her from his label.

Whatever the reason, the Lakers are happy for the resurgence and fantasy owners should grab him for scoring, threes, and FT shooting because he’s ain’t no mediocre.

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With how the Poppycockers put together their “Super Team”, I admittedly had some worries that the bunch of Tom Cruise-divas they threw out there might make The Poison Goose a mere co-pilot.  But not with moxie like this!

Dude doing that at 7’3!!!!!  SEVEN THREE!!!  Monster game from Kristaps Porzingis last night, going a career-high 35/7/3/1/1 with 3 treys on 13-22 shooting.  He played 40 minutes, and put the Poppies on his back.  While I was a little apprehensive of his USG, I still think my rank of 23 ended up being ahead of the curve (I would confirm this, but FantasyPros is being a little ish and not making it easy to find draft day expert consensus!).  Alas, I was unable to get the Goose in any leagues, and I’m suffering some major poultry withdrawal.  Thankfully Thanksgiving is right around the corner!  He’s taken 15+ shots the past 7 games, attempting 2 more treys a game than last year, and the TO rate has gone from 1.7 his rookie year to 1.3.  His ridiculous 7’3 size makes him too tough for stretch-4s to cover him, and his ridiculous speed and ball-handling makes him too tough for centers.  He’s becoming a true matchup nightmare with the added iso moves, and is – I’m going there – a no question first-rounder next year.  Slim having him on his REL team has me depressingly reaching for the Grey Goose!  Here’s what else went down in fantasy hoops action last night:

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All eyes were on the NBA on Tuesday night. Just messing. I’m sure most people were following along to see who would come out on top in the Presidential race. In the end, Donald Trump won.

Whatever your political affiliations, it’ll be different with the Donald in office. Barack Obama is a huge sports fan and loves basketball. It’ll probably be a while until we see another President filling out a bracket during March Madness, playing a game of H-O-R-S-E with Clark Kellogg, or clowning the Warriors when they were in town to celebrate their championship.

If nothing else, let’s be happy it’s over. It’s been a long and drawn out process. Now we can focus on things that really matter…like recapping Tuesday night’s games:

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In what became a weekly manifesto for fantasy basketball, our cap’n, my cap’n, JB Gilpin, decided to hand over the reins to his precious afterthoughts from last season. No, literally. This series was the actual afterthoughts to his daily thoughts that happened every weekend. Well, JB…after thought no more, because this is all I got!

When JB asked me to take over the 7 Ahead, I was most likely still drunk on the booze of an incredible 2015-2016 NBA Regular Season and Playoffs, not thinking about what it actually meant. The more my withdrawals kicked in and I couldn’t wait for the start of the new season to finally effing get here, though, the more I realized how great this article is. If you’ve read me on the football or baseball sides of all things Razz, you may have read my definition of wisdom before. If so, you’re welcome…here it is again: Wisdom is looking to the past to know what’s going to happen in the future before it happens. It’s telling the future. It’s planning on what could happen. It’s everything that is the essence of the 7 Ahead.

Each weekend we’ll be looking forward towards the fantasy basketball horizon of the next seven days. For those of you in weekly leagues, this series may be especially helpful, as I’ll highlight the teams with the most beneficial schedule for your matchups, and which particular players from hose teams may be available for your streaming pleasures. Also, we’ll discuss the game slate for each day over the next seven days, and you can bet your bottom dollar I’ll be asking some questions and want your responses. This is a dialogue, kids. No monologues here. Those stayed in the past with JB’s novellas that he called this series. And by the way, what in the balls is a ‘bottom dollar’? Does Dame Dolla own a lot of those? Anywho…here’s the first installment of the 2016-2017 7 Ahead.

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It’s late-round magic time! And by late-round Magic, I’m not talking about Stephen Zimmerman! Who? Exactly…

As we hit the trip-digs in picks, it’s time to go all-out for your guys. In standard leagues, you’re hoping to maybe hit a home run on one of your final 3-4 picks, and the others flame out immediately. Why? Because you want to know for sure who you need to hold on to and have quick cuts for the first wave of wire gold. Maybe I’m overly pessimistic, maybe you’re hoping for 2 to work, but all we really want to know is “answers”. I still do my ranks as best as I can to signify “seasonal-value”, but I might get a little crazier with risk than stick with the status quo come draft day and the clock winding down.

If you’re catching up, check out all our ranks in the Top-10, Top-25, Top-50, Top-75 & Top-100. Now it’s time to get into the fun sleeper land. Here’s the Top 150 for the 2016-17 Fantasy Basketball Season:

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As we prepare for the 2016-17 Fantasy Basketball Season, I’ll be taking a look at each NBA team with their major adds and drops to see if we can pan for any surprise rotational gold.  This open is especially witty for the Nuggets.  We’ll be counting down from worst NBA regular season to the best, mainly because I’m still figuring out how to rank the Warriors…

New Orleans Pelicans (30-52)

Pelicans

Key Acquisitions:

Buddy Hield (Rookie)

F Terrence Jones

E’Twaun Moore

G/F Solomon Hill

G Langston Galloway

F/C Cheick Diallo (Rookie)

Key Losses:

F/C Ryan Anderson

G Eric Gordon

G Norris Cole

F Luke Babbitt

G Toney Douglas

The Athletic Trainers are the SAME?!?!?  Totally should be a key loss…

The team of injuries…  That’s the team Terrence Jones goes to…  SMH…

It’s a pretty boring off-season for Nawleans.  They lose some meh vets, but don’t really bring in anything that special, particularly in youthful excitement.  I mean, Buddy Hield isn’t even a year younger than Brow…  And despite some people’s love in Hield, I think he’s just an average starter.  I wish they had done a little more to surround Brow as he enters his 5-year deal through 2021…  But what do I know?!  Here’s how their roster is coming together:

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Lob City was alive in well in Houston on Wednesday. Chris Paul was throwing DeAndre Jordan alley-oops left and right. By halftime, Paul already had 11 assists. He finished the blowout with 15 points and 16 assists, while Jordan added 23 points and 16 rebounds. Jordan even shot over 50% from the FT line (7-13 FT, but not by much!). J.J. Redick also knocked down 5-9 from the 3PT line to finish with 25 points. It was all Clippers from the beginning and the Rockets just couldn’t find an answer.

James Harden did his usual thing, trying to carry the disappointing Rockets, but it wasn’t enough. He finished with 33 points, 8 assists, and 5 rebounds. Big men Dwight Howard (6 points, 7 rebounds) and Clint Capela (3 points, 3 rebounds) were rendered useless against Jordan. The only other bright spots for the Rockets were Trevor Ariza (16 points, 6 rebounds, 4 assists, and 2 threes) and newly acquired forward, Michael Beasley, who scored 16 points and grabbed 8 rebounds off the bench. Coming over from China, Beasley makes a good waiver wire add for all teams.

The Rockets started the season with lofty expectations, but are currently tied with the Dallas Mavericks for the 7th playoff spot. If they finish 7th or 8th, they’ll end up playing the San Antonio Spurs or Golden State Warriors in the first round of playoffs, something that nobody wants to do.

The Warriors, by the way, won their 50th straight game at home on Wednesday, dismantling the New York Knicks by 36. Stephen Curry hit 8 threes and scored 34 points (6 rebounds and 4 assists), before sitting out the 4th quarter of the blowout.

I don’t think anyone saw the Warriors playing on an historic level or the Rockets playing this poorly at the beginning of the season, but that’s why you play the game!

Now onto the other nightly notables:

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We’ve reached the point in the season where we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of picks.  At this point, most pickups will be targeting specific stats, so this edition will feature some of the solid guards that are still available in many leagues.  I needed a title for this week, and the Lillard/Love ad refused to leave my head… Seemed like a good fit, so I went with it!

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