You know, Raymond Felton broke his hand last year, and this is no joke, less than two weeks after Twinkies were officially discontinued. I imagine him hearing the news after a Knicks loss, and punching the glass out at a NYC convenience store. ”How will I ever carboload before rolling onto the court!” Then Twinkies, after being bought out and licensed, again appeared on store shelves in July 2013. And ohhhh boy, was it an offseason to remember for Roly Poly Felton! Even though he’s always looked like a big boy, concerns about his weight surfaced yet again, and this year his stats were down before a myriad of injuries took their toll. This past groin injury, where Felton reportedly heard a “pop”, finally got him to listen to the advice of the trainers. ”When my little guy down there told me something was wrong, I finally listened.” Knicks head athletic trainer Roger Hinds had to think on the fly, eventually settling on a 12-grain/cashew cream vegan Twinkie-substitute. Instead of the 15-17 off-the-shelf Twinkies comprising the majority of Felton’s daily diet, he was down to 12-14 “healthy-makers” (as he called them) while rehabbing his groin injury. ”The first three or four were kinda funky, but then you get that urge for more-and-more just like the old ones.” After losing 34 pounds in 72 hours, Felton was ready to rejoin the team in practice. ”I felt great out there, mobile, my arms stopped running into my love handles when I was drivin’ to the hoop.” Another 42 pounds came off in the next week, and he was ready to play last night. And man, did those 76 lost pounds come in handy! 13/5/14/1/0 against the Heat in a surprise win. I caught up with him after the game: “No J.R. Smiff in the game helped me keep the rock and everything runnin’ through me. He can untie e’rybody’s shoelaces all I care!” Back to reality, I did watch this game, and the bulk of those assists came on dishes to Carmelo Anthony burying jumpers, so the assist total is obviously a big outlier. But Felton did look good. Made good moves, looked agile, and more importantly, made the Knicks look better while playing 39 minutes. We can have fun all we want, but I think I was wrong to be a little dismissive on him returning. I like him right now over D.J. Augustin and Kendall Marshall for example. More staying power, and while the most injury prone of the bunch, I think helps you more in the long-haul. Must-own in 12-teamers, depends on need and depth in 10ers. Here’s what else I saw last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Anyone stay up to watch some of the Geminid meteor shower start up last night? I love astronomy. And it’s not really that different from fantasy. You use math and all sorts of techy stats like Win Shares or True Shooting Percentage or Gravitational Microlensing to find far off worlds and far off fantasy production. Then if you’re lucky enough, like having the reigns at the greatest fantasy hub known to man, you get to name your own planets! Of course astronomers find so many exoplanets these days that H2894B is the best they got for creative nomenclature. I got Goromotaros! Rainbow Lines! And LaMarcus Aldridge fit the bill of them all, with a redonkulous 31/25/2/2/2 slash last night. He shot 12-22 and is playing like a MVP. I ranked him too low. I ranked him like a worthless Neptune when he is really a Jupiter. According to Basketball Monster, he’s your #7 overall player. And his only real negative is he doesn’t shoot threes – which is what ThrAGNOFs are for! I also thought the Blazers weren’t going to be a gas giant out there. Maybe a little white dwarf. But they’re going off and my ridiculous conception that LA could be traded if this year didn’t work looks horrible now. I’ll admit stupidity there, but the Blazers are virtually the same team. And now it’s clicking. There’s planetary alignment. So when you’re done watching basketball, bundle up, grab some adult beverages and head out to watch the shooting stars late tonight. It helps ease the worldly constraints of stress and fantasy disappointments – at least it does for me – and helps you just think bigger… Here’s what else I saw last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you recall back to last week, I remember talking up Jon Leuer as an interesting deep league play. Loved the out-of-position threes, the boarding, the all-around production. I said I would probably go after him in REL, and then Slim tells me he’s probably not bidding on him this week. So I figure, I can dangle a few bucks and if someone beats me to him so be it. But it shouldn’t have been you Slim!! He Leuered me in with scoffing and brush-off ness. Slim, you want to repay me for this horrific slight of hand? Trade him to me! I guess I should talk more about Leuer than rant… Just over 27 minutes last night for 16/12 with a three on 7-14 shooting. This now marks five straight games of 23:30+ minutes, averaging nearly a double-double a game on top of almost a three a game with a few blocks. He’s not going to turn into some superstar, but he’s a great stretch the court center, which fits Mike Conley trying to drive and dish. Sorry Kosta Koufos, but your outside shots are labradoodles! That term needs to be added to the glossary… I see Leuer continuing his PT as a double double threat while Marc Gasol is out, with a handful of threes, steals and blocks to help out deeper leagues. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, this is the peril you get playing in other countries… After a generator next to the stadium in Mexico City failed, last night’s Spurs at [hah] Timberwolves got postponed after the stadium filled with smoke. It looked like Mexico City’s skyline of smog in there! Man, so many people are going to get fired over this. ”Who let their 5 year olds with squirt guns play next to the exposed wires?!” All the sudden the NBA is looking like the MLB… I haven’t seen a PPD since September! Brutal break for Spurs and Wolves owners in H2H formats as the reschedule is sure to be a while down the road. Usually I like H2H for hoops because you don’t get rocked when your team has bad weather (vs. H2H Fantasy Baseball which I loathe), but now you have to think about generator fires when playing in other countries! Well, I guess except Canada… They better have their shizz in order! Breaking News! The Raptors stadium has a Rob Ford crack den hidden within the locker room that caught fire, and they’re relocating to become the Reno Lt. Dangles. Go Reno! Here’s what else happened last night across fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Now, I never went to a boarding school… I was stuck in the public schooling circuit, and just could never rebound. I was like Andrea Bargnani or Brook Lopez down there. Domineering over some little men, but the boards just never came my way… Enter J.J. Hickson, who despite being a tad undersized has always been a solid boarder, and racked up 19 last night for an 18/19 night. Near Goromotaro! Just one putback slammah-jammah and he’s seeing 20/20. A little laser eye surgery. I liked Hickson a lot when JaVale McGee went down, and he’s proved he needs to be owned virtually everywhere like I said 8 days ago. In the five games since, Hickson has at least 8 boards, double-figures in four of five, and a block every night. Even if Shaqtin-a-McGee is able to get back within his original time frame, McGee just isn’t able to play the big starter’s minutes and Hickson is going to maintain this value either starting at the 5 or playing out his minutes as an early sub. If you’re hurtin’ for boards, be sure the recent grad from the boarding school isn’t sitting on your wire. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Even though he looks exactly like the youngest kid from Malcolm in the Middle, Steve Blake is playing like an NBA PG in the top. Last night’s 16 Asts gives him 10+ in four straight, and starting to remind us of Chris Paul who has started the year with the ten straight 10+ dime games. You can’t go anywhere in LA without someone trying to give you a dimebag! I think that’s going to be a new term I’m going to add into the Razzball lexicon, 10+ assists equals a dimebag. As in, “the Lakers got so high last night with Steve Blake handing out a dimebag!” Pretty soon it won’t even be a crime anywhere. Rasheed Wallace is like, “man I played at the wrong time!” Blake is an obvious must-own in all leagues, and I think will be all year. He’s been D-Antoni-ed. Here’s what else I saw across fantasy hoops over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well… Larry Sanders hasn’t had the best few weeks… The Colonel held his injuries from the field surgeon just long enough to keep hope alive in his troops, but had to undergo the knife to repair his thumb and will be out 6 weeks. Was it from a punch, the champagne bottle, or just getting too close in the delivery room? No one will ever know. Talk about easily the biggest fantasy bust this season thus far. With no IR spot, drop this dude. Zaza Pachulia is now a big pickup for anyone needing big man stats. Za/Za is such a good Scrabble play! Definitely a go-to for 60+ point moves on the triples. If you have the cajones to challenge me in Words With Friends, hit me up (user ID: Jbronze). But if I smell any Word Gen, I’ma publicly smite you! Oh yeah, hoops, John Henson gets a big boost as well looking at consistent run. But beware Henson’s terrible FT shooting and prepare thusly. Speaking of thusly, herebe the NBA beings-all I saw last fortnight (wait, doesn’t that mean like 20 days ago? Eh you know what I meant):Please, blog, may I have some more?
The preseason is upon us! And just like how you don’t put too much stock in Spring Training or the NFL Preseason – there isn’t anything to go too crazy about with what happens in the box scores. However, some guys do get hurt, hurt guys can show they’re back, and there’s additional news to spruce up everyone’s rankings (my updated top 200 is below and broken down by position in the menu). But before you scroll down! We really need some RCL commissioners to start up new leagues to show me just how bad my rankings are. The winner gets their name shaved in my head for god’s sake! Please don’t make it anything too profane… I don’t want to tell the barber he has to put @$%#% somewhere in my scalp! Rather than belaboring current events and more RCL pandering, let’s just hop right in:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Continuing on with updated rankings after the top 10 and top 20, below rounds out my to 50. Previous rankings are in parentheses next to these updated ranks, with up and down designations only for guys hopping up or down significant spots. Have fun grilling these!
(22) 21. Nicolas Batum – A lot of commenters have wondered why he’s not in the top-20, and as I said in my previous 20-50 rankings, the declining FG% (45.1% to 42.3%) and 3PT% (39.1% to 37.2%) from 2011-12 to 12-13 gives me pause. Despite playing over 8 more minutes a game in 11-12 to 12-13, his scoring average only went up 0.4 Pts a game and he only averaged 12 a game after the All-Star Break with his wrist injury. He’s said the wrist is completely healed, and despite not needing surgery I would be worried with Batum as my second-rounder as the wrist could plague him again. He’ll still be a multi-cat workhorse, but I see no way he chucks up 6.1 3′s a night with new acquisitions Mo Williams and C.J. McCollum also manning the perimeter. Yeah their PT may not overlap too consistently, but I just don’t see the three point output mimicking last year.
(23) 22. LaMarcus Aldridge – Another big fantasy asset I’m slightly down on, the Blazers could very easily have another rough first half and look to trade their franchise big. The rumors have been swirling for quite some time, and there’s virtually no destination where I think he would be a better fantasy player than in Portland.Please, blog, may I have some more?
As we continue to navigate through the NBA Playoffs, it’s been a fun challenge to rank for the 2013-2014 season. There’s still free agency. There’s still a draft. Hey, at least we know there will be a season unlike 2011!
If you missed it, my top 10 then top 20 came out last week. Hey, it’s early, you might say “way too early” (see what I did there, it’s in the title!) so these rankings are subject to change. And I want no accusations of flip-flopping! It’s not my fault if all the sudden Dwight Howard goes to the Bobcats and becomes a first-rounder! OK, so that is as likely as Rony Seikaly… returning. You gotta stop on the word that rhymes Jean-Ralphio! Man I’m liking that show. Also, random side note, Googling Rony Seikaly to spell his name correctly broke Google. I searched it and it would freeze, despite everything else working. Weird.
As I battle my ADHD to get into the rankings, let’s just dive into it:Please, blog, may I have some more?