So imagine you’re heading into fantasy hoops last night, wondering what the headline would be.  You knock on the mansion’s door and Tim Curry is standing there all snippity-proper.  You say, “Hey, Timmy, someone is gonna kill it tonight!”  Could it be, Colonel Larry Sanders Mustard?  Nope!  His vision is too blurred to be the culprit.  And no, it’s not because he topped off his third bottle of Cristal just to have another blunt weapon, it’s because he got poked in the eye!  Could it be Reverend Jeff Green?  No way, he had his big night a few games ago, we all know it’ll be at least another two weeks until another good one!  So it’s surprise suspect #3, Professor Mason Plumlee, who went all Krzyzewki on the Pelicans leading the Nets in Pts Rebs Stls and Blks for a 22/13/0/3/2 line.  Shot 8-10, 6-9 from the stripe, and made Anthony Davis lose a wee bit of hair on his Brow.  “I’m supposed to be the high-flying big man in this game, Mason!”  The crowd wasn’t chanting MVP for ya in this one!  Awww, that’s mean.  After playing under 12 minutes the previous two, Plumlee got 28+ in the past two games and productive in both.  Keep Kevin Garnett at 13 minutes a game, Kidd!  I think a good way to approach Plumlee right now is like James Johnson.  Puts up solid stats all around (although a little less all-around than JJ) when he gets the minutes.  I think he’s gotten himself to fringe 12-team worthy depending on your roster comp.  Definitely needs to get scooped up in deeper.  I think enough minutes will be there for him to fill in some Pts/Rebs/Blks.  Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As we mentioned a few months ago, the Philadelphia 76ers D is bad.  Like D League bad.  They could use some D league!  At one point, they were close to 8 points a game worse than the the 29th worst team defense.  But with the Lakers having all sorts of problems, they’ve entered the bottom feeders with Philly giving up a league worst 109.9 a game, LA now 29th at 106.2, then third is at 103.8.  Suffice to say – soft D.  Kinda like in the word djent.  Any metal fans out there?  Or in Django Unchained.  The big benefactor last night was another huge game from Jeff Green, who shot 11-18 (5-7 3PTM 9-12 FT) for 36/8/2/0/2.  Should’ve been doing this all year!  Green had that even bigger 39-point outburst two weeks ago against the Wizards, so that’s two biguns sandwiched with cold cuts of bleh.  Kinda like a $5 footlong when you choose meatball but have to eat it later… Stevens said a couple of days ago that they need to get Green the ball in the post and in transition more.  I guess that equals making 5 of your 7 threes!  Hah.  While I do think Green will be better, and the return and minutes exansion of Rajon Rondo to help create better oppotunies will help, if you can get some really solid top-60ish value in a sell-high, run and do it.  You may be saying, “top-60, this JB is reaching too high!”  Heading into the year, ranked 63 in Yahoo and ESPN at 58!  And I had him at… Yeah I don’t wanna talk about it.  So getting draft day value at 100% would be very nice.  Much lower than that and I’m still holding. Here’s what else I saw on a busy night of NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I might be making this up, but doesn’t Denver play the Flavor Flav “Yeah Boy!” when Randy Foye hits a three?  Well I hope they do!  After a brutal Super Bowl for the Broncos (and America), the Denver populous got some slight redemption with Foye hitting this buzzer-beater last night.  Sportscenter!  But even with that game-winner, Foye had a rainbow flirt of 14/7/4/1/2.  That’s not ThrAGNOF!  Even with Ty Lawson back, Foye is rackin’ up multi-cat!?  I haven’t been a big Foye fan for shallower leagues this year – I thought he was constantly overvalued – but getting 16 dimes in his previous game then a nice all-around line last night with Ty-Ty back; I think I’m a little more a believer.  Sure it’s only one game against a fast-paced Clippers team, but 40+ minutes yet again last night and now in three straight games and Foye is looking pretty locked in for good value right now.  Owned in 57% of Yahoo leagues seems a little thin.  Show ya Foye a little Flavor of Love.  Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Super Bowl Sunday was a fail across the board.  Joe Namath messed up the coin toss.  The Red Hot Chili Peppers refuse to wear shirts.  The Broncos refused to play football.  And the only game we got on the NBA slate to rival the Super Fail was the Magic against the Celtics.  A combined 28-68 record heading into the game, but hey, at least no one was wearing this coat!  Russell Westbrook now has a wardrobe to makeover… Anywho, it was an electric 27 minutes for Rajon Rondo, who had his best game since returning.  9-11 from the field for a 19/6/10/3/0 slash can get anyone rolling.  Well, except maybe the Broncos offense… Hopefully Rondo won a few people their matchups this week and their Sundays weren’t ruined by all that food and beer turning into absolute lethargy like I’m feeling right now.  But alas we have fantasy’s best sport to pull us through the soul-sucking quicksand that was the Super Bowl as we grow nearer and nearer the playoffs.  Here’s what else I saw this weekend in NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Just like a vacation to Cape Cod, Tim Hardaway Jr. got a sabbatical Mike Woodson’s bench at the start of 2014.  “My New Year’s resolution will be… Bench my best players!  Well except Melo…”  Playing under 15 minutes in first 5 2014 games, it looked like it would be a Hardaway Way Back.  But as they say, “slow and steady wins the race!”  Then how come Andrew Bynum isn’t running track?  “Usain Bolt got nothing on me!”  Then starting on the 14th, Coach Woody got Timmy Tim more minutes, capped off with 30+ in three of the last four.  And man, was last night some straight ballin’!  Topping his career-high by 8, Timmay(!) went 29/3/1 in 31 minutes, shooting a sizzling 11-17 FG with 6-12 from deep.  “That means he made every shot inside the arc!”  Thanks arbitrary remark man!  Enough with the quotes this morning JB… This game was virtually over the second Tyler Zeller lost the tip to Tyson Chandler (the ridiculous mismatch on the tip was a nice foreshadowing of the game…) and the Knicks embarrassed the Cavs about as bad as “The Decision.”  But while Timmay(!) racked up some points in junk time, the Knicks have won four straight with him helping to stretch the floor.  Of course no Iman Shumpert factors in, but there’s no way Coach Woody doesn’t have some morning woody seeing 4 straight wins – thanks to a lot less of Timmay(!) on the pine and more of him on… hardwood.  So I think Hardaway Jr. is here to stay as a ThrAGNOF, which isn’t necessarily a derogatory term.  Stream him when you can even in shallow leagues!  Free points and threes!  But not much else… Here’s what else I saw last night in a light slate of Thursday games:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Man, that title seems all sorts of wrong… But what is right is Nikola Vucevic returned to action last night For a solid 16/10 dub-dub in only 20 minutes.  Efficiency!  Shot 6-12, 4-4 from the stripe and added a few steals.  Very encouraging return for a guy people were dismissing since he had no timetable from the concussion.  Concussions can really jack ya up, but hopefully you stayed true on your course to the playoffs and have a dynamic top-20ish big man.  Of course the Magic now have lost value in other places, with Big Baby going 5/4/4 in 32 minutes, Arron Afflalo looking like the scrub I’ve said he was all year (still think his 20+ PPG is one of the most preposterous stats this year) and Tobias Harris temporarily moving to the bench.  Although T Dawg isn’t Walking Dead (going 9/11/3/1/1 in 37 minutes), he shot like a stiff going 2-8.  Afflalo is still a sell as soon as you can, Davis a drop, and hope you bought low on Vuc while there was a window open.    Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Breaking news!  Kobe Bryant is injured.  No one has been talking about this.  And in a further Razzball exclusive – he’s old.  Not exactly the best combo coming back from a major injury, followed by another pretty bad one just a few games back.  After a re-examination, apparently the knee bone still isn’t connected to the leg bone, so let’s call the whole thing off!  Will be examined yet again in three weeks, and that’s just another knee rub-rub.  Who knows how much longer it will be after that.  Good news is!  Jodie Meeks is still gonna kill it, Kendall Marshall is still going to hand out dimebags like a Colorado bakery, and with the Lakers still atrocious, we can make a pretty educated guess that Kobe is going to be out A – until he is 100%, no questions asked, no way he could get hurt again healthy or B – the season.  Leaning B.  And even if A happens, it would be so late and in such limited minutes that I don’t think the value is worth it.  Cut him in 10 or 12-teamers.  Just do it.  I know some people will keep holding him, if you’re in 1st or 2nd and fine for the playoffs and wanna stash, I can’t argue much with you, but I think the time is now to use that spot for others.  Tough year for Lakers fans, but hey, you’re not the Bucks… Here’s what else went down across the NBA-o-sphere:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ross can!  Rosssssss can!  Ross can get me the tickets!  Somebody call the Police, because Terrence Ross is on fire!  Or, ummm, do we call the Mounties?  I plain just don’t know…  But if anyone (aherm, me) had to feel the Sting of that 51-point outburst against them – out of so left field from Ross that it was out of the Pacific Ocean – then you’re certainly sending a message in a bottle to the fantasy gods asking “Whyyyyyy?!”  51/9/1/1/0 shooting 16-29 and hitting 10 Harvey’s Trays.  “What’s with the sit-com references today JB?!”  Yeah, no one will get that last one… Sit-coms are always fun, light, and don’t end on Sunday nights with me throwing things.  “Enough about you, JB!”  Damn, commenters are angry this morning!  DeMar DeRozan sprained his foot in that game, and while Ross was already hot, no DeRozan helped him get hotter.  “Hansel is so hot right now.”  DeRozan looks like he’ll miss at least a few games – already not traveling tonight – making Ross a must-own for this week and the immediate future.  The Raptors are all the sudden with 18 less shots a game (no, that’s not me throwing out an arbitrary number, that’s really DeRozan’s FGA a game!) so this is a great opportunity for Jonas Valaciunas as well to go on a solid run.  Will be an interesting game tonight at Brooklyn to see how the two younguns perform.  Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Last night was a doozy.  Flummoxing.  I actually had to look up flummoxing to be sure it worked.  And it does!  But there are numerous things that aren’t working for the Kings, mainly Rudy Gay‘s Achilles and DeMarcus Cousins‘ ankle.  Gay actually wasn’t “Leon” down in pain like DeMarcus after DMC fully rolled his ankle, but neither sounds like any sort of fun.  With Cousins, the diagnosis is a “moderate sprain” and I gotta say, a big near 300-pounder putting all his weight on an ankle the turns 90 degrees the wrong way doesn’t sound moderate.  Moderate maybe in the sense that the dude in 127 hours only had to “moderately” scratch his arm to get free!  I’d expect at least a few weeks.  But, “I’m not a doctor, I’m a pool man!”  Then there’s Gay’s Achilles which you could see in his face he was in bad pain and exited pretty quick, albeit under his own power.  We all saw Kobe Bryant limp off under his own power with the torn Achilles, so this one is definitely a hold-your-breath injury.  The obvious immediate add in most formats is Derrick Williams, who I kinda disregarded when he was acquired, but now is in a “you-better-be-able-to-score-a-lot-because-we’ll-need-it” starting role.  Solid 22/11/1 with three treys last night in 40 minutes of duty.  Just added him in one league for the ice cold Terrence Ross for example.  Ross is like, “hey don’t blame me, it’s this effin’ weather!”  Yes – I narrate my fantasy teams.  Someday soon I hope to put on a finger puppet show.  Here’s what else I saw last night in a wild evening of fantasy action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Bulls are a lot like the Tanner children.  Whatever the hell the name of the youngest the Olsen Twins played is Derrick Rose – all sorts of famous but now all sorts of a mess.  The middle one is Kirk Hinrich.  Because as soon as he’s not on the Bulls anymore, he’s gonna become so irrelevant that even Tom Thibodeau will forget who he was the next season.  Which leaves us with D.J. who is obviously – D.J. Augustin.  I mean, Bob Saget should’ve just stopped at the first kid! Well I guess there’s still upside with the youngest one.  This metaphor is tanking JB!  I feel as if you readers are starting profanity-laced rants thus far.  Just like Bob Saget’s stand-up “act”!  Hey-oh!  So Hinrich got hurt yet again last night, doing something to his hammy.  It’s almost as if you can predict injuries!  Part of my gravitation to D.J. was not only how well he was fitting with the team, but how brittle Captain Kirk is.  I would make a Star Trek parallel, but it’s TNG or nothing, son!  Besides, the TV show metaphors are a strong 0/1 this morning… Augustin is in line for huge run and in 37 minutes last night went 27/4/4 with 5 threes.  I expect pretty high-teen scoring and 6-8 dimes a night with a couple of treys while Hinrich is out, then maintaining the starting role when Hinrich is back with minimal dropoff.  More-or-less a must own in all leagues, and I’ve been Bull[hah!]ish on him all along.  Hopefully you’ve scooped him up and held on to him.  Here’s what else I saw in fantasy hoops on a busy day of MLK action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?